Chapter Updated on 7/14/17

This is the first chapter corrected to get the story towards what it should be.

Important Information:

I'm in the process of fixing this story so please keep an eye out for updates. Only chapter one is currently corrected. Reading the other chapters at this moment is not advised because they will soon be improved. This chapter will change to keep a running list of updated chapters up until chapter 12. Once chapter 12 is corrected then the entire story will be on track.

Summary:

Germany is feeling the strain of keeping up his nation and his image. Italy decides to invite him to help him relax and things snowball out of control from there. Germany runs off and leaves confused nations in his wake. Eventually, there will be GerIta, but that is in the future. First Italy will have to find and help Germany. Now, what is that weird laughter? Hmm, well, it seems that Italy will have to do more than find Germany. Read to find out who wants to do what with the stressed out nation known as Germany.

Disclaimer:

I'm only going to put this on the first chapter. I do not own Hetalia. I doubt that anyone thought I did, but just in case this was the disclaimer.

Warning:

This is rated T, but the rating may go up.

Please leave a review to let me know how I am doing! I always take concerns, complaints, constructive criticism, and if you happen to have a compliment then that works too. Chapters may be revised at any time for spelling and grammar. Feel free to send me a PM!

For readability, thoughts are currently in italics without quotation marks. Please let me know if this is not easy to read.

Breathe in.

A golden cowlick bobbed as its owner rose from their seat.

Hold for a moment.

The mess of blond hair was heading towards the front of the room.

Breathe out.

The smell of grease wafted through the room as the figure past.

Wait a moment.

A brown leather jacket with faded white numbers painted on the back hung over the man's suit.

Breathe in.

The blond made a dramatic turn on his heel once he reached the podium.

Remain calm.

The room was still loud while the man set up his notes.

Breathe out.

Embodying the energy of the sun, the man in the front was ready to start, so he tapped the microphone.

Don't wince at the sound.

"Alright, everybody! Dudes and Dudettes! Listen up! I think it is time to start this World Conference! I'll be starting us off so let me first send a big thumbs up to Switzerland for setting this Conference up for everyone.", with a quick gesture to the host, it was Switzerland's cue to nod politely.

Ok, not bad. He at least remembered to thank the host this time. Maybe this will be productive for once, Germany had his eyes on America as he started writing the minutes for the meeting.

"With that over with let's get to the purpose of this meeting! Let's start with the issue on everybody's minds, Climate Change.", the last word was barely out of America's mouth before the mutters started.

Germany's grip on his pen tightened ever so slightly, Oh Gott, why did he have to choose that topic?

"So as you all may or may not know, the US has come to a decision on the Paris Climate Agreement. Instead of joining the other nations, my people will be pursuing their own solu-", the remainder of the sentence couldn't be heard as the room erupted in shouting, mainly from the European nations like England and France. Although, China had his own share of anger at the announcement.

If he was asked how he felt in that moment, Germany would have said that he thought someone might have hit him in the head with a chair. Perfect. Just Perfect. It isn't bad enough that I walked in and immediately got Romano making terrible jokes about me being a tight ass. It isn't bad enough that everyone else felt like it was a good morning for Nazi jokes. Now I've got to clean up America's mess. Breathe, just Breathe. Damn it. Calm down. The poor pencil shattered into splinters. I shouldn't give them any reasons to say that I'm being too assertive again. Germany winced when he noticed the destroyed writing utensil in his hand, or violent. You are the representation of Germany. You will not lose control of yourself. The room only got rowdier as Germany attempted to remain calm. How did France and Britain end up fighting each other again? I told Switzerland to put them on opposite sides of the room. Oh joy, Russia is ranting again about his plan for the Baltics.

At the sign of the weapons being drawn, Germany was out of his seat before he realized it, "ENOUGH!", the room fell got quieter when his hands smacked the table.

Somewhere in the crowd, someone muttered, "Oh great the kraut is taking over again. Can't seem to resist taking authority can he?"

Another voice replied, "Such a buzz kill like we totally know we have like boring speeches to listen too, but like this doesn't take that much time"

Germany heard the comments but decided to continue on, "We're here to try and fix the problems of today, not yesterday!"

There was a dry laugh from someone in the crowd of tangled nations, "Well that's great for him, isn't it? Must be great to ignore throwing the world into a war. Twice actually."

"Why so serious? It's not like we ever get anything done. Honestly, it's like he doesn't know how to smile."

Ignore it. Don't fall for the bait, Germany stood a little straighter and put his hands behind his back, "Since I'm the only nation that seems to care about getting some work done I will take over the meeting."

"And there he is taking over the world again." Germany was going to have cuts in his left hand if he clenched it any harder behind his back.

"Everyone take your seats. We will start with the next speaker on the agenda and get back to America's presentation at the end of the meeting. No speaking during other people's presentations." Germany glanced at the meeting agenda to find the next presenter, "Japan, the podium is yours"

"Of course he gives his old ally the floor." Germany pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket when the other nations finally went back to their seats so that he could get the cuts to clot.

With a sigh Germany sat back down clenching the cloth under the table, it seems that Japan's breathing technique is not as effective as I had hoped.

The rest of the meeting was less volatile, but there were still more than enough complications that left Germany's right hand with marks to match its twin. America pouted through the first half of the meeting only to make a big fuss about lunch. Romano was a sassy ass for most of the meeting. France could not stop flirting, no matter where Germany put him in the room. Then Italy tried to strip for his 3 pm siesta. Due to the last disruption, the meeting was called to an early close once Italy had passed out in the middle of the table.

After such a long and draining time with the other nations, most countries were heading off to relax at home, but Germany was not among them. After I drop off Italy, I need to review those proposals so that my citizens can rest a little easier knowing that the immigrant situation is being handled efficiently.

Caught up in his thoughts and determined to make return Italy quickly, he almost didn't hear France's bitter comment to England, "You would think after having lost twice, he wouldn't be so overbearing in meetings, but he's such a soldier so he fights to his last breath. It'd be admirable if he didn't have such a bad track record with power. Goes right to his head."

Germany did not waste a moment in picking up Italy from where he had passed out. Once he had Italy firmly in his arms, Germany beat a hasty retreat from the meeting. Unlike usual, Germany did not find himself forcing his eyes away from the Italian in his arms as his charge slept peacefully. He honestly didn't seem focused on anything except his need to get away from the meeting.

As Germany walked, the wall at the far end of the hall began to shimmer. The wall seemed to ripple in and out of existence briefly before a door sized opening to another room was visible.

Like all nations, Germany had set up his fair number of waypoints. Normally, nations have an innate ability to set up portals to locations that are highly important to their nation. This lets nations quickly reach their people in case of emergency. In some cases, nations could form portals to less significant places in their country if the conditions allowed, but that normally that only happened in moments of distress. Well, aside from nations like Britain and Norway that is. If a nation was good at magic, then they had a little more control over this trick.

Regardless, Germany found himself in front of his desk, still holding the Italian close to his chest. Schieβe, I must have used one of my waypoints while I was distracted. Looks like I will have to get my car later. Softly, Germany addressed the nation in his arms, "Well it looks like you are staying with me until you wake up."

Ludwig sighed as he took in the peaceful face in his arms, Well, I'm glad that at least you are comfortable with me. Ludwig chuckled softly when Feliciano gripped him a little tighter in his sleep. If only I could use a waypoint into his country. Very Gently, Feliciano was lowered onto Ludwig's office couch. On second thought, maybe it is best that nations cannot appear that rapidly without notice. Italy would surely interrupt me every hour in person if he could do that. After a few moments, Ludwig finally managed to extract himself from Feli's grasp, If only you were as persistent during training. Ludwig removed his jacket to drape it over Feli like a blanket just before the phone on the desk started to ring.

Germany frowned and went to answer what was probably his boss, no rest for the wicked. With that, Germany was deep into his work yet again. Despite leaving his office with an empty inbox, the stack of papers had gotten so bad that a second box had been placed next to the first. Both stacks towered high enough that they reached to Germany's chest as he walked behind the desk.

Mechanically, Germany fell into his regular pace once the phone call ended. He took the first stack of papers, read through the proposal or request, stamped it for approval or rejection, made notes for alterations, and then sent it off to the appropriate authorities. If Germany caught himself taking too long on a document then he would just think to himself something like, do it for your people, be the person that they should be, or your people are counting on you and you cannot fail them again. According to his bruder, it was helpful to think encouraging thoughts while working in order to stay motivated.

Feliciano woke up confused at first, still thinking about his dream, Ve~ poor pasta monster, it wasn't evil, but he sure did look tasty. When he sat up, he noticed the jacket immediately, why did Luddy put his jacket on me in the meeting? Feliciano rubbed his eyes before stretching as he looked about, oh, ve~ silly me. Luddy must have taken me out of the meeting after my siesta. He sure looks tired though, ve poor Ludwig. I know what will cheer him up!

"Ve~ Luddyyy~", Feli bounced a little in his seat waiting for the other to acknowledge him. The bouncing slowed when a response didn't come, "Ludwig?", he paused another moment hoping that this time he was heard. Feliciano rose from his comfy spot on the couch to skip over to the desk, he's usually not this focused on his work. Leaning over the desk slightly, Feli saw the other was busy writing something so he thought that he could wait a moment for him to stop. After a few moments of humming to himself, Feli was getting bored, "Ve~ Germany~?". Yet the other nation just kept working, why isn't he responding like he always does? The situation was making Italy fidgety. It only took a moment more before the brunette felt close to tears, "Germanyyy~ did I do something wrong? I didn't mean to make you angry. Was it my siesta? I'm sorry. I tried, I really did try to stay awake this time.", if Ludwig had heard him then he didn't show it.

Italy didn't think about it, he didn't even realize he was doing it, but he had jumped over the desk to hug the other. It wasn't easy to see with tears rolling out of his eyes, so no one would be surprised to see the explosion of papers, pens, and various desk supplies that the Italian caused in his dive for comfort.

"ITALY!", it sounded more like thunder than a voice when Germany roared in fury. He wasn't even sure that it was his southern friend yet, but the sudden and total destruction of his meticulously ordered desk had him convinced that it could only be Italy. He pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration before looking down to the sobbing ball in his lap.

"I'm sorry Germany, I really did try to stay awake. Ve~ Please don't hurt me, Ludwig"

Oh Feli… Don't make that face. Ludwig could never stay mad at Feliciano when he started crying and clinging to him like this, it made him feel like he had swallowed a rock, "Alright, alright Feli, that's enough crying.", A strong hand fell to rub Feliciano's back as the smaller man calmed down, "I'm not going to hurt you. You startled me when you scattered all my papers."

"Ve~", shimmering amber eyes glanced cautiously up at soothing blue, "I'm sorry Luddy." Feli sat up a little straighter in the taller nation's lap, letting his hands rest on Ludwig's shoulders, "I was worried that Germany was still mad because I fell asleep again at the meeting today because Germany wasn't talking to me when I tried to talk to him and I wanted to say I'm sorry so that Germany wouldn't be so angry, but I couldn't", the words came out in a rush as Feliciano hugged Germany tightly.

Cute… Verdammt! Stop thinking like this. He is your coworker and technically still an ally. Feli pulled away to look at Ludwig again, his head tilted slightly to the side and Germany had to stop a groan, he's just like a puppy. No, focus, he asked something. What was it? "Hmm?", Ludwig stopped for a moment to try and remember what Feliciano had said before it finally registered, "Oh. No, I'm not angry about your siesta Feli. I was just busy and didn't notice you were there."

Amber eyes squinted slightly as they scanned the face before them, it isn't like Luddy to not notice me, "Ve~ Ludwig maybe you should take a break~." He looks a little pale and his eyes don't seem as clear as they usually do. Ve… I wonder when the last time Ludwig slept was. I should help him relax, Feli smiled gently as he thought about how to help out his friend.

Although the idea of a break was tempting, Germany looked at his scattered papers and felt his head start to pulse. Gott, how did he manage to make this much of a mess? This is going to take a while to straighten up. "Nein, I need to finish reading and correcting these documents Italy.", he was about to stand when a startled squeeze on his shoulder reminded him that Italy was currently straddling his lap, "Italy, could you get up so I can reorganize my desk?"

If Ludwig had looked, he would have seen that his response was a pout from his worried ally. "Ve~ Luddyyy~ I'm serious. You should take a break. The papers can wait", sun-tanned arms were crossed as Feliciano put more of his weight down on Ludwig's lap instead of his legs on either side of his companion.

A huff came from Germany as he turned his head to look at Italy, who had puffed his chest out and put on a determined face, well, determined for Italy. Despite Italy's attempt to look commanding, Germany nearly chuckled at the sight. Maybe it was because Italy looked so small in his lap, the way he looked like a child demanding candy, or just how unusual it was to see Italy look anything other than happy or relaxed, but it made Germany wish that he had a camera. "Italy, these papers are important. I don't have time to relax right now."

"Ve~ You always say that Luddyy~", the edges of Italy's mouth fell slightly.

"Well, it is true. Come on Italy, I will relax later."

Feli groaned, "You always say that too~!", he huffed as his pout turned into a frown. If the room wasn't so quiet then Ludwig wouldn't have had a chance of hearing the words that Italy muttered as he leaned into Ludwig's shirt, "ve~ but it's a lie. Germany never relaxes."

Now it was the German's turn to frown as he gently pushed Italy up so he could look at him, "Italy, I relax sometimes." Glaring was not Italy's strong suit, but in that moment he tried anyway, even if it looked more adorable than fearsome.

"Ve~ Holidays do not count Ludwig.", Ludwig opened his mouth to respond, but Italy cut him off, "Sleeping, cooking, and cleaning your house don't count either." Germany closed his mouth as he thought of a response.

"Well, I don't have time-", the dirty look that Italy gave him for that attempt made him bite his tongue.

Huh, so I can look intimidating sometimes, Feli almost giggled at that thought before he refocused on Ludwig. "You can make time. Ve~ you work too much Luddy. You can take some time off sometimes."

"Nein, Italy. Just because other nations slack off does not mean that I will take my duties so lightly.", Italy looked like Germany had shoved a lemon in his mouth. Another sigh escaped Germany that day, "Sorry, Italien. What will it take for you to get off me?"

Why is he so stubborn? I thought Fratello was bad sometimes…, graceful fingers toyed with the hem of Germany's shirt without the Feli even being aware that he was doing it. Some time passed as Italy thought about how he should respond. Meanwhile, Ludwig was growing uneasy with the unusually silent Italian in his lap. It seemed that Feli didn't notice how uneasy Ludwig was becoming, "Ve~ Ludwig?", his head tilted to the side again, "When was the last time you had a good dinner?"

Huh? Why is he wor- oh, wait. It's Feli. Of course he is going to try and make pasta for me. Ludwig thought on it, but he actually wasn't sure when he last ate something beyond protein bars and coffee, didn't bruder cook something recently? Think Ludwig, maybe one of the instant meals? No, Feli wouldn't count that. Alright, what about one of those to-go orders? But Ludwig was sure that sort of answer would surely distress Feli more, "Well, I don't recall right now, but I'm sure recently." Ludwig was always a fan of fitness so even if he wasn't sure when he last had a sit-down meal, he felt certain that he wouldn't let his nutritional standards fall.

"Germany! That's no good. If you can't remember then it must not have been that good of a meal!"

The blond winced slightly at the cry from the other, Looks like that wasn't the best response to calm him down.

"Ve~ That's it. I am cooking for you tonight and it's going to be great!", tan arms hugged the rigid figure that sat under the Italian, "It will be delicious Luddy, I promise", sometimes Ludwig forgot how nice it was to hear Feli laugh.

"That's great Italy. So can I clean my office now? I'd like to get a little more work done today.", and just like that, the pout was back.

"No Luddyyy~ No more working today."

"Ita-"

"I mean it."

"Ja, aber-"

"No! No more working today Luddy. You've already done so much", Feli wasn't actually sure, but he had a feeling that Ludwig was working himself too hard anyway.

Ludwig pinched the bridge of his nose again with a sigh, "Italy, I at least need to clean up this mess.", he looked into amber eyes and gestured to the scattered mess of papers.

Despite not wanting Ludwig to work himself any harder, Feli knew that the mess would continue to bother Ludwig if it was left like this, so he stuck his tongue out before relenting, "Ok Luddy, I guess that wouldn't be too bad." A finger was thrust in Germany's face, "But no more working after that."

From the way Italy was looking at him, Germany assumed that he was expecting a reply, well, I could just work once he leaves. At worst he will try and stay the night so I can come back down once he's asleep, "Ja, ok Italy."

The grin was almost worth knowing that some of his paperwork might be late, "Promise?"

"Ja, Ja, I promise"

Amber eyes squinted at the other looking for any signs of lying, "Pinky-promise?", the brunette stuck out his pinky.

Ludwig let out a chuckle before he wrapped his finger around Feli's, "Pinky-promise." For a brief moment, Ludwig let himself enjoy the feeling of having Feli sit in his lap looking at him with such bright eyes, but eventually, his eyes strayed to the scattered papers, "So… will you get up now?" Feli thought about staying in Ludwig's lap, it was very comfy, but he was getting hungry. "Ve~ Ok Luddy~"

"Danke."

After all the work it took to get Ludwig to agree to take the rest of the day off, Feli wasn't sure that Ludwig wouldn't go right back to it. Well, yes he had gotten him to pinky-promise, but Feli just wanted to make sure. Feli remembered that one time when things weren't so good, Luddy worked himself so hard that he forgot he had pinky-promised to go see a movie with him. So while Germany cleaned, Italy hummed and danced to his own tune, not figuratively, but literally danced around the clean part of the office by the couch. Staying still was never a thing that Italy was good at. In fact, Grandpa Rome used to joke that he must have been a child of the muses because he was always providing entertainment.

Soon enough the room was straightened up to Ludwig's approval. It seemed that Feliciano was asleep for longer than he had thought, that or he was especially efficient earlier. The stacks of paper were now almost evenly distributed between the in and out boxes. Although Ludwig had planned on making more progress than that, he knew that working more would cause Feliciano to cry, again, and bother him, again, until he stopped for however long Feli was there and awake. So instead of returning to his desk, Ludwig turned to see the other dancing, it's too bad he doesn't have as much interest in training as he does in having fun with things like this. He always seems to have boundless energy when he is having a good time.

Feli noticed that he was being watched so he danced his way over to the blond man leaning on the mahogany desk. With a flourish of the hand, he bowed politely to Ludwig as if he was going to ask him to dance with him and grinned up at his taller companion.

But that wouldn't really be Italy, would it? He is so much more comfortable making others smile.

"Ve~ Did you enjoy my dancing Luddy?", that smile really could rival the brightness of the sun.

"Ja Italy, you are always enjoyable to watch.", that wasn't really what Ludwig had planned to say and he was sure that his bright red ears showed that, but the way the light pink flush showed on Feli's cheeks was more than enough to make up for the embarrassing response.

"Hehe~ Oh Luddy, did big brother France try to teach you how to flirt again?"

Ludwig scratched the back of his neck as his cheeks turned pink, "It wasn't that bad, was it?" Blue eyes widened, Scheiβe! I didn't mean to say that out loud.

Feli noticed Ludwig was getting flustered, but he couldn't resist jumping up to give Luddy a peck on the cheek, "Ve~ No, it was sweet. Just like you~." Oh my. Ve~ maybe that was too much for poor Luddy. I didn't mean to turn him as red as Romano gets.

Ludwig was left stunned as he tried to process what had just happened, it was as if his brain had left his body because he couldn't seem to understand what just happened. Since Ludwig was so flustered, Feliciano decided that he would grab his hand and drag him off to the kitchen to make dinner, "Luddy~ Come on~ Ve~ I'm hungry. That means it's pasta time!" The trip to the kitchen seemed to be enough for Ludwig's brain to come back online.

"J-ja. Just try not to make a big mess Feli." Ludwig still felt a little out of it so he decided to take a seat at the kitchen table for a moment. Naturally, this concerned Feli, maybe he is just really tired. Ve~ well the smell of pasta should wake him up!

"Okie Dokie Ludwig~." Feli skipped over to the stove pantry to get the pasta supplies that Ludwig kept for the Italian's visits. Soon the smell of pasta and herbs filled the kitchen while Germany put his head back on straight. Feli was almost done when he noticed that his blond companion was no longer in his seat. Instead, Ludwig was cleaning up behind him as he cleaned, silly Ludwig, you could have rested a little longer at the table. It was tempting to tell Ludwig to go relax while the meatballs were cooking in the marinara, but cleaning was one of those things that Ludwig found comfort in, even if Feliciano thought it was a little too close to work. Rather than stop Ludwig, Feli decided to enjoy being able to work with Ludwig, even if he wished they were cooking together rather than having Ludwig clean up after him.

For some reason, Feli's timing was a bit off that night so the pasta noodles were ready before the sauce and meatballs, but he was hoping that the meatballs would finish soon. After a few more moments he finally decided to check them, Ve~ these might be done now. Giving the sauce a quick test and breaking open one of the meatballs to check that it was done, Italy nodded in approval, "Ve~ Luddy, can you get the plates? I can't reach them."

A nod was the only acknowledgment that he got before Ludwig grabbed the plates and put them next to the waiting strainer full of noodles. "Do you want me to help you plate these?"

"Hmm, no I've got it. Ve~ thank you, Luddy." Sometimes Ludwig would offer to put the food on the plates just so that he could ensure nothing was dropped, but Feli didn't want him to do any more than was possible tonight. Once Feli was happy with the servings, Ludwig carried the plates to the table. "Ve~ I could have done that~", the smaller man huffed before going to grab drinks.

"Ja, I know you could have, but I wanted to make sure the food stayed on the plate"

Feli whined and he poured a glass of wine for himself, "That was one time Luddy~", next he grabbed a beer to pour for Ludwig, "And that wasn't my fault~", he stuck his tongue out at Ludwig as he approached the table with the glasses, "The kitty tripped me! I'd never drop pasta on purpose."

Ludwig was having a hard time suppressing a laugh at the adorable aggravated face Feli was making, "Ja, Ja. Whatever you say Feli."

Handing the beer to Ludwig, Feli scowled, "It's true!" Ve~ Well Luddy must be in a good mood now if he feels up to banter. The scowl melted into a smile as the two finally sat down to eat dinner. The two friends didn't feel the need to say anything as they ate, it was simply pleasant to sit with the other and enjoy the food.

For Germany, it was a good time to be able to think without interruptions. At first, he thought about how nice it was to spend time sitting across from Feli and to eat dinner with him, especially since he had eaten alone for a while now. It was hard to find the time to eat dinner with someone when he had such a massive pile of papers to work on every time he came back to his office. The influx of immigrants left him with so much to do to appease his people, his new people, the other European nations, it was exhausting, but he knew how important this time was for his people. If this transition does not go smoothly, I would hate to see what those extreme conservative groups will do. As he thought about everything going on, gradually the smile that had been on his face faded, if only I could get a little more support from the other nations. I can't take in every immigrant that seeks refuge. But, seeing how they reacted to my lead this morning… it seems that they need someone else to convince them.

While Ludwig was slowly getting lost in his thoughts, Italy was becoming restless and felt the need to create something, but all he had to work with was pasta so he tried to see what he could make with the noodles and the few meatballs left on his plate. Hmm maybe if I wrap the pasta around a little bit first… oh good, then maybe if the meatball goes there. It wasn't the prettiest of things that Feli had made, but if he used a little bit of imagination then he could pretend the spaghetti was a dress and that the meatball was a head, oh ve~ I know. With limber fingers, Feli took his knife and carefully made a few indents on the meatball. Then he took a little bit of cheese and pressed it into the holes. That's a little better. Ve, but it's still missing something. Spotting some bread Feli decided to try and balance a small round piece from the heel on the meatball until he realized that it wasn't going to stay. A quick glance at the table turned up a toothpick and a wilting leaf that he took from the vase of flowers. He used half of the toothpick to keep the bread firmly on top of the meatball like a hat and then removed the stem from the blade of the dried leaf. After a moment of fidgeting with the stem, Feli finally got it to stick into the meatball underneath the makeshift hat. Ve~ but it'll be lonely without a friend. I should make another one.

By the time that Feliciano had finished the first puppet, Ludwig's thoughts on the meeting were mixed with thoughts about the world wars. How can I get other nations to ever trust my leadership if all they ever associate me with is the horror of following that sick bastard? I did not mean to start those wars, I was just looking out for my people. I know brother says that it will get better in time, but how much longer will I have to wait for redemption? What am I thinking, it should not matter what they think… but… I cannot do everything alone. Then again… how can I ever expect for forgiveness for those terrible actions? I am not innocent…, he wasn't eating anymore as images from the wars flooded his minds, perhaps the other nations are right about me. I can be power hungry. If bruder hadn't…

Feli was going to repeat what he had done on the fork until he realized that he only had a knife left. This meant that the noodles didn't want to stay on that well, but he got a few to stay trapped between the point of the knife and the meatball. Not having a knife to carve eyes, Feli used the other half of the toothpick before using it to put a more rectangular strip of bread on the top of this second meatball. There, it looks perfect, he hummed and picked up the pasta covered utensils and considered what he should act out with them.

"Ve Luddy~ Look what I made~!", his ally caught his attention by waving what Ludwig could only tell was utensils with pasta on them. If he wasn't as out of it from such heavy thoughts, he probably would fear more for his poor kitchen table, which was doomed to bear splotches of marinara until someone noticed its plight.

"Ja Italy, I remember that you cooked dinner"

Feli huffed before shoving the knife closer to Ludwig so he could see it better, "Not that Luddy~ Look! It looks like a doll! Hmm, maybe more like a puppet because it is on a stick", he bobbed his pasta contraption up and down slightly to illustrate his point.

The scowl wasn't intentional, but Ludwig couldn't help it, "Italien, you really shouldn't play with your food like that."

For the seemingly millionth time that day, Feli pouted, "Ve~ But Luddy~ They are cute~ and what's so bad about having fun?"

The other nations complained about that too. What's wrong with taking things seriously? Is it as annoying to others as their flippant attitudes are to me? Hesitantly he replied, "Well it will probably make a mess." Well, at least Italy only makes messes on tables. When I make a mess I drag my people and my allies down with me. Normally, Ludwig wouldn't be quite so direct in his self-hatred, yes he did constantly remind himself that he was supposed to be the model German and that he needed to look strong to be respected, but typically, these thoughts were reminders and not self-loathing acceptance. Perhaps this was caused by working every day for the past 4 months to try desperately to stay on top of the influx of immigrants, the new bout of anxiety fed nightmares that had flared up these past few weeks, or just hearing confirmation of his errors from the other nations that morning, but in that moment, Ludwig wasn't confident in himself.

Unfortunately or not, Feli didn't notice Germany's hesitance, "But Luddy I'm sure that I can make a great play with these~", he had the puppets face each other as if they were talking. "Ve~ Oh I know! Ludwig did I ever tell you about when I was a kid! Ve~", amber eyes sparkled, "I was such a cutie back then too!", he giggled.

Ludwig was about to protest until he thought it over for a moment, maybe hearing about someone else will let me think a little clearer. It's not like I can do any more work with Feliciano here. "Nein, I don't believe that you have." Just breathe, Ludwig. You aren't being yourself. You need to get your thoughts back in order. Ha, I'm sure the other nations could have guessed that thought.

Excited by having Ludwig's attention, Feli squealed in delight, "Ve~ ok. Well, hmm, oh I'll start at the beginning. So, at first, it was just me and…", the puppets didn't stay still for a moment of Italy's excitedly re-enacted story, but then again, it would be difficult for Feli to keep the puppets steady considering he kept leaning in his seat as if his body was another puppet.

To Ludwig's credit, he did try very hard to keep his attention on the story that was being told, but it was difficult to catch it all with his thoughts constantly returning to remind him of his own memories. It seemed that the story was having the opposite effect from what Ludwig had hoped. Rather than being distracted from his failures, he could not help but compare himself to the characters in Feli's story. His childhood was so cheerful. It probably would have been perfect if his grandpa and that Holy Rome character hadn't been taken from him in war.

He ignored the burn that seemed to come up whenever he thought about this Holy Rome figure that Italy mentioned.

Well, or if the other nations weren't so obsessed with gaining power by forming empires with him, just like I did. It's no wonder that Feli has no interest in fighting, it always causes grief for someone. Images of what happened to his people in the world wars came floating to mind. Had Ludwig bothered to notice, he would know that his face was turning paler, if it weren't for people like me then the world would be better off. Ludwig tried to swallow but found that his throat had gone dry, Nations like mine, ones that seek power, are relics of a more brutal time…

"Ve~ Luddy are you ok?"

When did Italy come to this side of the table?

Dazed pools of blue blinked in confusion as a hand reached out to stroke his cheek, "Ve~ Luddy you feel really cold…" A moment of silence passed before amber eyes began to water in panic, "Luddy? Ve~ Say something."

It hurt to hear such a desperate plea wrench itself from the other on the best of days, but now it felt like Italy had grabbed him by his heart instead of his cheek. The words barely wrenched themselves from Germany's dry throat, "I'm fine Italien."

The frown on Feli's face indicated his disbelief as he tried to glean any information he could from his taller companion, "And so pale too… Ve~" Small hands gripped tight to larger ones, "but not sweaty or clammy… ve~ Luddy what's wrong?"

Telling him would upset him more and he already looks close to tears. So stupid of me, letting my problems show enough to worry him like this. Just take a deep breath and try to be convincing. Gott, this would be easier if my thought were in order. "It's nothing Feli, but it is getting late. Maybe you should be heading home soon."

"It's never too late for me to be concerned about Germany.", ha, everyone is always worried about me. The last thing they want is for me to start WWIII especially now when I'm not too bad off.

"There is nothing to be concerned about Feli. I must just be a little tired."

"Ve~ Luddy, are you sure that's all? You keep spacing out..."

"It's nothing, I assure you. I'm just thinking about the work I need to do tomorrow."

"Why would Germany look like he had seen a dead man from that?", clearly, Feli wasn't buying his lies tonight, but it was hard enough to think about how to get Italy to leave him be as it was. No matter what he did, thoughts about his failures and shortcomings kept begging for his attention from the trenches, the camps, the human zoos, the rampant racism, to his own attitude, and on and on it went. I need to sort this out. I can't keep this conversation going. I need to get out. Never one to stay inactive, Ludwig remembered that a nice run usually helped him work through his thoughts, but he wasn't sure that he could convince Feliciano to let him go so easily.

"Don't worry about it Feli. Why don't you go home and I'll go to bed for the night?"

"Ve… Luddy can I stay with you tonight?", his amber eyes showed concern for the other, but to Ludwig, it felt like he was becoming trapped under a judging stare.

"I don't think that is a good idea, Feliciano. I have to start early tomorrow.", Ludwig's feet ached for the feeling of cobblestones melting into gravel and then fading grass under them as they pounded the ground. His lungs screamed for a need for fresh air. The room suddenly felt all too small.

"Please Luddy?"

Normally, the puppy dog eyes would work on Ludwig, but tonight was not a normal night. His mind was, for perhaps the first time, telling his body to run rather than fight and he could feel his chest tighten painfully in anxiety even as his heart pounded faster as if he had already run for miles. "I need some fresh air." He couldn't wait any longer and he was out of the chair before he could think of another tactic. He didn't remember slipping his hands out of Feliciano's warm ones. Ludwig didn't think about it as he went for the door, his body just moved. "Please Feli, you should go home."

A small part of his brain knew this was rude, but it was smothered by the knowledge that Italy could get home in a few moments and the overwhelming need to get his mind back under control. No destination was set in his mind. He just ran.

.

.

.

To be continued