Respectable Scoundrels: Attempted Requisition of Assets

Disclaimer: Warehouse 13, Stargate, and AOS and all of their characters, locations, etc. belong to their respective owners; I'm just borrowing. No copyright infringement intended!

Author's Note: Set INCREDIBLY early in AoS season 1. Like, before May and Ward have their weird thing. And before the first episode with Sif. (It's also pretty early in Scoundrels 'verse. Before "Mrs. F Takes over".)

Shield isn't a regular part of this universe, but I spent a while binge-watching the show, and this happened anyways. I like to think that they can coexist.

Thanks/blame goes forever to Halle.

-

"Agent Coulson."

Phil would never stop being startled by the woman's sudden appearances, no matter if he had been expecting her or not. Years of practice kept him from reacting, and he merely smiled at her over his shoulder. "Irene, it's nice to see you again. Won't you sit down?"

With a smile, Mrs. Frederic settled into the booth across from him. "You're very kind to indulge me," she said, accepting a cup of tea that was set before her with a vague smile at the waitress. "Many people who know me better than you tire of my unconventional entrances."

Couslon shrugged. "I asked you to meet me; I knew that you would show up sooner or later."

He took a sip of his drink, and Mrs. Frederic took a sip of hers. For a moment they stared each other down quietly. Searching. Waiting. All of the noise in the quiet little bar around them faded to a dull hum.

Mrs. Frederic cracked first, something Phil assumed to be a courtesy because Irene never simply cracked. "What is it that you wanted to speak to me about?" she asked. "You were never one to call without a reason, Agent Coulson."

"You can call me Phil," Coulson pointed out casually.

"But you're here on business, are you not? You're here as Agent Phil Coulson of S.H.I.E.L.D. And not as Mr. Phil Coulson my very old friend."

"The two are not so very disconnected," Phil protested. "But unfortunately yes, I am here for business." He put aside his drink and folded his hands on the table. He wasn't thrilled with this idea, but he had put in a lot of thought and he was convinced that it would be a good decision, if an uncomfortable one. Besides, Fury had insisted he try. "I'm here about Ms. Mal Doran."

"Ah." The gleam in Mrs. Frederic's eye did not match the surprise in her tone. She seemed to realize this. "I had a feeling we'd be having this conversation sooner or later."

"She's a powerful asset and we could use her."

Mrs. Frederic scoffed at him. Much as he'd suspected she would "Oh, please! Vala would be no more endeared to your rules than she was to those of the Stargate Program, and she liked many of them. She would be stifled under S.H.I.E.L.D.'s red tape."

True. But Phil and his team were very distinctly not the rest of S.H.I.E.L.D. (as he was seeing more and more clearly.) "It's not like that on the Bus."

"You barely control those young kids you already have; how do you hope to have any influence over Vala Mal Doran?" Mrs. Frederic shook her head. "She's an alien, she doesn't think like the rest of the world. She's been useful to me because we understand each other. But to put her back in a government box – no matter how big and deceptive it may look – would destroy her. You do not know what she was when I finally tracked her down."

"Irene..." Phil sighed. The conversation was progressing as he had expected, at least, if now how he'd hoped. It seemed that Mrs. Frederic was quite protective of her latest asset, for some reason.

"It's not like I'm trying to steal her away from you," he tried as a last ditch effort. "I only want to...borrow her for a bit. With her on my team –"

"As I recall, you don't seem to have a shining track record with alien life forms." Mrs. Frederic arched an eyebrow. "Thor notwithstanding, of course. But you can't have her."

"You're really not going to budge on this, are you?"

The woman shrugged helplessly. "I'm afraid not, Phil. I appreciate your position, but Ms. Mal Doran stays with me."

With a rueful smile, Phil admitted defeat. "Well, it never hurts to ask, right? Maybe next time I'll have better luck. Though you might want to be the one to break it to Director Fury; he had his heart set on this girl."

"He would have regretted bringing her on," Mrs. Frederic grinned. "Perhaps one day there will be an opportunity for your people to work with her, though, if something exceptional comes up. I am not opposed to the combining of forces, you know, just the attempted requisition of one of my very small number of active recovery agents."

"And I don't blame you for that." Coulson smiled and shook her hand. "It was good to see you again, Irene."

"And you as well, Phil. Glad to see you up and about again; last I heard you were pretty badly off, sent away to recover."

"They sent me to Tahiti," he nodded. "It's a magical place."

She gave him a faint smile. "We'll be in touch."

Because he knew that she was waiting, Phil obligingly glanced away into the bar for a second so that she could do her little disappearing act. While his eyes roamed the room, he thought he caught a glimpse of a familiar figure slipping out the back way. But his brain dismissed it as a non-threat, and he didn't think anymore of it. He wanted to finish his drink before heading back to the Bus.

Unsurprisingly, when he returned his attention to the booth Mrs. Frederic was gone.

It was a neat little trick. Maybe he could learn it at some point, though he doubled that she would be a willing teacher. He was pretty sure it was a Warehouse trick, and that place and S.H.I.E.L.D played by entirely different rules.

Well, that had been a bust. Though, Phil was honestly just a little bit relieved that it hadn't worked out. Mrs. Frederic wasn't wrong about his track record with aliens; and an alien with Romanov's seductive side, Barton's irreverence, Tony's gift for innuendo and Skye's distrust for all things Authority? That was a scary thought.

The Bus wasn't ready for that kind of asset.