"Get a move on it, sockhead! We ain't got all day!"
"I am handling this task with my upmost effort, Eddy! Do you not grasp the concept of patience?!"
Eddy grumbled and looked at his (homemade) watch. The tiny figure of himself on the watch's face pointed his arms nearly towards the top. It was almost noon. The scam-of-the-day today was a haunted house, which used Eddy's own home as a template. His other friends were unable to use theirs due to either cleanliness or trouble with a certain baby sister.
The boy known as sockhead was nicknamed for his iconic black sock on his head. His real name is Eddward, although everyone but his parents call him by his other nickname Double-D. Double-D slowly climbed up the ladder, trembling the whole way through. The first step of the scam: decorate the outside of the house starting with the roof. But like all of their scams, something went wrong.
"Eddy, I'm afraid this ladder is far too unstable! HELP! Gahhhh!"
The ladder began to wobble in a dangerous fashion, at one point nearly tipping over. Fortunately for him, the ladder stopped shaking and stood still. The boy with the sock wiped his forehead and let out a sigh of relief. His troubles were not yet over, however.
"What is that, I hear? A citizen screaming for help? Fear not, for Ed has come to save you!"
A tall boy sporting a unibrow and an oversized green jacket charged towards the ladder. Ed was the third member of Eddy's "Ultimate Scamming Corporation". He was a foil to Double-D's intelligence and weakness, having the brain of a rock and the strength of titanium. Although sometimes, Ed would be a liability to their plans.
"Ed, you idiot! Wait!" Eddy said, attempting to stop the beast. But it was too late. Ed crashed right into the ladder and broke off its entire bottom end. The ladder stayed midair for a bit, before leaning over backwards towards the backyard.
"Good lord! Noooooo!" Double-D yelled. He lost his grip on the ladder's rungs. His life began to flash before his eyes. Double-D closed his eyes, waiting for his inevitable demise. He had been closing his eyes for a while, and nothing happened. Eddward finally opened them. He was actually sitting on the ground without any injury. His fall was cushioned by something soft on the ground. The cushion was Eddy.
A pinkish hand shot up from under Edd's back, grabbed his shirt, and threw him off. Eddy got up with a tint of red on his face. He looked back at his scam-in-progress, which was now completely ruined. A cardboard figure of a ghost floated to Eddy's side and landed. Eddy turned to Ed and growled. Ed had made a hole in Eddy's wall from the momentum. Ed was leaning next to the hole reading this week's edition of "Gravy Illustrated."
"You idiot! You ruined everything! Once I get my hands on you...!"
"Mornin', skipper! Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?"
Eddy sprinted towards Ed with his arms raised. "Eddy, your face is red like that Gargantuan Mutant from Intergalactic Space Pasta!" Ed exclaimed. Ed got up and laughed wildly while running around the backyard. It was a wild goose chase with the two boys running in circles. Double-D sighed to himself and dusted off his shirt. "It always has to be the same gimmick every day. I just wish we could perhaps do something different for a change," he said to no one in particular.
The chase quickly ended when Eddy, just as he was almost caught up to Ed, bumped hard into a tall figure. "Oof!" he cried. He landed on his back with a thud. Eddy rubbed his forehead and looked upwards to see a tall boy with strange blue hair.
"Ho, ho, greedy Ed-boy! Rolf admires your appreciation of the son-of-the-shepherd's ears!"
It was the local foreigner of Peach Creek, Rolf. With an accent as deep as a sea trench, Rolf was what most neighborhood kids considered weird, including the Eds. Rolf stood at the fenced entrance of Eddy's backyard and was holding a squirming catfish. His trusty pig Wilfred was sniffing a fallen cardboard pumpkin by Rolf's side.
"Why, hello there, Rolf. What brings you here?" Double-D asked.
Eddy walked up and put his arm on Rolf's shoulder. He tried his best inconspicuous tone. "Uhh, we aren't doing anything, Rolfy boy. We're just uhh... testing out Ed's gravy comics?"
Ed jumped onto Eddy's back without warning. "Did someone say gravy?" Ed asked excitedly. Eddy grunted and attempted to push the heavyweight away. They were both interrupted by Rolf again when he suddenly slapped the two with his catfish, turning their faces into a slithery, shiny mess.
"Today is Rolf's, Ed-boys! You know me now as Toyuyek! Nana has already prepared for the journey! Glorious, yes?" Rolf seemed to be in quite a good mood.
"So?" Eddy said, rubbing his stinging face. Ed put his finger on the fish's slime and smelled it.
"The candle burns bright when the gerbil has been shaved and the radish boils at midnight!"
"Say what?"
Double-D cleared his throat and stepped in front of the two other Eds. He breathed in, and prepared to speak.
"Rolf, what exactly are you talking about?"
Rolf didn't reply. Rolf eyed the three boys in front of them closely. Awkward seconds were passed. Finally, Rolf held up his catfish and opened his mouth wide. He dropped the fish right into his mouth without hesitation. Rolf gulped and swallowed it whole. Eddy and Edd stood there shocked, while Ed clapped, saying: "Too cool!"
"Rolf sees you are not educated. Come, Ed-boys. Rolf shall show you the ways of the Old Country, yes?" Rolf said. The three Eds found themselves tied up by sausage links and hoisted onto Wilfred's back. "Hee-yah!" The pig squealed and ran off with Rolf following close behind. The Eds screamed as they bumped up and down from Wilfred's speed.
Wilfred approached Rolf's house, but instead of waiting for his owner, he crashed through Rolf's house's front door and slid on the slippery floor. "AHHH!" the Eds screamed in unison as they fell off of Wilfred's back. They slid until they hit a wall. The wall tore up like tissue paper upon contact. The trio looked and saw that they were in a dark room.
"Hey, who turned out the lights?" Eddy said.
The only light source they had was from the hole they had created. Double-D cringed at the sight of the ruined home furnishings. He grumbled to himself, "Messy, messy, messy..." Rolf's head poked through the hole, though he did not seem to be bothered by the literal hole-in-the-wall. Rolf said nothing, and he walked in holding a lit oil lamp. He was dressed in a different garb, this time that of a shepherd warrior.
"Only those who are wise enough can direct their sight towards this." Rolf's tone sounded ominous. Eddy and Double-D shot each other concerned glances, and again, Ed just played along. Rolf held up the lamp to a nearby wall, revealing it to be a large bookcase. The lamp helped illuminate the rest of the room. There was a raggedy leather chair in the corner, which had its skin peeling off and a few springs exposed.
"Ooh! Ooh! I know! You're supposed to take out a book and something secret happens!" Ed exclaimed. Rolf screamed no, but Ed already ran up and tore out books from the bookshelf quite violently. Edd was horrified: "Ed! How could you! Those could've been priceless literary works from the past!"
"Did you just say priceless?" Eddy asked. He laughed maniacally and started grabbing the books scattered around the ground. He was cut short by Rolf slapping him. "ED-BOY!" Double-D sidestepped to Eddy and formed his hands into a pleading gesture. "Please, Rolf, I apologize for my friend's foul behavior! He was being quite selfish, I know." Eddy whispered an angry What?! to Double-D, but Double-D gently elbowed him and audibly cleared his throat.
"Need not worry, sock-as-hat Ed-boy. Rolf does not need concern about the books," Rolf said, "Toyuyek concerns about this!" Rolf held up an old-looking scroll. He let loose of the scroll and it rolled down to reveal ancient writing.
Out of instinct, Double-D pulled out his magnifying glass and examined the scroll. Rolf grabbed the magnifier and threw it onto the ground, smashing. "What, no, Rolf, I, erm..." Double-D sighed, "I guess I had that one coming." Ed, who had already depleted the bookshelf, drew his interest towards the scroll. "This looks like the Scroll of Pancakes from the 53rd edition of Lord Jim!"
Rolf pointed his stubby figure at a particular picture on the scroll. "Do your eyes feast upon this very image, Ed-boys?" The Eds nodded. Eddy was getting impatient. Rolf added, "In a time long ago, there was one shepherd. He was the possessor of three goats, yes? The merchant of greed spotted the goats, and..."
"Cut to the chase already! Where's the ancient treasure?" Eddy rudely interrupted.
Rolf smiled a big smile. Eddy became confused as to why. Rolf spoke again. "Today is the day that Rolf becomes the Toyuyek. Rolf shall become the great counsellor to the Old Country! In legend, the Toyuyek must bring three servants who shall be guardians of Yeshmiyek." Rolf paused. He then said, "The servants shall be those who live near the Toyuyek!"
Eddy's eyes became filled with fear. He knew something was going to involve them. Double-D, on the other hand, was ecstatic. "How exciting! I have always aspired to be an international traveler! It is such a wonderful opportunity to experience foreign cultures!" Eddy started screaming, "No way in heck am I going with Rolf!" Eddy began to make a run for it. Eddy tried to get to the front door, but saw Rolf somehow blocking it. Before he knew it, Rolf threw a boomerang made of haggis at Eddy and knocked him down. The boomerang came back to Rolf. Eddy opened his eyes and saw the haggis weapon fly again behind him. It hooked a bundle of salted cauliflower and an accordion and returned back.
Eddy's vision started to fade. The last thing he heard was Rolf beginning to sing the lyrics of the Tribute to Yeshmiyek. But what truly caused him to go out cold was the sight of Ed horrifically dancing to it.