In Love, but Not at Peace.
By: Naomi Hun†er.
*Love took a long time,
It followed me here.
And it landed on light feet,
And it whispered in my ear
Love spoke of my past as a valuable test
And smiled,
And said "She who loves last, loves best.
'Cause you know life is hard,
But now you also know your mind.
So now you're going out to love,
But on your own side,
This time"…
And I still need the beauty of words sung and spoken
And I live with the fear that my spirit will be broken
And that's the way I thought it would be,
And that's the way I always wanted it to be…
In love, but not at peace. *
~Dar Williams.
Raven awoke alone; he hated that. Van was already gone and the subtle and slight wrinkles in the sheets barely suggested he'd been there at all. /Lovers,/ he said in his mind. It sounded so saccharine and phony when he called Van and himself by it. He slowly turned onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He thought of Van and him, how erroneous they really were. Van was in love with Fiona, who was playing hard to get, and used Raven— and he was fine with that. Love was not something he thought he wanted at the moment. And if he did want to love someone, it would not be Van.
Fiona had such an adoring fan-club, wanting her affections--and Raven thought it strange, how he slept with one and wanted the other. He laughed aloud at the peculiarity of the matter. He smiled to himself, thinking of the handsome Lieutenant in love with the Zoidian.
He remembered how he ended up here at the base, now a member of the Guardian Force. He didn't want to stay here, he really didn't , but he pined for companionship after being alone his whole life. Instead, he found Van. At first, he considered it love, he blindly did so. He even tried to add depth to their relationship, he'd try and strike up a conversation, but the other would just stare at him like he had sixteen heads and go back to what he was doing. So, he stopped trying and enjoyed it while it lasted. He knew his sole use, as much as it hurt to believe it. He was still alone, despite all the people around him, and he realized that was the cruelest fate of all. But there was another, just as isolated.
Raven stood behind him, trying to get the courage to say hello. He managed to and the other turned to look at him, a somewhat cross look on his face.
"What?" He asked as the former terror's mouth failed to function.
"I….ah….um…do you….do you want some help?"
The crouched lieutenant, turned completely and sat fully, resting his elbow on his knee and leant his weight on his palm. "What?" He wrinkled his nose suspiciously, "Nah, you wouldn't get it anyway." He twisted back to his newest BEEK modification.
Raven slumped slightly crestfallen, but blurted out. "You can teach me!"
"Huh?" Thomas said, looking back to him with an interested expression.
"You could…you know…teach me, then I could help you out…" he suggested as the other smiled slightly after a moment or so.
"All right," he said, then patted the floor space beside him. "Sit." he told him as he obeyed….
After that, hard feelings dissipated and the two became good friends, and only friends-much to Raven's disappointment. /How strange…./ he thought, pushing his hair from his eyes. /I don't understand what he does to me.. It's no where as good as what Van does and not nearly as sordid. It's pure and sweet. Can there even be such a thing as innocent lust? Everything is so wonderful about him….Fiona really doesn't know what she's missing.
Sometimes I wonder, If I really am accepted and if people really do care. I don't know about anyone else, but I know Thomas values my life, one way or another. My special love…/
He sighed and he dressed, leaving his bedroom. The ex-maverick spotted Van in the small kitchen area, shared by the usual crew. The wonder-pilot barely made eye-contact but mumbled a hello. Raven didn't dare sit by him, besides, he didn't want to.
He sat next to his special friend, smiling softly at him.
"Good Morning." he said, as the lieutenant smiled back, only weakly.
"Morning…"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing…" he said.
They ate breakfast in silence, and after, Raven took him outside. The air was cool and smelled wonderfully of lavender and spring.
"So, are you going to tell me what's wrong, or not?" He asked as Thomas sighed.
"Nothing, it's just…Fiona chose, that's all."
"She did?" He asked as the other laughed huskily.
"Yeah…we both got screwed. Sorry about you and Van-I'm sure he didn't even mention it."
He shrugged. "No, he didn't. I'm not upset…..I don't know what he meant to me, I just know he affected me…." He said softly as Thomas smiled.
"That makes two of us."
"How are you, then? Okay?"
"I think….I don't quite know yet. I don't feel much of anything, not sad, not happy, not anything."
"Tell me about it." He laughed quietly.
"I'm beginning to think my case of true love, wasn't as true as I thought it was."
"Really?" He nodded and leant up against the wall.
"So…you and Van are history, huh…" he sighed softly. "I don't know how you could put up with that…" He gently draped his arm across Raven's shoulders and hugged him.
"It wasn't that bad…I mean….he……he just needed someone." /And I did, too./ he added to himself.
"But still."
He shrugged shyly, resting his cheek on Thomas' shoulder.
"So, what are you going to do now? I mean, there isn't much here anymore, right?"
He gave a lopsided smile and looked up at his handsome face. "I still have you, don't I, Thomas?" He supported himself again and bit on his lip. "Thomas, you're my best and only friend, don't you go too," he said, hugging him gently.
"Hey, who said I was goin' anywhere?" He lifted Raven's chin and stared into those pretty lilac eyes.
He blushed faintly, noticing how desolate the dark haired teen looked. He loved the sudden warmth of his presence and how his lips pouted ever-so-slightly. Thomas couldn't help it as he kissed him, sweet and chaste. He smiled as Raven's eyes fluttered open, full of exhilaration and desire. He stroked his cheek with his thumb, resting his forehead against the other's.
"I won't leave you." he whispered as the former maverick smiled and threw his arms around his neck.
"Thank you, Thomas…." he said back in the same hush, kissing his cheek. "You mean so much to me…"
*In love, but not at peace.*
[Ende.]
a/n:
Naomi Hunter and the Thomas-x-Raven fluff patrol strikes again. :p Yeah FLUFF! : )
Mrow. Please, R&R, I want Reviews, I'm currently a little miffed that "We are Eternal" only has 2 reviews. I'm not so disappointed about "End of Nightmares" because of the content but,
if I can say so myself, "We Are Eternal" is real good, I worked damn hard on it, too, Verdammt! (thank you, Fraulein Colonel! (pka: Colonel-sama))
Hope you enjoyed, Flamers, beware. I'm not in any mood to deal with you.
-Naomi Hunter
Disc: The title 'In Love, but Not at Peace" is the title of a Dar Williams song (the blurb up top is part of it.) that inspired the beginning and the Line "I don't know what he meant to me, I just know he affected me," is a piece of Dar Williams' "Mark Rothko Song". It's a Dar Williams day. :p