A/N: Splintered_Star already wrote a version of this which will give you a lot more feels in a lot less words, but I literally can't shut up, ever, so ... here we go.
Warnings for: cisgirl Kylo, Kylo/Hux, mild past Kylo/Poe, implied Finn/Rey, babies/pregnancy.
Kylo hasn't slept well recently. There hasn't been much opportunity for it, given her travels over the past few days – but even if she'd had time to rest, she wouldn't have been able to. Hux's absence ached, and whenever Kylo focused hard, pressed down on the bruise where he ought to have been, all she could sense was a distant thrum of life, growing weaker as days passed. Leaving Padmé behind had felt more like a stab than a blow, but it had to be done. After that, it was just Kylo, alone and awake, hurtling through space with nobody for company but the child not yet ready to leave her, an occasional faint flutter of movement announcing his solidarity.
The sudden and crushing loneliness, as well as her own reaction to it, discomfited her. Kylo thrives upon rage and can manage fear – but that sudden emptiness was unnerving. Thus, when Kylo wakes up alone, no Hux in sight, she sweeps outward with her mind immediately, finding him in the cockpit. She's perhaps a bit too eager in reaching out for him, because he feels it, a funny sensation like fingers brushing the back of his neck. "I'm here," he calls out to her. "We're nearly there. They've hailed us with landing instructions – should I follow them?"
Hux is not afraid, but Kylo can hear a healthy dose of wariness in his tone. "Yes," she replies. "Unless you want them to shoot us out of the sky."
She feels Hux's exasperation and rejoices in it, filled with a childish longing for him to be back at her side, even though he's literally only a corridor's distance from her. "Very funny," Hux says.
"I wasn't joking." Well. Perhaps half-joking.
Hux doesn't respond, too busy focusing on landing them safely. He's no pilot, so it requires a decent amount of his attention. Kylo tries not to dwell on the thought of him sitting in the pilot's seat, touching those worn-out controls without any idea, while she lies here on this old cot –
"Now what?" Hux says, and she hears the quiet thud of his boots approaching a moment before he steps back into view. "They haven't sent out anyone to meet us. But they also didn't scramble their fleet, which I suppose was polite of them."
"They wouldn't attack us unless we did something stupid first," Kylo says, sitting up gingerly. Her leg twinges, and she regrets sleeping so long; if she didn't want to see Padmé so badly, she'd swallow her pride and ask Hux to put some more bacta on the wound. As it is, she's already reaching out for Padmé, zeroing in on her presence almost instantly. Padmé is comfortable and awake, although it seems well past nightfall. Kylo expects to sense Leia nearby, but the closest Force user turns out to be Rey.
Rey, naturally, is already aware of Kylo's presence. Still, she is unnervingly polite when she sends out, Kylo?
Yes.
You got him back, then, is Rey's response. A moment later, she follows up with, stay where you are – we'll come to you.
Kylo withdraws, returns to her own senses, and finds Hux staring at her. "What's the matter?" he asks.
"Nothing's the matter," Kylo says. "They're bringing Padmé to us." It's certainly the most convenient option, given that simultaneously trying to walk and keep Hux from getting recognized would've been unpleasant, to say the least. Still, Kylo already knows that Rey and Padmé aren't coming alone, and if Kylo feels unsettled by that, Hux is going to throw a fit.
Hux's relief is tempered with suspicion. "We're not going to her? And who are 'they'?"
"Rey," Kylo says, probing for Padmé again, getting brief impressions of those around her. "Finn. And Poe Dameron."
Hux looks outraged. "She's with that lot? You said she was with your mother!"
Kylo sighs. "Try not to have a conniption, Hux. They haven't damaged her."
"I'll believe that when I see it," Hux says irritably, as frustratingly paranoid as ever. Kylo can't truly blame him; the way Hux sees it, he's on an enemy ship, in enemy territory, waiting for the enemy to storm in. The stim-shot he'd taken has left him anxious and a little too bright-eyed, like he's had far too many cups of caf. If they were anywhere but here, if none of this had happened, Kylo would kiss his cheek and tell him to calm the fuck down. Attempting this now would be a very good way to make Hux even angrier.
Kylo focuses briefly on making herself look a little bit less like an invalid; she gingerly moves so that her legs are off the cot and her feet touch the floor – "Open that wound up again, go ahead!" Hux snaps, waving a hand at her thigh exasperatedly – and summons her robe, putting it on without fastening it to mask the slight outward curve of her stomach. She won't have anybody making a fuss about the child, as if Kylo isn't fully capable of telling whether or not he's alright.
"They're here," Kylo says when she feels it – the glow of two Force-sensitive minds nearby, accompanied by two others. With a wave of her hand, Kylo triggers the bay doors to open, and they obey her command with a metallic shriek of protest. An interesting transformation occurs in Hux when this happens. He steps between Kylo and the open door, straightening himself up to his full height. Kylo's gaze is still caught on the vulnerable jut of his shoulder blades when the others step onboard.
Rey leads. Kylo gets the impression that this is generally the case. Her expression is carefully neutral, and she meets Hux's eyes unflinchingly. Close behind her is Finn, openly wary, and then there's Poe, bringing up the rear, his gaze landing unswervingly on Kylo. She feels momentarily pinned by his stare; it had been so much easier with her mask – so much easier when Poe thought he looked into the eyes of a faceless, heartless stranger.
Padmé pauses in yanking on the collar of Finn's jacket to look around, her gaze settling quickly on Hux. She gives a gleeful shout and practically bucks out of the boy's arms, but fortunately Hux is already there, sidestepping Rey suddenly enough that she actually blinks in surprise. Hux takes Padmé into his arms so swiftly that Finn just sort of lets him, gaping, and watches as Hux instantly moves away, clutching Padmé like he's frightened they'll snatch her away.
Hux murmurs something into Padmé's ear, too low for Kylo to actually hear, but his entire thought process is kind of a jumbled mess of darling, my darling, thought perhaps I'd never see you again. Kylo has to stop herself from listening to it when she notes an uncomfortable lump forming in her throat. Hux moves to Kylo's side and carefully sits next to her on the cot, and despite their audience, Kylo allows herself to lean in and press a fervent kiss to Padmé's round cheek, inhaling the gentle, familiar scent of her skin. "Hello, little one," Kylo says, and Padmé gives her a wide smile before tucking her face into the crook of Hux's neck, laughing.
Hux seems to have forgotten the other three people in the room entirely, but Kylo remains uncomfortably aware of their presence. She doesn't move away from Hux and Padmé, but she does turn her attention to Rey, who is presently listening to something Finn whispers in her ear. "Where's Leia?" Kylo asks.
"Off-planet for important business," Rey says. "She asked that you stay, just until she returns. Shouldn't be long."
Kylo's hesitation must show on her face, or maybe Rey just knows her well enough to sense it – and isn't that an alarming thought. "You're not running off without seeing your mother," Rey says flatly. "She only wants to make sure you're alright. And you're clearly not, judging by the state of your leg."
"Leia knows I'm fine," Kylo snaps, because of course she does. No matter the distance between them, Leia would've undoubtedly sensed it had Kylo died. Kylo knows this to be true because she would've felt it the instant anything happened to Padmé.
"We have orders," Finn says, rather bravely. Rey's shielding him, Kylo notes, but she doesn't care enough to force her way into his mind. "We're not leaving the Falcon until General Organa gets back."
Hux must have been listening more closely than Kylo had initially assumed, because his head tilts up at those words. "The Falcon?" he repeats, giving Kylo a mildly incredulous look. "We're onboard the Millennium Falcon?"
Kylo nods stiffly, and whispers in Hux's head, it wasn't my idea.
Hux frowns. "Not much to look at, is she," is all he says before turning his attention back to Padmé.
Rey shoots Hux a dirty look, and Kylo resists the urge to roll her eyes. As a child she might've felt similarly protective over this death trap of a starship, but there are far too many ghosts aboard it now. She'd very nearly refused when her mother offered it up, but the Falcon is both fast and familiar, and with Hux's life hanging in the balance, Kylo couldn't afford cowardice.
Poe probably spent as much time here as little Beni Solo once did, but Kylo notes that he offers up no defense now. He's been uncommonly quiet, still hovering behind Finn and equally shielded by Rey. When Kylo flicks her wrist and sends the bay doors lurching closed, he does not flinch, despite being the closest to them – not that Kylo had really expected him to.
"Fine," Kylo says flatly, knowing it would be fruitless to argue and virtually impossible to force them to leave – at least, not with Rey here. "Keep guard if you must."
Hux shoots Kylo a look while bouncing Padmé gently on his knee. I don't like this, he shouts internally.
I know, Kylo sighs back. It will be over soon.
"Sure it will," Hux mutters aloud, before Padmé distracts him once more. Across the compartment, Rey and Finn are already sitting down to a game of dejarik, more comfortable in this space than Kylo and Hux are – though Kylo notes that Finn keeps shooting rather uneasy glances in her direction, as well as in Hux's. Poe steps over to offer commentary on strategy, but every so often Kylo catches his gaze on them, too.
It doesn't take long for Padmé to grow bored of being held, and though Hux is loath to let her roam about, he gives in to her whining quickly enough. Padmé totters about aimlessly for a few moments, then catches sight of the brightly colored holos and wanders over to Rey, before patting her on the knee with one little hand and demanding, "Up."
Rey hesitates, eyes flicking toward Kylo – not quite asking for permission, but rather gauging her reaction. "What's that?" she asks Padmé, having apparently been too focused on the game to notice her before.
"Up," Padmé repeats.
"She wants to watch the game," Hux says, visibly startling everyone except Padmé. He tenses slightly under the scrutiny, and Kylo senses the tiny burst of embarrassment which he quickly stifles. "She's never seen anything like it before."
Rey's gaze flicks from Hux to Padmé, and then she smiles. "We'll make a player of you soon enough," she says, carefully lifting Padmé to sit in her lap. Padmé reaches for the holographic pieces, batting her hands at them and laughing when her fingers pass straight through. Even Poe looks a bit less grim then.
"No, don't grab at my pieces," Rey says, grinning. "Get Finn's, we're trying to beat him."
"You are beating me. Badly," Finn says, giving Rey the sort of moony look commonly found in particularly cheesy holodramas. Even Hux picks up on it, though he merely rolls his eyes, too busy watching Padmé like a hawk to care who makes eyes at whom.
After a little while, clever Padmé realizes that no matter how tightly she tries to hold the game pieces, she'll never be able to catch them. She squirms for freedom until Rey notices and gently sets her on her feet again. Padmé walks towards the hallway that will take her to the cockpit, mind lighting up with renewed curiosity. Before she has the chance to get very far, Hux follows her. Kylo hears distantly, "This is where you'd sit to fly the ship, sweet. No, don't put your mouth on that."
Kylo's leg keeps her confined to this cot, which is inconvenient in a number of ways – namely, that she cannot move from it when Poe suddenly leaves the dejarik game behind and approaches, as if he'd just been waiting for Hux to make himself scarce. Not that she's enough of a coward to run from Poe Dameron, but still, it bothers Kylo that the option isn't available to her. "What?" she says stiffly, when he pauses a few feet away.
"Nothing," he says. Kylo is painfully aware that Rey and Finn are both gawking, taken aback by this sudden turn of events. "Do you need a medic? For your leg, and all."
"I'm fine," Kylo snaps, wishing abruptly that she'd put on a pair of pants that didn't have a colossal tear down the thigh, displaying her vulnerability for all to see. She resists the urge to cross her arms over her stomach in order to protect that part of herself, too.
"If you say so," Poe says easily. Before Kylo has a chance to protest, Poe sits down on the cot, although he keeps a good deal more distance between the two of them than Hux had. "D'you mind?"
"Yes," Kylo says flatly.
Poe actually smiles, damn him, but it's fleeting. "You know, I didn't really believe it until I saw her myself, but – the hair gives it away. Not a lot of redheaded officers running around the First Order." When Kylo says nothing, Poe adds, "Did you know his father's running the show now?"
Kylo knows little of Hux's father. He appears infrequently in Hux's dreams, an imposing figure, perpetually disappointed, always raising a hand to strike. Kylo has never met him, but loathes him all the same. "No," she admits.
Poe's brow furrows. "Does he know his father's running the show now?"
"No," Kylo repeats, more sharply. "He doesn't. Hux hasn't had any contact with the First Order since he left."
Poe studies her for a second, and briefly Kylo pushes against the mental barrier that Rey holds in place. She could break through it, but doing so would undoubtedly set Rey off. As it is, Kylo feels Rey's projected admonishment more than she hears it, a purely wordless don't. After a few seconds, Poe says, "Alright, I believe you."
Kylo says nothing, wondering if that's really the only reason Poe came over here – to verify whether or not Hux is still working for the Order. It's the sort of question that answers itself, given that the First Order martyred Hux in a fair amount of propaganda right after the fact. The leadership must know that Hux is still alive, given that Kylo hadn't been all that subtle about taking him from that tiny, backwater base, but they've wisely chosen not to advertise that their golden boy general rose from the dead before promptly defecting.
Padmé toddles in a moment later. "Mama," she says, proudly holding up what looks to be a broken piece of wiring from the cockpit.
"Very nice," Kylo says approvingly. Hux steps into view, his gaze settling first on Poe before it moves to Kylo. His confusion is palpable, but his face remains as impassive as ever.
"I think that was already broken, but I'm not sure," Hux says calmly, waving to indicate the ribbon of wire clutched in Padmé's fist. "Whatever it was, I don't think it was important."
"The Falcon's a tough old bird," Rey says, without even looking up from a second game of dejarik – by the looks of it, Finn is putting up a more vigorous fight this time. "She can survive one toddler."
"Yes, well, you don't know my daughter very well," Hux replies. The remark is actually not nasty – by Hux's standards, it's sort of friendly. He seems suddenly aware of this, and shoots Kylo a look, as if this whole ridiculous situation is entirely her fault. Padmé walks over to Finn, determined to show off her prize, and Hux stays where he is, hands crossed neatly behind his back. Proper military posture soothes Hux when he feels he's losing control of a situation, so Kylo decides to let him be.
"Kriff, that's weird, Beni," Poe says after a few moments, watching Padmé go back to exploring, full of energy while she's surrounded by a captive audience. "Hearing somebody call you mom. I thought Jedi weren't allowed to do that kind of thing."
"I'm not a Jedi, Dameron," Kylo replies frostily. Not that the distinction really matters in this case, because children are forbidden in every Force-related doctrine that Kylo knows of. They are the ultimate weakness, the one thing almost nobody can be made to sacrifice. It was a child that Darth Vader had succumbed to the light for, after all.
"You were, once," Poe points out.
"You don't know what you're talking about," Kylo says, because it's true. She and Poe had been friends as children, yes – like siblings, even, although perhaps Beni Solo had entertained the occasional fancy about silly things, like holding Poe's hand or kissing his cheek. But she left, threw herself into training, and then – well. She hadn't thought about Poe much, after.
"You're right, I don't," Poe says, quietly enough that only Kylo – and perhaps Hux, if he's listening, and surely he is – can hear. "You kinda disappeared on me, after all. And then you tortured me, which was even less fun."
Torturing Poe is, objectively, not the most violent or painful thing Kylo has ever done. One of the more personal things, the more intimate violations, perhaps, but it's certainly not her most criminal offense. She braces herself against the weight of Poe's stare, refusing to falter and wishing, quite fervently, that her mother would hurry the fuck up. "If you're looking for an apology," Kylo says, "you won't find it."
"I don't expect Kylo Ren to apologize," Poe says. "But I was hoping there might be enough left of Beni to make me understand."
"Beni is gone," Kylo snaps. Rey and Finn shoot her wary looks from across the room, but Kylo ignores them both, choosing instead to watch Padmé until she can breathe normally again. The baby moves, a tiny little flutter, as if unsettled. Kylo passes a hand over her stomach briefly, the gesture meant to soothe herself as much as it is to soothe him.
"Do you do that a lot?" Poe asks, unperturbed. "Talk about yourself in the third person, I mean."
Hux would probably say yes, but he has more than enough sense not to enter into this strange little conversation. "Go away, Poe," Kylo says irritably. "You know who I am and what I've done. It's useless to search for anything different."
"Yeah, I thought so, too, once," Poe says, gaze shifting from Kylo to briefly rest on Hux, who's gone to fetch Padmé from where she's toppled backwards onto her bottom and begun to sniffle – out of frustration, not actual discomfort. As Kylo could have easily predicted, the novelty of this situation has worn off for Padmé, and now she's grouchy. Kylo sympathizes. "But I don't know about that anymore."
"Mama," Padmé demands, squirming against Hux, who obediently hands her over. Padmé settles comfortably against Kylo, her weight familiar and soothing; Kylo half-dreads the day when her belly finally makes this difficult. Poe takes this opportunity to get up and move away, giving Hux a wide berth as he leaves. Kylo suspects this is more for Hux's comfort than for Poe's. Hux gives Poe a wary look as he passes, but otherwise says nothing until Poe has safely returned to Finn and Rey's half of the space.
Hux sits back down on the cot, and Kylo hopes he'll stay this time, lest anybody else get it into their head to come over and exorcise some old demons. There's plenty to go around in this company. "You ought to elevate your leg," Hux says abruptly. "I mean, I know you aren't purely out of pride, but you'll only regret it later."
"My leg is fine," Kylo mutters, putting a hand on Padmé's back and rubbing slow circles. Padmé murmurs faintly and rests her head against Kylo's shoulder, still watching the trio across the room with a sort of dreamy interest.
"Your leg will be fine, if you take proper care of it," Hux says, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose, the only display of weakness he'll allow himself in front of anybody but Kylo. She can tell that he feels oddly tempted to lay his head on Kylo's shoulder, too, and rest. Mostly, though, Hux wants to be back in their own shuttle, the one he's familiar with, on a course straight for home. He does not like the idea of being pinned here, waiting on Leia to return. Kylo doesn't, either, but unlike Hux, she trusts that her mother is doing this for sentimental reasons, not political ones. Leia knows Kylo well enough to assume – correctly – that Kylo would have collected Padmé and left without a word, had she been given the option.
"So," Hux says, dropping his hand and soldiering on. "You and Dameron."
Kylo resists the urge to look over at the others to make sure they can't hear this new nonsense. She oughtn't bother to care what they think, but – still. "Don't, Hux," she says stiffly. Padmé reacts to the change in Kylo's tone and squirms unhappily, forcing Kylo to let out a soothing hum to calm her.
Hux thinks he's struck a nerve. The corners of his mouth twitch, the sole indication that he's trying not to smile. "I'm only wondering," he says, careful to keep his voice low. "He called you by your given name and you didn't take his head off. That's telling."
Kylo shoots Hux a filthy look, which of course only eggs him on. "You knew him when you were young," Hux surmises. "And you never let on."
Kylo dips into Hux's thoughts briefly, but finds no jealousy there – only Hux's dry amusement and mild curiosity. How he's found the energy to tease her, Kylo doesn't know, but it makes her wish they were alone so she could remind him, for possibly the millionth time, exactly how much she despises being mocked. Although, that's sort of a useless thought, given that Hux wouldn't view much of anything she'd do to him as a punishment.
Hux relents, both out of awareness of their audience and because he can sense the slightly dangerous ground he treads on. "I'm only teasing, Lady Ren," Hux murmurs, reaching out to tuck a loose curl behind Kylo's ear. The gesture, Kylo notes, is partly a display; perhaps Hux feels a bit more possessive than he consciously realizes, then. Despite herself, Kylo can feel her cheeks reddening, and looks away, scowling.
Quiet falls except for the low hum of voices across the room, subdued enough that Kylo doesn't bother trying to eavesdrop. "Is she out?" Hux asks, nodding to indicate Padmé. Kylo suspects the stim-shot is wearing off, because Hux seems to be having trouble keeping his own eyes open.
"Yeah," Kylo says, brushing against Padmé's mind and finding her dreaming of nothing in particular – just pleasant, inconsequential things. Almost as an afterthought, Kylo reaches once more for Leia, and finds her suddenly close. Finally, Kylo thinks, relieved when she once would have been filled with dread. She decides not to dwell on that thought.
Before Kylo can speak, Rey announces briskly, "Leia's back."
"Bloody hell," Hux mutters. "About time."
Rey rises to her feet and heads for the door, pressing a button to open it. "You lot still aren't going anywhere," Rey says firmly, "until I fetch Leia and see her here. No funny business." This last part seems to be directed mainly at Kylo, who gives Rey a glare which is probably undercut a bit by the two exhausted redheads she is currently in possession of.
This leaves just Finn and Poe, both still mentally protected by Rey. Kylo pointedly refuses to acknowledge either of them. Beside her, Hux thinks longingly of the stash of ration bars, but would sooner starve where he sits than go and fetch one in front of anybody else. "You know," he says to Kylo, "at this point I'll be almost glad to see your mother. The Republic has laws about detainment without charge, and I'd like to –,"
"Hux," Kylo says, as gently as she can.
"Yes?"
"Shut up."
Perhaps she imagines it, but out of the corner of her eye Kylo spots Finn and Poe exchange looks of distinct relief.