Cultural blunders between Hazel and the rest of the twenty-first centuries are one of my favourite things ever. Seriously: imagine Hazel's face the first time she saw an iPhone. She probably screamed. Or the first time Nico had to coax her into going on an escalator... Because of this strange, strange fixation of mine I thought that this would be cute and fluffy. I hope you enjoy!
Disclaimer: I don't own the characters portrayed here.
Dedication: to LadyDeLeNoch, who told me she liked how I wrote Frazel and got me thinking about this.
The Etiquette of You and Me
"So," Hazel said out of the blue. She'd climbed down from the main deck for no good reason, and had been watching Frank polish some swords. "I was wondering about something."
With Hazel this was usually the start of a long discussion about electronics, or questions about something accidentally super-sexual and inappropriate.
"Go for it," Frank said.
He did this out of love, of course.
"I've been doing a lot of watching," Hazel said. "You know. To understand how things work now? The slang and the clothes and all of that..."
"Okay," Frank said.
"But I've noticed that people tend to all bitch at each other in a nonstop and exhausting way, so I don't know what's going on anymore and who to trust," Hazel said. "So can I just ask you?"
"Sure," Frank said carefully.
"Okay," Hazel said letting go of a breath she'd been unconsciently holding before getting all tense again. "It's just… umm… how does… dating work?"
"Pardon?" Frank asked.
"How does dating work in the twenty-first century?" Hazel asked. "I literally have no idea. What's it like?"
This somewhat confused Frank.
"It's… like… exactly what we're doing right now?" Frank asked.
It'd only been forty-eight hours, but he really thought that he'd been doing better than that.
"No," Hazel said. "Well, yes. Okay, I'm going to ask my question again. What's the etiquette of dating?"
"Sorry, can you ask that question again?" Frank asked. "I'm not sure where you're coming from."
Hazel sighed. "Okay, when we're on a date can we show affection or is that bad? Who the heck pays at a restaurant? Does it bother you if I apply makeup in front of you or am I still supposed to do it in private? Is playing with your tights still a major faux-pas? Am I allowed to chew gum? Is spending more than ten minutes on the phone considered inappropriate and chatty? Am I allowed to walk on the street side of the pavement when we're together or is that your job? How much talking is supposed to actually happen during a meal? What do you wear on a date? This is very complicated and I am so lost."
"Umm," Frank said. "Okay, umm… well first off, you can put makeup on wherever you want, ditto for the gum. I've never worn tights so you'll have to ask Piper about that particular one, but since a ton of guys just sit there and readjust their balls in broad daylight I don't see why you couldn't. Don't talk on the phone more than ten minutes because it'll get a ton of monsters on our tail, but I don't know anything about it being inappropriate; I don't think that we need to assign ourselves parts of the sidewalk, and for the date thing I don't know if I'm paying or if you want to pay or if we want to split or whatever, but we can figure out whatever works once we stop saving the world and go on an actual date?"
"Oh," Hazel asked, which seemed anticlimactic given how stressed out Frank had been to push out the appropriate answers. He didn't know much about dating either. He didn't want to think of Hazel as a guinea pig, but he was figuring this out with her. Being the only person with a clue was terrifying, but Hazel seemed satisfied with her answers. "Okay. Dating was a lot more stressful back in the good old days, I guess."
"Seriously?" Frank asked. "All those things you said- those were all rules for girls who were dating in 1940?"
"Yup," Hazel said. "That's what I was going on."
"That seems so…" Frank said.
"Oppressive?" Hazel said. "Sexist? Unfair? Confining? Yeah. I'm glad I checked; this new thing is much better."
"You were going to always fall back on a specific part of the sidewalk just to be with me?" Frank asked. It was strangely touching, but also incredibly concerning. She'd always struck Frank as rather liberal, but he was going to have to ask Piper and Annabeth to cleanse any leftover gender roles out of Hazel's head. Who knew what kind of nasty imprint years of outdated social conditioning had left. Hazel should at least get a chance to pick what she wanted, Frank figured.
"Well not anymore that I don't have to," Hazel huffed. "I'll be walking wherever I want to."
Frank smiled. "Of course."
"And the gum thing is alright? I can chew gum wherever."
"Wherever," Frank said.
"Damn right," Hazel said under her breath.
"Just be careful because if you take a pack of gum out, everyone's going to swarm you for a piece. Especially in high school."
"Interesting," Hazel said. "But you didn't answer one of my questions."
"Which one?" Frank asked.
"What's the modern world's stance on open displays of affection?" Hazel asked with a small smile that chilled Frank's blood and stopped his heartbeat.
"Umm," Frank said. "Umm… like holding hands?"
"Yeah," Hazel said. "Can we do that in public?"
"Yes," Frank said.
"Good," Hazel said approvingly, taking Frank's hands. "And hugging when you're more than friends. Is that okay in public? Like, I know I can bearhug Percy whenever and wherever, but you?"
"Yes," Frank said. "If you want."
"Okay," Hazel said. "And what about kissing?"
"That's always okay," Frank said, maybe a bit too quickly for it to still be smooth.
"It's like you read minds," Hazel said, easing herself to her tiptoes. Frank bent down to help her breach the distance and they kissed.
"It's nice to know that chivalry isn't dead and that it just got more liberal," Hazel said. "Perfect."
Frank noted that: Classy, but in a feminist way.
It was good to know what she liked.