Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Stargate characters. I am writing this for entertainment, and I am not making any money from it. This disclaimer extends to the whole story.

Warnings: There will be sex in this story.It will not happen until later chapters, though. Please let me know in the review section if you would like to be warned again when it does happen, or if you would rather be surprised.

Author's Note: I'm starting with some of Kerry Johnson's diary entries. Since we know so little about Kerry and her character is open to interpretation, this helps to fill in the gaps. I don't normally write in first person, but in this case it helped to get me into her head a bit and get the story started. It switches from journal format to first person in the first chapter, and then to third person in the rest of the chapters. I am also using the airdates of the episodes as a marker for time.

Music Lover's Alert: If you enjoy listening to music while you read, I recommend "Where is the Love" by Roberta Flack and Donny Hathaway. It inspired me during the creation of this story.

Prologue

[December 22, 2004]

I've been getting that feeling again that Jack is not entirely there. It's like he's on another planet or something. Actually, that could be the case. I've been going over his mission reports and two of them mention that he impregnated alien women. In one case, he was under the influence of a drug. In the other, she simply didn't know when or if he could get back to Earth. That can't be it, though. He clearly knows he can't hide that from me, so why wouldn't he talk about it if it was bothering him? I've asked him more about those particular missions, and he didn't have any problem explaining things to me, so it has to be something else or someone else that's bothering him. I just wish he would tell me instead of keeping it all bottled up inside.

[January 1, 2005]

The holidays with Jack have been great. From time to time he stares off into space, but otherwise he is really fun and active. He has had to go off on emergency missions a few times, but the routine stuff has been down to a minimum. That will probably change soon, though.

[January 4, 2005]

Jack came back from a rescue mission today. Well, it started out as a rescue mission, but in the end it turned out that Harry Maybourne didn't want to be rescued. He was actually happy leading his life on another planet. I asked Jack again if he still felt that Earth was the only place he could be happy. He just got that wistful look again and shrugged. I pressed him further, and after a couple of beers he told me that Maybourne has wives, three or four of them. After that, he started rambling about traditions on other planets, becoming gradually more and more incoherent. He then started talking about someone named Pete. That's all he went on about for the rest of the night. If Pete hadn't stuck his nose into things, Jack would be living in a castle or something, apparently. I'll ask him again when he's sober.

[January 5, 2005]

Jack wouldn't tell me about Pete. He just groaned and told me not to let him drink so much next time. I don't think I can comply with that request. He says interesting things when he is drunk. It's like he finally starts to open up and I get a glimpse of what's really bothering him. Whatever it is, I wish he would just come out with it and tell me. There's nothing I can't handle.

[January 15, 2005]

I think I figured out who Pete is. I'm not sure if it is the same Pete yet, but right now it is all I have to go on. He's a cop who was granted access to the SGC after persistently spying on his girlfriend Samantha Carter. He knew she was up to something, and he wouldn't take no for an answer. I'm not sure whether I find that romantic or creepy. Then again, I've done my fair share on investigating boyfriends, but only the ones I thought belonged in prison.

It's different with Jack, though. I feel guilty about trying to figure out what he is up to. Then again, it's not like I went out of my way to figure out something I'm not supposed to know. Pete was waiting outside the facility with flowers and a foolish grin bragging about his hot date and how he was just waiting for her to get off work. It made me shudder. I'm glad Jack isn't doing that. I mean I would like it if he introduced me to more of his friends, but keeping it quiet is better than prancing around like he owns me or something. I've been there and done that.

Anyway, I'm still not sure that's the right Pete, but if it is I can see why the guy would annoy Jack. I'm not going to let it bother me until I know more.

[January 18, 2005]

I should have known all along that it was Carter. He's been through so much with her, and there is no way I can compete with that kind of bond. There's no point. She'll always be more important to him. They saved each other's lives countless times, and I'm just an Earth-bound nobody. Then again, so is Pete. I'm still confused about why Carter is going out with him. Is being mundane a desirable quality to someone who visits other planets on a daily basis? That reminds me… Jack said that he solved a little mystery today. He was having visions from the life of a barber and it turns out that they were connected through some special ancient stones. He found it quite relaxing and was sorry to see the visions end, but he was glad that he had me. I guess I'm the release from all the tensions in his life. I just hope I'm enough to keep him satisfied.

[February 7, 2005]

I get the feeling that Carter might be dating Pete to make Jack jealous. I also think it's working. The way Pete parades his intentions towards her is a bit sickening, and Jacks seems extra upset whenever he encounters Pete. It's a quiet type of thing, though. Obviously Jack can't do anything about it anyway, so he's just sitting there watching her slip through his fingers.

At least he's not dating me to make her jealous. She doesn't even know I'm with him. I'm not sure whether he's pretending to be single so he can run back to her on a moment's notice if she suddenly becomes available. She'd have to resign, though… or he would. It just makes me so uncomfortable. I want to know that I am investing my time and energy in something I know will last.

Closing Note: Please review! I always appreciate constructive criticism, corrections on grammar or details, suggestions for inspirational songs, fan art that I can use for the cover or post on my facebook writer page, and anything else you want to add.