Title: When You're Gone
Disclaimer: Yeah, yeah, Shonda owns Grey's and everything and everybody in it. I also don't own the song used.
Note: This is my first Grey's fic. I will damn sure reply to flames. Oh yeah, and Cristina has eyebrows. This is set after Season 3, let's just say his happened. This is from Cristina's POV. This has 2 chapters.
"He's gone. I'm free. Damn it."
I always needed time in my own
I never thought I'd; need you there when I cried.
Meredith held me there as I sobbed. She tightened her grip on me as more tears rolled down. It feels like years. It feels like the whole room is closing in on me. Even with my best friend, I still feel alone.
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
It's just not supposed to happen. I'm supposed to be getting married. I told him I could do this. I could be Cristina Burke, wife of famous cardiothoracic surgeon Preston Burke. I guess that's just not meant to be.
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much how I need you right now?
A few more hours passed until Meredith told me it was time for her to go. I held her hand. I don't want to be alone. I looked at her for some time until she sat down and she told me she won't go.
Now I wish Burke had not left. I need him.
When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone the words I need to hear
To always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you
I can't sleep that night but I still managed to get a little sleep. And when I woke up, the first thing I did was feel what's beside me, or what used to sleep beside me. I do not know why, but I can't remember what happened the day before. So I thought he left early for work. I got up from bed feeling like something is wrong. I saw Meredith asleep on the couch and I suddenly wondered what the hell is she doing here, and then I noticed Burke's trumpet was gone. I frantically looked around, his stuff are gone. I suddenly remembered what happened yesterday. I stood there in dead silence.
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do, reminds me of you
After standing there staring at the door for a minute, I went to the kitchen to make coffee. First I made mine, and then I got another mug, for Burke, not for Meredith. But I remembered that he is gone. Maybe I'm just so used to doing things for him. All that confusion filled up inside of me once more and in my rage, I threw both mugs to the floor. I just can't control myself. I suddenly started sobbing. I feel so lost. For a second I felt useless, something I have never felt before. I feel useless because I was not doing what I have wanted to do, and that's marrying Burke, make him happy. I felt a comforting hand placed on my shoulder and I hear Meredith telling me that it's alright to cry and that this will soon pass.
"I can't do this..." I tell her.
"Can't do what?" she asks me.
"I can't go in there and face him like nothing happened!" I scream at her face and she looks at me with disbelief. I cool down and she goes prepare her stuff.
"I'm sorry."
"I know...I understand."
It suddenly reminds me of me and Burke. That's what happens when we fight. We fight and then we kiss and make-up...It always happens.
"Ain't you going to work with me?" she asks me. I don't know. I really don't feel like going to work today. Even if we are now residents. But if I tell her I am not, I might get some sermon or get a little visit from the Nazi herself.
"Um...I'll just follow later." I lied to her.
"Okay then...see you later." She tells me and she gives me a long hug and she leaves.
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do
I then sat down on a chair in the kitchen, and I suddenly remember...this is where Burke proposed to me...And this is where I said yes. A small tear rolled down my face and I hurriedly stood up and walked around the apartment. Everything I walk by holds a memory.
When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much how I need you right now?
Did he think that I can't handle the pressures of being his wife? For a moment I was so mad at him that I grab a picture of us together and I shattered it. I can't control myself; I suddenly break everything there is to break.
When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone the words I need to hear
To always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you
A few hours later I find myself leaning on where his trumpet used to be, looking worse than last night. Am I going insane? So much misfortune has happened to me...I can't take it anymore. I wanted to die.
(Meredith's POV)
I felt pretty uneasy. Cristina's not here yet. I tried calling her, no answer. I tried paging her, nothing. It's been almost 3 hours. 3! She should be here right now! I guess I should go check in her apartment.
"Where ya' going?" Izzie asks.
"I'm going to check on Cristina." As I said that, a confused look formed on her face.
"She isn't here yet? She should be here now! Is she forgetting who she is? I'm coming with you!" Izzie catches up with me. George meets us in the lobby.
"Where ya' going?" He asks us. Izzie tells him we are going to Cristina. Another confused look and more questions and he joins us. I think about what Izzie told me earlier. Is she really forgetting who she is? I'm glad George and Izzie joined me...this might take a lot of convincing.
(Burke's POV)
Is she here? Is she here? I start pacing around the hallways, hoping to see her. My Cristina...the one who does not do rings, the one who is the best at everything she does, the one whom I met, who I knew, and who I loved. It's my fault. I made things worse. I turned her into someone else. Then I shattered her. It's all because of me.
(Cristina's POV)
We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
I was willing to do anything for him. I loved him. I know he loves me too, but did he trust me? I don't believe in happily ever afters but I could give him his "happily ever after"! ME! I'm so mad at myself. I wanna kill myself but I can't. I think about all those people I will leave behind.
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me
When you're gone the pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone the face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone the words I need to hear
To always get me through the day
And make it ok
I miss you
I need someone to be here right now. Someone who will always be here with me. I hear the door open and I hear Meredith's voice. Just the one I needed. I ran up to her and I hug her like there isn't any tomorrow anymore. I notice Izzie was there, as well as George. Meredith breaks the hug and I can see her tears rolling down. She takes a big breath.
"Where did Cristina go?" she asks me. I suddenly realized I'm not being myself. I don't smash things. I don't sob for hours. I don't fall into crumpled heaps. My goodness, I'm Cristina Yang! Cristina goes to work and save lives, not cry over a failed wedding for hours!
I turn back to my old self and I tell her, and I tell everyone in this room, "She returned". And Meredith, Izzie, and George all take relieved breaths, and Izzie, being a neat person, suddenly mutters "Now what the hell happened here?" and I look around the mess I had mindlessly caused. I laughed. We all laughed. Now that's something I should have missed.
I guess I'm ready to leave what happened before and just move on. I'm going to start all over again.
Phew! I felt like this was really long! I really hope this turns out well and please review!