A/N: Season 7 has been so inspiring so far. My smut fairies went wild for a while, but I figured it was time to let them rest and give this idea some love. This entire fic was inspired by the picture used for the cover art. It should be about 8 or 9 chapters long, depending on where the characters take us towards the end. Back into the angst we go.

Disclaimer: I do not own Castle or any of its characters. The dialogue in this chapter was quoted directly from "Watershed". I did not write it nor do I claim any ownership over it.

My Decision

"It's not the sky I'm asking for,

I'm just having trouble finding north.

I've gone as far as I can go,

Trying to find something that feels like home."

-Finding North by The Civil Wars

There's no doubt about it, it was the worst fight they've had since becoming a couple. It's been two weeks since she's seen Castle. Two weeks without him in her life and yet it feels like years. She knew it was going to be bad as soon as it started, after all, lying to him was the worst thing she could have done. She never expected him to completely cut her off though. No calls, no texts. For the first time since she met Richard Castle, he was completely silent.

Even now, as she packs her things in-to boxes for her move to D.C., she can't stop replaying the fight over in her mind. It's haunted her every day since he walked out her door.

"What's this?" Castle asked her as he picked up the little slip of paper that had fallen from her coat pocket.

She asked her question before she turned to look at him, continuing to prepare the meal she was cooking for them. "What's what?"

"Boarding pass…" he said, his words still calm, and yet her insides clenched with the guilt she was feeling.

"Castle…" She struggled to find the words that would keep this from escalating into a fight.

He studies the boarding pass. "You fly to D.C. yesterday?"

She takes a deep breath. "Yes, I did."

He looks up at her then, his eyes interrogating her before he even asks his question. "Why?"

"I was invited down for an interview." There's no point in lying to him now, he deserves the truth from her.

"What kind of interview?"

She knew that question was coming next. "For a position with the Federal Task Force."

She could see the anger building and the pain that flashes in his eyes. "I'm sorry, you interviewed for another job, in another city and you didn't tell me?"

She doesn't mean to be defensive but it just kind of spills out. "I didn't tell you because it was just an interview and I knew that you would be upset."

He's starting to close himself off, to retreat from her lies, and she can see it before he even steps away from her. "Yeah, yeah you're damn right I'm upset."

And in spite of the fact that she doesn't want to push this fight, she continues to defend herself. "Castle, I just wanted to see what was out there. What's wrong with that?"

"What's wrong with it is you hid it from me. In fact, you lied about it. I wouldn't do that to you."

And he's right, he wouldn't, but it's not his life that's in question right now. "Castle, this isn't about you. This is about me, this is about my life."

He blinks again, trying to mask the dagger that she's driving into his heart. "So, you're seriously considering this?"

Is he seriously asking her that? "Yes. This is a wonderful opportunity. It's a chance to do more."

"Without me."

Why does it have to be one choice or the other? "Castle, please don't do this. Please don't make this about us."

"I'm sorry; tell me how this isn't about us. You get this job, you move to D.C., I'll never see you. That's pretty much the end of our relationship isn't it?"

His point is valid but it doesn't mean it's correct. "You don't know that. And I probably won't even get the job."

It's clear by now that he's done with this, done fighting for them when she seems to have already made her choice. "That's not the point. The point is, you knew what this could mean and it didn't occur to you to include me, or worse, it did occur to you and you chose not to. Now what does that say about us? Not much if you ask me."

He brushes past her and grabs his coat. This isn't the way she wanted this to go. "Castle…"

"I can't be here right now."

Those were the last words he said to her as he walked out her door that day. Two weeks ago. It's been miserable and she hates it. She hates that she's so closed off. He tried to work his way inside her walls for years and when they finally got together he thought he'd managed to do so. Her choices could argue that point. She misses him so much it hurts deep down inside.

She should have never thought that by choosing her career it would mean that she couldn't chose him as well. He deserves more credit than that and she didn't even give him a chance to prove how devoted to their relationship he really was.

There's nothing she wants more than to for him to come back for her, to show up at her door and demand that they not give up what they have. He hasn't. She's never been good with words and she doesn't think showing up at his door again will solve anything.

She took the job and she's moving to D.C. and there's not really much else to say about that. To him it seems as if she picked the job over him and truthfully, she did. If only they would have sat down and had a serious conversation about where they were going, it might have changed things.

Now she's alone in her apartment, packing her life away. She starts emptying a drawer from her desk into a box when she spots a pad of paper. She can't move to D.C. without talking to him, without letting him know how she really feels. She loves him and she doesn't want to walk away from him.

For years since her mother passed away she'd been trying to find her way, her north star. She needs to find her place, her home. She's had to let go of too many things in her life, and her heart can't take much more. He needs to know.

She picks up the pad of paper, finds a pen, and stretches out on her bed. If she can't give him her words in person, she'll give them to him on paper.

An extreme heartfelt thank you to Bri, for the cover art, beta, and most importantly your friendship. Xoxo

Thanks for reading! I would love to hear your thoughts. Xo