"Jeanne…please, I love you. Look, I know I lied," I began uneasily. "You lied to me to get to my father!" said Jeanne shaking her head, tears pooling in her sea-blue eyes. "Jeanne, it isn't like that. I mean, it was at first. I had that mission, but Jeanne—I love you. Falling in love with you was not part of my mission," I tried to explain knowing I caused her serious pain. "Stop Tony, just stop. I can't do this. I can't be with you," said Jeanne. "I've never loved anyone like the way I love you, Jeanne. Please, just stay," I whispered reaching for her hand, the platinum bracelet Jeanne had given me showed from beneath my suit. "Please Jeanne," I whispered quietly. Jeanne's hand touched mine and she met my green eyes, I blinked hard to try to keep the tears from falling and Jeanne slowly pulled her hand away. "I can't Anthony…I'm sorry," whispered Jeanne grabbing two suitcases, I grabbed two more and there was still one left. I was hoping by time we would come back up to the apartment I could convince her to stay.
"Jeanne…I never meant to fall in love with you, I never meant to get connected like this—it just happened," I admitted as we put the suitcases in the taxi's trunk. We walked back inside and took an elevator up to the apartment. "I never meant for you to fall for me, either, Jeanne. I know I made a mess…I made a big mess—but…let me fix this, let me fix this mess and let me fix your heart," I said quietly as she picked up the last suitcase. "Please," I said my voice now on the verge of breaking. Jeanne reached into her coat and handed me an envelope and she kissed my cheek. "I loved you, Anthony DiNardo—DiNozzo…I loved you a lot…but I can't be with you," said Jeanne turning on her heel and walking towards the door. "Jeanne—it's you that I love, it's you that I need…please. I would chose you any day…" I began knowing my world was spinning out of full control. Jeanne met my eyes for one last time as she reached the door. "I…I'm sorry," I whispered. "I know…goodbye Anthony" replied Jeanne quietly and she shut the door behind her and I stood in place knowing running after her would do nothing and I tightened my grip on the letter. I slowly walked towards the wall and slid against it so I was sitting on the floor with my back against the wall.
Dear Anthony DiNardo/DiNozzo,
Tony…we are in a mess aren't we? You did many things; you used me, you made me fall for you, you made me trust you, you taught me that the heart is sometimes the most sensitive organ in the body, you were romantic and you put the idea in my mind that one day we would get married. But you also used me, Tony. You used me to get to my father; you lied to me about your last name and job. You broke my trust, but more importantly, you've broken my heart. You've made quite the mess. This is hurting me Tony, but I have to move on. I can't be with you ever again. I can't stay with you; I can't stay in D.C. anymore. I'm moving to France. I'm happy you did your job, but I'm not happy that the outcome has turned out like this. My father's gone now because of your mission leaving me fatherless and motherless. There's no reason for me to stay in the United States now. Please don't come after me, I just need to know one thing, Anthony…was any of this real? Below is the address I'll be living at for the next month before finding my own apartment.
Jeanne Anne Benoit.
I grabbed one piece of paper and a pen and I took a deep breath. Of course it was real, of course I, Anthony Dominic DiNozzo fell in love during an Undercover Operation. Of course Jeanne taught me how to trust, how to love properly—but I got too attached to the mission and I should've pulled out. I never should've gotten this close—and agreeing to move into an apartment with Jeanne? I should've known that was a sign I was getting too close. I toyed with the bracelet staring at the blank piece of paper before deciding to be honest.
Jeanne,
Yes.
Special Agent Anthony Dominic DiNozzo.
I folded the letter—I sent some B.S. email to Gibbs about feeling sick and thinking I needed the rest of the week off which was just two more days and then the team was off rotation. I sent the same email to Director Jenny Sheppard and I forced myself up, I grabbed my jacket from the couch and I walked out not bothering to lock the door behind me and I decided to walk around and find a blue mail box drop off. I sent the letter and I stood in the cold wind before making my way towards my favorite Italian restaurant and I entered the restaurant. "Antonio!" greeted the owner's wife, Rosalina. "Ciao," (Hello) I greeted in Italian. "How are you?" she asked. "I'm great," I lied masking my features beautifully. "Where is Jeanne?" the elderly woman asked me and I felt my heart break at that question. "She's not feeling well…I told her I'd buy us some nice wine from here and bring her some of your best soup for tonight," I lied and the woman ran off getting me the best wine and her best soup and I paid for it. "Bye" she said and I waved goodbye and walked back to my apartment.
I turned on Frank Sinatra and slid against the wall where I left Jeanne's note and I poured wine into the glass and I sat there not feeling hungry but feeling sick to my stomach. I never even told Gibbs what was going on this past year and a half. I never told him I moved, I don't think he knows either because I haven't given him any reason to come over nor have I invited anyone over the past six months when Jeanne and I moved in together. I never should've gotten connected, nor should I had gotten so attached. I should've told Jenny to leave me out of her personal affairs because I just couldn't handle this. All the team knew was that there was a woman in my life and they'd seen her once. Other than that, they didn't know her name or anything.
Since Gibbs came back, McGee and Ziva have high-praised Gibbs and followed his every move like he was going to leave or something. They didn't care about what was going on. Only Ducky and Jimmy knew about Jeanne though I never told them it was for a mission—they both knew. And once more, only those two knew about my new apartment and they both knew Jeanne and knew what was going on. They could see the turmoil it was having on me yet they were there when I needed to talk or needed advice though this mission was just supposed to be between Sheppard and I, I didn't want to lie to two people who would be there while Abby, Ziva and McGee get their fair share of Gibbs. Abby, who's supposed to be like my little sister doesn't even know of Jeanne.
The sound of knocking brought me from my thoughts and I looked up towards the door. The apartment was pretty much empty of all of Jeanne's belongings and I forced myself to stand up. I dragged my feet towards the door rubbing my tear-stained face and making sure no tears were going to escape. It probably was Jimmy or Ducky and I didn't even bother looking as I opened the door. "Hey," I greeted one or the other weakly as I stared at my feet. When I got no response I looked up and instead of meeting Jimmy's light blue eyes or Ducky's caring blue eyes, I met the icy blue eyes of a Special Agent by the name of Leroy Jethro Gibbs. "Boss," I said looking at my watch which read '10:23 a.m,' "Shouldn't you be at work?" I asked looking up at him. "You said in your email you were sick," commented Gibbs. "I'm just feeling off, Boss. I'll be back on my feet by Monday and I'll be at the Yard by 0800, okay?" I asked going to close my door but Gibbs hand stopped it along with his foot. "Why didn't you tell me you moved, DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs.
I shrugged. "It never came up, anyways—I think I'm going to head to bed, Boss. So…I'll see you Monday," I said once more attempting to shut the door. "What are you hiding from me, DiNozzo?" asked Gibbs and I shook my head. "Nothing," I said. "You've never taken a sick day even when you were sick. When you had the Plague, you were supposed to take two weeks off and you convinced me to only let you take one week" commented Gibbs. "That was four years ago, people change," I said shrugging. "You should know about that while you went on your little…vacation," I commented. Gibbs didn't budge. "What's going on Tony?" asked Gibbs, his voice taking on a new gentler tone. "It's nothing, Boss. Listen, I'm just really not feeling up to work, okay?" I asked. "You always invite me in," said Gibbs ignoring me. "That's what this is about? I didn't tell you I moved and now I'm not inviting you in? Well fine, come on in, Boss. Make yourself at home," I said frustrated and I turned my back to him walking towards the beer. "Beer?" I asked. "Maybe when I'm not on Duty," said Gibbs and I shrugged. "I'm not on duty," I commented grabbing myself one and brewing a pot of coffee. "Your coffee will be ready in a while," I said from the kitchen, I could barely hear Gibbs moving around the living room but I knew he was checking everything out.
I moved stealthily from the front door to the kitchen where Jeanne had her back to me and she was cooking pasta. I smiled slowly moving across the room, slowly and quietly so she wouldn't hear me and suddenly I wrapped my arms around her, putting my face in the crook of her neck with a smile as I heard her scream in surprise. She turned to face me, a spoon in hand. "You, Mr. Professor Anthony DiNardo are not funny!" she said trying to keep an angry face on but I simply smiled and she began to smile. "I'm a Ninja" I said. "You certainly are," agreed Jeanne wrapped her arms around my neck as I pulled her closer and wrapped my arms around her waist so our hips were touching. She leaned in to kiss me and I closed my eyes. "I love you," whispered Jeanne and I smiled. She broke my fear of saying 'I love you' and I smiled wider. "I love you too" I replied quietly.
"Tony?" asked Gibbs and I blinked hard forcing the memory to go away. "Hey…your coffee's ready? See anything you didn't like?" I asked, praying he hadn't seen the note I left on the floor. Instead he simply held up the note and my smile faltered. "What's this about?" he asked and I shook my head pouring the coffee and handing him the cup. "It doesn't matter; I don't get it, Boss. Why are you here?" I asked. "Because DiNozzo—I told you. You never called in sick ever, and now…you do. Something wasn't right," began Gibbs. "Or were you just sick of Ziva and McGeek praising you?" I challenged. "Maybe Abby's hugs towards the Silver Fox were becoming too much," I offered shaking my head. "It doesn't matter what that is about anymore because," I began but someone knocked. "Because why?" asked Gibbs. "It just doesn't," I said going to the door and opening it. "My dear lad, Jeanne called me a few hours ago…she asked me if I knew the truth," said Ducky and I frowned.
"I'm sorry, Anthony…I know how attached you became," said Ducky and I shrugged. "Did she tell you where she was moving?" asked Ducky. "France. She's going to France," I said. "Ah…her roots," commented Ducky looking around the apartment. "My…she left some of her things here," said Ducky. "She didn't have any more room in her suitcases," I commented. Ducky walked towards the picture and Gibbs cleared his throat. "Would one of you guys like to tell me what the hell is going on?" asked Gibbs harshly and Ducky turned to glare at his friend. "You would like to know what is going on?" asked Ducky. "If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked," said Gibbs. "Well, when you ran off, leaving Anthony to be the leader, Jenny assigned him a mission to get to Daniel Benoit; so she told him to use Daniel's daughter, Jeanne. Jeanne and Tony got close and Tony got too attached to this mission. Agents David and McGee were disrespectful, as was Ms. Scuito and soon—he turned to Jeanne with these feelings. She was there, and soon he turned to Mr. Palmer and I. It was need-to-know, he never said a word about it but introduced us to her," commented Ducky.
"Anthony invited us over multiple times; Jeanne truly is a great girl. She taught him how to heal and not be afraid of commitment. When you came back, like I said, this was need-to-know basis and your team was happy you were back and Tony was pushed back to a corner and in the dark. Jeanne made him feel like he was worth something and Jimmy and I tried to help," said Ducky now seriously glaring at his friend and he turned to me with compassion. "And I'm sorry about the messy ending," he said and I shrugged. "I'm going on a walk," I said grabbing my jacket and walking out of the apartment. I walked around for a lot of the day and around early evening I returned and I hopped in the shower and changed into a suit but I left the bracelet on and I walked towards my car. I drove around and around 10:30 p.m. I pulled into Gibbs' driveway. I walked inside not sure if I was welcomed and I stopped at the top of his basement stairs. "Come on down, DiNozzo" said Gibbs and I walked down and took my normal spot at the second to last step.
"Her name is Jeanne Benoit. She's 26 years old like me, she's a Pediatric Nurse. Her father was a powerful drug dealer…Jenny asked me to get close to Jeanne. Get close to her meant getting close to her father. I was eager to because I love missions. Jeanne…we began to get close. Closer than close…soon, she was spending the night or I was at her place. She began to teach me how to settle down and relax and I was teaching her how to trust all guys while she taught me commitment. Soon, I really fell for her—and nine months into the mission—she said she loved me. I felt the same way…she taught me how to say those three words," I said keeping my eyes on my shoes. "I really love her boss and I lied to her. She's gone now and there's nothing I can do," I said rubbing the back of my neck.
Gibbs stayed silent for a few minutes and I stood up. "We agreed to move in together…well, that's all there is to know" I said shrugging and turning to go up the stairs. "DiNozzo," said Gibbs gently. "I could use some help on the boat…and the spare bedroom is made up," said Gibbs and I nodded understanding. "Sometimes…when you get into a relationship and it doesn't work out right, it becomes like a broken boat. It takes time, patience and sometimes practice to fix it," said Gibbs sanding and I reached for a sander. "McGee and Ziva and Abby…we'll handle them another day. But for now…go with the grain," said Gibbs and I nodded doing what he taught me to do, four years ago while I was sick with the plague. And though I wasn't okay now, I knew I would be eventually.