Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DEAD POETS SOCIETY. If I did, Neil would be alive, he and Todd would be together, Chris would be completely out of the picture and Knox would be with Charlie, who wouldn't get expelled, and Mr. Keating would still be teaching at Welton.

A/N: This is just a letter that Neil wrote to Todd before he committed suicide. I've had this idea for a while now, I just never wrote it down. This is my first DPS story, but there will definitely be more to come, hopefully longer than this. I'm sorry if any of the characters are OOC, it just kind of turned out that way.

Dear Todd,

I hope you don't take this too personally. I didn't do any of this to hurt you or anyone else. It's bad enough to leave without a goodbye…so I'm going to leave with a goodbye AND an explanation.

Well, you know how my father is. I don't think I have to go into details. Well, I don't really know if I can take it anymore. It seems if I stay here in this world, I'll just be punishing myself instead of him punishing me.

Right after the play, when we were all taking our bows and everyone pushed me in out to center stage, I couldn't help but smile in spite of myself. The crowd had gone crazy and it felt amazing. It felt even more amazing to see you, along with the rest of the group, giving me a standing ovation.

But what felt horrible was when I looked in the back and saw the look of disappointment on my father's face. I knew he would be disappointed in me for not dropping the play, but I never knew how much it would hurt.

Do you know what it's like, Todd? To have your own father not want you to do what you want, live your dreams, and be happy? I don't think you really do.

Well, it hurts. Like hell. It was like a knife went straight through my heart as he pulled me away from all my friends and fans, forcibly driving me home. It's like his disappointment and anger radiated around him. Like a sort of aura or something. I could feel it the whole ride home. It was absolutely killing me.

Todd, I know you don't understand what I'm about to do. I know, it's a selfish act on my part and I wouldn't blame you for being totally pissed at me and never thinking about me in a civil way again. But there's something I want you to know before I go.

Having you as a roommate has been the best experience of my life. You're the only reason I didn't do this sooner.

I don't want you to think this is your fault, because it's not. Far from it, actually. Todd, you're my best friend and you always will be. I would never blame you for making my life miserable. You made my life amazing, to be perfectly honest. Just please remember that.

And one more thing…forget about me and move on. I don't want you to stop your life just on my account. It's because of this that you'll gain many more friends than you had before. I know they'll help you through this, just like I would.

Yawp for me, Todd. If that made you smile, good. I missed that. Remember that smiles are free, so give them away. It'll help you through a lot of tough times, I know it helped me.

Well, it's time for me to go now. I'm so sorry I have to do this to you. Share this with the guys, tell them I'll miss them. I'll definitely miss you the most, Todd. I love you.

Love,

Neil

Neil checked over his letter. He felt horrible about doing this to his friends, but it was something he had to do.

He licked the letter shut and wrote a big "To Todd" on the front. He left it on his father's desk, hoping and praying that his father would have at least some heart to make sure the letter found it's way to his best friend.

Neil moved the letter aside and brought something wrapped in a towel in front of him. He unwrapped it and there lay a rifle. He took a deep breath and took hold of the gun.

A shot rang out…and a body hit the floor. Neil would never see daylight again.

I know, the ending of the letter is kind of...cheesy. This was not intended to be slash, but I guess some could interpret it that way. Again, this is my first DPS fic. Please tell me what you thought! Reviews are love!

Oh and I was thinking of making a sort of sequel kind of thingie to this, like a letter that Todd wrote back to Neil after he died. Tell me if you guys want to see that. Oh and I might make the other guys' reactions to the letter, too, since Todd is supposed to share it. Okay, I'll stop rambling and let you guys give me your thoughts. I'll give you a fresh baked cookie with each review =D.