Tradeoffs

The night was unusually cold for the desert. The normally warm to dry hot deserts of Iraq were all that most people thought of. They forgot the fact that it could get cold; ice deserts did exist in remote places of the world. It was a reality as Magda paused to rub her arms with her hands. Even the short walk from the office to the barracks was freezing and she had been living at that assignment since she had been assigned to TF Sentinel. She paused to give a rigorous rub to her arms, feeling the cold through her thick coat.

It was easier to keep the pace and head to the barracks so she adjusted her coat and continued forward. She came to the men's barracks and paused despite the cold. She studied the building and paused to think. She thought that it might be a good idea to check on him since she hadn't seen him all day and he didn't even drop by to tease her and saw hello before going off to torment the new recruits. Him not showing up was nothing unusual. It was the other thing.

She had overheard the conversation when she went through to ops to provide her assessments to Gideon since he oversaw the men and their fitness. She was outside the door when she heard Ilona ask Gideon about him. Gideon and replied saying, "He's taking the day off. He needs it."

Magda thought it a bit unusual for Gideon to reply that way. His tone seemed uncertain and tinged with a hint of guilt. It was enough for her to start asking questions but she didn't want to agitate the man. Even though they had been working together since he joined Sentinel, she felt that there were things that she wasn't going to be privy to. The whole situation with Gideon, Mitchell, Ilona and Atlas… then him… there was history there.

Instead, she let it pass and gave her assessments. She did however make note of the absence since he was always there when she provided assessments. He always had a comment about her round of head shrinking or anything to get a rise out of her but never to the point of hurting her feelings. It certainly gave a good laugh to Gideon. His response was different from what he gave Ilona and she was under the impression that he was trying to not make her worry so much. It felt a bit insulting but she understood where he was coming from. At least she thought so.

Making her decision, she headed towards the men's barracks. She wasn't worried about appearances since she had medic training and for the most part she had gone in without fear of embarrassment and for various reasons. It was a mark of shame if she came storming in and yanked your blankets off along with you. She didn't being designated that but having dealt with her challenge, she just went with it when she had difficult patients. It certainly made it clear that she wasn't going to brook any nonsense when sessions with her were ordered by the units on base and that was including Sentinel. They certainly respected her.

She walked in and noted the quiet of the barracks. She checked and realized that they were in the common room doing whatever they did. That made things easier as she headed down the familiar halls. She was almost to the door when she heard it open and Gideon's British tones. Not wanting for any awkwardness, she ducked to hide.

"Take the meds you stupid git or I'll get a screwdriver and a plumber's helper and shove it in."

Magda made a face at that since Gideon was always that brusque when it came to the owner of the room. She had heard everything from suggesting batting for the other team to ridiculous bouts of courage and plain insults that would have had grandmas faint. She was used to it but still… Gideon was getting creative.

"Fuck you old man… I already took two."

"Knowing you it was the weak ones. Get some rest, mate. See you in the morning."

"Not a word."

"You know me. Though you really should be more open about it."

Magda waited until Gideon walked by after he received some silent reply. She noted the hunch of his shoulders and wondered about that as she came from out of her hiding spot and glanced down the hall and in the direction he had come from. She started to have second thoughts about going but… She remembered Gideon mentioning meds. As far as she knew she hadn't issued any meds to anyone lately. Making up her mind, she put a hand on the handle and took a breath and opened the door.

"I told you…"

Magda paused at the door and offered in a teasing voice, "That you did whatever you have been told with the utmost respect and reluctance." She gave a slight smile.

The reaction she got was one that was sobering. She watched as the man whom she called her challenge case and cared for look at her before turning his back to her to huddle on his bed and pull the blankets over him. His response was uncharacteristically gentle as he said, "Please leave."

Normally Magda would have respected the request had it been anyone else in the outfit. For him, it spoke of something that could be something troubling to him. It was a risk since she had seen him lash out but she took it and didn't obey but stepped in and closed the door behind her to give some sort of privacy, "You didn't come by today and I didn't see you during drills."

"Gideon gave my excuses. Should be enough for you Leftenant."

Magda looked at the lump and swallowed slightly. He only used her rank when he was being serious. She wasn't one to disobey orders but today was an exception. She persisted, "And I'm sure everyone else accepted it but knowing you… I didn't buy it." She crossed her arms over her chest. "What's going on Connor?"

Connor Hayfield tried to stifle the moan while trying to come up with a nice way of getting her to leave. He should have known that she wouldn't have bought anything Gideon told her. It was one of the reasons that attracted her to him and also his bane. There were things that he just didn't want people to know about.

He was about say something when the pain hit his chest sharply and he couldn't keep in the moan of pain that just came out. His chest throbbed and felt like someone with an exo was beating a hole in his chest. It stormed through his chest and felt like a stab in his back. He hated the fucking cold and was the reason why he hadn't stayed too long at home.

The next spasm was more painful than the last and he curled up into a ball and groaned. He couldn't help it. He stiffened and barked, "Don't touch me," the moment he felt a hand touch him.

Magda was surprised at the bark but she ascertained that it was serious if he did that. She risked it and put a hand on him and went further to wrap her arms around him. "Connor."

"Fucking pills take forever."

Magda kept her arms around him and felt the shaking as he moaned and groaned. She noticed the bottle of pills on the nightstand and the half downed glass of water. She reached over and picked up the tube and looked at it. She blinked as she read what they were and she looked at Connor as he seemed to curl more onto himself as his body shuddered in pain and groaned out, cursing like a sailor.

It seemed like a long time before Connor uncurled his body and flopped on his back, exhausted and still in pain. His skin was flushed with fever and he was covered in sweat. Magda ran her hand on his forehead and noted that he was burning up. Sighing, she went to the bathroom, the luxury afforded to officers like Connor, and drenched a towel in cold water. Squeezing out the excess water, she went back and placed it on his forehead.

"Told you not to touch me, Mags and to leave."

Magda raised a brow at the prone man who appeared to be passed out but he was very much awake. His body was quivering slightly but not like how he was before. She replied, "And since when have I ever listened to you? Pain in my ass."

Connor gave a weak chuckle and clenched his eyes shut. A slight moan escaped. "Pills not worth shite."

"Considering it is nothing more than aspirin…" Magda was willing to humor him a little but she had to get serious. She sat on the edge of his bed and looked at him. "Do you need heavy duty meds?"

"Fuck no."

"But…"

"Not gonna…" Connor opened his eyes and was going to tell her not to bring up meds again when a spasm caught him and he flopped back down and groaned. "I hate the fucking cold."

Magda stared at him and watched as his movements shifted the blanket to reveal his bare chest and the nastiest looking scar she had ever seen. It was center mass and it looked like something blew out of his chest. It occurred to her that was the injury that should have killed him but didn't. She had access to his file but not the extent of his injuries. "When they killed you?"

Connor had given up trying to hide his pain. He merely assumed a bland look and shifted his eyes to look at her. "Entered through the back exited the chest. Fuck yeah it should have killed me." He sighed and tried to control his breathing. "The tradeoff for staying alive is that it feels like I'm being punched through when it gets too fucking cold. Rain isn't too bad."

Magda looked at him, "So when you were at Irons' estate…"

"Hurt yeah but the mission had my attention."

Magda shook her head at him. "That was fucking stupid, Hayfield."

"I've been dealing and Cormack knew. As long I was good and not compromised…"

Magda sighed and continued to shake her head at him. "Still stubborn," she offered as she brushed his locks out of his face. She looked at the scar. "Why don't you take stronger meds?"

Connor looked at her for a moment before lifting his right arm. He gestured for her touch it and his lip curled slightly in a grin as she touched his arm. He chuckled when she came to his biggest secret. The look on her face… Sighing he said, "That is my biggest secret Mags."

"Mitchell said that Ilona winced when you caught her punch," Magda said as she felt along the forearm and noticed where flesh ended and prosthetic began. It looked real and obviously the sensory nodes stimulated his nerves. "No one thought twice."

"Because no one asked and I wasn't telling. Faced a lot of flak when I joined the military back home then SAS but not with Atlas." Connor sighed as he closed his eyes. His chest throbbed still but it was softened because he was focused on Magda still touching his arm. "Can't take heavier meds otherwise it compromises my ability to sense tactile and other things. Another tradeoff."

"Not even morphine?"

"Don't want the addiction."

"So you just hole up with aspirin and work your way through it?" Magda looked down at him with a wide eyed expression. She couldn't comprehend why he would suffer that much. Actually she had some idea but not the whole picture.

"Works," Connor offered with a shrug. He smiled weakly, "At least I do what the doc wants and that is to take some time off."

"Not the same thing you dumbass," Magda retorted gently. To others it sounded mean with her insults but anything other than that and Connor would have questioned her sanity. "I can get you some stronger meds but a step below heavy duty."

Connor studied her as she absently stroked his arm. He didn't take it back and didn't say anything since that would have put her on the defensive about liking him. He hadn't wanted her to find out about this or at least when it came up later since he was still not sure about this. He was going to speak when his body spasmed in pain and he grunted. His teeth gritted his teeth and arched his back since the spasm shot through to his spine. He looked up at Magda who was looking at him for direction and managed to grin at her, "At least this is not as bad as before the meds kicked in."

"Not funny, Connor," Magda replied as she pulled the cloth off his head and went to cool it off. She shook her head at the sheer stubbornness of the man but she could understand a little his hesitation at the grad below heavy duty. He was sent to places that had weather that varied and he needed to be able to function to do his job. So he made do with the bare bones and pushed onward. No wonder the men admired him and thought him to be invincible at times.

She came back out and saw him shivering but when she touched his forehead, he was burning up. She marveled and worried that he was still was running high. She put the cloth on his forehead and was disturbed at how meek Connor was being. She eyed him worriedly as she went to find a bowl or something to fill with water. Her mind was already made up that she was going to stay the night. She came back to find Connor too still for her liking.

She put the bowl down and bent over to check on him. He was still too warm for her liking but it was better from before. She inspected him and found that he was breathing but much more relaxed. The man had fallen asleep. She shook her head more for relief. "Still have to be an ass."

"Then you wouldn't like me," Connor muttered with his eyes closed.

"It'd take a lot more than being an ass for me to not like you," Magda retorted with a slight smile. She couldn't resist moving his wayward bangs out of his face and it gave her the chance to check his fever. She also took the time to make him more comfortable.

"Hmm. Feels nice."

Magda paused and looked down at the sleeping man. He looked content and he wasn't shaking as much from pain or cold. In fact, she saw him giving a slight grin on his face as his breathing evened out. "So the badass of Sentinel is a softie."

"Don't tell anyone, Mags. It would ruin my reputation."

"Highly doubt that and I told you not to call me that."

"Can't help it Mags."

Magda snorted but it was in good humor. Even though she had meant it in the beginning that she didn't like it, she never followed through on any threats with him. She grew to like it and he always had a special warmth in his voice when he used it. Since then, she only said that when she was annoyed and later to hide that she liked it when he called her his pet name for her.

She finished making him comfortable including placing his near useless pain meds within easy reach. She decided to leave him alone since he seemed okay. She was at the door when she heard, "You can stay."

"Best not," Magda replied, "This is the men's barracks and…"

Connor made a slight sound at that and it seemed more like a snort than anything. "Like that has stopped you." He opened his eyes slightly and shifted to look at her. "I heard about what you did with Simmons in his eval."

Magda shot Connor a look. She was going to stay but thinking about it, she thought it was better. "Connor…"

"Please."

Looking at him, Magda thought about her options. Fraternization was against regs and the fact that Connor was a bit of a rule breaker… She knew that he would acknowledge the regs but it didn't necessarily mean that he was going to really follow them especially with relationships. He already allowed the flirting to persist in his unit especially between Mitchell and Ilona. To Magda, it seemed to be Connor's source of entertainment.

"Mags. Please. Stay."

Looking at him and noting the sincerity in his eyes and the desire for her to be there, she let her personal feelings override her usually good judgment. Sighing, she replied, "Alright." When she saw the smile appear, she held up a warning finger, "But no funny business."

"Like I could any of that," Connor retorted but when he saw the serious look on her face, he relented. He blinked slowly and said, "I want you to stay."

Magda gave a slight smile as she took a seat next to his bed. She gave him a gentle pat on his shoulder. She looked at her wrist communicator and tapped in that she might be late reporting in. She even sent a message to Gideon that she checked in on Connor but more along the lines of her checking in on a former patient.

"I won't let this get back on you. You're just a friend helping another friend out."

Magda looked at Connor who was staring at her with a wide eyed expression. His eyes looked a little glassy but they registered that he was coherent. He was serious; he wouldn't let her get reprimanded for something like this. She should have known that he would always watch his team's six no matter what. She smiled and said, "Get some sleep or I'll knock you out myself. And it won't be nice."

Connor chuckled at that and relaxed before closing his eyes once again. Magda made herself comfortable while making it look like nothing more than a friend nursing a sick friend. She stayed there all night and ended up falling asleep, resting her head on the edge of Connor's bed. It was where Gideon found her and the operative merely smiled a lopsided grin before leaving. He never minded when Connor was late and it was the least he could do for the damage he caused. It was a tradeoff.

A/N: It is an unusually cold night at base and Magda discovers that it affects some people more than others. For those who enjoy the Magda/Connor fluff from From the Ashes. Enjoy.