Shoutout to Lanky Kong. If you're reading this, you're right! Ships involving Ash mostly suck and are all doomed to fail, except for one...
The Tragedy That is Ash, by Dickfart
Once the Kanto and Johto Leagues were over (Orange Island sucks and didn't happen) Misty took Ash aside and confessed that she had romantic feelings for him.
"Misty, gross. I'm still ten. Girls have cooties."
"Hmph! You know what, Ash Ketchum? Having a crush on you is stupid and I hate it." Then she kicked him in the balls. "That's what you get for not replacing my bike!"
This was the first of many such encounters.
Once the Hoenn League and all the other bullshit that goes with it were over May took Ash aside and confessed that she had romantic feelings for him.
"May, gross. I'm still ten. Girls have cooties."
"WHAT?!" she said, angry that he would imply that she has cooties. "Hmph! You know what, Ash Ketchum? Having a crush on you is stupid and I hate it." Then she kicked him in the balls, and so did Max.
Once the Sinnoh League and all the other bullshit that goes with it were over Dawn took Ash aside and confessed that she had romantic feelings for him.
"Dawn, gross. I'm still ten. Girls have cooties."
"Oh," said Dawn. At first she felt defeated, but then she said "Hmph! You know what, Ash Ketchum? Having a crush on you is stupid and I hate it." She spun on her heel and ran away crying, the heel of her boot kicking him in the balls. Whether or not that was intentional is a mystery.
Once the Unova League and all the other bullshit that goes with it were over Iris took Ash aside and confessed that she had romantic feelings for him.
"Iris, gross. I'm still ten. Girls have cooties."
Not bullshitting around, Iris said "Hmph! You know what, Ash Ketchum? Having a crush on you is stupid and I hate it." She kicked him in the balls ten times and told him he was a diaper-shitting baby and a dweeb.
Once the Kalos League and all the other bullshit that goes with it were over Serena did not take Ash aside and confess that she had romantic feelings for him, because she kissed him on an escalator instead.
"Serena, gross. I'm still ten. Girls have cooties."
"Hmph! You know what, Ash Ketchum? Having a crush on you is stupid and I hate it," Serena muttered to herself with tears streaming down her face. Tierno kicked Ash in the balls, because Ash sucks so much that he got owned even by the worst character.
Once the inevitable Alola League and all the other bullshit that goes with it are over Mallow and Lana will take Ash aside and confess that they have romantic feelings for him.
"Mallow, Lana, gross. I'm still ten. Girls have cooties."
"Hmph! You know what, Ash Ketchum? Having a crush on you is stupid and we hate it," they'll say simultaneously, and then Mimikyu will use Hi-Jump Kick on Ash's balls after learning it from some random fighting type Pokemon.
"Are you gay, Ash?" Lillie will ask. "Because I'm gay. We can be gay together."
"I'm not gay," Ash will say while writhing in pain.
This cycle will go on and on through thousands, if not millions of generations of Pokemon, until Ash inevitably goes insane and has wild, screaming sex with his Pikachu. Then they'll both die.
The End