A/N : Once there was a girl. That girl caught pneumonia and died, but that's beside the point. These are a collection of random stories that I made. They contain bad language and bad humour, but who gives a damn? I sure don't! Anyway, please review for more and I don't own Twilight…
First on the list of random conversations had by the Twilight characters, Bella and Jasper have a word war and Edward turns into the world's comeback king!
Jasper, Bella, Emmett, Alice and Rosalie are sitting around in the lounge room of the Cullen's house. They are severely bored.
Bella : Jasper.
Jasper : Bella.
Bella : Jasper.
Jasper : Bella.
Bella : Jasper.
Jasper : WHAT?! Jeez!
Bella : Wanna fight?
Jasper : … Is Edward around?
Bella : Nope.
Jasper : … Yeah, alright.
Bella : What was that?
Jasper : I said yes.
Bella : Oh you said yes?
Jasper : -confused- I said yes I want to fight you.
Bella : YOU WANNA GO ME, HOMIE?
Jasper : Bring it on, tampon!
Bella : Let's go, ho!
Jasper : Too far, red car!
Bella : Ooh, witty!
Jasper : Just cause you can't think of better.
Bella : YO MOMMA!
Jasper : Don't start with me, mortal girl!
Bella : Oh I went there!
Jasper : You went there?
Bella : Yeah I went there. I went there took some pictures and I'm back already, planning a trip to go again!
Jasper : Bring it!
Bella : I already brought it, you just can't keep up!
Jasper : JUST LIKE YO MOMMA!
Bella : What you talking bout my momma?
Jasper : Just that she so fat that when she wear a yellow coat people shout 'cab'!
Bella : OH NO YOU DIDN'T!
Jasper : I did!
Bella : You didn't!
Jasper : I did, and I'll do it again!
-silence-
Bella : YOU'RE GOING TO F%*&G DIE!
-silence-
Emmett : Whoa, dude…
Edward, Rosalie and Alice are playing catch in the front yard of the Cullen house. Bella is away with Charlie for the weekend. Edward is severely traumatised after Alice replays Jasper and Bella's 'fight' for him in her head. They are severely bored.
Rosalie : Oh, come on Edward, it's not that bad.
Alice : Yeah, it was actually really funny. Besides, at least it didn't get out of hand.
Edward : -twitchy- NOT THAT BAD? My girlfriend could easily outsmart me with her speedy comebacks and you tell me it's not that bad? Are you kidding!
Rosalie : Oh have a cry…
Edward : MAYBE I WILL!
Alice : -scoffs- Well with comebacks like that maybe it is a bad thing…
Edward : SEE MY POINT?
Alice : Yes, I do believe I do… We need to smarten you up just a shade.
Edward : EXCELLENT!
Alice : Yes. Ok, so say Bella asks you to fight her, what do you say?
Edward : No, of course-
Alice : WRONG! You instantly hit her with 'I'd like to help you out, which way did you come in?'
Rosalie : Hahaha! That's a good one!
Edward : But it's… -shudder- mean!
Rosalie : -rolls eyes- Pussy.
Alice : Well duh, that's what you need to do. Ok, so say Bella says 'A thought just crossed my mind' You say, 'Must have been a long a lonely journey.'
Edward : That's funny… But still very mean.
Alice : You'll get used to it. Ok. If you ask a question and she says 'I don't know' or something, you say…?
Edward : 'It'll come to you, love'?
Alice : NO! Try again.
Edward : 'Have you considered suing your brains for non-support'?
-silence-
Alice : PERFECT!
Rosalie : Good work, Eddie.
Edward : I'm busy now, Rose, can I ignore you some other time?
Alice : -laughs-
Rosalie : Hey! That wasn't nice!
Edward : You mistake me for someone who gives a damn.
Alice : -falls on ground laughing-
Rosalie : Stop that, Edward, you're being mean.
Edward : Don't you need a license to be that ugly?
Alice : -pounds the ground with laughter-
Rosalie : -dry sobs- HOW DARE YOU?
Edward : YO MOMMA'S SO FLAT SHE'S JEALOUS OF THE WALL!
-silence-
Alice : Too far, man…