I do not own JE's characters.
I stood there for almost ten minutes before I broke the silence. He deserved to hear these words. I took a deep breath and started to speak. "Ranger, I know you must think that I have stopped speaking to you, but that is not the case. It's just that I finally understand that our relationship cannot be. It took me the better part of a year to get that through my head. My heart will always call out for you and that is why I am here. I miss you so much."
I wipe at the tears running down my face.
"I have to get all of this out or I won't have the courage. I had you on a pedestal. Part of me thought of you like a superhero. Instead of noticing that it hurt you when I would go back and forth with Joe, I stupidly thought it did not bother you. I thought you had closed your heart. I never thought you wanted to give it to me. That was my big mistake." I sit down and stopped pacing.
"You gave me all of the hints I needed to figure out that you wanted me in your life and I ignored them or I misread them. So many times, I let you get close to me and I would get close to you and then I would back away and seek comfort in another man's arms when I wished they were yours. I made us a mess. You helped, but it was mostly me. I never made a decision until it was too late." I look down at my lap.
"I broke up with Joe almost a year ago. It was right after that night. You took me home from my latest car fiasco and kissed me. Like always, you offered to stay with me, but I foolishly insisted that I would be fine alone. By the time I was in my apartment, you were gone, but I knew what I needed to do. I called Joe and broke it off for good. I waited for you to come back or to call me, but I guess I was too late." This is so hard.
"Anyway, you may have noticed that I moved. Of course you noticed. I moved to Boston. I compromised with Tank. He still tries to keep an eye on me. It's sweet. I work in research now. It is safer and all of that. I am really here to apologize. I hope you believe me that I love you still and I will always regret that we never got together. I will love you always. I will miss you always. See you next year, Ranger."
I turn and walk away from his headstone. I lost my best friend in a car crash almost a year ago. Now all I have are memories and what ifs that will haunt me forever.