Patient Name: Gideon Grey
By Jeremy McLaughlin
Session One:
The sound of ocean waves crashing on the beach was annoying at first, but a few minutes into the session Gideon noticed it made the air in the room feeling calmer, more relaxed. It lent itself nicely to the cool interior of the room. Pale blue walls that melted into white paneling halfway down the walls. The floor was covered in a freshly cleaned white carpet.
The couch was soft and homey, each cushion covered in a white and blue checkered fabric, the wooden fame sanded and painted white. The coffee table was made of the same log like fashion, sanded and painted white to make the couch. White and blue gingham curtain fluttered in the mid morning breeze.
A frame hung on the wall holding a very official looking document a name scrawled across it right about the golden seal read. 'Janice Hamm, MD' licensed psychiatrist. It was a simple diploma, direct to the point. Next to it lay several bookshelves, simple in their design, covered with row after row of books. Not medical texts, but novels both fictional and non fictional. It looked as though they would belong in someone's home, which was precisely where they were.
Across from the couch sat a young pig, dressed in a rather professional looking maroon suit tight against her curvy body. The white button up shirt under the jacket had the first two buttons undone, a golden cross rest against her pink flesh. Her legs crossed gracefully beneath the tight maroon skirt she wore. A tuft of red hare curled about her forehead and back between her floppy ears, each decorated with a single silver hoop each. Her amber eyes were tucked neatly behind a pair of black rimmed glasses.
"Mr. Grey, are you alright?" Her voice was soft, sweet like honey, but her drawl was thick. "Oh yeah, sorry. I was thinkin' of sumpthin." The fox sitting across from her squirmed on the couch, sitting up.
When she shifted, her leather chair squeaked and moaned, it caused Gideon to wince a bit, the sound too sharp for his sensitive ears. The pudgy fox ran his fingers through his hair, know that all his moving must have tussled his hair. This was his first time meeting Dr. Hamm, he wanted to make some kind of impression that didn't make him look like an imbecile. He smoothed down his purple flannel shirt that hung open around his black T-shirt beneath it. A knew pair of blue jeans bit into his chubby tummy, making him feel uncomfortable.
"I know you're nervous about opening up to a complete stranger, but the court has issued to come here and work on your anger issues." She rested the cap of her fancy pen against her pink tinted lips.
"I..know." Gideon grunted, his accent growing thicker the more quiet he spoke.
"Alright, would you prefer starting with easy questions."
"I'm not stupid, if that's what you're getting at."
"No, I would never say that Mr. Grey."
"Stop calling me that...please." Gideon snapped, immediately feeling guilty for this new spike of anger.
"Would you rather I call you Gideon?"
"Please...Mr. Grey is my papa."
"I understand."
Gideon took a deep breath and sighed out, his blue eyes tracing the room for what must have been the tenth time in the five minutes since he arrived. Dr. Hamm got up from her seat and moved over to sit next to Gideon on the couch, reaching into her pocket pulling out a caramel hard candy. She held up the golden wrapper to him, giving him a soothing smile.
"Want one?"
Gideon didn't say anything, he took it from her with trembling fingers the paper crinkling as he lowered it into his lap. He gave her a grateful nod and unwrapped it, feeling shy about her being so close to him.
"These are my favorite candies in the whole world. I have a whole bag of them in my desk, you can have as many as you want. All I ask is that you answer my questions. One for every piece of candy."
"You know I'm not a kid right?"
"I know, I'm just trying to get you to open up to me. I'm your therapist now and you're my first...and only client. I wanna help you Gideon."
"K, but nothing I say can leave this here room?"
"Nothing. The only reason you're here talking to me is to help you cope with some of the anger that's bouncing around in your head."
"K."
"May I ask you some questions now?"
"Yeah, but you gotta give me another candy,"
"Nuh-uh, remember a candy for a question."
"Yeah, you just asked me if you can ask a question."
Dr. Hamm went quiet for a moment, Gideon could tell that she was trying to figure out what he was talking about, a smile spread across her lips, brightening her rounded face.
"Clever."
"Sometimes."
Dr. Hamm returned to her seat with a groaning squeak. She reached into her jacket pocket pulling out five more candies, putting them on the coffee table between them. Gideon looked at the five candies and nodded slowly. The rules of the game were laid out for him and Dr. Hamm seemed like a fair person to play with.
"How old are you?"
"Seventeen."
Gideon pocketed one of the candies, his eyes finding Dr. Hamm's face wearing a contented smile. "Why are you here, today?"
"Court ordered me to, I lost my temper and beat up a kid."
"Why?"
Gideon paused for a long moment mulling over the reason, his eyes rocking back and forth as if he were reading a book looking for the answer in his subconscious. It always seemed like a jumble of thoughts laced between anger induced fugues. Temper tantrums, is what Gideon called them or at least it's what he heard his mama yelled at him about.
"He...called me a fag?"
Dr. Hamm's eyes went wide as she jotted something down on the paper. Gideon felt a knot of anger welling up inside of him, he clenched his fist feeling one of the candies crumbling against the other. What's she writin'? A chiding tone played in the back of his head. Who does she think she is, analyzing me?
"Why, would they use such a terrible word on you?" Dr. Hamm's tone was soft, nurturing beyond anything Gideon had heard in a long time.
The anger in his mind sizzled out, turning to a lump of regret in his throat. One that he would swallow down to regret he hoarded in his heart. It always came with the gut wrenching guilt instilled him since he was young, when the anger started. The question bounced around in his head for a few moment's longer.
"I don't know," He answered in earnest.
"Now you don't get a candy for those types of answers." The joke struck Gideon as funny, in a way that made his jaw go slacked, but not laugh came out.
"I like to bake." Gideon said, it was more of a statement rather than an answer, but it is what he and Mason had been fighting about.
"Baking huh. That's one of my favorite things to do in the world, I mean if you couldn't tell." She motioned to her curvy chest, belly, and hips.
"Ain't nothing wrong with that, Doc."
"Where did you learn to bake?"
"From my grandma."
Gideon paused again, the mere mention of the woman felt like a cool summer breeze across his face. It was as soothing as the ocean sounds, even more so. Gideon smiled despite himself, it was the smile of a child, someone who had seen something amazing and didn't know how to describe it. A kid who just did an awesome trick on his bike and his best friend saw it.
"You spent a lot of time with your grandma, huh?"
"I've spent almost ever summer with her since I was ten. There was an incident involving a bunny and I got in trouble, sent away."
"What happened?"
"I beat her up."
"I'm noticing a pattern here, why do you respond to others with violence."
"I dunno, I just get mad sometimes. I don't like being told what to do, I don't like being told I'm...stupid. I...don't like...being hit."
"The bunny hit you?"
"Yeah."
"Who else hit you?"
"Mr. Grey." Gideon felt his brows becoming tighter, his face heating up.
"Your dad?"
"Not hardly, he's my step-dad."
"What happened to your real dad?"
"Died, when I was a baby." Gideon started digging his thumb claw into his thigh working a hole in the denim.
"How?"
"Doesn't matter, he's gone."
"Gideon, please let me help you."
"I don't need your help."
Gideon pulled his hand away, he see a red spot pooling against the fabric of his new jeans. Dr. Hamm looked down at his wound a sad look coming to her face. She looked at her watch and shook her head.
"Time up, now let's take a look at your leg."
Gideon didn't respond, he was feeling another pang of regret flowing down with another heavy swallow of his deteriorating pride. Dr. Hamm helped him up from the couch, leading him along to the guest bathroom. Gideon wanted to say sorry, wanted to apologize for anger that always seemed to bubble up inside, but all he managed was a quiet thank you.
"Anytime. Please remember that I here for you Gideon." She looked at him over the upper rims of his glasses and gave him a smile. Gideon rubbed the back of his neck, feeling a blush heating up in his ears.