Hey guys! I'm back
Parings: DenNor, SuFin, HongIce.
Characters: Denmark, Norway, Sweden, Finland, Iceland, Hong Kong, Sealand.
Warnings: Major character death, but what else do I write?
Rating: T
Words: 1,697
The five of them only meet on Fridays, just to drink and laugh and cry and drown out any problems life would have thrown at them in the past week. They talk about mundane things, whatever it is that friends might want to talk about when they only meet on Fridays to get drunk.
Berwald is the responsible one, never losing his head. Always on point , unmoving from Tino's side. However, he talks, talks more than usual, talks even when nobody is listening. After Tino passes out he stays whispering things that aren't meant to be heard.
Tino seems to forget about everything, he grows relaxed and carefree. He sings and he dances and he doesn't care when people laugh, because he knows that by the time morning comes, nobody would remember it anyway.
Emil comes every time they meet, dragged along by his older brother, he stays quiet, save for the special nights when he feel as if the world is narrowed down to just them and whatever liquor Mathias managed to conjure up.
Mathias is as emotional as ever, because those nights were made just for them to drink and laugh and cry and drown out their problems, and that's just what he does.
Lukas claims that what they do is stupid, he says it's not normal, but Mathias throws an arm around his shoulders and says that they're not normal, and Lukas downs a shot, and another, he keeps on doing so until its 2 a.m and Emil drags him out of the bar, hoping that their father isn't awake.
Mathias watches them leave with an odd feeling in his gut, and Tino wonders aloud about what it must be like to love, and to have that love returned. And while Mathias fervently denies and Tino laughs, Berwald smiles to himself, because he always found irony rather funny.
After that Mathias will leave, and Tino will spend the night at Berwald's.
And they will wait until seven days pass, to meet up at the bar again and start the cycle anew.
Mathias likes to think that he's always on track, always one step ahead. Every day he fills with smiles and laughter until he himself grows sick of it, and repeats the process once more. It's life, he thinks.
Lukas wonders why, "Those smiles can't possibly be real, what can you gain from staying so damn happy all the time?".
Mathias shakes his head, "I don't know", and it's true. He doesn't. He never really does.
Lukas presses on. "That's stupid". Mathias is a concept he has yet to grasp
Mathias looks up to the sky, as if speaking to god instead of the boy next to him. "Well, it works".
Lukas laughs, and Mathias thinks it is the most beautiful thing he's ever heard.
Lukas is always far away, his mind in a world unknown. He is a person that nobody can understand, not that anyone except Mathias really wants to. He claims that he can see trolls and faeries, and the world claims that he is crazy, he believes what they say.
Lukas asks why Mathias stays, Mathias laughs and says he doesn't know.
And on days when they're alone, Tino says that Lukas needs to show emotions, or one day he'll explode. Lukas says to let him, he doesn't care.
Sometimes Emil will watch Lukas stare up into the sky, and ask just what it is he is looking for.
"An answer"
Tino is not always happy, his brown eyes don't always sparkle. And some days when Berwald will ask what color Tino's hair is, he will say blonde, Berwald thinks that doesn't do him justice.
The times that Tino loves and always remembers are the times when music is present. On days when the sun is setting and the wind blows leaves around their feet, Tino will rest his head on Berwald's shoulder and sing.
When asked what beauty means to him, only one word will come to Berwald's mind: Tino.
Berwald thinks life is going too fast. He has volumes just stored in his mind, worlds waiting to be released on the tip of his tongue, there is a vivid universe inside of him, pent-up and waiting to be released, the things he wants to say make him think he is going mad. When he sees Emil saying that he wants to grow up, he wants to scream, he wants to tell him that youth will be the best thing he can experience so enjoy it while he can.
But he can never scream, he can never say what he wants to, the words always get lost when he is about to say them. So he watches Tino and Lukas and Emil and everyone else grow up, and he tries to not let it bother him.
And he tries to pretend that it doesn't.
Emil prefers to sit back and shut up, Live and let live he says.
He is the tag-along, the fifth wheel. The other four boys have been all he has known, and he doesn't have the heart to complain. It just gets lonely sometimes, is all. But that was before Leon stepped into his life.
Lukas doesn't like Leon, he claims that Leon is a smart ass, says he has no respect.
Emil doesn't care, Emil never cared.
Tino is happy, "Life is good" he says, and it is, they all think.
"You know, Tino." Mathias laughs "All good things come to an end, just enjoy it while you can".
As soon as the words leave his mouth, everything falls quiet, almost as if the world stopped. Berwald thinks, Emil stays silent, Lukas scoffs.
Tino finally breaks the silence, opening up a can of beer. "Well, then let's start to enjoy it now"
The rest of the night passes in tension, Lukas doesn't get drunk and he leaves with Emil at 1 instead of 2. Tino doesn't spend the night, and Berwald doesn't ask him to.
It happens on one of those nights made for drinking and crying and laughing and drowning out problems. One of those nights where Emil drags a drunk Lukas to the car at 2 am, praying that their father is asleep.
There's a drunk driver on the road, it's no fault of theirs. It slams into Emil's car, because when you drive under the influence not everything looks as it is.
Emil is killed on impact.
Lukas is thrown out of the car, landing some feet away. He is asleep for days, when he wakes up, disoriented, the first thing he asks for is Emil.
His funeral is on a Friday night.
At the funeral Lukas screams and cries, saying it should have been him, he begs for God to kill him, begs for Emil to come back.
Leon is crying harder than he could ever remember, he isn't ready to say goodbye, not yet.
Mathias sobs and says Emil shouldn't be there, not yet. He hopes that if he closes his eyes then they will all be in some old bar hidden from the rest of the world, drinking and laughing and crying like they always do. He hopes that it's all just a bad dream.
Tino sings quietly under his breath, Emil's favorite song.
Peter asks what Emil is doing in the casket, "People only die when they're old, right?".
Berwald nods. "Emil is just sleeping"
"How long?" Peter asks
"A long time" Berwald says.
Months pass and Lukas still feels the guilt, it's his fault and he knows it.
It's on a day when he sits with Mathias, just the two of them at the edge of the world, at least, that was the way it seemed.
"Emil used to love coming here". Lukas manages, even now, it's too much to remember.
"He did? It's not hard to imagine, it's pretty out here". Mathias cautions, he knows what comes next.
"It's my fault, if I hadn't gotten smashed he'd still be here". Lukas feels sick, his voice breaking towards the end.
"No it's not, it never was your fault, you guys did that every week. I understand how you feel, it was-"
"Stop!". Lukas is in tears now, fists clenching into Mathias' shirt. "Stop saying you understand, you'll never understand. I lost a brother, you've never lost stop parading around acting as if you can understand everything!" He shouts.
Mathias thinks of what to say next, but taking a look at Lukas, who is crying harder than he has ever seen anyone do before, he realizes that he doesn't understand. He'll never understand.
He realizes that sometimes, it's better to not say anything at all.
"I don't like death". Tino says, one day. "I would rather die then have to go through that again"
Berwald snaps. He grabs Tino's hand and tells him to never say that again, he tells Tino to think of the people who love him, the ones who care.
Tino nods, and suddenly everything makes sense.
"It'll be alright"
They still meet on Fridays, Leon joins them now.
They still laugh and cry and forget their problems, but it feels different.
Lukas tries to get into his old routine, he really does, but when the clock strikes two he walks with Mathias to the car, and nobody cares if his father is awake.
Berwald does the laughing and crying in Mathias' absence, and Tino thinks he's the only one that hasn't changed. Leon sends texts to Emil's phone, waiting for an answer that will never come.
Berwald runs his hands through Tino's hair, Mathias and Lukas had already left, and asks a question that Tino forgot existed. "What color 's your hair?"
Tino pauses, while Berwald buries his face into Tino's shoulder and sighs, but a sparkle returns to Tino's eyes. "I'd say it's blonde, but that wouldn't do it much justice"
And it feels like the world stopped, and started to rewind, because Tino looks up to the stars, and Leon looks up from his phone, and asks what he's looking for.
And Tino smiles, a real one. "An answer". He says.
"Did you find it?" Berwald asks.
Tino nods. "Yeah"
Anway, This was inspired by Things Left Unsaid by Aphpenmark, you should read it, it's amazing.
And I wrote this because I wanted to try out a new writing style, reviews are more than welcome.
You can also find this on my tumblr, Eva-Zwingli, under the "my writing" tag.
Thanks!