When Grantaire woke up, he was quite warm. Much warmer than he'd been in a long time. Then he realized his warmth had a heartbeat. Grantaire blearily opened his eyes and found himself curled against someone else. He didn't remember going to sleep with anyone... Oh yes. Enjolras. He was sleeping with Enjolras. Ha! What would the other Amis say when they heard that? Granted, they wouldn't know it was literal until Enjolras, most likely fiercely blushing, would announce that fact with burning passion and harsh glares, saying his friends had dirty minds. Grantaire knew he would enjoy that. Perhaps he ought to tell the Amis of this. But Enjolras wouldn't like that. Maybe it would be worth it. To see Enjolras's passionate eyes alight with fire not just in his heart but in his cheeks. Enjolras's blushes were always beautiful. Most everything about Enjolras was beautiful. His passion, his desire to free the people, his voice. God that voice. Apollo was not God of Music for nothing.
But then his stomach reminded him he'd had nothing to eat last night, growling loudly. Thankfully, he didn't wake the young revolutionary so he slipped out of Enjolras's undeniable cuddling embrace, that was something he certainly would never let Enjolras live down even if it was just between the two of them. But something stopped him, pulling him back down. He glanced back to see what it was. Enjolras's hand was locked onto his own, and Grantaire almost didn't want to let go. He enjoyed being close to Enjolras, his entire reason for joining the Les Amis de l'ABC. But his stomach rumbled again, slightly painful this time, and he was forced to disentangle their hands. As soon as he did, Grantaire's hand felt horribly cold. He missed the sun's heat on his hand. It made him feel complete.
Grantaire went into the kitchen, popped open a bottle of wine, took a swig, and then set about to breakfast. It was one of the rare times Grantaire had food in his flat, the ingredients for eggs and buttered toast. Breakfast of the gods. As Grantaire was cooking, an unusual sight but one that happened occasionally, he started hearing something. At first, he wasn't sure what it was, a voice without words, but in the next heartbeat, it all became clear.
"Grantaire, wake up, please. Please. Please God, give him back to me. I cannot do this without him. I do not wish to... Please R, listen to me. I need you. Come back to me... Oh why did you have to go to the Seine? Why couldn't I have saved you fast enough? Why couldn't I have been fast enough? Why did you have to let him die? Why not me? I'd rather be dead than live in a world without him!" Enjolras's voice was barely above a whisper but the words shook Grantaire to the core. Enjolras sounded so... broken. So defeated. So passionless. Everything Grantaire knew he wasn't.
After making sure breakfast wouldn't explode while he was gone, he went back into his room. Enjolras was thrashing slightly, the hand that held Grantaire's hand searching blindly in the covers, clenching and unclenching, his face contorted in pain and longing. Immediately, Grantaire went to his friend and shook him, trying to wake Enjolras.
Unfortunately, that only made it worse.
"No! I will not let you take him from me! 'Ferre let me go. Let me go! No! Stop!" Enjolras kicked out blindly and managed to contact with Grantaire's hip, a pained grunt escaping his lips.
"Why is he bleeding? He went to the Seine..." Enjolras moaned, and then Grantaire realized Enjolras could hear him.
Of course! Enjolras had heard him before; he was an idiot for not trying this before.
"I am alive and well, I promise you this Enjolras. I did not die. No one is taking you from me. I'm right here." Grantaire whispered into Enjolras's ear.
Enjolras paused, his hand seeking out Grantaire's blindly. Grantaire took it immediately and started rubbing his thumb across the back of Enjolras's palm. That motion seemed to calm the young man more.
"Grantaire?" Enjolras sounded almost scared, as if his psyche was simply going to torture him more.
"I'm right here. I am not dead and I have you to thank for that." Grantaire promised.
"But you... the river... I saw you... I can see you… lying there…" Enjolras struggled to comprehend the dream and what reality was telling him.
"You were dreaming, Enjolras. I am real. Not that. I breathe, and my heart beats. You saved me." For good measure Grantaire put Enjolras's hand to his heart and exhaled a little sharply into Enjolras's ear, causing the revolutionary to shift slightly. It seemed Enjolras was ticklish.
That gave him an idea.
Grantaire ghosted his fingers over Enjolras's skin, slightly more exposed through his night-clothes, causing Enjolras to grin but not to wake. So Grantaire moved up slightly and tickled under Enjolras's ear. He'd seen Jehan put a flower behind Enjolras's ear and Enjolras had bitten his lips hard to keep from changing his facial expression. Now he saw why.
Grantaire's fingers behind his ears caused Enjolras to laugh, and to wake with a gasp.
"Not a word to the others." Enjolras glared.
"Yes, sir." Grantaire mock-saluted.
Enjolras sniffed the air. "What's burning?"
"Oh man! Breakfast!" Grantaire ran back into the kitchen and saved the slightly singed eggs and toast. He hoped they were still edible. Enjolras followed him tiredly after changing into the clothes he fetched from his flat last night.
"What's that?" Enjolras asked.
"Breakfast. Or if you don't like it, my breakfast and I'll buy you some food." Grantaire offered.
"You cook?" Enjolras asked, surprised.
"Of course. Don't you?" Grantaire responded.
"Not at all. I was never taught how." Enjolras shrugged.
"Combeferre doesn't teach you how?" Grantaire pressed.
"No he has no time. And neither do I. He simply cooks for the two of us and I usually go grocery shopping with his lists." Enjolras said bluntly.
Grantaire sighed. "You are missing out, my dear Apollo. Cooking is fun."
"I have no time for fun. I have a revolution to plan." Enjolras said coldly.
This hurt Grantaire slightly. Just last night Enjolras had said damn the revolution. Perhaps this was simply Enjolras stating his facts. He said himself that he was no good at social interactions.
"Of course. Well, let me give you what the Americans call a 'crash course'." Grantaire and detailed exactly what he did as he got plates and cutlery. He gave Enjolras his share of the food and together they sat on the floor on Enjolras's insistence.
"Thank you. For breakfast. Combeferre will be most satisfied." Enjolras said.
"I'm sure." Grantaire said. "It's not crepes and coffee but hopefully it tastes good."
"It does." Enjolras said tightly.
"Now I'm taking it you don't want to talk about the nightmare I woke you from." Grantaire said, casually drinking his wine.
"Must you drink wine now?" Enjolras asked, exasperated and cold. Exactly like the Enjolras before all of this.
"Why are you acting like this?" Grantaire asked, letting his pain show on his face.
"Acting like what?" Enjolras asked.
"You're not being socially acceptable." Grantaire explained, trying to show Enjolras his mistake.
"You have no right to judge me on social issues, Grantaire. Especially since you have no beliefs." Enjolras said coldly.
"Enjolras what has happened to you? You weren't like this last night." Grantaire said and Enjolras blanched.
Last night. This is about last night.
"Perhaps not." Enjolras murmured.
"Spit it out Enjolras." Grantaire said, a little harsher than expected. "I can see your mind whirl. What are you thinking?"
"How can you shrug off what happened? Last night. You speak to me as if nothing happened. As if we were never at the Seine. I cannot fathom your emotions right now. I... I wanted to give you a sense of normalcy. Normally, I just yell at you and cut you down and although I never want to do that again I just thought I would help you." Enjolras admitted.
Grantaire's heart melted at Enjolras's lost puppy look. He'd simply wanted to help him.
He'll never want to help you. He hates you. The voice piped up.
He will never hate me. He promised. Grantaire shot back.
"Thank you, my friend. Although I was a little shocked, I must admit the normalcy felt a little good." Grantaire lied.
Enjolras nodded, blushing slightly. He was so cute when he blushed. "That was wrong of me, wasn't it?"
"You could've approached it better, yes, but it wasn't wrong. It's never wrong to help your friends like that." Grantaire said.
"Thank you. Would it help you?" Enjolras asked.
Grantaire cocked his head in confusion.
"To hear what I dreamt." Enjolras clarified.
"Yes." Grantaire said assuredly.
Actually, he had completely moved on, shoving the experience to the back of his mind. He had dealt with this the first time, and if he didn't remember it in a few months then it didn't matter. He could focus on Enjolras, who seemed much too shaken up about this whole thing. Enjolras always said their little lives didn't count at all. He knew this was true of his own life, but Enjolras's life meant something. Meant everything. And if Grantaire could help Enjolras by letting him 'talk it out', as Courfeyrac so loving referred to it, then nothing mattered but Enjolras.
"You sound so sure… All right. If it'll help you. It was rather simple actually. I wasn't fast enough. I couldn't stop you. I arrived just in time to see you fall. We fished you out but you weren't breathing. That's really it. I just- couldn't handle watching that." Enjolras said, his voice low and bitter.
"No one could." Grantaire pushed. Enjolras had something to say, it was burning behind those stunning blue eyes, and Grantaire knew he couldn't keep it bottled for long.
Those words chipped the dam ever so slightly and it burst.
"And yet you call me a god! You call me marble! Do you have any idea how much pressure that puts on me? I have to be above everyone else. I speak of equality and all you, and not just you the other Amis as well, do is put me on a pedestal and worship me! I'm supposed to be cold and unfeeling because I'm marble! You make me that way! And I can't be that person! I have a human heart and that nearly burst when I saw you on the bridge! My own heart would've stopped if you stopped yours! I care about you more than I've ever thought possible. I did not know I could feel this way for another human being, let alone a man. Let alone you. When I first saw you I thought I hated you. Drinking, uncaring, and cynical. You reminded me a little of my father. And now that I know you and I understand you I can't help appreciating you. In ways I've never done before. In ways you all laugh and say I can never understand. I do know I cannot understand Courfeyrac's passion for Jehan and his poetry, or Joly and Bousset's love for Musichetta, but I do know I understand this: this feeling has never once showed itself before and, I am slightly nervous because I don't entirely know what exactly is happening to me, but I am willing to try and find out what this is if you are."
Enjolras was panting after his long speech, lacking rhetoric and class but it undeniably was the best speech Grantaire ever heard from Enjolras, if not ever. Grantaire made sure to keep his facial expression as calm as possible because inside he was bubbling over with ecstasy. Enjolras, his marble leader, his Apollo was saying he was ready to see if what they had could turn into love. Love. Real love. With Enjolras. He was so excited he momentarily forgot how to form complete sentences. Grantaire silently promised to thank Courfeyrac for introducing Enjolras to him.
"That was beautiful." Grantaire mused once he recovered his voice.
"And that is not an answer." Enjolras snapped back, almost panicky.
"My answer? Enjolras you are asking for my heart, figuratively speaking. You are asking that I follow you into the depths of human hell and back. You are asking that I find new ways to appreciate you and show it to you as long as can. You are actually asking that I put up with you constantly working and never having enough time for me. You wish my answer? I believe you had it the first moment we met." Grantaire voiced.
Enjolras looked confused, and considerably hurt at Grantaire's implication.
Grantaire sighed and smiled sadly. "When Courfeyrac first introduced you to me, you were a shining god and I couldn't do anything but follow you wherever you asked me to. I'll show you I care every day. I'll take any moment with you that you can give me. My answer is yes."
Enjolras nodded and chuckled bitterly. "I should've figured that out. I am rumored to be smart."
"Hush Enjolras. I do not have the way with words you do. You speak as beautifully as the golden rays of the sun, and I have nothing more than the darkness of wine. You are smart, Enjolras. Can a stupid man run a revolution, get top marks in every class he takes, figure out exactly what I need, be as endearing as you can possibly be, and still have time to laugh and love all of our friends?" Grantaire shushed.
"I guess not." Enjolras blushed. Grantaire knew then he needed to keep that blush away from anyone else. It was so cute it could quite possibly be considered lethal.
"Wrong answer." Grantaire laughed.
"No then." Enjolras said, glaring but there was a hint of amusement in his eyes.
Grantaire smiled idiotically, knew it, and kept smiling. And he wasn't even really drunk right now. Speaking of… Oh God.
"Pinch me." Grantaire said, suddenly very afraid. What if this was nothing more than a cruel dream? Something that could easily turn into a horrible nightmare.
Enjolras stared at him in confusion but listened. He grabbed Grantaire's nose and gave it a sharp tweak.
"OW!" Grantaire shouted, rubbing his aching nose.
"If you simply wished to scream, why did you have me cause you pain?" Enjolras asked.
"I wanted to make sure it wasn't a dream." Grantaire pouted.
"Have you dreamt of this before?" Enjolras asked.
"Maybe once or twice." Grantaire looked away from Enjolras, his cheeks burning.
"I'm not sure what to think of that but everyone else seems to think that's cute." Enjolras stated.
"I wanna know what you think Enjolras. Do not give me everyone else. I fell for you not them." Grantaire said.
"You fell for me?" Enjolras asked, confused.
"Expression. Go on." Grantaire dismissed, cursing his idiot mouth. And the wine that was creeping into his judgment and muddling it.
"All right." Enjolras shrugged, brushing off Grantaire's comment, thankfully. Grantaire would have to be more careful from now on. Now Enjolras knew his feelings were there, and he had to make sure Enjolras was all right with all of them. Especially the stronger ones.
"I find that… charming." Enjolras decided.
Grantaire smiled. "You are endearing."
"You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means." Enjolras cocked his head.
Grantaire just laughed and a knock came at the door.
"Boys! Get up! Enjolras, you have a class in an hour and I have the homework you 'slaved over'!" Combeferre shouted.
"I'd better get that." Grantaire muttered and twisted, and a sudden pain in his hip caused him to hiss.
"Are you hurt? What happened?" Enjolras said, immediately going to where Grantaire's hand flew to.
"It's nothing. I smacked my hip into a table, it's nothing." Grantaire dismissed as Enjolras lifted up his shirt.
"It doesn't look like that… did you get into a fight?" Enjolras asked.
"Um, well, yes." Grantaire said which was a half-truth. He had gotten into a stupid fight with Enjolras's leg.
"Please refrain from doing so again. I worry about you enough with the drinking." Enjolras chastised.
"Yes, sir." Grantaire promised seriously.
"Enjolras get up! I have to be in class in twenty minutes!" Combeferre shouted from the door.
"We're coming, my friend!" Enjolras barked back.
"Goodbye, my dear Apollo. Have fun at University." Grantaire said.
Enjolras returned the sentiment with a quick kiss on the cheek. And then, blushing furiously, Enjolras headed out the door to Combeferre's nagging and the world around them.
Grantaire looked down at his hands. He missed Enjolras's warmth in the apartment, even in his hands where Enjolras's hands had not resided for some time. Perhaps going to class was going to be worth it today.
Yes, Grantaire thought, I believe it will be quite worth it.
All righty then. I've finally gotten them together. Hopefully it was all right. And to those of you who are now disgusted by my writing, calling it 'sin' and 'unholy', let me tell you something. Progress is coming, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. History will remember these years. And you have to choose what side you're on. Whether you're on the side that George Wallace, the governor of Alabama in 1963, supported, or the side that wishes to see all people under the sun equal and worth just as much as another. You must choose. I know what side I'm on.
Now that my mini rant is out of the way, I hope I didn't screw up this story too bad. Reviews make me write faster! Adieu, mes chers dévots.