Crumbling. The walls were collapsing in on itself. Her vision began to blur as she felt her legs give way. She heard a strangled cry, it was probably her own. It was all too much. It wasn't supposed to end this way. The war was over. After the Battle of Endor they had spent the last several years destroying the last pockets of Imperials. It was the most peaceful the galaxy had been in twenty-five years. She was finally allowed to have real hope of a future. To marry the man, she loved, maybe even start a family in a galaxy that was finally safe for her children.
It wasn't even supposed to be a dangerous mission. He was safe; she had no reason to worry. She remembered that morning like it was yesterday. He was due back to arrive from a month long mission. By the end of the day she would have him back. She longed to have him back. The feeling of his warmth, the gentle look in his hazel eyes, even that infuriating smirk- she missed it all. She would never admit it, but the nightmares where worse when he was gone. She had lost too much too young; he kept her in the present when the horrors of her past tried to drag her away.
She put on his favorite dress of hers, a creamy lace sundress. It was the one he had proposed to her in. She smiled at the memory. She even her long hair down, plaiting it just enough to keep it from falling in her face. She allowed herself to day dream of his smile as he came down the Falcon's ramp. The entire morning seemed to drag by as she awaited their anticipated hour of the Falcon's return.
But the ship didn't come. She waited at the docking bay, her eagerness quickly slipping into anxiety. Despite her brothers pleading she wouldn't abandon her post. Her stomach rolled uneasily, the thought of food made her queasy. She couldn't possibly dream of sleep if she wasn't surrounded by his strong arms.
But the ship still didn't come. It wasn't until the early hours of the morning that she saw the lights of a ship in the distance. Her heart began to race. She felt as though someone had physically lifted a heavy weight she didn't know she was carrying off her shoulders. He was home safe.
She watched as the crew began filing out of the old freighter. The Falcon didn't look any worse for wear but, something was off. None of the crew, all people she knew fairly well, looked at her. Some of them even seemed to be going out of their way to avoid eye contact. The only man that didn't completely avoid her presence only lifted his eyes to meet her gaze long enough to give her a small smile. It felt like a condolence.
She sighed a breath of relief when the large Wookie made his way down the ramp. If the Wookie was okay, her fiancé had to be too. They would never let anything happen to the other. She ran up and gave the giant figure a hug, only when she pulled back did she see his somber expression.
The words the Wookie murmured would have broken her heart no matter what language he spoke. She felt her knees give way before she even had fully registered the meaning behind his words.
Leia Organa had lost nearly everything she had ever loved. When Han Solo was killed by one of the last pockets of resistance to the new government, her last hope died. She didn't remember much of what happened after Chewbacca gave her the deafening news. Not the rest of the day or many of the ones that followed. Many of her close friends feared for her life, as she spiraled into a deep depression, seemingly void of all emotions.
That was five years ago. Five years since she had gotten engaged to the man she loved. Five years since his funeral. Five years since she had given up all hope. Five years since he gave her one last reason to carry on.