Hello, everyone!

So it didn't take long for me to get this up. I have a lot of new, great things planned for this story and I'm hoping you all enjoy it! Chapters will be up slower though as this is my senior year of high school and things can get pretty draining, but I already have the next three chapters written!

This is going to be a dark story with mentions of drugs. Please don't read if that might trigger you. Also, I don't own OITNB.

Here's to a second try at Hold Me Down. Don't forget to leave a review!

Enjoy!

"Time is an illusion. Life is bullshit."

I smiled up at the clear blue sky, the grass brushing against my skin. The wind blew my hair onto my face and I fluttered my eyes shut. Life was so perfect, so content right now.

"Everything in life is bullshit. And you know what else is fucking ridiculous? Those bullshit scenarios people ask you for god knows what reason. Like, if you were stranded on a deserted island, what's the one thing you would bring? What the fuck kind of question is that?"

A chuckle escaped through my lips. I wished I could photograph this picturesque moment between Nicky and I. The concrete below our backs, the dark sky with twinkling stars above our head.

"Because that's something that could fucking happen. Islands are a fucking joke. It's just ocean and ocean and ocean for miles. As if that's all I want to see when I wake up in the morning - that I'm surrounded by water that I can't even fucking drink because it's too salty. And global warming? Don't even get me started. What a fucking joke life is."

I opened my eyes and turned my head to the side, smiling again. Nicky's eyes were on the sky, counting each star. I brushed my finger against her arm and her brown eyes flickered to me, a smile tugging her lips.

"You're forgetting about the beauty in life," I said, brushing my fingers against Nicky's arm. "The stars shining in the sky. The moon with footsteps on it. The ocean that does just go on for miles and miles, but do you ever wonder what's underneath it? And who gives a damn if it's just you and I on an island, or you and I in the center of a bustling city, or you and I on the fucking moon. You're the only person in my world, the only one I have eyes for. Isn't that beautiful enough?"

Nicky moved her head so she was staring into my eyes. "You really do call bullshit on my cynical view of this shitty hunk of rock."

"That's because I don't stand for your shit," I said in response, smirking. "And you don't stand for mine."

"Your stubborn ass with someday realize just how stubborn I am in comparison," she said, sighing as she looked back up at the sky. "I'm a wreck."

"So am I."

"That's one thing in common."

"We're like puzzle pieces," I whispered as she pulled me into her arms. "Brought into this world because we fit together perfectly."

She smirked, pressing a kiss to my lips before resting her head atop mine as we both stared up at the dark sky. Wherever life takes us, it won't ever break us apart. Nothing was holding Nicky and I down, and nothing was keeping us apart.

But it seemed fate had other plans for Nicky and I.

five years later

"It's hers!" Luschek said, pointing his fingers to Nicky before his eyes drifted to me. "Or dammit, hers! I swear it's not! I mean I used to smoke pot every now and then but not heroin! Fuck no!"

Caputo didn't look at me, his eyes were only on Nicky. I risked a glance at her, noticing her trembling lip and wide eyes. She looked vulnerable.. I couldn't look away.

And in my head, I knew I had a decision to make. Caputo was growing impatient and Nicky's lips remained sealed. It was my limited freedom against Nicky's, and I knew regardless of whatever I could tell myself to convince me otherwise, Nicky would not be falling on this sword.

"It's mine, sir," I said, looking back at Caputo. My voice was calm as Nicky and Luschek both looked at me in shock. "It's my heroin. I stashed it here."

"And why should I believe that?" Caputo asked, jerking his thumb towards Nicky. "How do I know you aren't taking the blame? Trying to save her ass?"

"Because I told you it was mine," I flatly said. "I told you it was my heroin. I stashed it here, Nicky had nothing to do with that choice. Whether you choose to believe me is up to you."

Silence filled the room as Caputo stared at me, his mouth slightly agape. I've mastered my skills at saving Nicky's ass, time and time again. He then narrowed his eyes, eventually looking back at Nicky before returning his eyes to me.

"Take her down the hill," he said, nodding towards me. Two officers approached me, one of them jerking my hands behind my back to handcuff me. "Let this be a lesson to all of you! You bring drugs into my prison and you will suffer the consequences!"

The officers started leading me towards the door. I heard Nicky shouting something behind me, something that I couldn't quite make out. I didn't look back at her, I couldn't. But as the officers pushed me through the door and I heard Nicky shout my name, I looked over my shoulder at her. We locked eyes for the briefest of moments, long enough for me to catch the pain in her eyes.

But then the door closed before my mind could register any of her words.

The handcuffs around my wrists were becoming a familiar feel. Not a single emotion was felt in my body. No pain, no anger, no frustration or depression. My life had always taken unexpected turns for the worse and maybe I could finally say I was growing accustomed to it.

Because this was going to be my life now.

I've heard stories of max.. but the only that stuck was once you go down, you don't come back up. You are no longer remembered, only as another inmate that got send down the hill for a mistake. A mistake I didn't even make and would pay the price for.

All my life, there have been many obstacles that have been holding me down, drowning me inside, and now I was only getting shoved in deeper.

And it was all for a choice Nicky made. A choice to choose drugs, and despite the liking she holds for drugs over me, I would still take the blame. I would be sent down the hill just so Nicky wouldn't have to. She would remain surrounded by her prison friends and family, and I would suffer in max to keep her from suffering any more.

Because that's who I am. I help people who are at their weakest, most vulnerable states. Maybe that's what attracted me to Nicky in the first place. She was an addict whose addiction would only grow stronger, and I was someone who saw a chance to save someone. I saw a chance to be the hero of my story and make a difference.

Our love was a haunting. We've done unspeakable things, things that fulfilled my wildest fantasies and things that were the root of my reoccurring nightmares. She was a roller coaster filled with mayhem the moment she pulled me in.

As I rode in the van driving me to max, my eyes stuck on the building, I knew deep down I made a mistake taking the blame for Nicky. But at the same time, it was the right choice to make. Nicky always had me to fall back on because she knew I would always catch her. But this time, this time I was falling, too.. and there was no one to catch me.

And for once, I hadn't just pulled Nicky up from the depths of hell like I always have and always will. This time she pulled me in with her. And together we would rot in hell for her choice, the same choice that would always be holding me down.