"Sh! She's waking up!"

"Yellow, you were the one talking."

"I said sh!"

Liz shifted and cracked her eyes open. "Wha-"

"Welcome." She shifted until she was sitting and stared. Seven different colored cats stared back. She blinked. "I'm dead, aren't I."

The yellow one spoke. "Yep!"

Green. "You're here early."

Blue. "Way too early."

All. "We can fix that."

Liz coughed. "Right. Ahem. WHAT THE FUCK?"

Red. "Language."

Orange. "Please keep it down."

Black. "Yeah, shut up."

All others. "Black!"

Liz rubbed her temples. "God. Shut up."

Purple. "Rude."

Liz grimaced. "Whatever. Just. Understand. I'm talking to cats."

Yellow. "Yep!"

Black. "And?"

She glowered. "And they're talking back!"

There was a pause as the cats looked at each other, seemingly contemplating something. They looked at her. Orange spoke up. "Are you racist?"

Liz jolted. "What? No!"

Blue. "Oh my god, she's racist!"

Black. "I knew there was a reason I didn't like her!"

Yellow. "Guys, she said she's not racist."

Purple. "So did Donald Trump."

Yellow. "... Oh my god, she's racist!"

Liz threw her arms up. "I'm not racist! Now, is there a reason I'm talking to cats when I should be comfortably dead in the ocean?"

Green looked around and sighed. "Yeah. But I was hoping the rest of them would quit squabbling so we could ALL EXPLAIN." He swatted at the others until they were quiet.

Black yawned and looked around. "Why're you still here?"

Liz glared. "I'm wondering that too, actually."

Yellow raised her paw. "We want you to join OHSHC!"

Liz blinked. "You want me to what now?"

Purple. "We want you to join the host club."

Black. "Well, they want you to. I couldn't care less."

Liz deadpanned. "Look, it's weird enough to have different colored cats talking to me, but this is just ridiculous."

Purple stretched. "How so?"

Liz glared. "Well, for one thing, it's fictional."

Blue looked at her impassively. "You are speaking to cats."

Liz glared harder. "I'm a girl!"

Orange yawned. "So is the main character."

Liz felt her eye twitch. "I look like a girl!"

Red shifted. "So does the main character."

Liz stood up. "I'm dead!"

All. "We can fix that."

Liz threw her hands up. "I don't want to!"

Orange sighed. "Well, in that case, we'll let you go."

Liz sat back down. "Really?"

All. "No."

She threw herself back in a lying position. "UGH! You know, if I wanted to be reborn into some weird ass shoujo manga, I would've asked!"

Red licked her paw. "You did ask."

Liz sat up. "Huh?"

A familiar book was suddenly in front of Green, who had somehow acquired reading glasses. He cleared his throat. "'Dear Journal, don't tell anyone this, but when I die I want to be reborn into a fictional world.'"

Liz rolled her eyes. "That proves nothing."

Green wasn't finished. "'Specifically, Ouran High School Host Club.'"

Liz shrieked. "I WAS TWELVE!"

Purple. "It was only four years ago."

Liz crossed her arms. "I've grown up since then."

Black. "You drove yourself off a cliff."

Green. "To die."

Red. "You did."

Liz sighed. "This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I made that decision."

Green. "Unfortunately, it's in writing."

Liz groaned. "I was twelve."

Black snapped. "And now you're sixteen and dead. Any more questions?"

Liz sighed. "How can I get out of this?"

All. "You can't."

She sighed again. "Fine. What will I do once I get there."

Yellow bounced up. "Have fun and make friends!"

Liz stared. "Thanks mother. But seriously?"

Green sighed. "We are serious. You need to be a happier person."

Liz snorted. Right. "How will I join the Host Club?"

Purple waved a paw. "Break something, we don't know."

"Am I already enrolled?"

Green. "Yes. You will enter as a second year."

Liz perked up. "I don't speak Japanese."

Blue. "You do now."

She groaned. "Will one of you at least be coming with me?"

Red. "Nope."

Yellow. "Sorry."

Green. "However, you will get a cat familiar."

Liz grimaced. "This isn't going to end up being one of those magical girl animes where sparkles fly out of my vagina, is it?"

Purple stared. "No."

Orange blinked. "Ew."

Blue looked at her judgmentally. "Gross."

Liz shrugged. "Well, at least there's that. I have a place to live, though, right?"

Green nudged up his glasses with his paw. "You will be staying in an apartment two doors down from Haruji Fujioka."

Liz deadpanned. "I really couldn't avoid this if I tried to."

Orange and Blue. "Nope."

Purple. "No."

Black. "You have absolutely no choice."

Yellow. "Isn't it great?"

Liz slouched. "Do I at least get to wear the male uniform?"

Green flicked his tail. "You can have a male uniform as long as the bottom is a skirt."

She rubbed her temple. "Why?"

Red sneered. "Because sexism."

Liz blinked. "Wow."

Green nodded. "Yes. Now, pick the color of your familiar."

She looked at the cats. "The only color that isn't here is white, so I choose that."

Green nodded. "Very well. Now, name him."

"Oni."

"There. He will be waiting for you at your apartment."

Liz stood and stretched. "Alright. We done here?"

Green nodded. "Yes."

Black sighed. "Finally."

Liz nodded. "Great. This should be fun. Send me out."

Green nodded. "Very well."

Yellow waved. "Good bye!"

Liz smiled as a bright light enveloped her, taking her away.

The cats stared at the place the girl had disappeared.

The purple cat nudged the orange cat. "She chose white."

Orange cat shrugged. "Knew she was racist."