Good For You

by Dragons Chaotica

Alec has long been tormented by his own thoughts, cumulating in He and Magnus's break-up. Once Magnus realizes why everything has happened the way it has, will Alec be able to forgive him? Post COLS, Warnings: Some language, inadvertant emotional abuse, etc.

Me: Hey this is an apology fic. I totally blew off my main story for a while so now after I updated Bite, I can do another one-shot.

Alec: Um, you should move on.

Jace: She owns nothing. Except a flash drive.

Magnus: And P.S this is post COLS and varies from the book.

P.S: Edited, because I can see both when my autocorrect was trusted, and when my spell check was not working. A word to the wise. Microsoft Word deeply enjoys trolling. Somehow lend became wind, somehow know was inappropriate and no was better. I almost punched myself re-reading this.

Alec was despondent. He felt like the color in the world had dulled, his heart had broken and his life shattered in one moment. He fully understood why he had done what he had done, but at the same time, understood where Magnus had come from, but on the whole, it was the blame and breakup he didn't get.

Though, he supposed, Magnus had made it perfectly clear that he in no way wanted Alec to join him in immortality. So there went forever. And Alec refused to be eternally with a nineteen year old while he aged into his forties. Alec snorted bitterly at that, what the Shadowhunters would say to that "Ha, so even the gay one has limits, doesn't stop at subspecies though!" Then they would laugh, and Izzy would get angry at them and he would need to hold her back, face burning in shame for having ever thought that Magnus loved him when he would leave him to be ostracized and ridiculed by his own people without support. Maryse would be humiliated. She would be mad at Magnus, whom she had liked a great deal, but since she couldn't ice him out, she would avoid Alec. Robert as always, would stay silent. Jace would lead him from the room and in his own awkward way tell him that it would be okay.

It didn't bear thinking on really. It just made him sadder.

He was a Shadowhunter. He was expendable. He could die any second and thus he didn't understand why it made him cry at night.

He loved Magnus. Really he did. He was so scared of ever being separated from him, because of his love, and Magnus's lies about not ever loving anybody like he loved Alec, or how he couldn't live without him. Alec had listened; he had stayed safe, so that he could go home each night and make them both feel better. Apparently this was wrong, he should have been more like Jace, and threw himself into battle, let himself die, so Magnus wouldn't have had to keep up the charade. He should have known when Magnus flat refused to even consider making him immortal that he wasn't special. Of course, naive little Alec thought that maybe it was dangerous and looked for a new way. He was tired of being a punching bag, or a yo-yo which is what his mind felt like. Magnus wouldn't share anything, not even his name. So Alec had wondered about mortality for him. He would be destroyed if Magnus were to die, but, what other option was there?

He had talked to Camille, she had told him it was a mistake. Magnus didn't love him, her traitorous voice hissed, he was too proud. He didn't want Alec to be immortal because then he was stuck with him. He was just waiting until Alec was old enough for age to be an excuse. She said that if Magnus was mortal he could love him without fear. Desperate and depressed, Alec struck a deal he knew he could never carry out.

And he told her so. Magnus had arrived soon after. His Magnus who had hurt his mind so badly with his uncaring words, his lies. Had just simply ended it. He proclaimed that his lifespan was of no importance to Alec. And Alec supposed it wasn't. Much like his mortality should have been his choice. Alec had tried to explain, to put the pain into words, to explain how he had been tricked, how Magnus had hurt his mind so badly, how much he needed help. But all he could do was stutter, the jagged daggers lodged in his throat and eyes, they burned.

He was pretty sure that the words that had ended him was the hushed "I love you."

Followed by a businesslike rendition about how it didn't change anything and that he needed to leave his new home by the next day and leave the key on the table.

For the first few hours, he had thought he deserved it. However, the longer Magnus was away and he had time to think he realized that Magnus had a role to play in this too. Alec was expendable and Magnus never seemed to let him forget it. The parties that Alec didn't attend, or know about until he got home that night and found Magnus dancing with someone just a bit too close. The sex, which never changed, even though he expected Magnus would be more explorative. The constant wardrobe changes, which admittedly Alec stopped easy enough. And at last, their relationship itself, they couldn't have forever as Magnus promised. Another lie.

Slowly he had gotten stronger inside, but he knew he wasn't healthy, Either way he pulled himself off the park bench he had collapsed on and went to Magnus's house the following morning. He had piled any clothes he had there, any personal effects and the key. He burned them in the living room, and threw some water on the fire. Fished the key out of the still hot embers and tossed it on the table, leaving a singe mark. He found a piece of paper, and left a note.

Then he went to the institute. His heart, head and soul hurt, he knew Magnus would be upset by the burns maybe he should have...No. It served him right. Alec was going home, venting, and finding a shrink. Afterwards he slept for a long while.

"Alec! Alec! Open up!" Jace shouted through the door

Alec did as requested. Blind obedience worked for one, why not another?

"Holy..! By the Angel Alec! What happened?"

Ah, the singed shirt, the puffy eyes, the broken look that seemed to go so deep.

"Just a breakup. Nothing big." And he went back to his bed.

"Magnus broke up with you?" Jace said softly. Sitting by his brother and tenderly rubbing his shoulder. 'Why?"

"I did something stupid. But everything worked out for the best."

"What does that mean, Alec?" Jace said cautiously. He had seen the changes in Alec recently, ever since they had been called home from vacation to interrogate Camille.

"I contemplated making him mortal. I wouldn't have gone through with it. I just felt, so desperate, so alone...I think I will be better now that we are apart."

Jace was confused to say the least. Alec loved Magnus more than life. Hell, he knew Magnus loved Alec. The warlock was an insensitive jerk sometimes, but hey, so was Jace. he didn't understand. "He broke up with you for thinking about doing something? That's not quite healthy."

"What's not quite healthy?" Izzy chimed from the open doorway.

"Punishing somebody for thinking about doing something." Jace said quickly. Alec was oddly limp. Jace touched his forehead. He felt bad for his parabati. Alec was obviously destroyed inside, but Jace had a feeling that the breakup didn't cause it all.

"You're right." Said Isabelle cautiously as she entered the room and shut the door. "That's very controlling and wrong."

"Alec?" Jace asked quietly

"Mhmm?"

"Did Magnus ever hurt you?"

Alec looked confused at that "I don't know."

Now Isabelle looked more worried "What do you mean you don't know?"

Alec looked so small then. "He never touched me in a painful way, he never said anything mean to me that I didn't cause by being insensitive, it was just..." He trailed off

"Just what?" his siblings encouraged.

"Just that, I always felt like I was unimportant. He would say he loved me, but he refused to think about his past, he refused to make me immortal, so I would be in the past. I knew he threw parties, but he never told me about them. He just, never told me anything about himself and expected me to go on his word like a dog. I just, snapped. I guess it's a good thing it's over. I see that it wasn't healthy now. And I want to get help." Alec conceded blandly.

"I think," Jace began "That you both should have talked about this. It could have saved you both a lot of heartache."

"What do you mean?"

"Well you're right, it wasn't healthy." Isabelle started

"But you both should have talked about it, and maybe you could have fixed things. I know Magnus did withhold a lot but I don't think he meant to be hurtful though he was." Jace finished.

"Doubt he will talk to me now." Alec said, looking half proud and sad, and another part sheepish.

"Why?" Questioned his siblings

"I piled all of my things on his carpet and burnt them in his living room..."

"Good for you…"

Magnus was, shocked, repentant, scared and rather guilty all at once. He had entered his home at the end of the day to the scent of smoke. Thinking that Alec was much more vengeful then he thought, he had feared that all of the things he had accumulated over the years were in ashes.

They were not.

He noticed that, to his dismay, his dear Alexander had burnt his own things. At first Magnus thought the boy had gotten it backwards, then he saw the sooty key on the table, and realized what had happened.

Alec was done. He didn't want to remember Magnus, to the point of destryoing his own clothes, and any gifts that he had received from Magnus himself.

For a while his simply sat on the couch observing the burned spots on the floor. Something inside was breaking slowly. Those were his memories in the ashes as well. His and his Alexander's. All gone. He had truly severed the bond, and he didn't understand. Alexander had been crying, or close to tears. He had thought that Alexander would simply get his things and leave, or wait to talk to Magnus, maybe apologize. Instead he had turned on his old life with a vengeance, destroyed it utterly. That wasn't typical Alec. This key fact had Magnus worried.

He was scared too, and so guilty. Which he really shouldn't be, it wasn't like he was the one committing figurative murder.

'I could never go through with it, I swear!'

He had planned it though!

'I could never go through with it...'

Maybe, maybe he had overreacted. NO, Alec had no business shortening his lifespan. 'But he didn't, did he?' Hissed the traitorous voice in his head 'He never could have gone through with it. Perhaps another tally in the 'YOUR FAULT' section?'

Magnus managed to stand up in one fluid motion as always. It only took him three strides to reach the phone, and two buttons to call his Alexander, he had to know what was behind this behavior, it was...worrisome. Speed dial was a good thing.

"Hello?"

"Isabelle? Is Alec there?"

"...Yes"

"May I speak with him, please?"

"No."

Magnus was by now confused, had Alexander already told her everything? He hadn't thought that they had that much of an open communication system. Perhaps she was mad about the breakup and was taking Alec's side. Which was right, and even expected. Maybe she only knew that they broke up.

"Why not?"

"Because you are an emotionally abusive asshole, and if I ever see you near my brother without his consent I will cut your glittery dick off with a blunt seraph blade."

"Isa-!"

"Bye, Downworlder."

Magnus set the phone down delicately. That was a new reaction. So she apparently knew something. Just then a glint of white caught his eye. So he headed toward it.

It was a note, obviously. With his name scrawled on the front. In Alec's handwriting. Magnus drew a shuddering breath and carefully opened the note. He felt that horrible guilt creep back up into his stomach and dance around.

Magnus

I figured this would happen eventually, and I dreaded it. Last night showed me you were right to end it though. I don't think that my actions were absolutely horrible, looking back it was a mistake, but not as bad as other things. I want to tell you that I'm aware that I am expendable. I also know that I've been tying you down. I'm putting myself in the past, so you won't feel obligated to think on it too much. I'm technically in the past anyway. So consider this your long awaited freedom. Good luck.

Long awaited freedom? Expendable...

Magnus sat back down on the couch. What was he missing. Alec was already in the past? 'I'm putting myself in the past so you won't feel obligated to think on it too much.' Alec in the past...

Shit.

Magnus felt his eyes fill with tears. Obligation, expendability, past. He had screwed himself over in the worst way possible. The boy thought Magnus was toying with him. Wasn't he though? Simple questions had been blocked, Alexander felt he was meant to just blindly follow Magnus. That wasn't right. He treasured Alec, he LOVED Alec! More than anything. He could kind of see the mist lifting now. His Alexander thought Magnus didn't care for him, thought that he didn't want him.

"Dammit, he was making excuses for me."

Wasn't he?

'I told him immortality was hard, and refused it to him. I took the choice in his own lifespan away...He must have been so hurt.' Magnus thought fearfully 'I made him think I didn't want him at all, like I wanted him to age and die, and he would have thought I would leave when he got older...He told himself it was for his own good...'

"Oh, god."

'-So he looked for a way to join me...And when I shot him down for trying to be by my side...He thought he was the only one in this thing.'

"OH god oh godohgodohgodohgod, what have I done?" He whimpered brokenly "Alexander, I drove you into a depression without even knowing it...No wonder you couldn't answer me."

'On top of which, with the feelings he had already, if he was talking to Camille...'

"Oh, GOD!"

And he was out the door before he could think better of it.

Jace was the one who heard the knocking. He carefully slid away from Alec, whose bed he had passed out in after a long talk and some comforting, and headed downstairs.

"Who the hell is it at three in the goddamn morning?" He called though the door.

the knocking stopped.

"Please" came the broken reply.

Jace's eyes widened. 'Oh hell no.' "What are you doing here?" He spat with venom.

"I...I...I really screwed this up." Magnus replied with a hollow voice.

Jace had to admit, even for the warlock, that was a weird tone. He opened the door to the rain outside, just to see what was happening.

'Oh, by the angel.'

Magnus was drenched, of course, it was raining after all. Any and all makeup was gone, he was wearing one sock, he must have taken his shoes off at some point then hastily threw them on again, His spiky hair was hanging limp now, plastered to his face. He was also holding a sopping piece of paper by his side. Jace noticed his nails on the hand holding the letter were shorn close to the quick and the polish was chipped.

"What happened to you!?" Jace questioned, expecting a demon or something was chasing him. "Not that I care, pets die all the time" He added for spite, he wouldn't feel sorry for this man. He had hurt Alec to badly.

"I screwed up."

Jace was maybe a little worried that that was all the warlock could really say.

"Screwed what up?" He finally asked "A spell, a potion? What?"

"Alec" he said "And me."

"Yeah, you did." Jace said helpfully.

"Can I please see him?"

'Was he crazy?' "Hell no!"

"Please."

"What?"

"You can be there; I just need to let him know it wasn't what he thought, please Jace."

"I can...What? So you didn't break up?"

"No..." Magnus said in a small voice "I did that. I was stupid and I did that. I just figured out I did worse before that. Please Jace!" He said, voice getting stronger "Please let me tell him that what we hav-had" He corrected with a pained wince "wasn't what he thought it was, he was wrong!" Magnus said getting rather worked up "It wasn't like that, and I need to tell him things. Now. Please!"

At this point Jace was beginning to see that it might be a good idea he turned and motioned for Magnus to follow.

When they reached Alec's room, Jace said calmly "You have a half an hour, then I am coming in, and if Alec says he wants you out, I'm throwing you bodily from the Institute."

All Magnus could do was nod eagerly.

He closed the door quietly behind him. All he could do was stare at Alec, who had bags under his eyes, and really didn't need to be curled up so tight.

He slid carefully to the bed, and sat down.

'One more time.' He thought, and he carefully scooped Alec's upper body into a hug.

"M-Magnus?" He whispered blearily. "Is it time to get up?"

'He's not awake yet, he doesn't remember.'

He could feel the exact moment that Alec did remember. He tensed and pulled away with a poker face carefully in place.

"We need to talk." Magnus said holding out the damp note "About this."

"Sorry, your carpet must look pretty bad." Then those pretty blue eyes skittered away from his green ones.

Magnus swallowed hard and pulled Alec to him again. Lightning and thunder fought outside the window. A real storm was brewing.

"Not about that" He mumbled quietly into the dark silky hair of his boyfr-EX.

"Hmmm."

"I love you."

Alec looked up with a cross expression "But it doesn't change anything. Get out." He snarled.

But Magnus was determined "It changes everything for you, and for me it did too, but I was being stupid Alec, please, I promise it makes all the difference."

Alec pushed away again and flopped back into his pillows. "Get on with it."

Magnus flinched. "I love you."

"I do believe I heard that before." Alec growled

"I want you with me, but you are so close to your family, I...I don't know why that stopped me."

"What?"

"I wanted you with me...Forever."

Alec for his part was pissed, now he said these things?

"Please listen!" Magnus cried "My life has been hard, I just kind of associate life with pain, and I didn't want you hurt. You should have a say in your own life. I'm a filthy hypocrite."

"Yes, you are." Alec said, now curious in the conversation.

" I have never loved anybody enough to want them safe at the expense of our relationship. If it makes you feel better I had planned to stay with you, as long as you let me."

Alec opened his mouth to reply and Magnus held up a hand to silence him "I was wrong to do that, you should have made the choice. And you were NEVER expendable; I damn near died every time you went to fight a demon. And if you were hurt? I could almost teleport; I didn't want you hurt, Alexander." Magnus paused "What else were you thinking about, that made you try and make me mortal?"

Pain flashed through Alec's eyes and he slid back again, as he had been unconsciously creeping slowly to Magnus.

"NO!" Magnus yelped and pulled Alec again into a bone crushing hug "I'm not trying to hurt you, ask anything, I won't back away!"

Alec thought. "The parties. You never even told me about them until I got home and walked in on you dancing really close to someone else."

Magnus drooped, everything he did was like a betrayal, he hadn't thought of the secrecy as a problem. "I've always thrown parties."

"And the grinding?"

"There was no grinding!" Magnus explained "Just dancing."

With the look Alec was shooting him now, he had best just answer. "Mainly they were seelie, or vampires. I was looking for the Book of White at first...Then I was wondering if they liked being immortal...I flirted a bit to get the information" he paused then looked at the pained look on Alec's face "No! I didn't cheat, just sweet talked so they would tell me, it's still not good but I wanted to know, for you, if...I ever decided to try. If I ever got selfish..."He trailed off, and here he was mad at Alec. "What else?"

"Your past."

"I will write a book, a timeline, anything you want. Though it will take some time, I'm not pulling much off of the top of my head these days, it's been so long."

"The...erm..." Alec blushed and Magnus did and involuntary internal happy dance at the sight. He leaned down and carefully kissed his Alexander softly, not expecting the response given. After a few minutes they broke apart.

"I didn't want to scare you off." Magnus said shyly.

"And how did you come to this realization?" Alec said gnawing his lower lip.

"Your note." He replied plainly "You don't know what you got till it's gone...And all that."

"And now?"

"Whatever you want."

Alec wasn't expecting that. "What?"

"If you want me back I'll come, and if you want to move back in I'll help you do it, tonight even. I'll make myself mortal, or you immortal, whatever you want. If you don't want me..." Magnus paused and looked down "I will leave. I don't expect you to forgive me overnight, and this apology doesn't change the way I've behaved...But if you want. We can do this. I'll be open, that was really our only problem...Me-wise that is, after you came out."

"Magnus..."

"I'll be more considerate." Magnus plowed on "I'll make sure you know I love you, I promise!"

Alec was surprised at the tears on Magnus's face. He understood now. Magnus was telling the truth. He was promising to change...

"I'll give up parties...if you want."

"No."

"Huh?" Magnus grunted looking up.

"You love parties. Just...not so close, okay?" Alec said, gently running his fingers through Magnus's damp hair.

Magnus could barely hope "Okay." He nodded.

"And no holding back your past or what you feel. Okay?"

Another nod "Okay. Are you sure?"

"About what?"

Magnus looked down "Nothing." He mumbled.

"Magnus."

"Are we getting back together?"

"...Yes."

"And you haven't...completely forgiven me...have you?"

"Nope."

"Is there anything I can do?"

"Right now? No, we have a few hundred years to work it out. But I think a few weeks of openness will probably do it. Groveling might help."

"I am groveling."

"You are so not done."

"Nope."

"How long does it take to make me immortal?"

"...Few days."

"And during that time?"

"Bed rest, you might get sick too."

"Do you need anything to make it happen?"

"Uh." Magnus wan pretty sure he knew where this was going "The Book of White, Me, and You."

"Well?"

Magnus popped the book into existence hesitantly.

"What?" Alec said

"I would prefer to do this-"

"Let me guess" Alec continued sardonically "You would prefer to do this later."

"No." Magnus said quietly. "I would like to do it tomorrow, after we get you moved back in, so I don't have everyone looking down on me. And where you could be more comfortable."

Alec felt guilt rise around in his soul. "I'm sorry, I'm just-"

"Still justifiably angry? That's fine. Are you sure you want to do this now, when you don't trust me? Or like me really?"

Alec sighed. "I love you, and I do trust you, I was just waiting for the put-off, I'm sorry."

"No." Magnus said with big eyes "I'm sorry. For all of it. If you want now, I can do it and maybe Jace will help me move everything tomorrow, and I can get you there later."

Alec smiled. "I think tomorrow afternoon will do just fine."

"Good. Alec...Thank you." And he stood to leave.

"Um, no." Alec admonished "Undress and crawl under the covers, I'll lend you some clothing that won't give us hypothermia."

Magnus blushed and barely believing his luck did as he was told.

Jace did help Magnus and Alec move the next day, after coming in forty-five minutes into their conversation and spying a bit from the other side of the door. All of Magnus's promises. He talked with Alec, then helped out. Izzy helped too, though reluctantly, though when she saw what she was putting Magnus through, she stopped, and helped carry another box inside.

Alec was laid up in bed for a while at the apartment. One day, Magnus entered the room with not only food, but a small box.

"What's that?" Alec questioned with a fond smile at his obviously up-to-something warlock.

"Preeeesant. Now come on, open!" He said tossing it onto the bed.

Alec easily grabbed the box and popped the top open, removing a pocket watch...A very familiar pocket watch.

"I loved this watch." He said

"I know." Magnus commented "And since you are in sudden need of another one, I found a replica."

Alec looked up misty eyed. "Thank you."

"Well, I do need to replace the gifts that have vanished, so I might as well start now. With the watch I got you in France."

"Magnus, I-"

"I love you." Magnus said with a soft smile.

Alec held the watch to the base of his neck. "I love you too, you sap."

And Magnus almost fainted in happiness.

"You look lightheaded."

"I love being dizzy around you!"

Alec gave his lover a very strange look that implied a deficiency in his sanity, but Magnus just kept smiling so he just rolled his eyes. "Good for you." He said. "Now sit by me before you fall down." He finished with an affectionate grin.

Two hundred years later in Prague, they are still doing just fine.

I made myself cry! Why! Why did I write this! Oh, yes, to fix Cassandra Clare's dreadful mistake. Honestly, through City of Glass it was good; but I haven't liked a book since in that series. So I am making it my own way. Take that!

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