THE CONQUERED
I. ALETHEIA
Leo stayed up every night working on the ship, but the shadows under his eyes were more prominent tonight because of the burden he carried at the bottom of his heart. This burden, of course, he finally told Piper McLean.
"A few weeks ago, I woke up with…this," he was referring not to the physical state he was in, nor was he speaking about the state of his mind. It was something more that had to do with his soul. "I woke up and it's been…sitting here in my head since then." His shoulders were slumped, back arched, fingers intertwined together. He had stopped spinning around in his chair when she came in the room. "Piper—Pipes, I know the truth. I remember."
He didn't need any explanation, and she didn't ask for it. She knew what he was talking about.
"Do you know?" He sounded more like he wanted to make sure that she knew, not asking her if she knew in the first place. "Do you remember?"
"I do."
"Then about you and me, in Wilderness School—"
"I know."
"It's all a lie," he said with awe and defeat. "The Mist fiddled around with our memories too much. I didn't know—I didn't—we were together, Piper."
She couldn't bring herself to face him. His gaze burned against her skin. She sensed his exhaustion and his frustration. "We were," she murmured. "But we aren't anymore."
They avoided each other these past few weeks ever since she started to remember, but she stole glances at him whenever she could, whenever he wasn't looking at her. Suddenly he was different than how she used to perceive him. From his zits and acne to his height and his curly hair—the little things that were endearingly cute to her or she had taken for granted—were magnified into something more charming. His eyes were more piercing and wiser, this version of him formed after she absorbed his wisdom from late night existential crisis conversations they had before under the warmth of blankets and staring at the ceiling littered with glow-in-the-dark planets.
It scared her. She remembered nothing about staying up every night to talk to Leo under artificial stars—they were about Jason, until the day the memories surged to her at night in her dreams, where it waited for her to wake up so she could take it all in. And now she had two versions sitting in her head, the difference was that she knew which one was real.
Things weren't the same as they used to be, and she wanted it all back. She didn't want this to break their friendship. At the same time, she didn't want to be willfully ignorant of what they have both learned. This was the truth, and she knew it.
Leo said, "What are we going to do about this?"
She opened her mouth, then closed it. Her emotions were bouts of waves crashing on her head, slowly killing her inside. She didn't know what to think, her feelings silencing her. "Jason," she whispered. "We have to think about Jason."
"Yeah. Of course."
"Whatever it is that we had before, it's all in the past." Saying those words only made Piper's throat dry and lumpy.
"That's reasonable." He leaned his back to the edge of his worktable, hand reaching out to his toolbox, but not taking anything from it. It just hovered around it. "But we didn't get...well, we didn't get any closure."
"What kind of closure do you want?"
"I...I don't know. I just feel like ignoring this isn't going to help us. We have to do something."
"But what can we do, Leo?" She finally looked at him and took a deep breath to ease the sting in her eyes. "What's there to...to look at?"
"You're a daughter of Aphrodite, you should know something."
"Don't look at me like that. Just because she's my mother doesn't mean I automatically become a love expert. You know things about love when you break someone's heart or have yours broken, or gone through so much that you have an idea of what love is to you. Love is a concept developed individually by our memories and experiences, and the way we perceive the textbook definition of the word isn't the same with all of us." She inhaled. "Leo, what makes you think there may be something between us?"
"You mean to say that there was nothing before?"
"No! I—I don't...I don't know how I should feel about this," Piper was too worked out over this. She bottled this inside her for weeks and it was finally spilling out. Even though this relationship had sailed, every moment alone with Leo was like cheating on Jason and it was a horrible feeling she wanted to get rid of. "I don't know if there is anything left between us. I don't know if I still have feelings for you. I'm confused and exhausted, and I just...I just can't think."
He was quiet for a moment. "I think…there's still something between us because we're standing here. We have to finish this."
Piper rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand. "How?"
He looked pointedly at her. "Break up with me."
She laughed. "And you think I should do it?"
"It's easier if you do it since I'm sure your heart belongs to someone else." He grinned. "Me...well, I don't think you should rely on me." He looked away, turning his back to her and placed his hands on the table.
This silence was so deafening and fragile, she wanted to break it not with words but with her fists. She hated it so much.
"You can do it, Piper," he probed. "Just a few couple of words will suffice."
"Leo..." She started. He lied. It was not easy. Breaking up was never easy, even if there was nothing between them anymore, even if there was nothing in the first place. Even if they were just playing pretend to dispel the uneasiness from their minds and hearts. It was not easy at all because her emotions were real and they were getting caught up with her, and she didn't want to break her best friend's broken heart, even if it wasn't broken or it was already broken from the beginning. "I think we shouldn't...be together...anymore..."
Piper imagined that the fist enclosed around her hurt would loosen. But it didn't. The hand clutched tighter it was breaking the blood flow all over her body. She feared she would stop breathing.
She continued on, "Things aren't working out between us. I love Jason now." He flinched. "I'm sorry, Leo. We need to move on. There is someone out there, waiting for you. I do believe that I am not the one you are looking for. There is someone better out there, someone's who's truly going to make your world upside down."
"But, Piper—"
"I'm sorry, Leo, I really am." Was he genuinely hurt or was he acting as she was? "But we have to go our separate ways." She let the tears roll down her eyes. She said all this while her bittersweet memories of them together flashed right in front of her eyes, the rising feeling of happiness that she cherished during her most depressed state of mind. This was puppy love.
She remembered the rite of passage all Aphrodite kids have to go through, to break a heart to become accepted. To think she would actually do it, to her best friend, even if it was all just play. It was not Leo's heart that she was breaking, but also hers.
"Well." He sighed. He looked back at her again. "We did it." He smiled sadly and opened his arms. "It's over now." She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his sides. She felt his hands on her back. He trembled, hesitating to pull her closer to him, for their bodies to feel their complete warmth and softness. Those privileges had been revoked just seconds ago But still, they did not want to pull away.
Leo led Piper to the entrance of Bunker Nine. When he watched the ominous sway of the trees' branches, he considered letting Piper stay for the night, since the forest was dangerous at this time of the night. "Be safe out there," he said.
She smiled and held out her pinky and ring fingers. He grinned and hooked her fingers together with his own pinky and ring. This was their thing. Not exactly like a pinky promise, but not quite like holding hands. They didn't remember how they came up with this, but it was their secret handshake together, minus the goof and the spitting on their palms. Piper liked to think that this was linked to their past lives, their reincarnated souls finally meeting again in the living world, and they connected through this little gesture of grace and mischief.
"Good night, Leo." She placed her hands on both sides of his head and kissed his forehead.
When she lets go, he looked down and smiled sheepishly. "Good night, Piper."
##
II. PSEMA
Piper wanted to be away from Leo, but when they were up in the air on a ship, that was impossible. She could ask Jason to fly them somewhere—a mountaintop, a small off-road village with kind people, basically Tibet—but he was too exhausted. Leo was in the quarterdeck commanding the ship, but to Piper, he was everywhere she went. He ghosted her, always following. She felt his hand on her shoulder, and one occasion felt them on her sides and it sent an electrical shock through her body. No, this was all in her mind. Leo's hands were placed firmly on the Wii controller that stirred the Argo II. He was not behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist, his chin on her shoulder, whispering words of comfort. His breath tickled her cheek and neck.
This ghost convulsed her, and she pushed him out of her head. That was not the Leo she knew. No, not at all.
A thought attacked her like a high-speed arrow piercing through the atmosphere and then into her brain. It completed the puzzle in her psych that has made her a ghost in the halls of the ship ever since she received the memories she didn't really ask for. On the quarterdeck, Leo was sharing a joke he made up to her boyfriend. When she entered they turned to greet her. Leo's innocent and worried eyes struck the final blow. Piper threw up on the floor.
She fell violently ill and locked herself in the sickbay where she was supposed to be tended. She did not answer to the knocks on her door, her friends calling out to her. She blocked away the plea of her boyfriend with her pillows against her ears. In her state of depression, she whispered her fevered thoughts, her tongue burning on the roof of her mouth, gasping for fresh air. Who are you, Leo? Who am I? What happened to us?
She wished to sink back to blissful ignorance. To the old Piper, whom Jason fell in love with. To talking to Annabeth and Hazel, her best friends. To joking back with Leo, dick around with him, pull petty pranks with their friends when they were pissy and rude.
They stopped badgering her to let them in and instead placed her food and other necessities at the door. They left these unguarded until a week later when Annabeth sat cross-legged beside it waiting for Piper to open the door. "Piper," she started.
She didn't meet her friend's eyes. "I really don't want to talk to anyone."
"Something is wrong," she said quietly. "You can't hold yourself inside, all alone. I'm here for you. Hazel and Jason are here for you. Frank and Leo are worried to deat—"
"Please, go," Piper growled. "Can't you just respect what I want?"
Annabeth hid her hurt. "We tried, but we can't stand seeing you suffer alone." Her voice shook. "Piper, you're destroying yourself."
She forced her charmspeak to her friend. "Leave."
The magic traveled through Annabeth's body. Piper sensed her resistance, but eventually, she stood up and walked away. Piper murmured, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," watching her friend go, hoping that she heard her. She pulled her tray inside and shut the door.
For days her skin burned. She wondered if Leo felt the sear of his flames when he summoned them. Even if it didn't hurt him, would it still leave burns? Once, she held his hand and felt scars, unhealed bruises, callouses. The roughness itself was defined, each line in his hand prominent and memorable to her senses. In the dark, she could tell it belonged to him just by touching it.
##
The darkest hour arrived, and Piper reduced herself on the verge of death. Her friends must have sensed it too, because they banged on the door, now demanding with loud voices to let them in. She desperately needed help and they planned on breaking in the next day if she wasn't going to answer soon.
Their voices rang in her ears like standing between church bells. She wanted them to shut up, but she had lost her voice, her power. It amused her that even though she was dying, they still respected her request of being left alone, even if it was just one day, even when they were about to break it for her sake, and violate what sense of dignity and privacy left with her to save her life.
At night, when she felt like she was taking her last breaths, she heard a voice outside the door. "Are you still breathing?"
She gasped, then exhaled her hot breath. Smoke curled out of her lungs. Her fingers were stiff, only her ring and pinky sticking out of her fist. The cold air around her made her skin sizzle. Her eyes were clogged with mucus and it proved difficult to open her eyelids.
She sensed the person sliding down to the floor, with their back against the door. "Jason's supposed to see you, but he was exhausted all day, fighting off tentacle monsters from a completely different realm—" he laughed quietly, "—but all he could think of was you. He's sleeping like a rock in his room. I can't wake him up, and there's no use to rousing him up to keep you awake and breathing." He paused. "The thing is, Piper, I can open the door. I lied to them that I don't have anything to let them in and take care of you. But I don't want them to interfere with your battles. I know you can handle them yourself. If we can't get in to help you, you have to come out by yourself." Leo paused for a moment. The silence cuts through and Piper closed her eyes, savoring the sound of his voice. His knuckles knocked against the wood like he's trying to dispel the bad luck. "You still alive?"
She nodded and gulped down more air into her system. Not like the answer mattered since he couldn't really see her. With all her remaining strength she crawled out of her mattress and to the door. She leaned her shoulder and pressed her working ear to it.
"Mind you, I'm not good with people as I am with machines like this ship, but that doesn't mean I don't understand them. I'm dense and annoying, but I am not all that bad. I do believe—well, I like to believe—that I am a good person. Do you think I am?"
The last piece of the puzzle that almost killed her finished its transformation in the creases of her brain because he was coming out of hiding; the Leo that no one knew was speaking to her right now. The Leo who was quiet, melancholic, and grounded. The Leo who cried himself to sleep. A form he did not reveal and would not dare be comfortable to be when anyone was around…except for Piper because he knew. He knew from the beginning, and he had been bottling up all his feelings and emotions for her sake, for Jason's sake, for everyone's sake. The rational Leo spoke to her, so very much like Annabeth, who thought it was smart to keep themselves shut and meditate on the facts instead of letting their emotions run them to the ground. Like what was happening to her. Right now, it was his mind trying to reach out to her heart.
"Piper? Did you forget to breathe?"
She burst into tears. "I…remember, Leo," she choked out as loud as she could for him to hear. "I remember our history….together. I don't know…how I am supposed to handle it…when my memories came back. It…hurts me that the person I was until that point…were made of manufactured lies, a chess piece…to move forward in this...war we have to fight in. A strategic point to combine two powerful camps into one...Like a political marriage. I know that my memories of Jason were fake…but ignorance got the best of me…the Mist got the best of me…because I still thought that deep down…they were true. That my feelings for him…are true."
He banged his fist on the door. "What makes you think they're not true now? After all the days you spent with me telling me everything you hoped for in your relationship? After all the nights you cried for Jason because you're afraid of losing him, afraid of seeing him dead on the floor or ripped to shreds? And how about the days when you hoped—and prayed—that there is a future between you and him? There is no way all of that is fake. Piper, you love him with all of your heart, and I feel it from you, even through this door standing between us. I'm not allowing you to break up with him just because we have a past together. There is nothing between us anymore. Nothing."
She smiled tiredly, slowly taking in the depth of what he said. It broke her heart how willing Leo would throw away so much to make sure that she was happy, how fast he would sacrifice this after he found out about the truth. Maybe he, too, went through an exodus that would make and break him, and he emerged with scars that no one saw but was deeper than Piper could imagine. He, too, must have sunk into despair. "Your faith in me makes you cute. But I'm not strong as you think…"
"You're one of the strongest women I've ever met in my life. No, the strongest. It may seem like I'm in control of my emotions, but I'm not. I'm barely keeping myself together. If I lose myself in my feelings, then who's going to save us both?"
He banged again several times on the door, each beat with measured timing and rhythm. "Our sense of reality has been broken...and now we're both lost. You may not be strong, but I'm sure as hell you're stronger than me. How about you come out here and save my sorry ass?"
Piper silently wept, snot and drool rolling down to her chin alongside with her tears. It was true that their sense of reality broke down in pieces. She remembered two different versions of a memory, both of them true to her. Her mind could not properly comprehend the emotions accompanied by the scenes and images that washed her the day she received her memories when she woke up simply remembering all that needed to be remembered.
The banging stopped. Quiet sobs on the other side. He tried to start whatever he wanted to say but gave up.
She sank back to her bed and slept a dreamless sleep. In the morning, Jason walked down to the sickbay, quietly cursing to himself. Piper emerged from the doorway with ragged hair, dirty clothes, but a zen-like aura surrounded her. In her eyes, no storm stirred, but instead worldly peace of the mind.
##
III. ELATTOMA
Piper's body curled around the warmth that embraced her. When it tried to slip away, she searched for it, placing her arms around it again. She sunk down to this heavenly feeling, like cushions, pillows, and clouds. Warmth turned into softness, and softness turned into skin, and this skin built the world around her. Her five senses came one by one. Her moments in paradise did not last long. Something shattered inside her. Something flew away from the back of her mind.
She jolted awake, like a person emerging to the surface after being underwater for a good amount of time. Her body didn't catapult, but she writhed under a tangle of arms locking her down to bed, and there was little room for her to move.
The source of the warmth was from Leo, so close to her face she could see his budding facial hair above his lips and a little on his chin.
Panic hit numbed every part of her naked body. She pushed Leo away violently, waking him up. She gathered a blanket to cover herself from him. The urge to cry came to her. The urge to scream, to yell, to lash at him, but she suppressed it all inside her and killed them. She didn't know what the time of the day it was, and who was awake right now. She didn't want to be seen coming out of his room. She didn't want to be found in this room in the state she was in. She needed to calm down and figure out what the fuck had happened.
He too seemed bewildered with their situation. He looked at himself and this realization of having done something that shouldn't have been done dawned on him. A mixed expression of guilt and regret settled on his face.
She said nothing to him and hastily gathered her clothes on the floor. Tears ran down her cheeks. Someone knocked on the door, and they both froze. Stared at each other. For a second—and only this second—they were together, regardless of how angry or worried or confused they felt at each other. Like cheating lovers working not to get caught.
"Leo?" They knocked again. It was Hazel. "If you're sleeping, I'm sorry to wake you up, but..."
"I'm up!" He broke eye contact and grabbed his clothes, started getting dressed. "I'm up, I'm up." He quickly approached the door, not glancing back. Piper crawled under his bed, in case Hazel wanted to come in. She held on to her blanket and clothes against her body. Her palms sweated.
"What is it?" He opened the door as little as possible, and slipped outside, locking it behind him.
When it was all quiet, Piper cried everything that needed to be let out, laying there under the bed, she clung on to the rumple of clothes and blanket as a lifeline.
She listened to the murmurs beyond the room. "You've seen Piper around?" Jason was saying that to someone. Maybe Frank, maybe Nico, or maybe even Leo. They didn't respond. She didn't stir from her place, and concentrated on her breathing, on calming down her heart, on clearing her mind.
She climbed out of her hiding spot and got dressed in yesterday's clothes. Wrinkled for holding it too long, too hard. She walked out of the room, moved to her own cabin to grab another change of clothes and headed towards the girl's bathroom. There, under the drizzle of water, she began to think and recollect.
She remembered nothing about last night, how they ended up tumbling into his bed, what they thought and what they said to each other. Nothing, nothing, nothing. Last night was a blank slate.
Were we drunk? Anecdotes of people forgetting their actions between copious amounts of alcohol consumption and passing out were dumb. Alcohol could make them do stupid things, but it would not wipe their memories clean of their stupidity. It didn't kill brain cells. They would remember eventually, and even then they would still pull the I-don't-remember-a-single-thing as an excuse for their actions. Anything to get wash their hands of responsibility. Besides, Leo did not bring any liquor aboard the ship. (As far as she knew.)
Did he take advantage of me? Jesus, the thought of that disturbed her to the bone. He wasn't that kind of a person, and she knew it in her heart. Why would she think her friend that way? She dispelled the thought, but the way he looked guilty and afraid suggested otherwise. Maybe he remembered while she didn't. Maybe something else was bothering him. (Maybe she was wrong on this. Maybe she didn't know Leo's true nature.)
She needed to talk to him about this. But she wasn't ready to face him yet.
She searched for answers in her own head. Instead, she found...gaps in her memories. Like mental eye floaters, permanent dark spots in her vision, and she couldn't find a single way to get rid of it. Scratch it out and it would hurt.
Her brain was on the verge of cracking itself into two. She pressed her head against the tiled wall. "God, help me."
For the entire day, Piper didn't leave the mess hall, and Leo didn't leave the quarterdeck. Frank and Nico cooked meals, as Leo insisted on staying to steer the ship. Jason and Hazel zipped in and out, checking in on Piper to see if she was okay if she needed anything like food and company. Apparently, a few weeks ago before arriving in Rome, when Percy and Annabeth were still with them, she fell in a state of depression and illness. She refused to be taken care of, but she "magically" got well one day without their help.
Piper remembered nothing of that incident. And to be honest, it seemed like the depression part was about to kick in. Maybe if Piper wasn't so ignorant about her health then she would start to remember, with the right kind of diet. She pondered on ditching her vegetarian streak in favor of the meat's nutrients but thought otherwise. More vegetables in her system would keep her going.
Leo never ate with them and requested his meals be brought to the quarterdeck.
She spent the night in Jason's cabin, cuddled in his arms, listening to his breathing. She slept for two hours, but was wide awake for the rest of the night, left with her thoughts to fiddle and play around. The ship hummed around her. In the morning, she asked Jason if he could request Leo to land somewhere. They were pressed for time to go to Greece, to save Percy and Annabeth, but it didn't hurt to do a little detour, right?
Jason asked her, "Where do you want to go?"
"Somewhere green, somewhere quiet," she said to him.
A while later, the PA system of the ship sounded. "We'll have a pit stop in the beautiful mountains of Dinara, everyone. Go out and get some fresh air."
The ship nestled itself in the forest surrounding the peak of the mountain. Coach Hedge was the first to unload himself out, stretching and taking in the flora and fauna around him. Hazel and Frank went out, searching for a nearby farming village to barter and exchange some supplies. They wouldn't be seeing a Costco to stack up for food soon.
"Let's fly out," she whispered to Jason, taking his hand. They headed up and admired the aerial view of the mountains. In the air, Piper welcomed the breeze, not too hot and not too cold. Her boyfriend's arms were wrapped securely around her waist, his chest against her back brought a sense of love to her.
"Split is not far from here," Jason murmured to himself, and his chin moving against the back of her neck tickled her. Then after a pause, he said, "You okay, Piper?"
She nodded, not saying anything.
"You've been forgetful lately," he said. "And you're the least forgetful person I know."
She laughed. "I thought the same thing about myself."
They landed in a clearing. He moved away from her and stretched his arms and legs. Piper felt cold and incomplete. But not in a sense that she needed Jason to feel whole again. The dark spots in her memories bothered her to the core, and he provided a distraction at least.
Jason turned back to her, gripped her hands, rubbed the back of her hands with his thumbs and brought them up to his face to kiss them. "You know, I'm here for you. You can tell me what's bothering you."
I slept with your best friend. She smiled, stood on her toes, and kissed his forehead. She did not remember sleeping with Leo, but the implication of being in his room, both of them without clothes under the blanket, was enough to make her connect the dots. It bothered her, and maybe it bothered Leo too. "Thank you."
"But I can't juggle between the two of you." Jason scratched his head, worried and frustrated at the same time. "Leo looks stressed, too. Now we're worried he's going to go through the same thing as you did back when you were sick."
She linked arms with him and placed her head on the side of his shoulder. They started walking in the direction of the ship. "Maybe we should talk to him."
"I tried that. He would not shut up with telling me jokes and puns in both Spanish and English. I admit it's annoying, almost made me mad at him, shout at him to stop it." It was visible on Jason's face that the thought of shouting was something he'd instantly regret when he would have done it. It was simply not his nature to do so. "He just knows the right ways to make anyone burst out."
They walked quietly, listening to the birds singing, and the bushes rustling, rodents going in and out with the food they scavenged.
The ship came into view. Coach Hedge happened to recruit Hazel and Frank to do yoga with him at the base of the ship. Both of them tried to relax and get into the positions, but something simple-looking as the Down Dog position were met with difficulty, especially for Frank, who had to bring his bulky weight to his butt.
"We'll figure something out," Piper said, hugging her boyfriend's arm. She made up her mind. "We'll bring the old Leo back."
She wished she was given time to get a grip on her reality. But they were all stuck together in this closed space, in land, sea, and air. She could not avoid Leo no matter what she would do, and to let this issue go unsettled for a long time, especially when they had more pressing matters in hand, like a couple of their friends in the deepest level of hell, and the world ending in a month, was stupid and immature. She needed to take and fix this as much as she could. If Jason picked up on the tension between her and Leo, he would draw conclusions. He might as well already have started to think that way.
##
When everyone went to bed, Piper came to the quarterdeck, she entered quietly and leant on the door, taking a glimpse of her friend for the first time since he left her alone in his room.
Leo looked fresh from the bath, with his hair still wet, water dripping down to the collar of his white T-shirt and jeans. The monitors in front of him blinked, showing several locations in and outside of the ship, except for the washrooms and their bedrooms.
He looked exhausted; his eyes were cloudy and unfocused, his shirt untucked with unpressed wrinkles. Leo turned his head towards her. He blinked like she was a ghost. "Hey," he greeted, voice rough and scratchy.
"Hi."
He went back to the monitors and eyed the view of the foredeck. "Do you need anything?"
"We...need to talk."
He gulped. He seemed to steel himself from what Piper had to say, bracing himself to the words that might hurt him. "Okay. Let's talk."
"I'm not here to condemn you."
"Sure you are."
"Do you believe you did something bad?"
"I'm afraid of you thinking that I did something bad." He was shaking, hiding his face away from Piper. He was scared of her, and she wished he wasn't. Now she felt like she did something bad to him. "I don't have any means of defending myself, and to be honest, why should I? I know I did nothing wrong, but I don't know if you'd believe me on that, I don't even know if I should believe myself too. Because, Piper, I don't remember anything a single thing before that. Honest to god, I don't remember how we got there. So if you came here for an explanation of what happened, or if you want it to be forgotten, you don't have to, because I've really got nothing."
She looked at her feet. "So you don't remember anything, huh."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"I'm wiped clean, too. I don't recall a single thing. And it's weird since I don't remember other things, like the last few days. So I doubt we got drunk or something."
He turned to her, letting go of the Wii controller. He was crying. "I don't want to hurt you, Piper. It's the last thing I would want to do. And even though we don't remember anything, if I did hurt you, then I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. God, I don't know what else to say. I don't know if there's any way to….take it all back."
He wobbled on his feet, wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt. She moved towards him, grabbed his shoulder, and kept him standing. "We bothdid something stupid, Leo. You shouldn't take the blame all for yourself."
He shrugged his arm away from her grasp. "How can you be so sure about that? How can you be sure I didn't take advantage of you?"
"Would you?"
"Of course, I wouldn't. But human nature is iffy, Piper. We can switch gears at times without knowing, become completely different people. We have our own Jekylls and Hides, times where we show who we really are in the dark."
The remark made her do a double-take. It made her doubt her trust on her friend. It made her doubt on everything that was true to her. Made her scared of him. "Do you truly believe you did nothing wrong?"
Leo sniffed. His gaze was steady and strong, so unwavering, like his loyalty to his friends. "I do."
She took a relieved step back. "Okay. I trust you."
She thought for a bit. "Do you wonder why we can't remember anything at all?"
"I don't know." His shoulders slumped. "Does it really matter?"
"It does. How will we ever know the truth, Leo? How will we ever know the chain of events leading to that? What were we thinking before then? It's scaring me to not know these things when we should. I don't even remember becoming sick to the point I almost died. Do you?"
He snorted. "You got sick? You always look healthy to me, probably because of your veggie diet."
Piper said what she started to think. "Leo, there's something more than just what happened that night. There's a bigger picture, something that's trying to prevent us from seeing it, and they keep taking it away from us." She rubbed her arms, shrank in her place. "Don't you feel like you're missing something?"
He sneered at her and turned his back to her. "Honestly, Piper, I feel like something has been missing since I lost my mother in the fire. I don't know what it feels like anymore." After a pause, his face melted into concern. "I hear you. What's the point you want to make?"
"Do you remember how we both realise that our memories of Jason in Wilderness School were manipulated by the Mist?"
"Yeah?"
"Did our real memories come back?"
Leo glanced back at her, the fact sinking into him. And when their twinkling eyes met, a mutual understanding connected them together. They knew that Jason being in Wilderness School were fabricated memories to make them feel like they had a connection with him before, and yet they stuck with these memories as if it were the truth. Until tonight (but is it really the first time?), they never really ventured to the past, as other things and thoughts kept them busy.
"So you get what I mean," Piper continued. "I think this is what's happening right now, with both of us."
Leo grimaced. "But do our real memories matter right now? So what if there's something between us? It's not like we can be together. You have a boyfriend, and I mind my own love life. I think it says a lot about the way it's supposed to be. They don't want us to remember. It makes life simpler for us. What matters to me is whatever outside force that took away our memories, they scrubbed our brains clean at the wrong time. Because now that they've done that, we're left with their mess and it's risking our relationship."
"Leo, we've got to fight for the truth. I don't want us to be left in the dark. Someone—the gods maybe—is hiding something from us that could be important. We must have found it because they don't want it back to us. We have the right to keep what they took from us because it's ours."
He slapped his hand on one of the monitors with such force Piper jumped. "But what if the truth destroys our relationship? What if we don't have a history at all, and we actually hated each other in the past and the only way for us to be friends is to forget all about it? What if it destroys everything that we've carefully built, like this ship and our friends in it? Maybe there is a reason for all of this. If giving us manufactured memories and wiping unnecessary ones keep us on toes.…then maybe….maybe that's just the way it is."
Piper clenched her fists to her sides. "So you don't want to know….anything at all?
He gritted his teeth. "I don't want things to change between us. I don't know, Piper, I just don't know. You're my best friend and I can't afford to….to lose you. I want to know what happened just as much as you do, but after that, then what? What would it accomplish?"
Piper's previous passion for this new mission deflated. She reached a dead-end. "Well...I don't know what to say. I thought you'd be the type to go and chase the truth."
"I am. I'm….selective of the battles I want to prioritize. I'm more worried about us. Sorry, Piper, I have too much in my mind right now. If you want to go on a quest on seeking the truth, I'll support you but I can't go with you."
Piper pursed her lips. "I'm surprised you're not as enthusiastic in changing your destiny. It just goes against everything that I know about you. You know, I always think you're Leo the defiant demigod who won't take no shit from anyone. Like you always have control of your own destiny."
He suppressed a smile. "Our entire quest to save the world is determined by a sing-song poem by the Oracle. I thought about it hard. Maybe we can change what it means, but we can never go against it."
"Okay." Piper backed herself on the wall. "I guess it just hurts to know that I'm not the master of my own fate."
Leo watched the monitor featuring the masthead, unmoving. "We'll win this war, I promise you. And then you, me, and Jason, we'll ride off into the sunset together when this is all over. How's that sound?"
She smiled. "That would be nice."
Leo walked towards her and leaned on the wall beside her. They said nothing for what felt like hours, looking at different directions, but never to each other. "I'm sorry," he said. "About that and about this. I'm not ready for the truth. If what happened two days ago was a glimpse of it...well, I don't know about the rest. I don't know what it'll do to both of us, to all of us."
She remembered how much she wanted to hurt Leo during that time, from her waking seconds quickly putting the blame on him. She thought her whole world has been destroyed in that morning—but it did, and she picked up the pieces and put them back together, so it seemed like nothing was wrong. "Maybe it'll come back to us. Maybe we didn't sleep together. We just decided it was a good idea to strip down naked, climb to bed, and sleep."
Leo laughed. Rubbed his eyes. Red and puffy and resigned. "Yeah, maybe."
"When this is over, we'll get them back. We'll wait."
"Waiting is good."
"We're still friends?"
Leo started to reach for her hand but stopped mid-air, curling his fingers into a fist before returning it to his side. Piper pursed her lips. Her ring and pinky finger itched like they wanted to touch Leo's. "Yeah. Of course. Nothing's change between us."
"Nothing at all."
##
When they arrived in Split, her memories came back to her, filling the gaps in her mind. It humoured and disturbed her that she and Leo did go to bed together (platonically) after talking about their quest (and their relationship) and she decided to sleep over in his room (like there was nothing wrong with that), but because of the temperature of the room, Piper woke up at certain times in the night to remove her clothes without knowing that she had company. She rejected this memory for its absurdity, but gradually she came to accept it. If this was the truth, then it was. When was she to judge when her whole life was already absurd with gods and monsters all around her?
Along with the returned memories, she was back with the old Leo. Old Leo, whom she joked and pulled pranks with, and sometimes who talked about their worries and insecurities. Old Leo, who would push her away sometimes when she offered an ear to listen to, but sometimes pulled her back for her help when he needed it the most.
Something in the back of her mind tried to pry into her unconsciousness, tried to "shake her awake". It persisted like an itch, and there was no way to scratch it out. They told her these memories were golden teeth planted to her gums, not her real ones, which were uprooted long ago.
##
IV. PALI
Leo felt the darkness enclosing around him. Something was leaving, and it was leaving him.
He chased after it. To lose it again was to lose everything. To lose it now was to lose himself. But what he chased were abstract thoughts that kept slipping from his fingers, and moved away when he touched it. Clearly, it did not want to be held. But he had every right to have them on his hands because they were rightly his and to be toyed around like a doll whose parts you can disassemble and reassemble angered him. And anger was an emotion that Leo did not want to venture too far with. Anger empowered him, turned him destructive and dangerous, especially with his pyrokinetic abilities. The urge to destroy ran in his veins. He wished to destroy this darkness and find the light.
To sink again in a state of unknown despair is to sink into a state of blankness. Every time the process repeated, he lost a bit of himself and he didn't want to go through it again. He didn't want to be reduced until he was nothing until he was a shadow of his former self. No matter how painful the truth was, no matter how much carrying these memories hurt both him and Piper, in the long run, he didn't want a part of him getting taken away. Those memories defined him.
He shouted, "Give them back!" The darkness translated his voice into different sound waves, and out came from his mouth was instead a roar of a lion being carried out by the wind. "Give them back you sons of bitches!"
Now the dark wrapped themselves around his wrists and ankles. He struggled for freedom, for control.
"You can't keep doing this!" The dark crept up to his face, ready to take over his mouth, to flood his organs. "Are you listening? You can't hide the truth from us! You're going to give them back to us. Do you hear me, Hera? HERA!"
As the invaders filtered through his head in search for leftovers, he clung to the last remaining memory—the feeling of his first kiss with Piper—as hard as he could before they pried it away from him and kicked him in the ass.
##
Leo woke up in his makeshift work table, the breeze caressing his hair. The gentle morning did not calm his erratic heart. He stood upright and stumbled backwards. This body was not his own. There was a disturbance in his soul. It silently screamed in pain but no wounds were visible. He bled but nothing trickled.
"Are you okay?"
He swivelled around to look at the source of the speaker. Calypso looked more concerned than annoyed. On her hands was a pouch, containing the items that he had requested from her the day before. Under the morning sun, she was so beautiful it was criminal.
(she was wearing red again)
"I'm—" Leo suddenly lurched forward and collapsed on the sand, pulling down his tools and work on top of him.
##
On the ceiling were not stars but crystals. Under him was a soft bed, and he was surrounded by pillows. The smell of jasmine wafted the air. It was no use trying to toss and turn. His entire body was heavy. His throat was clogged, and he was having a hard time breathing.
"You dreamed." On his left sat Calypso, with a bowl of hot water and a wet cloth. She squeezed the cloth and rubbed it against Leo's face. "That is unheard of in this island."
He leaned and tried to catch Calypso's touch every time her fingers brushed against him.
"What did you see?"
"I…did not dream," he croaked. Each word had to past through a series of gates in his mind and mouth.
The towel was getting cold. Calypso pulled away and dipped it back into the bowl. "I know what you say is not the truth, but you are not lying. You believe that you didn't dream."
Leo took slow, deep breaths. His eyelids were heavy. His breath stunk. "What…do you….mean?"
She closed her eyes. Her small lips were plump today. "I sense it. Your spirit is grieving. Something is taken away from you. Something...important. In your dream, your spirit fought when you shouldn't have, but you are defeated. And in return for your effort, you were on the brink of death."
"Are you…saying…my dream…tried to kill me…?"
"No. You yourself want to risk your life for what is precious to you."
Over the course of the day, Leo slowly regained his strength. Calypso refused to spoon-feed him and waited until he could move his arms. He sat up on his bed and fed himself the soup that she made for him. The meal must have magical components because after an hour he was back to his old healthy self again. Except there was a level of fatigue he couldn't sweat off.
Later that night in the cave, Calypso declared, "You lied to me, Leo Valdez. You have a Penelope."
He was getting dressed in the fireproof clothes that she made for him a few days ago. His eyebrows scrunched together at the accusation. "What do you mean by that?"
She turned her back to him, placing her hands against the rim of the basin. "Your heart sings of pain. Someone is looking for you."
"My friends are looking for me, I know that for a fact."
"You know what I mean."
Leo did know what that meant, but he was starting to think that she was pulling his leg. "No one is waiting for me. They have got to be crazy enough to actually love me." She shot him a glare, her eyes watery. She was biting her lower lip.
He staggered a bit. His heart skipped a few beats. "You….you're not saying…."
She stormed out of the cave. Leo followed her, grabbing his jacket. She stood near the fountain, with her head down, hands folded in front of her. She glowed under the moonlight, with her dress softly illuminating her form. He looked at her so differently ever since he first crash-landed into this island.
But it wasn't just her that changed. Something about the island changed the moment he stepped out of her home. He stopped and reached out to touch her shoulder, but she turned around, slowly, to look at the moon, then to face him. "It's here."
"What's here?"
She grabbed his arm and started pulling him out of the jungle and into the beach. "Calypso—what's here?"
"Your ride!" She wasn't looking at him. "Quick, we must get ready before it goes away!"
"What do you mean by ride? You mean—you mean I can leave?"
A large wooden raft was waiting on the shore. Calypso lets go of Leo and ran into his little Leo, started gathering his things—his supply bags, his tools—and ran with them to the raft. He watched her, dumbfounded, with the sudden realisation of how the magical raft and all the stories she told him about men she loved inevitably leaving her connected together into one meaningful narrative. It was her curse after all.
"What are you doing there, standing? Help me!"
"But—"
"Your Penelope awaits!"
At this, Leo rushed towards her. She spun around when he stood behind her, wrapping her arms around him. He buried his face into her naked shoulder. It didn't matter if the raft left without him. He had all the time in the world, and the world outside could continue to burn, but it would burn without them. He would be here, safe and warmed by her love, and even when Gaea's wrath would reach to this island, they would at least die together.
He pulled her back, his hands on her arms. "Calypso, you have to believe me. I...I have no Penelope at all."
##
V. TIMI
The goddess changed forms in front of them, but her steely gaze did not. The weather could not be more appropriate to come with the wrath of Hera, even though lightning and thunder were not her flairs. No, above them was Zeus who had come out of Olympus and raged against the unjust decisions of the Fates. No, this was not how the Fates intended it. This was not according to their design, the design carefully and intricately weaved into something that connected each end to end. Someone ripped that fabric apart and the world fell with it.
Piper cradled Jason in her arms. She caressed his hair gently, felt his warm skin turn cold, cold, cold. His face was smeared with blood. She tried pulling him back with her voice, with all her power. His heart had stopped beating just minutes ago. She placed her hand on his chest, hoping to feel it beat against her palm with all the wishes and prayers she thought in her head.
Leo knelt beside her. Scars from their battle decorated his face. His clothes were singed by the claws and teeth of the monsters. He placed his hand on Jason's arm and looked up to the goddess. "Please, give him back to us."
The sky rumbled. "There's nothing I can do for you, demigod. We cannot change the way of the Fates."
But where did they went wrong? Was it when Piper burst into Leo's room and told him about their past, their history together since they met in Wilderness School after they rescued Percy and Annabeth from Tartarus? Was it when they held hands for a moment, but Jason walked in and saw it? Was it when he started forming these thoughts in his head? Who knew, maybe he had these thoughts in the beginning. And these thoughts led to his actions. Up in the air, when they removed Gaea from the earth and cornered her, he took Leo and Festus's place in the split second before the crash. And before the explosion, before the comet of fire struck, she saw him look at her. This look that broke her heart and made her realise that something went wrong along the way. "For you," he seemed to say to her.
His body should have been turned to ashes in the wind. They should still be falling from the sky. But before they hit the ground, they were in front of the goddess, with Jason's body in between them, saved from the fire. When she had shaken all of her daze and came into a realisation that there was still hope, in haste, Piper pulled out the physician's cure, but it was all just a bundle of clothing. The vial was equipped to Festus, who was not present with them.
Piper clung to Jason tighter. She wiped the blood from his face with her thumbs. His hands were fried for holding Leo when he burst into flames, for pulling him out of his place. Then he blew him and Piper away with all his force, away from the crossfire.
Leo cried out to the goddess, "What do you mean it's inevitable? I'm supposed to be dead, not him!" He gripped his best friend's arm. "Not him, for the love of god."
Piper glanced at him. She was angry that she was tricked into thinking that she had the cure with her when he, Hazel and Frank planned an elaborate scheme to catapult him to the state of near-death in the end of it all, to catapult him to the love of his life far away, in a different dimension. A scheme that failed because of human nature's complexity. Had Leo ever thought that what could go wrong, would go wrong? Why did he have to hide his clever plan from everyone? Was it because he knew deep in his heart, what he was doing was selfish, that this girl was a secret that he should keep for himself? At what cost?
She gradually calmed down. No one was at fault. Leo's destiny to die and be transported to where he needed to go was the way it was supposed to be. All the people who died in this war was supposed to die, to pave the way for the future. This was supposed to happen. But Jason made a decision and this was the result of the ripple effect that started ever since Leo and Piper told each other what they remembered. An act of defiance against the Fates and the universe. She just wished Jason wasn't selfless.
"You're in denial, demigod," Hera said. "What can happen, will happen."
"If it's supposed to happen, then why are we here? Why do you want to see us?"
An exasperated sigh from Hera. Her anger changed into distress. Pity. "The sorrow in your hearts created a paradox in time, and brought us here, where time does not move and tick. It is not us who wants something from you. It is you wanting something from us."
"Please," Piper sobbed. "If it means there's a way to bring him back, we'll give you anything."
"We cannot bring the dead back to life."
Leo laughed. "That's not so much as the case with Hazel. Give an exception. Please."
"This is what the prophecy foretells us. To break it apart is to break the balance of the world. Even we have to play by the rules, Leo Valdez."
He brought his fists down to the earth. "Damn it! Damn it all!"
Piper focused on Jason's face, caressing and whisper his name. Maybe, this time, her powers would work. Maybe, this time, Jason would hear her and come back to her.
Hera turned her face to the sky before speaking again. "There is…a way."
They both looked up. Hope grew in the hearts. "If there really is a way…" Piper whispered.
"For a hefty price."
"We'll give it to you!" Leo yelled. "If it means bringing him back, then take it! What is it that you want from us?"
Hera gave them a side-way glance. "Your relationship."
Lightning flashed behind her as if to agree.
A sense of dread and impending doom loomed over the demigods. "I don't….understand," Piper murmured. "What….what relationship?"
"The relationship between the two of you is the price." A beat. "Your memories of your history together, your relationship, of your love for each other—the memories of when you first met, up until now, when you two are here, you will give them to me."
"You want us to…give up the truth?" Piper said.
"Both of you have a resilient relationship that even after numerous memory alterations they come back to you. They have been coming back more frequently than before. But if you willingly give up your memories, then they will never return to you. These memories will enter a universal circulation—it is your ticket to go back and prevent all the ripple effects that you have caused, to start over again without your memories returning to you at any point. Or, you will be taken to another universe, where Jason lives and the prophecy is fulfilled the way you want it to be."
Piper and Leo slowly turned to each other and stared. They imagined all their emotions and memories bottled up and thrown into the ocean. It floated but would never be found because it was part of the ocean, the world, and it was what tied it together. "I…"
After all this time, after all, those days and nights feeling imperfect and in pieces. Living in denial, as if her whole life was made of Mist, that she lived in an idealistic world. What she saw what she wanted to see. And when the memories came back, the delirious nights and conflicts of what was true and what was not, their sense of reality distorting their visions and the way they thought. They raged—rather quietly when they found time alone—to the gods for concealing the truth and alternating their minds and reality for the sake of fulfilling the quests. They held on these memories and emotions like clinging to the ledge of the end of the world and by letting go they fall into a void, never to see the light, never to find another solid ledge to hold on to, to keep them rooted. Always falling, always lost.
Leo broke his gaze away and looked back at the goddess. "Okay."
"Leo," "You can't—"
"I'm sorry, Piper."
"After all, we've gone through—"
"There's...nothing between us. You have your Jason, I have my own girl. From the start, we were...never meant to be. They keep taking away our memories. There's a certain direction we have to go."
"That's not true and that's never true. There is something between us, no matter how much we've denied it. Maybe it isn't the way we thought it to be. It's something else, I know it, I can feel it."
"We give up these things and we'll lose nothing. We'll get Jason back and everything."
"No, Leo, we lose everything because we lose the fight."
Leo pursed his lips together. "We've already lost, Piper. It's time we throw in the towel. We did good."
She couldn't believe what she was hearing. She couldn't believe he was giving up. She looked away and cried. There was no need to be strong for herself and everyone, or hold back the rest of her tears. Her heart could only take so much.
Leo knelt in front of the goddess. He bowed down, his forehead and his palms against the earth. "Please, Tia. Bring my best friend back. Take what you need." His voice broke and he too let his vision turn blurry and wet. His strength left him there in the dust.
"Take mine, too." Piper looked up. Leo raised his head and glanced at her. "If it will reverse our mistakes..."
The queen of the gods surveyed their faces. "Do you consent to give up the truth to bring my champion back?"
They looked at each other for one more confirmation and they nodded together. There was no turning back now.
"Very well." Hera brought her hand and placed them on Jason's forehead. Jason's body turned into golden dust.
Piper gasped and tried to catch the dust in her hands. She bit her tongue to fight her grief, even though she had run out of tears to cry for him and the future that would come to her.
"It's okay, we'll see him soon enough." Leo scooted back to her side. "We'll see him soon enough and he'll be alright. You won't have me breathing down your neck when you and he are making out in his room." His laughter was tinged with pain and remorse.
"I'm scared." She did not want to go back to that constant dissonance she felt after her memories were stripped away from her mind. That mental discomfort and itch she would feel forever. And now, whatever memories they would construct for her reality, she was going to accept it because it would become just. She would not be the same Piper as she was right now. She would not remember that she had given this up to shape the world the way she and Leo wanted to. This was death. Jason's sacrifice for her was in vain.
"I'm scared too." He leant his head on her shoulder. "I care about our past just as much as you do. But it's just...too painful for me to take. I always think you're too good for me."
Piper held his hand and leant her cheek against the top of his head. "I don't think the fight is over, Leo. Even if we don't remember our past, as long as we're still ourselves, I think we'll still keep fighting. Maybe we won't see the truth anymore. But we're going to keep fighting for something that's worth just as much or maybe something much better. We'll find a way to get them back."
"How are you sure that we'll still be the same people?"
"I guess...I have a feeling." She looked down his hands. His scars and the bruises he earned in the quests they survive through, from the inventions he created, would stay. Their bodies—who had withstood countless physical and mental pain and abuse—would still be the same.
Jason's act of defiance sparked something in her that brought a whole new understanding of the world that no one else did. When it was impossible to predict the outcome of everything even though they lived in a deterministic universe, he burst through the constrictions of the prophecy and the threads of fate and paved his own path. Even though his sacrifice was all for nought and they were going to reverse it, he inspired her. One day she would make a choice when it seemed like there was nothing to choose from. Why would she wait for the opportunities when she could in little sparks. Jason showed her that there is free will. She trusted herself that she would make the right choices in the future.
The world around them—including the goddess and the sky—crumbled and dissolved, breaking into glass shards. Leo's breath caught itself. He shook in fear and gripped her hand tighter. It was a beautiful and terrifying sight. "We'll still be together on the other side. I guess, just not in a conventional way." He sat up and held both of her hands. His brown eyes grew intense. "I love you, Piper. If you haven't known that from the beginning."
The all-too-familiar sensation of something leaving her took over her body. She cupped his face and kissed his lips. Their foreheads met and they closed their eyes, shutting away the chaos around them. The wind around them picked up and blew everything, but his breath tickled her face and neck. Their senses left them one by one. One by one. One by—
##
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Even before he got electrocuted, Jason was having a rotten day.
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##
VI.
Piper found Leo on the deck of the ship, gazing up at the stars. He propped his elbows on the ledge and hands under his chin. His eyebrows were furrowed together, and a large frown spread itself on its. He noticed her approaching—although he tried to look like he didn't notice her—and quickly changed his demeanour. He faked a smile to the star.
She stood beside him, shoulder to shoulder. "Something's bothering you."
"Hmmm. How can you tell?"
She reached out and pinched his big nose with her forefinger and middle finger and refused to let go. "It's all over your face, stupid. Stop trying to hide everything from me."
He flailed and tried. "Okay, okay, I want my nose back," he said in a nasal voice.
"If I let go, will you tell me?"
"N-not really, but I do want to breathe."
Piper sighed and let go. Leo stumbled back but steadied himself. He took a deep gasping breath, like emerging from the surface of the water. He exaggerated, of course, that was obvious, but it was loud and almost real to her. He shook his body and fixed his curly hair.
"Are you thinking about her?"
Leo pretended to look confused. But his lips formed a thin line, and his eyes looked defeated. "Yeah. I…well. I don't know what to say. She's all in my mind. And I'd really like to concentrate once in a while." He sighed. She knew that sigh. He enjoyed thinking about this girl that occupied his head.
"Hmmmm." It was Piper's turn to hum. She turned back to the stars. "Can you tell me all about her? Maybe? If that would help you remedy the fact that you're missing her a lot."
Leo's back rested against her own. Some of the curls were able to sneak under her collar. "Shut up, McLean." He covered his face with his left hand. "I'll tell you if you're prepared to stay up all night because boy I've got a wealth of information for you."
She grinned and hooked her pinky finger and her ring fingers into his own. They clasped on tightly.
"Bring it on."
END
kelly: thank you for your nice review! i will keep your feedback in mind. i first started writing this late 2015 and finished early 2016, but i just posted it Dec 2017 both as a traditional fanfic and as an interactive text format. thank you for reading! :)