Cyberwomen Tag
Ianto looked around his living room, watching the light from the passing cars chasing the shadows from the open curtains. He felt the tears still wet on his cheeks, cool now in the stale air of his flat.
Looking into the joining kitchen, he moved forward, needing to do something, anything, to stop the memories from flashing across his eyes.
Walking stiffly, he made it to the counter and began getting everything ready for a cup of tea, needing the task and warmth of the liquid to help him through the dark.
He looked back out of the window to the street as the kettle boiled, trying desperately to bury the images of Lisa dead on the ground, of the poor girl being shot. He shut his eyes, quickly dispelling the images.
Listening to the cars passing, he abruptly opened his eyes as he heard one stop just outside, fear creeping through his body. He crept to the windows and looked out, knowing what he would see but all the while praying he was wrong.
It looked so large and intimidating sitting on the curb of his street, the sleek black beast quietly sitting there, ready to roar of and help them save the day. He shook his head. 'No' he thought, not them, he was never really apart of the team that helped Torchwood Three save the day, he was just the tea-boy.
He couldn't see who sat in the driver's side, but he knew it was Jack, waiting for some sort of sign before he would get out and either retcon him back into his teen years or kill him and Ianto honestly couldn't say which one he wanted more.
He poured the boiling water into his cup and watched as the steam rose, gently wringing out the tea before dumping the used bag into the trash can.
He walked through the flat heading for his room, feeling his way along not wanting to the turn the lights, to let the world acknowledge his presence, not tonight.
He sat on the edge of the bed, sipping the hot drink and let the thoughts, memories and the screams, fill his mind. He shook his head, trying to shake the images that lay in wait for him.
He placed the now empty cup on the side, gently laying back, being careful of the large bruises now covering his body from where Lisa had thrown him across the hub. 'No' his mind shouted, 'not Lisa, she would never do that to me, it wasn't Lisa by that point.' Feeling the tears begin again, Ianto screwed his eyes shut and rolled over, hissing as he aggravated his ribs and fell into a restless sleep.
"Lisa" he called, walking into the hub, the eerie silence greeting him as he walked further into the main area looking around. 'Where is she' he wondered.
A choking sound brought his focus to the stairs leading down into the medical bay. He recoiled as he saw Owen lying there, almost dead, his body bloody and useless. He almost fell over Toshiko as he swung round to get away from the dying man. S
he was already dead bullet wounds still oozing a little blood onto the metal floor.
Running he found Gwen half converted just like Lisa had been when he first found her, Gwen was dead though, her eyes glassy and un-seeing, he felt the hot tears pouring down his face as he took in the bloody mess that his safe haven had become.
He heard shouting coming from Lisa's room and he ran fast almost tumbling down the stairs in his hast, 'what about Jack' his mind screamed and he ran faster terrified of what he would find.
They were there Lisa and Jack, she was terrifying bright red flecked over her body glinting with the metal, Jack was strapped to the conversion unit, the knives whirling at him, cutting and ripping as they change him.
Ianto screamed, as he watched Lisa smiling down at Jack, he couldn't stop screaming the blood was on him now the whirling knives sounding in his ears.
"Ianto!" shouted a voice, sounding far away. "Ianto." they called again and he felt hands shaking him, pulling him from the nightmare.
Ianto's eyes flew open, trying to understand where he was. "Jack." he choked, his throat sore from screaming. He flinched back pushing himself up to the head board as the nightmare left images for him to gag at.
He watched as the worried look that Jack had had when he opened his eyes was replaced by the cold indifferent man who had suspended him mere hours ago. Ianto's breathing was loud in the silent room, he couldn't get it to slow down, his heart was hammering away in his chest and he couldn't fight the tears and shaking that was now taking over his frame.
Sighing, Jack stood up, his large frame looming over Ianto.
"What are you doing here?" asked Ianto, the sentence broken with the shaking.
"I heard you screaming, thought something was attacking you. Found you here, having a nightmare." replied Jack, his tone flat and indifferent.
Ianto nodded. He really should have suspected that they would have bugged his place.
"I'll have someone over to fix the door in the morning." said Jack as he left the room and left Ianto struggling to pull himself together.
"Thank you." whispered Ianto, as he pulled his knee's up to his chest, listening as Jack's footsteps halted just outside the doorway before finally hearing the door being pulled closed, harder than normal.
He slowly eased his breathing, and relaxed his body, hissing again as his ribs moved. 'Probably a fracture' his mind supplied as he gingerly stood up and collected the empty tea cup, shuffling back into the kitchen. He wouldn't fall asleep again tonight, probably not for a long while. He made coffee before he sat down and turned on the TV, gearing himself up for a long night watching infomercials and staving off the nightmares.
Morning came slowly and Ianto made his way back into the kitchen, washing his cup slowly and making a new pot of coffee, wondering what to do now. His life had consisted of cleaning up after Torchwood Three and taking care of Lisa with intermittent bouts of sleep and food and now he had neither and he felt at a loose end.
He was in his bedroom when the doorbell rang, causing him to jump and curse as his bad ribs where once again subjected to surprise movement. He shuffled down the hallway and pulled the door open, struggling with the broken wood.
"Yes?" he said as he looked out to a fairly young man standing on his doorstep, taking in the nervous look he had.
"I'm here to fix your door," replied the youth, "a Captain Harkness, asked that I come out as early as possible."
Ianto nodded, moving back into the hallway, pulling the door open further. 'No wonder he looked a little nervous, Jack could be intimidating when angry and God only know what he looked like this morning' he thought.
"I don't think it'll take long to fix" said the man. Ianto just nodded and shuffled into the kitchen.
"Do you want a coffee at all?" he asked, remembering manners and needing something to do.
"Please." replied the man, already placing his metal toolbox down and looking at the door.
Ianto stared at the coffee mug as the kettle boiled, half listening as the repair man banged at his front door.
"Here." he said, placing the mug on the floor near the man's knee, walking back into his bedroom, his own steaming cup in his hands. Ianto sat on the end of his unmade bed and stared into the mug, taking a large gulp, barely noticing the burn of the hot liquid sliding down his throat before the tears began again.
"Mr. Jones?" called a voice from the hallway. Ianto quickly stood up, placing the mug on the dresser and wiping away errant tears before he opened the door.
"Yes?" he replied, staring at the young man again.
"Just to let you know, I'm finished and I'll send the bill to the address Captain Harkness gave me." Ianto nodded, walking the man out, closing the door easier now after it had been fixed and picked up the dirty mug, placing it in the sink before he walked back to his room, crawling beneath the covers, closing his eyes and letting the grief and horrid images take him over again.
When Ianto woke it was dark and he felt somewhat better for the long sleep, the nightmares having been kept at bay by his own exhaustion. He got up, grabbing his duvet as he walked into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from his fridge. He settled on the couch and flicked on the TV, not really paying attention to the flashing pictures.
He swallowed a gulp of the cool liquid hoping it would help dampen the images that his mind kept supplying, ones that were real. 'Gwen in that chair with the swirling knives'. He shuddered as her screams reverberated and imagined nightmares that could have been. 'Owen lying on the stairs leading to the medical bay, his blood splattered on the tiles dark and frightening'. He shuddered again and took another gulp.
Ianto woke to the sun streaming into the room, wincing as the light made his head pound hard. He looked around, the TV was still on, beer bottles strewn around the table and his duvet half covering his body. He looked down to see pictures of him and Lisa scattered on the table and floor, the memory of getting them out and looking through them, trying to hold onto the good memories and dispel the horrific final moments he had spent with her.
Surveying the mess, he didn't have the energy or the inclination to clean any of it up and just turned off the TV and shuffled back to his bed falling into a disturbed sleep where the screams and the images rushed over him.
The furious knocking woke him. Ianto looked around, confusion clouding his mind as he tried to remember where he was. He looked out and could see that it was dark outside. The knocking came again and he quickly walked to the door, not too surprised to see Captain Jack Harkness standing on his doorstep, but the worried look he was wearing was a surprise.
"Sir?" Ianto asked, confusion and sleep still clouding him as he looked out at the taller man.
"Do you realise that you have been asleep for the best part of two days?" said Jack, pushing his way into the flat. Ianto shook his head and closed the door, following the captain into his own living room.
Ianto felt the blush rise against his cheeks as he watched Jack survey his living room, beer bottles from the previous days and his couch pillows strewn everywhere as well as the pictures that he hadn't put away.
"I didn't take you for much of a drinker." said Jack, walking into the kitchen, noticing the lack of dirty dishes in the sink, making him worry about the clear lack of food that Ianto hadn't been eating. Jack turned back to the younger man who still stood there, noticing how thin he was. 'Had he been this thin at the Hub?' Jack wondered.
"We can surprise everyone in the right circumstances." replied Ianto, his voice gruff from non-use and the extended sleep.
Jack only nodded and moved back into the living area. The current mess not withstanding, the place clearly belonged to Ianto Jones. It was neat and tidy, minimal fuss with the décor or possessions and Jack finally began to wonder how lonely the poor man had been.
"Why are you here?" asked Ianto, a little fear creeping into the question, Jack turned to him wondering the same thing. He had been worried, sure, not having really heard anything for over 24 hours and after all the crying and screaming, he had wanted to check that Ianto hadn't killed himself, worried about the man he had found himself on the doorstep pounding against the frame.
"I wanted to check you hadn't done anything stupid." Jack replied, sitting down on the lounge chair, watching as Ianto slowly padded over to the couch and sank into the cushions. Jack couldn't help but look at the changed man before him, an old t-shirt clinging to his torso, blue stripped pyjama's hung low on his hips from lack of eating and the slight beard shadowing his face. He noticed the way his arm held his chest tightly and couldn't remember whether he or Owen had checked him over before sending him home.
"You mean check I hadn't topped myself in the middle of the night." said Ianto looking out of the window. "Don't know why, would have saved you a job."
Jack's head snapped back around, eyes wide. "I'm not going to kill you!" he said, truly shocked.
Ianto just kept looking out at the window. "How long?" he asked, not looking back at him. Jack was a little confused as the silence closed in on them and Ianto sighed. "How long will I lose? All three years of Torchwood Three or more? Will you take out Torchwood One as well?" he asked again, fixing Jack with a cold stare.
"I'm not going to retcon you either." said Jack a little too quickly. "As I said, you have been suspended until further notice, until I see that you are fit to come back to work."
Ianto closed his eyes; he turned back to the window and let the silence reign. "Why?" he asked, curiosity sharp in his tone.
"You're good at what you do." replied Jack easily.
"You mean good at staying invisible and cleaning up all the shit you lot throw at me?" Ianto replied, slight heat to his words and Jack was pushed back to the nightmare evening, Ianto throwing the pained words at him. 'I clear up your shit, no questions asked and that's the way you like it. When is the last time you asked me anything about my life?' He shook his head. The words hadn't been shouted. The tone was that of someone who had long ago given up trying to change anything.
"Not that, your work with the archives is second to none, we would all get lost in the place and never find anything without your work, you get us to places on time and with the correct information, you are a part of our team."
Ianto snorted, drawing Jack's attention as the man stood up and headed back into the kitchen. Jack saw him pull another beer from the fridge. "Do you really think that will help?" he asked, watching Ianto carefully sit down, slowly shifting his weight. 'Definitely something wrong with his ribs' Jack thought.
Ianto shrugged as he sat back down. "Can't see it will do any more harm or hurt." he replied, taking a sip and looking out of the dark window again.
"Listen, you can plainly see that I am still alive, doing just peachy, so you can wipe any worry from your mind. I'm heading back to bed, I'm sure you can let yourself out." said Ianto, walking slowly back into his room, closing the door and resolutely not listening to the sound of Jack's heavy footsteps as he left.
The knocking was insistent and loud, shaking him from the nightmare he had been locked in. He was slightly thankful for the interruption until he saw the outline of Captain Jack Harkness standing on his doorstep.
"What the fuck do you want now?" Ianto scowled. Everything was sore and he just wanted to stay in bed, drink and try not to dream.
"Listen Tea-boy, I don't want to be here anymore than you want us here." growled Owen.
"Owen?" asked Ianto, confused as he saw the doctor step out from behind Jack.
"Now I get two of you." said Ianto, walking back into the main room, leaving them on the doorstep to do what they would.
He put the kettle on, hoping some coffee would help the headache searing behind his eyelids, listening to the pair of footsteps following him.
"So why am I being graced with your presence this fine morning?" he asked, turning slowly.
"I asked Owen to come and take a look at you, I saw the way you were moving yesterday." replied Jack, looking around again in the daylight.
Ianto sighed. He had hoped that Jack wouldn't be on high alert around him and notice everything. "I'm fine, nothing to worry about, so please, don't let me keep you." he said, turning back to the waiting cup and poured the water.
"I'll be the judge of that, and as I have been dragged out here I might as well do as the good Captain has asked." replied Owen, setting the medical kit down. Ianto bowed his head and sighed in defeat. He wasn't getting out of this.
"Fine," he sighed, moving towards the doctor, "let's get this over with."
"Arms up." said Owen, slipping into his almost professional demeanour he got when he had a human patient.
Ianto pulled his arms up, trying not to wince or acknowledge Jack's presence. He felt Owen lift his t-shirt up, watching the look on Owen's face go from barely veiled boredom to guilt as he revealed the deep bruising covering his chest.
"Jesus." whispered Owen as he pulled the top all the way off, revealing Ianto's sore body to the light. Ianto closed his eyes unable to look at either of them.
"Does it hurt when you breath in?" asked Owen, back to professional doctor. Ianto could only nod, sucking in a sharp breath as Owen prodded one of the larger bruises situated over his most likely fractured rib.
He tried to ignore the jabs and pokes, the intake of breath from Jack as he saw what his battered body looked like, the way Owen's touches became softer the more he whimpered in pain.
Jack had looked away at first, as Owen took Ianto's T-shirt off, trying to give Ianto a little privacy, he couldn't help but look at Owen's muttered Jesus, and he too was struck by the sight in front of him. Ianto's upper torso was covered in dark bruises, blacks and purples stretching across the pale skin. He noticed the fading bruises as well, the pale yellows and greens from previous pain and wondered when they had happened.
"All finished." said Owen, stepping back. Ianto quickly blinked away the tears that had clung to his eyelashes as he gingerly pulled his t-shirt back on, noticing the slight lessening of pain now his ribs were strapped.
"Ok, these are the antibiotics for that cut on your forearm, twice a day with food. Also some pain killers, one when you need it for the ribs, again to be taken with food, some cream for the bruising, and finally some sleeping pills if you need them." said Owen, carefully placing the bottles on the kitchen side.
Ianto nodded, taking in the instructions, waiting for them all to leave so he could crawl back into the pit.
"I'll leave you to it." said Owen heading back out of the door, closing it softly behind him.
"I'm not going to overdose on the pain or sleeping pills" whispered Ianto, grabbing one of the small pain capsules hoping to get rid of the pain from all the prodding and poking.
"Why didn't you say anything?" asked Jack, realising it was a stupid question as soon as the words had left his mouth, but still curious as to how Ianto would answer.
"When would I have said anything?" asked Ianto, turning to face him. "After you threatened to shoot me, or ordered me to kill Lisa, maybe when you told me I was suspended, or how about after you made me clean up all the blood in the basement?!" he shouted.
"You never cared about my well being, so why should you start now?" Ianto breathed heavily.
"That's not true." said Jack.
Ianto gave a bitter laugh. "Really?" he asked. "When have you ever stepped in when Owen decided to take out whatever had crawled up his arse out on me, or how Suzie had barely tolerated me, how even though Gwen has the heart she still only sees me as a bloody tea-boy, the boy that looks good in a suit." He smirked as he threw Jack's words back in his face.
Jack stepped back, the pure loathing in those words causing him to lose the conversation. "I didn't care in the beginning, I just needed the place so I could look after Lisa, so I could help fix her, but when you asked why I never said anything, god Jack, it made me so angry none of you took notice of me, as long as the coffee was on time and bodies disposed off, not one of you could give a flying monkeys on what else I did."
"Just leave Jack, suspend me, retcon me, fire me, I just don't care anymore, it hurts too much to be here, I put so much time and effort into my life after I got Lisa better I never had a plan for what would happen if I lost her, so please, just go." pleaded Ianto, unable to look at Jack.
He felt he would be suffocated by the silence as he waited for Jack to leave, praying he would just go so he could grieve in peace.
"Fine, but I won't leave you struggling in the dark, Ianto." said Jack, leaving quietly. Ianto fell to his knees as he heard the front door slam, letting all the grief and fear finally free, as he wept for everything he had lost.
He felt like he might drown in the tears as they quickly slid down his face. He couldn't make them stop, the pain in his chest only got tighter as he cried, as he let it all wash over him. Lisa was gone, the life they had planned had been destroyed and now he didn't know what to do.
The tears finally slowed and he dragged himself up to stand, quickly grabbing two sleeping pills as he made his way back to his bed and let the darkness take him, let himself float away.
Jack watched the house for the next three days, unable to bring himself to actually knock. He was worried about Ianto, he knew he should just retcon him and get it over with, or worse kill him as the procedure dictated, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.
The arguments they had been having in the hub had finally driven him here, they had all surprised him, had done nothing that he was expecting.
Owen had been angry in the beginning as Jack had expected; told Jack what he thought about him, told him to retcon Ianto and get it over with, but it had been the fear talking. After Owen had looked over Ianto's wounds, he had told Jack that suspension was the better option and with time they could have him back.
Tosh had been fierce; it had shocked him, he knew his little Toshiko had the heart of a mother and the protectiveness of a warrior, but to see it displayed for Ianto had been incredible. She had told him how much she knew of Ianto and Lisa, how they had talked from time to time, the horror's that he had seen at Canary Warf, the despair he had when he found Lisa, the pain in his eyes as he spoke of her. She had shouted at him, Tosh the computer genius who never really said much so as not to offend anyone had shouted at him, ordered him to not harm Ianto, to try and see it from his point of view before she stormed from his office and started work again.
Gwen was the worst. The newest member and she was ready to pull the trigger for all her shock when Jack had held a gun to Ianto's head. She had wanted rid of him, told Jack that he couldn't be trusted again; they wouldn't be able to work with him. 'How could we trust what he said or did?' echoed her voice, as Jack watched the figure move to the kitchen.
He knew there were other reasons to not harm Ianto. He was bright, the work he had done in the archives in the short space of time he had been there had been phenomenal, his sharp wit and elegant grace with his tasks had made him so very noticeable to Jack and the coffee he made was divine.
When he caught him glancing at him he couldn't help but smile, the feeling of him lying on top of him as they caught Myfanwy, the quickened beat of his heart as he saw him standing in the road in that suit. Ianto was special, not just as person but as a member of the team and Jack couldn't take that away from him, he needed to belong to something.
Sighing, Jack slowly got out of the car, striding up to the door and unlocking it, smiling as he remembered Tosh handing him the key two days ago. "Might help if he decides to barricade himself in." was the only thing she had said before quickly heading back to her own desk.
Jack wasn't too surprised to see the shock on Ianto's face as he strode into the living room.
"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing with a key to my flat?" asked Ianto.
"Shut up." said Jack, needing to check everything. He noticed the gaunt look to Ianto's face, how his clothes seemed baggier than before and the rough beard spread across the man's too youthful face.
"Get a shower and shave; you need to eat which I can tell you haven't been, especially if you've been taking those pain killers. No arguments." he ordered.
Ianto stood there, clearly trying to work out what was going on but the ingrained employee took over as he walked out of the room and Jack sighed in relief as he heard the shower start up.
He looked in the fridge screwing his nose up as he saw the mouldy items sitting on the shelf, before he quickly picked up the phone and dialled a Chinese place. It wasn't the best thing they could eat but it was better than nothing.
Jack waited by the door for the delivery man, paying him quickly and quietly before cleaning up the front room, unable to ignore the extra bottles of beer that he could see.
Quickly placing plates and cutlery down as well as a glass of water for each and a pain killer for Ianto, Jack sat and waited for the younger man to emerge. He listened to the water being turned off and the slow pad of Ianto's feet down the hallway, before he walked into the room, his face showing the surprise as he saw the dinner on the coffee table.
"Eat." said Jack, motioning him to sit down, before grabbing a plate of his own and started to pile of food on it, watching carefully as the other man picked up the spoons and slowly placed the hot food onto his own plate.
"You didn't have anything in, I thought about getting a pizza, but after what happened I thought better of it, and I noticed you don't really eat it when we do get them." said Jack, wanting to fill the silence.
"Allergic." said Ianto quietly, scooping up some noodles, chewing them slowly.
"What?"
"I'm allergic to tomatoes, any type Ketchup, puree or the real thing." replied Ianto taking a sip of water.
"I didn't know." said Jack. The look Ianto shot him was clear. 'My point exactly.'
Jack sighed. He had proved Ianto's pained words right and now the silence was drawing in on them.
"I was five I think, my mam, sister and I would go over to my gran's on a Thursday evening to have tea." said Ianto, his voice quiet and Jack strained to hear the story, something unrelated to work, something Ianto wanted to tell him.
"We had been there about an hour and Gran was making tomato sandwiches. I hadn't had any before and we were laughing, Gran had just left to take them into the sitting room, and there was a little slice left on the counter." smiled Ianto, remembering how sneaky he had felt. "I picked it up and ate a little bit, it didn't really taste nice. I placed it on the counter before Gran came back and we walked back into the sitting room. As we were sitting there I started to feel so itchy and my throat felt so small."
Jack moved forward, all thoughts of eating forgotten as he listened to the story.
"I didn't want to say anything, I thought this was the punishment for sneaking an extra bite, but it got so painful, I couldn't hear my mam asking me something and when she looked back at me her eyes were so scared. I wanted to tell her I was sorry and I wouldn't do it again, but I couldn't get the words out I started to cry but I couldn't breathe properly. I remember my mam calling an ambulance and the sounds of the siren but it goes fuzzy for a while after that. I woke up in hospital the next day, the itching was still there a little and I had all these red spots but I could breathe again."
Jack was looking at the young man in front off him. A silly allergy had almost taken this brilliant man out of his life before he really got started in the world.
"I remember being worried that mam and gran would be angry with me, but they just seemed so happy that I had woken up. I told them what happened and the doctor told me it was a good thing I had tried a little of the tomato; anything more and it could have been more serious. My gran was so upset, she blamed herself, kept trying to give me gifts every time I came over, but mam wouldn't let me have them." Jack laughed at the little bitter tone in Ianto's voice.
"I've only ever eaten a tomato one other time after that, it was a complete accident. I was out with Lisa on our second date, she fed me a bite of her food, un-knowing of my silly allergy and I broke out in hives right there in the restaurant. I've never seen someone so panicked in my life. As she started to call for an ambulance I couldn't help but smile".
They both fell into silence, Ianto's thoughts clouded with memories of happier times and Jack's clouded with possible horrors of what could have been.
"I know she wasn't Lisa in the end." said Ianto, becoming very interested in the food on his plate. "She was a heartless machine, but you have to understand in the beginning she really was as human as you and I."
Jack nodded. "What happened?" he asked, needing to know
"Here or in London?" asked Ianto, not wanting to give too much away, but he felt compelled to tell Jack every scary thought he had.
"Whichever one you want to tell." replied Jack picking up his plate again.
"I was down in the archives when the attacks came; it was just so loud with the screams and the shouts. I stayed out of sight. Lucky some people would call it, but I wasn't so sure afterwards. I made my way up to our floor, I needed to find Lisa, whether dead or alive, I needed to find her and I did." He took a deep breath, swallowing the pain killer with a gulp of water.
"They started to upgrade whole bodies, taking whoever they could find, taking them and turning them into machines. I found her in one of the conversion units, not completely changed and she was screaming, god Jack, she was in so much pain. I found the medical supplies, doped her up with enough morphine to hopefully ease her suffering. I didn't think she had long, but after the shot she looked at me, told me she loved me and she needed me to help her, to save her and I couldn't say no. I hauled her out of there and hid her, scavenged the items she needed around your team."
"After London?" Jack compelled him for the rest of the story.
"I slowly transferred her up to Cardiff. I knew of Torchwood Three and of you. I hoped I could persuade you to give me a job, move her into the base and try and change her back, return her to my Lisa before this all happened".
Jack nodded. "Where you going to seduce me next if the pterodactyl didn't work?" he asked, words tinged with anger at the thought of what he thought could have been something between them had been a game to Ianto.
Ianto shook his head quickly. "No," he whispered, "never that, I would have continued to show up and offer you coffee everyday, pestered you until you gave in or retconned me".
"So the flirting…?" Jack let the question hang in the air.
"I didn't mean to." Ianto replied sincerely. "It confused me in the warehouse, I thought you where going to kiss me and I didn't know whether I wanted it or not. The flirting was something I never consciously meant to do and it confused me more. Lisa accused me of being in love with you."
Jack turned to look at the younger man, shock apparent in those last words. "She got angry."
"The other bruises you have."
Ianto nodded
"She got angry and scared, lashed out at me, and I denied it, I couldn't fall in love with you, but I couldn't deny my feelings where confused. She was worried I would turn her over to you and then I found Dr. Tanazaki, and he was eager to see her to help, but I knew as soon as he laid eyes on her that he was more interested in studying her than saving her." Ianto quickly took a gulp of water, hoping to remove the lump in his throat.
"I think we woke the machine up." whispered Ianto, looking down at his hands. Jack watched, not making a sound in case it brought Ianto back and he didn't finish this conversation.
"When we took her off the life support, there was a sound, just a brief sound, like when you first boot up a PC, and then she was able to stand, to walk and I didn't notice, I was just happy she was still alive, but then it all started going wrong. I never put any conversion items on the table that I consciously know off, so I don't understand how the knives were there."
Jack nodded. He had seen the shock even in the midst of the panic. You couldn't fake that. He was sure that Ianto was telling the truth. "It wasn't Lisa by the time it was over, I do know that, but I had spent so much time on the plan to get her in, on what we would do once she was out that I couldn't let it go." Ianto looked at him, the hurt and pain still clear in his eyes.
"I can't sleep, I keep seeing you all dead, I keep dreaming that I've come back from a normal food run and there's Tosh slumped over her keyboard, blood dripping into the keys, and Owen, he's barely alive, lying on the steps leading to the medical bay. I run then, trying to find out what happened. Gwen's near the room Lisa was in, partially converted and dead, and all I can think about is you, where are you, and you're in the table, the knives slicing your skin and your screaming for help." he whispered, hands shaking.
Jack doesn't think about it, just grips the clasped hands in his own, stopping the shaking, wanting to provide comfort. "I've had that dream every night since it happened, I feel awful. I should be thinking about Lisa, and I do, I cry until I have nothing left during the day, just play our happy memories over and over, but when I sleep she's a monster and I can't feel bad that she was killed."
Jack pulled Ianto up and against him; his strong arms wrapping around the broken young man in front of him. "What am I suppose to do now?" asked Ianto, the tears falling faster.
"You need to grieve properly. The sleeping tablets should help keep the nightmares at bay and you need to take care of yourself. I know you haven't been eating and it won't help if you get ill." said Jack.
Ianto nodded against his cheek, finally letting it all out. Jack tried not to think about the fear and emotion he had seen in Ianto's eyes as he retold the story of Jack's death in his nightmare, he didn't want to get any hopes up.
They finished their late dinner, the silence more comfortable than it had ever been and Jack left feeling better than he had felt previously. He was sure that Ianto would pull through this now.
"Is he eating?" asked Owen, not looking up from scrubbing the autopsy table.
"How did you..?" asked Jack leaning over the banister.
"Don't be stupid Jack, I've seen the way you look at him, and the way he sometimes looks at you. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out where you went when the arguments got too much." replied Owen, cocking one eyebrow up at him.
Jack laughed a little. He didn't realise he had been that transparent when it came to the younger man. "I ordered food for us, made him eat. Did you know he's allergic to tomatoes'?" he asked, still surprised over the news.
"No." said Owen, scrubbing the table harder. "He never said anything when we ordered pizza, although it seems he didn't really say a lot."
Jack nodded, heading back to his office, leaving Owen to his cleaning, sighing. As he sat down, Jack saw the stack of paperwork sitting in his in-tray. He was sure he hadn't had this much work to do before and it struck him that Ianto probably did most of it quietly and with an elegance only he could, like so many of the jobs that got done around the place without anyone of them really knowing how or when.
He saw the post-it notes littering his desk, yellow from Tosh, small information about rift patters and possible occurrences and the pink angry ones from Gwen letting him know that she wasn't overly impressed with him leaving in the middle of their argument. He rubbed his tired face and crumbled the notes up, throwing them into the overflowing waste bin.
Jack made sure he was at Ianto's for at least one meal a day. He told himself it was to make sure that Ianto was eating, but he knew it was more. It was so he could see the man, watch him without fear of one of the other team members catching him.
"I think you're ready to come back to work." said Jack as they ate lunch. Ianto was still a little thin, but he looked a lot better that he had just over two weeks ago.
Ianto kept silent, chewing his cheese sandwich carefully. "Do you not want to come back to the hub?" asked Jack.
Ianto carefully placed the sandwich on the plate. "It's not that I don't want to come back to work, I do enjoy most of my jobs at the hub, but it's the others I don't think I can face, not after what happened, after what I did."
Jack nodded. He knew it would be hard for him, especially due to one particular member, but he didn't take Ianto to be the running scared type.
"I can't promise that it will be like it was, the others were scared and angry, but I can promise that they have tried to understand and that it will get better." The steel note in his voice spoke of sincerity.
Ianto looked up, seeing the truthfulness in his gaze. "OK, when?" he asked, giving in like he knew he would eventually. He really couldn't deny Captain Jack Harkness anything.
"Monday. I want you to get some more rest. Your first priority on Monday morning is to sit with Owen, let him give you a physical. I need to make sure that your at 100%, and then I think I should start training you for field work. Slowly mind you, just some weapons training and some easy missions at first." Jack watched as a small smile graced Ianto's lips.
"Monday it is, sir." Ianto replied, finishing the last of his sandwich, feeling the butterflies fluttering with anticipation in his belly at the thought of going back to the hub, of seeing the others faces and being around Jack once again.
Jack smiled and watched Ianto cleaning up after their lunch, moving around his own kitchen with the quiet grace that had first caught his attention. He gave an inaudible sigh and hoped he was strong enough to resist his own feelings.
The End
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