For colorcoded on AO3 for the Press Start 2017 Exchange
The Falcon wasn't the same. People had once walked the tight spaces and reminisced of the days before ruin. Silence lived there now. Terra chuckled at herself; she thought of those times as if they were ages ago. It might have felt that way, but the truth of the matter was those people she came to call friends trickled out over the past week. Said their goodbyes, expressed their thanks, and moved on.
It was her turn to do so now.
The others returned to their homes, either to rebuild their past lives or discover someplace new. As each one departed and Terra gazed out to the different landscapes, none of them resonated with her. What was home supposed to be? Perhaps she knew the answer before that dreadful crown touched her head, but her memories also crumbled to ash, much like the Empire and magic itself. She witnessed Edgar returning to Figaro Castle, though Sabin opted to venture through the mountains in solitude. Was home not where one was born and raised? Could it be found elsewhere? If so, how did one know where it was?
She paused in the barren hallway and hung her head with a sigh; first, she drove herself crazy with the concept of love and now this. The timing wasn't in her favor, either; she couldn't ask anyone on board the Falcon, let alone have time to mull it over. Setzer docked the airship right outside of Mobliz. That was home, wasn't it? Or at least the last place she spent copious amounts of time in before the others found her. Surely the children would be happy to see her again, but was it truly home?
Would she be able to find content in this world restored to balance just as she would make peace without her magic or would the calm drive her insane?
"Not having any second thoughts, are you?"
The smooth voice snapped Terra's attention back to the present. She fluttered her eyes and twirled around to find Setzer. He smiled at her and cocked his head.
"Oh no!" Terra feigned excitement. To hide her concern? Her indecisiveness? Her confusion? "No, I'm alright. Was taking one last walk around before I left. Been on the Falcon for so long now... it's odd to leave it behind."
Setzer nodded. "You are more than welcome to return. I've extended that offer to everyone."
"I would hate to encroach, though."
A chuckle left those smirking lips. "Ah and yet here we are. Do you need a moment, then?"
Terra blinked and tilted her head. Of course, she should have known better than to bluff before a seasoned gambler. "If that's alright."
"Quite more than alright."
She bowed slightly. "Thank you, Setzer. I just want to see the view from the deck one last time. It's always been beautiful."
With a nod of his head, Setzer gestured to the stairs leading up. "Take your time, Terra."
He left her to her own devices, walking away to perhaps tinker with the machinery or bask in the solitude now present on the airship. Terra made her way up the stairs, skipping every other step until she pushed past the hefty door and inhaled fresh air.
The wind caught in her loose, green curls and played with them. She giggled as her hair tickled her face; she would have to get used to wearing her hair down, but she wasn't keen on tying it back any time soon. Her eyes fell shut as she recalled soaring through the clouds at the bow of the airship, no different from when she flew in her Esper form. Finally, she was free. No expectations, no judgment... just her and the world with her dreams as the only limitation.
The door slammed shut behind her and she cracked her eyes open. A gasp shot through her upon realizing she was not, in fact, alone.
Celes Chère stood at the bow, now turning to spot Terra.
A million thoughts flooded her mind, but all of them surrendered to the memory of the icy glare and aloof tone which answered her question about love. Having another woman around should have made their journey more bearable, though Terra more often than not found reasons to shy away whenever Celes was present. Did she disapprove of Terra? Find her an annoyance, even? Their time together since Terra escaped the Empire was seldom, but there were greater matters to attend to than mending whatever might have been broken between them. Even when Celes and the others stumbled upon Mobliz, one of the last places they found in the search for friends, Celes ignored the children and scoffed at Terra's stubbornness in refusing to join them initially.
But now it was just the two of them again and they had no madman to defeat and no world needing to be saved. Terra swore Celes' posture and tongue softened since the world was torn apart, or maybe it was wishful thinking. Those eyes striking through her now remained indecipherable. Was she angered? Saddened? Or perhaps indifferent?
Terra tucked hair behind her ears and flashed a trembling smile. "C-Celes! I didn't know you were still here. I thought you left with Locke."
Now Celes narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. She never uttered a word. Terra fidgeted in place and failed to hold eye contact.
"Um, I can... let you be if you'd—"
"You can stay," Celes said, her voice somehow gentle as it traveled along the wind.
Terra perked up. Had she imagined that? But Celes stepped to the side and gestured to the space beside her. She toyed with declining the offer, though damn it, not even Celes was going to ruin the view from the Falcon.
Thus Terra made her way to the bow, mustering all her courage to stand tall next to Celes. She took in the sight of the former General who donned gold and purple instead of the Imperial emerald uniforms. Celes folded her arms on top of the airship and gazed out with disinterest. Or was it sadness? Terra had never been the best at reading people. How does Setzer do it all the time?! she kept to herself. But she did notice the lack of tension in Celes' shoulders and the way her hands splayed open instead of bunching into fists. Terra inched closer and perched on her tip toes for a better look.
At least Mobliz was gorgeous. Though Terra marveled at the forests and mountains left unexplored and the ocean begging to be sailed beyond the town. It brought her heart exhilaration simply thinking of it.
"The kids will be happy to see you," Celes offered.
Terra flicked her gaze to Celes, who had yet to flinch. "Yeah, I hope so."
She thought she saw Celes nod, but nothing more.
How can she be so content with not talking? Terra's sights fell to her feet. Does she really not want me here? Am I that annoying? Does she... not care about me?
"What's the matter?"
Holding her breath, Terra lifted her head to meet Celes' gaze. There, she didn't find ice daring to freeze her soul; even as Celes continued to stand prominently after years of military training, it was her eyes that thawed the most. Terra's breath shook in her throat. Her hands clung at the hem of her tunic. If she were to ask Celes—ask her anything—would it be different now?
Would she at least humor Terra with an answer?
"N-nothing," Terra opted to say instead. "I'm fine."
"No, you're not."
While those words smacked Terra across the face, it was the warmth lingering in them that grasped her attention. So she looked to Celes, basked in the wisdom of those blue eyes, and awaited more.
"After everything we've fought for, you're going to tell me you're fine?" Celes furrowed her brows. "Terra, we have no reason to hold secrets from one another anymore."
Terra held her breath. We... don't?
"If something is troubling you," Celes continued, "then spit it out. No sense in bottling it up. Not now."
The reassurance managed to freeze Terra. Was she dreaming this? Was Celes actually being genuine and compassionate? Somewhere in the back of her head, those biting words back in Narshe stung Terra, but she swallowed them down, licked her lips, and averted her eyes.
"I... can't help but feel that I'm settling." Her lips quirked up. "Is that even the right word? Settling? Whatever it is, it doesn't... feel right. Like after winning the fight against Kefka and restoring balance, I should be more excited about returning to Mobliz. You're right, the children will be happy to see me. Katarin will be glad to have another lady around to help with the newborn. But... I can't help but wonder if I was ever happy there myself.
"It was where I washed up. I resigned myself to being there forever, because I gave up." Her eyes flicked to Celes. "You didn't, though. You made an effort to do something about the situation. That amazes me. I just... settled. And I can't help but feel like I'm doing that all over again."
Terra laid her palms along the Falcon and stared out to the horizon. She ignored the prickle behind her eyes, praying that Celes didn't laugh at her weak state. Someone like her didn't catch herself up in stupid emotions. If only I could be as strong as you... maybe I'd have my life more figured out.
"Oh Terra... if only you knew where you came from and how strong you are."
She spun her head as her heart skipped a beat. Terra held onto every word Celes uttered, unable to comprehend the meaning, though hoped it was more than a feeble attempt to fake compassion.
"You weren't always like this," Celes added.
Ignoring the trembles in her body, Terra faced Celes and wrapped her arms around herself. "Do you mean... before I lost my memories?"
Celes eyes might have been elsewhere, but she still nodded. It was enough to send shivers down Terra's spine. General Leo once commented on how he was glad Terra was returning to her normal self. What did he mean by that? She never found the time to ask and came to regret it. She refused to let the opportunity slip by again.
"What was I like?" Terra asked, albeit gingerly.
The corner of Celes' mouth curled up. It might have been the closest thing to a smile Terra ever witnessed from the other woman. "Different, that's for sure," Celes began. She cast her eyes out to the sprawling landscape as she recalled the memories. "I remember first being introduced to you. I can't say how old we were." She sighed. "Too young, that much I know. I was thrilled to know another girl my age was there, but when I realized you weren't subjected to the same injections and heard the whispers of praise of how much better you were..." Celes shook her head. "Jealousy never does anyone any good. Nor does fear for that matter. I saw you as a replacement to me. Cid encouraged me to train with you more, if not spend time outside of military routines with you. So I did, simply to humor him. I'm glad I did.
"You helped me relax when I was too wound up perfecting my training or memorizing tactical strategies. You were fire itself: impulsive, unchained, and passionate. You reminded me to laugh, to smile, to disregard the rules every once and a while. We were children. And you weren't from this world and it showed. The Emperor viewed you as a wild beast needing to be tamed and... while the Empire found a way to do so in time, you were a firebrand up until the very end."
A blank stare glossed over Terra's face. Why... why couldn't she remember any of it? As time crept by, she hoped that a glimmer of something—anything—would flash before her from the past. Fragments were better than nothing, but nothing was all she had along with the hope that maybe she had once been content, even a little.
The person Celes depicted was a stranger to Terra. She looked in the mirror now and didn't see a mischievous, fiery soul Celes claimed she once was. What happened? Did... that damn crown do more than rob my memories? Did it force me into submission so they could make me who I am now? Such thoughts tensed every fiber within Terra. Had fire danced in her veins still, she feared both the Falcon and Mobliz would fall victim to her scorching rage.
But a tender hand fell onto her shoulder and unclouded her mind. Terra remembered to breathe and Celes squeezed.
"I'm sorry I couldn't stop them for what they did to you," Celes murmured, her voice like snowflakes floating on a quiet, winter's night. "I would have stopped them if I knew. One morning... you weren't there. No one informed me of what happened. I saw you in passing before they sent you off to Narshe. I called out your name and those eyes of yours... I didn't want to believe it. I hoped every night that you were still holding on. You were stronger than all of them. I knew you were. You used to laugh at the men we surpassed in our training. Called them boys and said we didn't ever need them, that we had each other and that was all that mattered. You once said, 'One day, we'll go on an epic adventure, just the two of us, far away from here, and there won't be any boys following or watching over us.'
"I was relieved to find you alive in Narshe, though when you spoke to me... I didn't know who you were. It was as if the Empire swapped the real you for someone else. I tried not to be upset with you; my rage was directed at the Empire. Bits and pieces of you have returned, though, but I've come to accept that damn crown stole more than your memories. I wish there was more I could do, Terra."
Silence lingered between them, though Terra welcomed it along with the comfort in Celes' hand. No matter how much she yearned for it, no memory of the young girl she used to be flickered in her mind.
"I hope," Terra managed to breathe out, "you don't hate what I've become."
She didn't blame Celes if she did; the woman she spoke of was but a dream, one Terra wished she could become. Maybe then she wouldn't hesitate to leave for Mobliz or maybe she would venture elsewhere with grander visions of her future.
"Hardly," Celes offered. "I'm more relieved that you've survived time and time again. The world has changed. It only seems fitting that we change, as well."
Terra smiled; such a response was fitting for the likes of Celes. "And we're no longer pawns of the Empire. We didn't need them, after all."
A chuckle sounded from Celes. "Right, you are."
Though Celes' eyes drifted away and nostalgia tugged at her words. Terra tilted her head. "What... will you do now? You're no longer a General."
She didn't answer Terra. The wind sifted through their hair and chilled their skin. When Celes closed her eyes, she exhaled and turned away.
"I don't know," she groaned.
Terra's eyes snapped open. "W-what?"
But she hadn't misheard and still, the revelation shocked her. Celes was the one who took initiative with reforming the Returners to take back their world. They all had a reason to fight in the end. Had she lost hers?
"I don't understand," Terra spoke softly, shuffling closer to Celes. "You've always had a plan."
Celes scoffed. "Have I?"
Well, not so sure now when you put it like that.
Peering past her shoulder, Celes raised an eyebrow. "I didn't choose my path, nor did you. It was forced upon me and I was given the option to survive and thrive or fail and die. All I've ever done was merely to survive. That's all I've ever known. To fathom something else..." She sighed and looked away. "I don't know."
"But..." Terra furrowed her brow. "There are so many people who care for you. Maybe Edgar could have offered something to you or—"
"They all have said their share, Terra. All of it is their wishes, their aspirations. None of it resonates with my heart and I'm through with appeasing others just to get by."
Terra huffed. "Then what will you do? You're not going to stay on this airship forever, are you?"
"Well... Setzer wouldn't object, that much I know."
Terra dared to nudge her. "I heard he did enjoy your Maria performance—"
"Oh hush."
Terra giggled and swore Celes cracked a short-lived smile. Better than nothing.
"His lifestyle doesn't suit mine," Celes elaborated, "though he's already mentioned he'll take me anywhere until I figure something out."
"I'd offer you to come with me, but—"
"I doubt the children are looking for a military mom." Celes sighed. "All I ever known is battle and strategy and military etiquette. This world is at peace. What use am I?"
Had she always been this hard on herself? Terra imagined Celes flinching to nothing and yet her own thoughts dared to crumble her foundation. She longed to rid Celes of those toxic notions and fill her with the same inspiration she bestowed upon her allies.
"Not everyone is at peace," Terra pointed out. Once Celes eyed her, she continued. "People are still rebuilding their homes from the ruins and adjusting to this new world. Most have gone home to do just that. Perhaps... you could help others looking to do so?" After a pause, she swallowed hard. "Do you... have a home, Celes?"
The wind was all that replied, though Celes eyed the clouds in thought. In time, she found her voice. "Vector was the closest thing to a home I've ever known and all it taught me was to destroy the homes of others. Many lost their homes long before Kefka even tore this world apart, but..."
"What's stopping you from helping them?"
Celes sighed. "Would the folk from Maranda even welcome me? After everything I did? And so many fled Vector after the Espers attacked. Last I knew, several of the surrounding towns overflowed with refugees. I couldn't help any of them. I had to walk past countless faces in need in Albrook before we departed..."
"You were under orders by the Empire. We both were. We've come this far... maybe they could forgive you."
"Maybe..."
"Then you could start over, right? You and them."
But Celes shook her head. "I have no home to be rebuilt. I lost my purpose; they lost everything."
"And what's the difference? We all lost something, didn't we?"
She didn't expect Celes to face her with heavy, jaded eyes. "The difference is they know what home is to them. I never have. If Vector was my home, then... am I to rebuild that and unearth the dreadful memories of the Empire's reign? Or do I leave it be and wander aimlessly? At least they have a better grasp of the notion."
"So... home's a place to you?"
Celes shrugged. "Why the hell does it matter? What else could it be?"
Taken aback by those words, Terra pushed unruly hair out of her face to glance at Mobliz. Everyone there would welcome her, right? Welcome home was what people said after someone returned after an extended absence.
"Home," Terra whispered. "Home is..."
She remembered the fire which lived in her and those fleeting moments when her father guided her. Terra's heart raced when she stood beside her allies—her friends—and only utmost love encompassed her. Nothing ever felt more right than being with them. Her magic vanished and her friends parted ways, but it all seared a mark upon her. No matter where any of them were, it flooded her with a sense of reason, with love.
"Maybe it's not a place," Terra said slowly, softly. "Home is with good friends and helping others. Home is a warm fire and sharing worn stories. It's what helps us breathe and sleep at night. It's safe, it's kind." She clenched a fist and brought it over her heart. "It's love, pure and honest."
With a deep breath, she focused on the wind rolling by. Maybe this was all silly, no different than her nonsensical chase to discover what love was. In the end, it turned out to be far simpler than she believed it to be. Was home the same way?
When she dared to peer up at Celes, Terra found her with a slight smirk upon her warm, yet hardened face. "You really haven't changed in a sense."
Terra blinked. "What do you mean?"
Celes gestured to Terra with her chin. "Sounded like something you would have said when we were younger."
"R-really?"
"Mmm." Celes nodded. "You might have been care-free, but there were moments when your wisdom outspoke those twice our age. Perhaps it has to do with your Esper half."
Terra fidgeted in place. "Maybe."
"You're smarter than you think you are, Terra. Always running around and asking others for answers... though you hold the answers all along. Be patient. I'm sure it will all click eventually."
Her heart skipped a beat as those words revitalized her sense of purpose. "Same to you, Celes. You'll figure things out and it will all make sense in the end." She perked up, gaining an inch in height. "Thank you."
Celes tilted her head. "For what?"
"For letting me talk with you. It... really helped. I like talking with you. You're really not that scary, after all."
Celes snickered. "The hell have the others been telling you about me, anyways?"
"Nothing worth remembering." She wiggled a finger at Celes. "They are boys."
The smile widened across Celes' lips and brought forth a laugh—a genuine laugh. Terra cherished that sound.
"Whatever it is you're looking for... I hope you find it, Celes."
"Same to you, Terra."
Was this it, then? Did they say goodbye, turn away, and never see each other again? Terra almost wished to grab Celes by the hand and bring her along. But this wasn't home for Celes. Terra wasn't even certain if it was for herself. Only time would tell. For now, she bowed to Celes, who returned the sentiment, and walked back for the lower decks of the Falcon.
Halfway there, Terra paused and spun around. "You know, Celes," she called out to her, "maybe one day we can go on that epic adventure I once mentioned. No one but us?"
That smile continued to grace Celes' features. "I've had my fill of adventures for the time being."
Terra shrugged. "But if you change your mind..."
"I'll know where to find you."
Terra waved goodbye. She thanked Setzer once more for his hospitality and made him promise he'd take good care of Celes. She emerged onto the grassy fields before Mobliz. She neared the town and eyed the children running for her and yelling her name. She spun around, but by then, the Falcon was already gone.
Terra sat on the outskirts of the bonfire. The children played with firecrackers imported from Doma. There had been a time when such items weren't required; she could have summoned them from her fingertips. Same with the raging fire keeping them toasty. A simple thought and a flick of her wrist were all it took to engulf whatever she desired with flames and crackling embers.
It didn't listen to her anymore. The fierce, warm tingle beneath her skin no longer stirred. Plenty of flames had licked Terra and left burns she had never experienced before. She shivered beneath a mountain of blankets at night and she struggled to create fire with tinder and kindle.
Such powers were now grand stories she told the children at bedtime. Most believed her, but there would eventually be a generation that deemed magic to be myths. She sacrificed that part of herself so those children could sleep under the stars in peace, without a worry of what the morning would bring.
Though with each sunrise, Terra gazed to the horizon and wondered what else there was to life.
They celebrated the first anniversary of when magic faded away and Terra couldn't bring herself to rejoice. There was no joy in what she lost that day, but sacrifices weren't made with smiles and glee. There were blood and tears and broken hearts and forgotten promises. All the children remembered was the horrible, red hue from the sky vanished. Terra remembered more than she wished to hold onto.
She did her part in Mobliz. First in establishing proper homes for the children and then for acclimating those who traveled to Mobliz in search for new beginnings. Some recognized her as the Esper woman who stood up against Kefka while most never demonstrated interest in who she truly was. The heroes had done their part and were preserved in storybooks and bar tales, nothing more.
Terra wished she could say she was happy. In a sense, she was. Everyone around her smiled and laughed and celebrated the newfound peace still thriving in their world. The sight of it all warmed her heart, but her soul didn't burn like it once had. Maybe if she left, she would find something. What exactly, who knew? Terra sighed. I wouldn't even know where to begin.
Her eyes returned to the crackling fire. Past the flames walked a tall figure. She blinked and watched the outline of someone foreign to Mobliz circle around the bonfire and approach Terra. A long coat draped over the silhouette drenched in white and gold fabrics. The fire illuminated those gold features, including her wavy, braided hair.
Terra gasped.
"I thought I'd find you here."
Before that sentence finished, Terra jumped to her feet and lunged forward. Open arms greeted her and together they shared the embrace.
"I never thought I'd see you again, Celes," Terra murmured, then pulled back to examine her. Jewels adorned her ears, hair, and throat, though it was that sly smile which Terra focused on. "What are you doing here?"
"Celebrating like everyone else, I suppose."
"You came all the way out here just for that?"
"Not just that. Was wondering if you still had your hands full with babysitting."
Terra chuckled and peered over to the children running beneath the colorful firecrackers. "I think I had my fill quite some time ago." She flicked her eyes to Celes. "And what of you?"
"Not exactly babysitting, but I've done my share of looking out for others. Needed a change of scenery." She loosened her grip on Terra, though didn't let go. "I did have a question for you, though, if we crossed paths."
"Did you? And?"
Celes perched one hand on top of the rune blade she still kept at her hip. Somewhere Terra still had her sword, though she found little reason to keep it on her person. These days, she wore flowing silks and linens that danced with every movement, just like her hair—a reminder of her freedom.
"You wouldn't happen to still be looking to go on an epic adventure, would you?"
For the first time in a year, a fire sparked within Terra and set her heart aflame. "I thought you'd never ask."
