This, my loves, is what is known as a "revenge fic". If you're wondering what I'm avenging, well, just check this link (minus spaces): .net /s/ 80 17 91 5/1/ A_Very _Gabby_ Love_ Story or search for "A Very Gabby Love Story". Dakota as mentioned below is HarryandGinny246, aka Drakota Floodle Malfoy-Snape-Riddle the Snarwhal. Review if I totally won.

DAKOTA'S POV

"Today I don't feel like doing anything, except staring at my picture of Draco's head! Don't have a problem with Muggleborns, but I drink the blood of unicorns, and hey, look! My robes are better than yours..."

I awoke the second my favorite song came blasting through the Gryffindor girl's dormitories and immediately lunged for my phone. That was a special ringtone to notify me that there was a Slytherin within fifty feet.

I leapt out of bed and rushed to my mirror, primping and touching up my homemade Dark Mark from where it had rubbed off from my fervent clutching of it in my sleep. Then I flew out the door, throwing myself against the wall and flipping my hair to try and achieve the elegance and suavity that made me find Slytherins so irresistible.

Suddenly, my knees gave way and my heart ignited in the passionate way I had come to attribute to the presence my love, my darling, the most Slytherintastic Slytherin I had ever met in my entire sorry, pathetic Gryffindor existence...

"Hey, Tyler." I purred, my eyes glued to his flawlessly Slytherintastic face. He blinked.

"Dakota." He grunted, and I had to catch myself before I swooned. His hair... it was just so... Slytherin.

When he turned and walked away, I had to stifle a moan of pure misery from his sudden absence. I closed my eyes and took deep, shuddering breaths, steeling myself against the loneliness and despair that washed over me.

Once I was ready, I crawled out of my emo corner and joined Gabby, my gloriously radiant and supremely wonderful Ravenclaw friend as we made our way to Potions. Once we were within ten feet of the classroom, I immediately checked my reflection out in the mirror.

"Gabby!" I cried after her in exasperation after she hastily tried to retreat. "Do I look okay?" I pursed my lips and waggled my eyebrows in a 'come hither' gaze I saved special for that certain someone.

And there he was now...

I didn't bother masking my sigh of admiration and longing as Professor Slughorn swept past. He was so not my type... he wasn't Italian, he didn't have any hair, and his eyes were a mottled green. But he had a decent Italian accent when you gave him the right potion, his scalp was greasy enough to satisfy me, and though they weren't the blue I usually adore his eyes captured the Slytherin aesthetic perfectly.

Not to mention he was the Head of that idyllic House, and therefore its embodiment...

I sat way in the front of the classroom, my eyelashes fluttering madly, and Gabby slid in beside me. She wanted the seat for academic reasons... pfft. That weirdo. D'you know she actually finds Joey Richter attractive? What a loon! I chose this prime seating for the fantastic view it gave me of Slughorn's wonderful flab. I have a thing for flab.

Oh, and what wondrous flab it was! I let out a wistful sigh as his arm flab bounced as he slammed his hand on my desk. When he cried out my name in exasperation I nearly fainted.

"Drakota Floodle Fadelefoysnaridonstutte, pay attention! This is a very important lesson in which I sing to the heavens my eternal, powerful love for you which can only be described as Aphrodite-blessed l'amour."

I smiled in utter delight at his words. "Oh, Horace, I love you dearly as well!" I cried, enraptured. He frowned, and Gabby sniggered.

"He said we would be learning how to make Amortentia. He didn't say he loved you." She told me kindly, patting my hand. "Keep dreaming."

"Oh." I said. I suppose I should be mortified that I just proclaimed my love for my teacher loudly in front of the entire class, but really, it was no secret anyway.

I decided to let Gabby make the potion today, as everything I touch immediately dies a slow and painful death and I had plans for the Amortentia we were concocting.

"Finished!" She proclaimed after stirring the incandescent potion with a final flourish. "Shall I take it up to him?"

"NO!" I screamed, lunging desperately for the vial in her hands. "I have to sniff it."

She frowned, momentarily perplexed, and then her expression cleared. "Ah... I suppose I want to know what I love as well."

I grabbed the vial and held it under my nose, using my emerald-green-manicured fingers to waft the scent towards me. "Mmmm," I murmured, eyes closed. "Grease. Lots of grease... and swampy muck... but there's something else there as well." I puzzled over it for a moment, and then exclaimed, "Oh! It's the deliciously vile and slippery scent of Slytherin!"

Gabby rolled her eyes. "No, it's not." She told me. "It smells like parchment, Red Vines and explosions."

"Yeah... you've got terrible taste." I replied skeptically, grabbing my things to leave for lunch.

STUTTE'S POV

I watched Dracota closely as she gathered her things to leave for lunch. Even the way she slung her polka-dotted bag over her shoulder was graceful enough to make me want to tacklehug her on the spot. But no... she liked Slytherins. POOP! Why did I have to be sorted into Hufflepuff?

Suddenly, I froze. She was drifting past me, and I could smell the copious amounts of Snape's hair grease she bathed in as perfume... the very same thing I had smelled in my Amortentia. I swiveled around to envelop her in my embrace, but she ran past into the waiting arms of David Moberg.

DAVID'S POV

I hugged Dakota as she ran towards me, closing my eyes and breathing in deeply as the scent of Snape's hair grease wafted over me... the very same thing I had smelled in my Amortentia. I had told her that the only way I would date her is if she would bathe in the stuff so that I could pretend it was him when I closed my eyes. In turn, she demanded that I always wear inflatable arm flab so that she could pretend I was Slughorn.

We had an open relationship. We may be formally in a relationship, but I was still free to "hang out" with the Sorting Hat whenever the desire arose, and she still had her weekly romps in the Room of Requirement with whatever Slytherin she managed to snag.

Speaking of an open relationship... I thought as I realized Dakota had subtly pushed us towards Professor Slughorn with the force of her hug. Now he-and the rest of the Slytherins-had a full view. I had no doubt why she had done it; she had been using me to try and make them jealous since the start of our relationship. I didn't really mind, as I dated her as a ploy to lure Gaige into my arms.

DAKOTA'S POV

I bid a heartfelt farewell to David, making sure Horace got a good, clear look at us. I could only hope his insides were boiling with fiery rage and envy the way mine did whenever he mindlessly caressed a potions flask.

Then I made my way to the castle grounds, jogging to keep the pack of Slytherins in view. I could only hope in was late enough in the summer for them to start taking off shirts.

Suddenly, my view was blocked by the worst thing I could possibly imagine-a non-Slytherin male.

"Oh God, somebody kill it!" I screeched, flying backwards and trying desperate to hide behind Gabby, who sighed.

"Hullo, George." She said tiredly. "Let me talk to her."

With that, she swiveled around and whispered forcefully at me, "Dakota, you little Slythindor dropout, you better realize right quick that Slytherin is BAD and anything other than Slytherin or Hufflepuff is GOOD."

I gulped, steeling my nerves, and timidly poked my head out from behind her.

"Hello, non-Slytherin male #17." I told him, my voice taut with revulsion.

"Hello, Dakota." He said cheerfully. "I was wondering... would you like to go to HOgsmeade with me this Saturday? It would be like a double date: Fred and Gabby, you and I...?"

I stepped confidently out from behind my Ravenclaw bestie and eyed him critically.

GEORGE'S POV

I scuffed my shoes in the dirt, flinging prayers to the heavens that this mother-of-all-awkward-moments would end. The only reason I asked her was because Fred thought Gabby would be more likely to have fun on their date if she wasn't worrying about Dakota the entire time. Last Hogsmeade visit, Gabby had to rescue her from Snape, who had gone on a jealous rage when she told Slughorn that while she didn't have any crystallized pineapple, she had something else she thought he would enjoy covered in sugar.

I snapped back into attention as Dakota spoke. "Are you Italian?" She asks me briskly.

"Um... no." I replied, puzzled. Who would ask a ginger that?

She snorted derisively. "I see. Are you a Slytherin?"

Blinking confusedly, I pointed to the Gryffindor crest on my robes.

"Oh, dear. And are you a wannabe bad boy who's really just a wimp?"

I stared at her incredulously while she eyed me expectedly. "No." I finally said firmly.

"Well then, what are you doing here? You're blocking my daily dose of Slytherin." She demanded stuffily, than turned to Gabby and let out an exasperated sigh.

"Men these days." I heard her say in disgust as I hastened away as fast as my legs would carry me.