Pairing: Sara Sidle & Sofia Curtis
Rating: PG-13
Spoiler warning: A Bullet Runs Through It
Warning: Mature sexual content and coarse language. Femslash, but if you weren't into gay stories you wouldn't be here… Right?
Disclaimer: Some of the characters and situations in this story belong to Alliance Atlantis, CBS, Anthony Zuicker and other entities, and I do not have permission to borrow them. This piece of fan fiction was created for entertainment not monetary purposes.Any errors are mine.
Summary: A look into my own alternate universe…
Author's note: Two reasons for this story. One: My New Year resolution (this year) …not that I believe much in them… is to write shorter stories. And how better to do that than just add to a story that's already written ;-D … Two: For a person who always shows big compassion towards other people, the 'office scene' between Sara & Sofia didn't make any sense. So here is my idea to why Sidle acted the way she did…
Finding out… x 2
"I… I was just trying to stay alive…" Grissom took a deep breath not sure what to say. "But if I did it…"
Sara entered the office with her eyes down on the file in her hand. "Hey Grissom, I have a question…" looking up she realized he wasn't alone in the room. "Sofia?" She said looking questioningly at Grissom. With him not saying anything she turned to the detective. "You are on administrative leave."
"I know…"
"You should not be in this building!"
"I was just talking to a friend… if I can't talk to a friend then who the hell am I suppose to talk too?"
"Any friend outside the department…"
"And how many friends outside work do you have, Sara? Oh, maybe I should go talk to my mother. Oh no sorry, I forgot she's a cop too."
"I can recommend a department psychologist."
For a long moment the two women just looked at each other. Sofia's facial expression briefly pleaded for understanding. Sara tried to keep her expression gentle, she could easily understand the blonde's despair and need to speak with someone, but what the detective was doing could get her in even bigger hardships, and the investigator couldn't allow that to happen. So even if it saddened her to do so, she had to get the blonde out of the building before her presence was known.
Sofia didn't know why she felt disappointed about Sara's behavior, but she did. For someone she considered a friend she would at least anticipated a grain of understanding, but there seemed to none. Actually, it felt like the brunette couldn't get her out of there fast enough, or maybe just away from Grissom…
Tearing her eyes away from the brunette Sofia turned to Grissom with a resigning attitude. "Yeah right… um… this was a really bad idea, I'm sorry…" turning, her eyes briefly connected with Sara's on her way out.
"Was that really necessary?" Grissom asked, wondering what possessed her to act so insensitive towards the detective.
"What?" She asked in reply.
"To treat Sofia like that… you practically threw her out of here" Grissom accused mildly.
"Only because you didn't" she said, defending an action that she had to admit she had hated to do.
"Sara…" he exhaled, "she just want someone to talk to."
"I know and understand that, but this isn't the right place" she exclaimed.
"Perhaps not" he countered, "but you could have tried to be a bit more supportive and acted like the friend I know you are."
"Supportive? Geez Griss, even you can't be that dense" Sara retorted in doubt. "How much more trouble do you think Sofia would have be in if she'd stayed around long enough for Ecklie or the undersheriff to hear about it?" She asked in a low, but heated, voice. "I am her friend! And as a friend it's my job to protect her from herself when she's to messed up to do it herself, even if that means doing something unpleasant here and now to save her from further problems."
"Oh," Grissom exhaled, seeing her point. "I guess I should have thought of that."
"Yeah oh" she mimicked. "Look, I know the situation could have been handled better, she just surprised me by being in here. I'll apologize and explain next time I see her, and hopefully that'll be that."
"I'm sure it will" Grissom assured her.
"Well, I have a few things to check up on" she said disappearing out of the office…
. . . . . . .
"…Can you see me here?" Grissom asked standing up.
"Yeah, I can see you" Sara replied.
"Yeah now" Nick rejoined.
"What would make Bell stand up in the middle of a gunfight?" Sara asked.
"Maybe he had to change position" Grissom answered. "We know the suspects were starting to run, right?"
"Okay, he popped up and took one in the vest" Nick said.
"Let's assume that" Grissom retorted. "We will line up the equipment and then use the lasers to see which bullet went through the apartment window." He looked up at the sky and added, "But we have to wait until it gets dark."
Sara gazed at her watch, "that'll be in what… six, seven hours?"
"Seven sounds about right" Grissom retorted, looking up from his own watch.
"Guess its back to the lab then" Nick said.
"I am clocking out of work" Sara stated without further explanation, "I will be back here at 8:00 p.m."
"About time she takes a break" Nick said, "I don't think she has been home since we started this case."
""You are probably right about that" Grissom replied. "Let's find a place to eat before we go back."
Nick just nodded his agreement…
. . . . . . .
…Arriving at her home after a run that had done little to erase the image of office Bell falling to the ground, she was more than surprised to find Sara sitting in front of her door.
"What the hell are you doing here?" Sofia hissed angry.
"Waiting for you" Sara replied calmly, expecting the blonde to be angry.
Sara's eyes were fixed on her, but instead of meeting them she maneuvered her body around the sitting brunette to reach the door. "You're... not welcome here."
She wanted to make Sara angry, she realized. If she started yelling, she could feel completely justified in her own rage, and she could shove her away with a clear conscience.
But she wasn't angry, only watching her with gentle eyes.
She was silent a moment. "Perhaps not," Sara said at last. "But I'm here, Sofia" she went on. "And I will stay until I know you are going to be okay."
"Why?" Sofia asked coldly.
"Because you shouldn't be alone right now" Sara said, still calm.
"Yeah right!" Sofia pursed her lips in mock thought, then turned slowly to face her. "Isn't that a change…"
Fumbling for her keys, she was startled when Sara's hand touched her arm. "I'm sorry I hurt you earlier but the lab wasn't the right place for talking" she explained while the blonde unlocked the door and went inside. Sara stepped into the small townhouse and shut the door behind her.
"Save it, I don't want to hear it" Sofia replied sharply. "Just get out of my home…"
Sara regarded her for a moment, then raised a brow, "make me…"
Sofia just stared at her, trying to make sense of what she was saying. "Make you?"
"Yes. You can assault me verbally, but you can't drive me away. You can keep telling me you don't want me here, but I'm not going to leave you. So, if that's what you are trying to make me do, you may as well give it up. If you want me out of here you'll have to carry or push me out, otherwise I'm staying."
She wanted so badly to believe her, but the earlier disappointment were bearing down on her. "What if I tell you to go?"
Sara leaned a bit forward, getting her to look at her. "You'll have to convince me you really want me gone," she said after a moment, her tone gentle but firm. "But if you do, then I will respect your wishes."
Part of her did want her gone, wanted her to leave her alone, wanted to punish her for her behavior earlier in the day. The other part wanted her to stay, wanted the companionship she was offering, wanted her to listen and caring. For an eternal instant she wavered between the two, trying to decide.
And at last she let herself relax, let knotted muscles loosen, and somehow gravity draw her into the brunette's waiting arms. Sara let out a breath, and braced herself against the door to take her weight, sliding her arms around her waist to cradle her.
They stood silent for a long time. Gradually Sofia let her head fall against her shoulder, feeling un-alone for the first time since the shooting event had happened. Sara kept her cheek pressed to hers for a bit, then pulled back just far enough, for her hand to settle on her face. Tiny light strokes slowly caressed her cheek with her touch. It wasn't really arousing, though the tickle of her fingers made Sofia shiver; it was soothing, comforting, each fragile touch a promise and a cherishing.
Sofia lifted her head. "You just about kicked me out" she countered coolly.
"You're right, I did kick you out" Sara acknowledged. "But not because I didn't want to listen to you, I did it to protect you."
Sofia shook her head, not wanting words, instead she put her head back down on her shoulder, and let her hold her.
"I know I don't have a lot of credit with you after this morning, but the only way to prove to you that I will listen is to be here. So… I'm here."
Sofia sighed in resignation knowing there were few things more stubborn than Sara when she'd made up her mind.
"Don't go," she finally murmured.
Sometime later, Sofia sighed, and pushed gently at her arms until they loosened, reluctantly; and when they did she turned and wandering towards the bathroom, "I need a shower."
The main room was empty when she reentered it, but she could smell coffee, and followed the scent to the kitchen. Pausing on the threshold, she took a moment to observe Sara before she realized she was there. Forced herself to step forward, Sara turned around. "Coffee will be ready in a minute," she said. "Are you hungry?"
"No not really, coffee is fine." Taking the mug handed to her she went back to the main room and sat down on the couch, Sara following right behind her.
They just sat together for a long time; not speaking, just being.
"Talk to me…" Sara said at last, quietly.
"Have you resigned from your job?" Sofia's smile was rueful, ironic. "Otherwise I can't talk to you, remember?"
"I know what I said in the lab, but I don't care about the rules right now, or I wouldn't be here." Sara leaned over and gave her hand a quick squeeze, "just talk to me and let me worry about the lab policy."
Sofia nodded and rubbed her palms on her pants. "I don't know where to begin..." The anger was gone, replaced by a heavy sadness.
"Tell me about the shooting."
The detective pursed her lips, looking doubtful, but when the brunette waited, she rubbed her elbow absently, and told her. It took a lot of control for Sara to stay still and relaxed; particularly when she felt Sofia shiver a little as she described the shooting and how it had felt like Bell had looked at her as he went down, and at the waver in her voice when she told her how she had seen it so many times that she wasn't sure what was real or not.
"I think I shot him" she said at last, and the words, low and regretful, pierced Sara's heart. "I could see Bell's face when I was shooting… which means I was shooting near him… I made a mistake I shouldn't have fired…"
Sara had to swallow, and keep herself from pulling her into a hug. "Sofia, you have to stop doing that to yourself or it will eat you up" she said carefully, doing her best to steady her voice.
"Serves me right, I guess." Sofia snapped bitterly.
"No. It. Doesn't." She replied, and Sofia could tell she was angry, even though her voice was soft. "You were out there fighting for your life. And when humans are put in a chaotic and stressful situation mistakes happens. You can't go around blaming yourself for things you have no control over. Because it won't change a thing and it sure as hell doesn't help you."
"Sara. I can't ignore the evidence. A man died due to that mistake." Sofia's lips trembled, and she pressed them together.
She looked down at Sofia's hand, and put her own over it. "Yes it's an unfortunate accident losing one of your own. But you are punishing yourself for something you don't know if you did. And even though I'm not allowed to reveal information's from an ongoing investigation, I can tell you, it's not all one-sided."
"I don't know, Sara. I don't even trust my own memories from the shooting. I keep remembering details, but I don't know which of them are real. It's like a movie. I'm watching it happen, not living it. Except movies don't have smells or touch. It feels unreal." Sofia pushed down the lump in her throat.
"I'm not going to say I understand what you're going through. I don't. But I do know this has to be hell on you."
"This whole thing, it's a mess. It royally screws up your life. You lose all sense of who you are and what you had. It's like nothing you knew before is the same" she cried, finally dropping her head to her shoulder, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Look, I know you're under a lot of stress right now. But this will blow over in time. You'll be back to your old self soon enough. Whatever the outcome will be, we'll get through it. I'm here for you. I'm not going to leave you."
She slipped her arms around her. Sofia let her draw her down against her chest, and Sara leaned back so that she could relax comfortably against her.
"Hang in there" she whispered in her ear.
"Yeah." Sofia was forcing a game smile, but her lips were quivering slightly and her eyes began to sparkle with tears, again.
"When was the last time you slept?" Sara asked softly, after the blonde's tears had subsided.
"Before all of this happened" Sofia said, letting out a long breath.
"You should get some rest." She urged softly.
"I don't know how ... I keep recreating what happened, Sara. I can't make it stop." She whispered sadly.
"It's normal, after what you've been through." Sara said softly, rubbing her shoulders tenderly. "But if nothing else, you need to lie down and try to relax some. You'll feel better once you get some rest."
"I don't know if I can sleep" Sofia sighed.
"You won't know until you try." Sara slowly stood and gently pulled her up with her. "Come on, bedtime." She said, giving her hand a gentle squeeze.
"What?"
"It's been quite a day," Sara said, leading her back to her bedroom. "I don't know about you, but I've got to get some sleep. Just a few hours. Mind if I sleep here... with you?"
Sofia's gaze bore into her eyes, marveling at how they could hold so much gentleness and yet be so firm at the same time. She actually didn't need to verbalize an answer, it wasn't really a question, so she nodded and sighed. There was really no use in arguing with Sara when she had her mind made up.
Sara pulled back the covers on the bed. Sofia slid down between the cool sheets and beckoned her to join her. As she got into bed, the detective buried herself in her, feeling like she had entered another dimension, a place where only the two of them existed and time had no meaning.
"I'm sorry" Sofia mumbled into her shoulder, "I shouldn't have come by the lab, I put you guys… and Grissom in a bad position."
"I'm not worried about my job, and Griss is a big boy he has survived worse" Sara replied. "He got a little pissed that I threw you out, but it's nothing I can't handle, so don't worry about it."
"I'm sorry, Sara, I didn't mean to cause trouble between the two of you" she apologized. "Maybe you should go home and sleep, I don't want to create more problems for you."
"You haven't and you won't" Sara assured her. "And it does not concern the lab or my boss what I'm doing on my own time."
"What about your boyfriend? I don't think he likes the idea of you sleeping in someone else's bed."
"What boyfriend?" Sara asked confused.
"Grissom! You can't work that closely with a group of trained investigators without them figuring things out." Sofia said, hoping her voice didn't give away the emotions she was battling. "You might think you have managed to keep it a secret, but everyone in the lab knows about it."
"Secret? Try surprise! Well, at least for me, and I'm sure for Grissom as well" Sara said, shaking her head in disbelief. "I have never been involved with Grissom and I never will be."
"I guess the fact that you two all the sudden are decent to each other have led people to believe that you finally has become a couple." Sofia answered, smiling inwardly at the revelation.
"Well, we had a good long talk a while ago when we realized it was starting to get real ugly in the lab, and it was our fault" she answered. "So we are trying to find our way back to being friends again and the first step of doing that is to be decent towards each other."
"Oh, okay," Sofia said, finally smiling slightly. "Glad you worked it out."
"Yeah, me too" Sara smiled, wide and beautiful.
Sofia's eyes drifted up and settled on the brunette's lips. She'd dreamed about kissing Sara, more times than she could count. And with the brunette in her bed she wasn't going to waste any more time. For a long moment, she looked; then equally carefully, she lifted her head and covered her lips with her own.
Sara was as immobile as a deer in the headlights… her only movements were shivers as Sofia ran her hand up and down her side. She was determined to stop it before it went too far, but found it hard to deny herself just another moment of feeling the pleasure of the blonde touching her, wanting her.
She was shocked back into awareness when Sofia pulled at her top, making room to slide her hand under it. Her touch on her bare skin evoked a gasp, and brought on the realization that she had to call a halt to her explorations right away or simply losing control.
"Sofia, stop," she breathed out more than spoke, "we can't…"
"Why not?" She asked, letting her hand meander up to her chest, to draw lazy circles and curves.
Sara closed her eyes and took a series of deep breaths, willing herself to calm down. "It wouldn't be right to... It would be taking advantage of you. What would I do if you 'sobered' up and told me you didn't really mean to do it? You'd feel violated, and I'd feel like an ass, or worse. No, I can't do it. Not until I know it's 'real you' wanting it and not 'devastated you'."
"That's really sweet of you, Sara" she said seriously. "But I know what I'm doing."
"I hope so, still… it wouldn't be right" she offered with an apologetic smile. "Let's just get through all of this, okay?" Sara asked softly, stroking her face and planting soft kisses in her hair.
"Okay," she said, a little disappointed, but not without some understanding for the brunette's hesitation.
The brunette stroked her back soothingly, peppering gentle kisses in her hair. When the tension of the day began to wither, Sofia felt the tug of sleep, and turned in her arms. She molded her back to her, breathing a sigh of contentment at feeling her skin next to hers along the length of her body.
"Sara…"
"Mmm…"
Thank you for being here…"
"No other place I'd rather be" Sara responded gently. "Now, go to sleep."
Sara instinctively pulled her in tighter; she began to knead Sofia's neck and shoulder muscles until she could feel her relax. Moving her hand further down, she began to lazily stroke her back, lulling her into blissful sleep. Sara had no trouble finding her way to dreamland by herself.
They slept in a contented tangle of arms, legs and sheets. When the lamp post light peeked through the slats of Sofia's blinds, sending strips of light across the bed, Sara awoke and stretched lazily.
She rolled over on her side to face her, surprised by the tightness in her chest as she watched Sofia sleep peacefully beside her. Simultaneously it warmed her heart that she was comfortable enough to fall asleep in her arms.
Sleep had robbed her of all concerns, leaving her with a peaceful expression. Highlighted by the pale streetlight, she was more beautiful than Sara ever imagined. Reaching over, she brushed a lock of hair from her face.
It was a sight she was certain she'd never tire of, and she prayed that someday she'd have the chance to test her hypothesis.
Giving her head a shake, Sara briefly lay down on her back and closed her eyes. She couldn't deny she was attracted to Sofia. Her mind supplied a litany of reasons why she shouldn't feel that way, but… little did it help… She was quickly losing control of her heart.
Eventually, of course, Sara did have to leave. She still had a case to work, and Sofia needed more sleep.
Re-entering the bedroom after going to the bathroom, Sara paused at the sight that greeted her. Leaning against the doorframe, she watched silently as Sofia slept. Curled up in the center of the bed, buried under the covers, only her tussled hair was visible.
She picked up her clothes and pulled her sweater over the tank top she was wearing. She shimmied into her black jeans, and pulled on her boots, absently lacing them around the hooks, and then tying them in a double-knot before tugging the bottom of the denim pants legs down.
Sighing softly, she turned her attention back to Sofia… it was so tempting crawling back to bed, if only for a few minutes. But she didn't want to risk waking the detective only to have to leave her, so she didn't. Instead she went to the main room and picked up her phone and keys.
She stepped through the front door and closed it gently behind her…
. . . . . . .
…Sara instinctively pulled her sweater tightly around herself as she made her way to her car, though the sun had only just set and it would be another few hours until the nighttime chill of the desert settled in.
She drove to the crime scene in a daze, only becoming aware of her surroundings when she pulled into the sidewalk. It was a disconcerting feeling to realize that she couldn't remember the drive in, and couldn't swear that she had obeyed traffic lights or speed limits.
Almost as numbly, she walked directly over to Grissom, Greg and Nick who was already present. Though she wasn't looking forward to the experiment, she desperately wanted to get it over with.
"Hey! Did you get some sleep?" Nick chirped brightly as Sara reached him.
"Yes a little" Sara yawned, gladly accepting the Styrofoam cup Greg handed her. "Did you?" She asked taking a sip of the hot liquid.
"Yeah I got a few hours at the lab" Greg offered.
"Do I look like I didn't get good rest?" Nick asked too cheerily for Sara to be able to look at.
"No, you look disgustingly refreshed. I, on the other hand, look like shit."
"You don't look any different to me," Nick said without forethought.
"Gee, thanks. Glad to hear I always look this bad," Sara grumbled.
"That's not what I mean, girl, and you know it," he chided. "But it wouldn't hurt you to start taking better care of yourself. You don't rest enough and you don't eat enough."
"You don't look much like my mother, but you're starting to sound like her," Sara said sarcastically.
"Then she must care about you."
"Yeah, well, that's one theory," Sara said.
"Eat something. You'll feel better," Greg said, handing her a sandwich.
"Can't feel much worse," she said, picking at the food, putting small bits at a time in her mouth. "Thanks Greg, any news?"
"Well, Cath is working on a drug angle, but I don't know if that will lead us anywhere" Greg answered. "And Warrick was still at his scene when we left."
"Greg, you better get upstairs" Nick said nodding towards Grissom who was watching them impatiently.
"Uh yeah" Greg replied, disappearing into the building.
"Okay people let do this" Grissom said. "Sara, tell Greg to get in position."
"We are turning on the lasers, is the candle in position?" Sara asked Greg over the phone.
"I'm ready on this end" Greg confirmed.
"Let me know then the beam hits the candle" Sara replied. "Good to go" she informed Grissom.
Grissom pointed the laser towards the window. "Good height, move it six inches to the left" Greg directed.
"Six inches to the left" Sara passed on to Grissom.
"Uh no… my left" Greg said.
"He meant the other left" Sara instructed Grissom.
Grissom moved the beam to the other side. "A little more, a little more… right there" Greg told.
"Perfect, I'll call you back" Sara retorted disconnecting the phone.
"Okay, we got the exit now we need the entrance. Sara, turn your laser on" Grissom said.
"My laser is off" Sara said.
"Yes it's a bad angle, move it to the left" Grissom replied pointing the 'right' left.
"Griss! It's blocked by the car." Sara answered, looking at Grissom. "It's not possible."
"Turn it off" Grissom replied. "Nick, turn yours on."
"Mines been on the whole time" Nick answered, "it's still blocked."
"Raise it up!"
There were a lot of emotions showing on Grissom's face as he turned his head to look at the Texan. Nick looked at the laser beam and shifted his head a little this way, then a little that, but the result was the same, the angle fit perfectly.
"He stood up…" Nick exhaled. Both men kept looking at each other as realization dawned upon them.
Sara was torn by the revelation… she felt so happy on Sofia's behalf but at the same time she felt so bad for Brass. And she couldn't help feeling a little sad on Grissom's behalf knowing that beside Catherine Jim was probably his best friend.
Sara was struck with the intensity of emotion, though not a word was spoken. Grissom couldn't trust himself to speak. Not only was he still feeling emotionally unsteady, but he couldn't think of any words that could convey what he was feeling… at least no words that he felt willing to risk saying aloud. They stood, shoulder to shoulder, before Nick reached out and absently touched Sara's arm.
"Are you okay?"
"No… I mean yeah… but no" she answered quietly, "sometimes this job really sucks."
"Yeah, I know what you mean" Nick said, a soft smile of support turning up the corners of his mouth. "It's never pleasant when you have to investigate your friends."
"No it isn't, but we are paid to collect and analyze evidence, even if it involves our colleagues." Grissom stated flatly. "And I'm sure Sofia and Jim want as much as anyone to find out who shot Officer Bell."
"Yeah I suppose you're right" Nick agreed, "I know I would want closure if I was involved."
"Will Brass be all right?" Sara asked worriedly.
"Nothing is guaranteed" Grissom exhaled. "He fortunately has a lot of experience and knows what to expect so I believe he's strong enough to get through it."
"What can we do to help him?" Nick asked.
"Nothing" Grissom said, his voice turning surprisingly gentle. He surprised them both by putting a comforting hand on Nick's shoulder. "I know you mean well, Nick, but the best thing you guys can do is doing nothing. This is something he has to work through in his own pace."
Greg exhaled heavily through his nose, nodding to Grissom silently.
"You're probably right" Sara said heavily. Looking at Grissom, she smiled at him sympathetically.
Nick tipped his head in acknowledgement. "Okay, you know him better than we do, so if you think that's the way to go around it then that's what we'll do."
"Good I'm sure he'll appreciate that" Grissom retorted. "Now, let's go back to the lab and see if we can't wrap this case up" he said resolutely.
They all nodded and began packing the equipment…
. . . . . . .
…Whether it was due to Sara's presence in her bed, sheer exhaustion or her earlier emotional release, Sofia managed eight hours of sleep without a nightmare. She woke up gradually, feeling better than she had in days.
Reaching her hand out, Sofia moved it back and forth, but was unsuccessful in her quest. Opening a sleepy eye, she realized Sara wasn't there. Rolling onto her back, she stretched… reality slowly creeping back.
She felt her throat clog as she struggled with the emptiness… of course she knew that Sara eventually would have to leave… it would just have been nice waking up beside her.
What had happened that made her leave without saying goodbye…
Maybe the lab called and told her who shot Bell. No, that didn't make sense, but she was too upset to reach for logic. Hell. I knew I shot him, and now she can't stand to be around me…
Her eyes were burning. Maybe it's about the kiss. Maybe she didn't like I kissed her. Maybe she doesn't feel like I do, though it felt like she did…
Sofia yanked at the sheet, and heard the crackle of paper. Lifting her head, she saw a folded note on the other side of the bed, and gulped.
But Sara's handwriting held no disgust or regrets. You're gorgeous when you're sleeping, the note read. I'm sorry for leaving you like this, but I have to go back to work, even if I don't want to, and I can't get myself to wake you, knowing that you need the sleep. Feel free to give me a call at any time S…
If her laughter was a little choked, she didn't mind. Sofia blinked away the blur and folded the paper back up with care. Maybe the kiss wasn't so bad after all. She threw back the covers and got out of bed. Time to get on with her life.
After taking a shower and changing into fresh clothes, she wandered into the kitchen to make coffee. As she passed her answering machine she pressed the play button and was informed that her presence was wanted in detective Ortega's office.
She put the coffee cup down in the sink, found her jacket and went on her way…
. . . . . . .
…Reaching the police department it took all of Sofia's strength to get out of the car. She was certain detective Ortega knew who was responsible for Officer Bell's death and she dreaded the answer. Sighing she walked towards the building …it was time finding out…
Sofia half-expected some unbearable waiting, but Ortega's receptionist gave her one glance and made a quiet phone call, and a few minutes later the detective stuck his head out of his office door. "Detective Curtis? Come on in."
He was rounding his desk when she entered. "You wanted to see me" Sofia said trying to keep her voice steady.
His eyes flicked down the papers in his hands. "Yes. I have received the report from the shooting review board" Ortega replied, placing her gun and badge on the table. "You'd been cleared."
Sofia stood frozen as the realization bloomed in her head, and the mixed emotions grew underneath it.
Ortega pursed his lips, looking a little grim. "You can go back to work."
Her ears were ringing faintly with something she recognized as a relief so profound it had only come over her a few times in her life.
There was a little silence as Sofia fought to get her emotions under control. She bit her lip, struggling for words. "Thank you…"
Placing her badge and gun in her pants, she left the office, closing the door carefully behind her. A tiny, sad smile graced her lips as she headed out of the building…
. . . . . . .
…She stared unseeing at the ceiling fan as it made its endless rounds. Sara only used the air conditioner when it was very hot outside, preferring the more natural cooling breeze the fan sent through the room.
She wondered how Brass was doing… it couldn't be easy learning you were partly responsible for a colleague's death. She couldn't begin to imagine how relieved Sofia must have felt learning she didn't shoot Officer Bell… though, no doubt that she was feeling incredible sad on Jim's behalf.
She glanced at the clock, which read 10:32 a.m. she had managed to sleep for nearly five hours. As good as it gets I suppose. There wasn't really any reason trying to force herself back to sleep. It was her night off so she could always take a nap later if she got tired.
Thoughts kept running through her head. She wondered at the way the universe never seemed to stop tormenting her. A blonde detective… a bed… and kissing… three things that for so long had hunted her in her dreams… and when it finally had become a reality it had left her with no other choice than to stop it. Not that she regretted stopping it; it had been the right thing to do… still… she let out a heavy sigh. If that wasn't the irony of fate, then she didn't know what was…
She kept wondering if Sofia truly was interested or it merely had been a reaching out for some physical contact, for a diversion to keep the world, the thoughts away, if just for a little while… she knew she herself had wished for that kind of diversion, for someone to just hold her, whenever a case had left her broken down…
Knowing the answers to her thoughts would have to wait; she pulled the covers aside and made her way to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. Not in a rush of anything she went back to the bedroom and put a pajamas on, she could always shower later.
Looking at the pot of coffee that had finished brewing, she reached for a mug and filled it before going into the living room sitting down on the couch.
She had just turned on music and pulled the couch blanket over her when the knocking started. Letting out a sigh, she headed to the front door, pondering who would be visiting…
. . . . . . .
…With her mind full of thoughts Sofia went for a drive… with no particular destination. Ninety minutes later, she turned the engine off and looked around. Damn, should I even be here? What if my interpretation is wrong? Well, you're not gonna find out if you keep sitting here… She slowly opened the car door and went up the walkway. Stopping on the front steps, she lightly knocked on the door. It didn't take long before the door opened.
"Hi Sofia" she smiled.
"Hey," Sofia muttered softly. "Sorry to turn up unannounced…"
"No problem" Sara told her quickly.
"Sara… oh, did I come at a bad time?" Sofia asked after taking in her pajamas.
"No its fine" Sara replied.
"I can come back later, if you want…" She glanced into the apartment nervously, hoping to find her alone, but fearing the worse.
"Do you want to come in?"
"Um, well, I don't want to disturb, so…" she bit her lip, cutting off any further words.
"You're not" she answered with a smile. "Are you hungry?"
"Me?"
She looked around, slightly confused. "Well, I don't see anyone else out here that I'm talking to."
"Oh… I… I don't really know."
"You don't know if you're hungry?"
"Huh?"
Her smile was slow, but it was definitely there. "Come on, Sofia… I'll fix you some breakfast."
"Oh, I don't know Sara… I just came by because…." She shrugged, "to say thank you, I guess…"
Knowing that wasn't the real reason she came by, or maybe hoping it wasn't, she tried again. "I really appreciate that Sofia, come on in, I'll fix you an omelet."
Sofia nodded and came inside, closing the door behind her. She wandered around the living room, looking at pictures, her diplomas…a picture of the two of them… She picked the picture up, studying it.
Sara looked up to see what she was doing, and noticed the picture she was holding. Pouring a cup of coffee for her, she smiled. She walked over to her and handed her the mug. "You remember that?"
"Yeah, I do." She put the picture back and looked at her. "That was after the Fingerprint Technique Workshop Grissom made us all go to. It was the first time we talked to each other about things that wasn't strictly work related."
"You're right" Sara nodded, "how's the coffee?"
Sofia looked down at the mug that she had forgotten she was holding. "Oh… it's good."
Sara turned and went back to the kitchen, "You can turn the TV on if you want. The remote is on the table."
Not in the mood for TV she followed Sara to the kitchen. "Can I help?"
"Not much to do, but you can stir the eggs if you like." She hesitated, obviously wavering over something, "do you want vegetables in your omelet or fruit salad on the side?"
"Fruit salad is fine, it becomes more like a dinner meal if you put vegetables in it" Sofia replied.
Sara went to the fridge and started pulling things out. The detectives brows went up as she handed her a cheese, "you don't like cheese in your omelet?"
"I don't think I've ever tried putting cheddar cheese in it" Sofia said casually.
"Want to try?"
"Sure, but maybe you should make the omelet then I'll cut the fruit" she suggested.
Within minutes, they had breakfast ready and were sitting on the couch, each with a plate and a small bowl in front of them.
"That's good" Sofia announced after a few bites.
"Mmm… make it a bit creamier" Sara replied, chasing a slice of peach with her fork.
The finished the meal in comfortable silence, both a little lost in their own thoughts. Afterwards Sara cleaned up the table and kitchen and refilled their mugs before once again sitting down beside the blonde.
"Thanks Sara."
"You're welcome." She watch her for a moment before continuing, "How are you holding up, Sofia?"
"Better I suppose" Sofia shrugged lightly.
"It'll keep getting easier, Sofia. It may not seem like it, but it will." Sara's arm slid up around her shoulders to pull her next to her in a hug.
"I know. I keep reminding myself of that," she said, curling up closer against her. "I can't help feeling terrible for Jim, though."
"Me too. I think we all feel that way."
"I plan to visit him later today if I don't see him at Bell's memorial service" Sofia countered. "I think he can use some company after that."
"I'm sure he can, which is why Grissom is heading over to him with a large bottle of Jack Daniels later today." She shrugged her shoulders, "apparently that's their way of dealing with this."
"Good! He's probably better company than I'll be."
Sara lifted an eyebrow and smiled, "nothing wrong with your company, I like it just fine."
"So you don't regret yesterday?" Sofia asked hesitantly.
"No!" She answered simply. "Why do you think that?"
"Um, well I kissed you" she mumbled in to her neck.
"Yes you did and it was very nice" Sara confided. "The only thing that irks me is that I had to stop it because of the circumstances."
"Well, that circumstance isn't an issue anymore" she retorted, lifting her head from her shoulder to look her in the eyes. "I don't want to scare you off," she said gravely, "but I'd really like to kiss you right now."
"Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Sara asked seriously.
"That's for you to judge," Sofia said, leaning forward to lightly but sensuously touch her lips, lingering but a moment.
"You know that's not what I meant," Sara finally breathed out, once she recovered her senses. "I was talking about judgment, not ability, I all ready know you have those."
Sofia looked at her, eyes lit and the corners of her mouth curving up. "Yes I'm sure. It has nothing to do with the shooting. It's something I really want, have wanted for quite some time now."
"Me too" Sara admitted. "I just can't help wondering if we're going too fast."
"Let me tell you one thing…" Sofia began. "Yesterday when you held me in bed… for the first time in longer than I can remember, I was happy. And you were the one who made me feel that way. And I could have sworn that, it seemed like you were happy, too. How can it be going too fast if we both feel that way?"
"I'm just afraid you'll regret it sooner or later."
"I won't" Sofia answered, covering her mouth with her own, "this is exactly what I want."
Sara's hands found their way around her, and she leaned back slowly until she was half-lying against the arm of the couch, Sofia on top of her. Lips still attached.
"Sofia, keep kissing me like that…" Sara breathed out between kisses, "and that won't be the only thing happening here."
"Pretty sure of yourself, huh?" She teased, kissing along her jaw line.
"Pretty sure of what it's doing to me," Sara replied, honestly.
Making no attempt to move, Sofia kissed her way to her ear, "Is this couch built for lovemaking?" She asked, taking great pleasure in the sound of the brunette's indrawn breath.
"I think we're about to find out" Sara said at last, her voice a little hoarse.
And they did, several times, actually. Afterwards it didn't take long before they both fell into a peaceful slumber.
Sara caressing her back was what woke Sofia up. "Hi" she said quietly, looking up at her face. "Didn't mean to fall asleep on you."
"Don't worry about it, I dozed off myself" Sara replied.
Sofia blinked awake, taking in Sara's living room in the light of early afternoon, and the fact that the brunette seemed lost in thoughts.
"Something the matter, Sara?" She asked looking slightly worried at her inattention.
"Um, well…" she said, almost inaudibly. "Do you regret this?"
Sofia gave her an incredulous look that morphed into a wide smile. "Hell no… don't even go there, Sara, you're not getting rid of me that easy."
"Good…" Sara sighed relieved, covering the blonde's lips with her own.
"Can you see the time from here?" Sofia asked when the kiss ended.
"Yeah, it says 1:37 p.m." Sara retorted.
"As much as I'd love to stay like this forever, Sara, it's time for me to go home and change clothes and get to the memorial service." Sofia said, gradually pushing herself up and pulling away from her.
"I know" Sara answered, pushing herself up, "do you want coffee before you leave?"
"I do, but I better not. I have no idea of how much traffic to expect at this time of day" Sofia smiled.
"Well don't look at me for answers" Sara chuckled.
Sofia shook her head and gathered her clothes and went to the bathroom.
"You look a lot better today than yesterday," Sara noted when she came back into the living room.
"Sweet lovemaking, going to sleep in your arms, waking up to your voice. Life just doesn't get much better than that," she said with a smile.
"Good! Because I would like very much to repeat that quite a lot" she answered, the smile never leaving her face.
"Me too" Sofia replied walking towards the door.
Sara opened the door for her and walked out with her to the walkway. "Say hey to Brass for me, if you see him" she said sweetly, leaning over to peck her on the lips.
"Yeah…" she said gamely, forcing herself to pull away.
At the bottom of the stairs Sofia looked back up towards her door, to find her leaning against the frame, watching her. Sara smiled and waved before sliding back into her apartment and shutting her door…
. . . . . . .
…Brass inhaled deep a few times before entering the Bell family's home. Stopping just inside the living room he slowly exhaled as he took off his peaked cap.
Sofia was just getting ready to leave when she noticed that Brass had arrived, she quickly went over to him. "Jim… I was just on my way out, but if you want me to stay…"
"No, I think I can handle it… I think" he replied, briefly squeezing her arm. "Thanks…"
"Okay…" she said, consolingly.
She walked out into the harsh Nevada sun that was lying in wait outside of the home housing Officer Bell's memorial service. She quickly swiped at her cheeks and sniffed, steeling herself to go back to reality.
"Are you okay, Sofia?" She heard from the left of her. She turned her head to see Sara leaned up against her car.
"I'm fine. What are you doing here?" She asked, as she walked towards her.
Sara shrugged. "I thought you might want some company. But if you don't, that's okay, too," she offered.
Sofia gave her a slight smile, but shook her head. "I don't think I'm going to be in a great mood."
Sara inched closer, her hand squeezing her shoulder in comfort. "All the more reason for you to be with someone who cares."
"Well, you've got a point there," she sighed.
Sara reached out to run her hand gently up and down her arm. "Anything I can do for you?"
"I suppose I could use a hug" she said, trying to work up a faint smile.
"Then you'll get one" Sara replied, pulling her into her arms.
"You know we never gonna live this down, right?" Sofia asked resting against her.
"You know I don't give a damn, right?" Sara shot back.
"Evidently" Sofia retorted softly. "Thanks, for being here." She whispered into her neck.
"Where else would I be…" Sara replied honestly. "Let's go somewhere," she suggested.
"What do you have in mind?" She asked, eyebrows raised.
"Let's just go somewhere. Anywhere that's not here," Sara answered.
"Like where?" Sofia asked, curiously.
"I was thinking Blue Diamond Hill. You can see the most beautiful sunset from there. I already have a cooler with food and water along with a vacuum jug in the back of my car," she said with a smile. "So all I need is a beautiful girlfriend to keep me company" she added innocently.
The detective was silent a long moment. Suddenly very aware of, Sara's last sentence had opened up the opportunity to define whether thing between them were merely casual, or as she hoped, seriously. Unsure of what the answer would be, made the question almost burn on her tongue, but she had to ask, uncertainty was worse than knowing… it was better finding out…
"Am I? Am I your girlfriend?" she asked, the word sounding wistfully on her lips.
Sara paused a moment, not entirely sure what the correct answer was supposed to be. It wasn't that she didn't want Sofia to be her girlfriend, she was just unsure if that's what she wanted, or if it was even called that when you were an adult.
"Is there a better word to use?" She asked, flustered.
"No, that'll do" Sofia breathed out, emotions playing across her face. Hearing Sara imply that she considered their relationship as more involved than pure sexually, was as gratifying to her heart as the brunette's lovemaking had been to her body. "Seems like you have thought of everything" She told her, with a smile.
Sara led her to her car and opened the door for her, "I try."
"Can we drive by my place? I want to get out of this uniform" Sofia asked, climbing into the car.
"Sure. I'll meet you at your home, we can take one car from there" she answered her.
"Isn't that inconveniencing? Then you'll have to drive me home before going to work."
"I'm not going to work tonight."
"So we can make a picnic out of it and stay and watch the stars come out?"
"Today, Sofia…" Sara leaned through the open window and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek, "you can make the day out to be whatever you like it to be…"
"And tomorrow?" Sofia asked, smiling.
"Tomorrow and henceforward…" Sara said, returning the smile. "We make the day out to be what we want it to be…" She pushed herself off and went back to her own car.
Sofia turned on her engine and took one final look at the Bell house silently praying that she never would be in a similar situation, ever again. She moved her eyes to the rear-view mirror, and a smile reached her lips as she watched Sara getting into her car… at least one very good thing had come out of it all…
The end
Author's note: Hope you liked it… if you did, and want to read more stories that isn't posted here, you can go to my home page.
The address is… http. – / / – sites. – google. – com/ - site/ - csilioness/
Without the hyphens, but it does seem like it's possible adding a direct link.