So, as you have probably guessed by now, this will be fanmake of the Cult Nintendo classic Earthbound, starring various cartoon characters. For those of you who (unfortunately) do not know about Earthbound, here's some back-round: Earthbound is part of the MOTHER series, a trilogy of Japanese RPGs that broke and sometimes mocked typical conventions of the genre. The first two were set in Eagleland, a parody of the USA that the developers used to express their ideas about what the Japanese thought of American society. The third game, MOTHER 3, is set in the far more fantasy inspired Nowhere Islands, but is by far the darkest entry in the series. It is also the most poetic, and is widely considered by many to be the first time a video game qualified as art. It also has what I believe is the saddest ending of any game ever. So far, only MOTHER 2 has been released in any way, shape, or form in America, under the name Earthbound.
Also know now that while some things will be changed, others will be left as they where in Earthbound, and some things I'll just go halfway on.
On wit da' fic!
Chapter 1: The Journey Begins
The year is 199X.
Onett, a small town in Eagleland. A streak of red light shoots across the sky. It broke its peaceful glide across the heavens and suddenly smashed into the nearby hills, sending a crashing boom across the sky.
The noise was loud enough to awaken the residents of the Onett Suburbs, including a blond haired Australian kid named Wally Beatles. "What the crud was that!" he yelled in surprise when the sudden jolt knocked him from his bed. He ran over to the window and looked out at the hills that loomed over the suburbs. The highest hill now had a large crater on the surface, and was glowing with an eerie red light. "Cool!" Wally whistled, then decided to rush out into the night to investigate the potentially dangerous crash site.
Wally sprinted downstairs and ran head first into his mom, who looked down on her son with a cross expression. Wally hid his head and scuffled his feet a little in guilt. Then, his mother began to smile a little. "Oh, alroight, you can go see what all this noise is about. You'd just sneak out of yeah room if I tried to keep you here." she spoke with the same accent as her son.
"Thanks mum!" Wally exclaimed jubilently as he rushed for the door. "I'll be careful, I promise!"
"Uh, just one more thing before you go Wallabe..." his mom added with a suppressed giggle. "Don't yah think it'd be a good idea to change out of yeah jammies first?" Wally looked down to see he was, in fact, still wearing the pajamas he put on before bed. With a groan, Wally went back upstairs and changed into the jeans and orange hoodie he normally wore during the day. Finally, he was out the door.
"Jeez, there sure are a lot of cops out!" Wally said quietly to himself as he walked past yet another police officer on his rather uneventful trip up the hill. He finally reached a part of the road completely blocked by officers of the law. However, one person stood out in the line of black uniforms. "Cartman? What are you doing here fat boy?" Wally asked.
Cartman was Wally's fat, obnoxious, greedy (and only) neighbor. The two deeply resented each-other, and Cartman's ability to get his way was all that kept Wally from socking him on numerous occasions.
"Don't be rubbernecking asshole. Stop getting in the cops... I mean, the nice officers way." Cartman said in a mean tone, only to sound sweet and polite when a cop turned his head in the fat kid's direction. "Just go back to bed Wally. Tomorrow I, the great Cartman, will tell you all about the awesome meteorite I found."
"Grrrrr... you win this round chubby." Wally snarled, and began heading home.
Wally returned home and went back to bed, only to be awoken a short while later by heavy knocking on the front door. Rubbing sleep from his eyes for the second time that night, the blond boy joined his mother and baby brother Joey in the living room when Cartman burst through the door looking panicked.
"Wally, Wally you gotta help me dude! When I went up to see the meteorite..." he stopped his frenzied rant when he noticed Mrs. Beatles. His voice then became sickeningly polite. "Good evening ma'am. Your looking lovely as usual." he spoke/whined before snickering at his own perceived cleverness. "Anyway... Wally, you're my best friend and I have to get back to the meteor. Won't you help me?"
"Buzz off chubby." Wally said rudely. "I'm going back ta bed."
Cartman then leaned forward. "If you refuse me, I'll say something that will cut you like a knife." he whispered in Wally's ear. The Australian rolled his eyes.
"Fine, let me go change out of my P.J.'s AGAIN!" he said wearily while stomping back to his room.
A few minutes later he came back down in his orange hoodie and worn jeans, and now had an old, cracked bat resting on his shoulders. Wally felt something tugging on his leg and looked down to see his baby brother Joey. "Huh, what is it Joey?" he asked. The ankle-bitter then held out a cookie and babbled some baby talk. "In case I get hungry? Thanks Joey!" Wally replied while sticking the cookie in his sweater pocket.
"You really don't want to know where he kepta that." Cartman snickered behind them.
"Well, I guess this is it. People may try and tell yeh different, but always know that you're a strong, courageous, kind boy. You're my natural born fighter. Now go get 'em sport!" Wally's mother said encouragingly while giving her son a peck on the cheek.
"M-OM! I'm gonna be back in less then an hour!" the Australian groaned.
"Just remember: you'll always be mama's little man!" she said while a gleeful grin. "And I know he's unreliable, but I think you should take Brian with you." she added while motioning to a white furred dog sleeping in the corner.
"Wait, what?" the dog spoke in confusion when the sound of his name awoke him.
"Alright then, let's blow this popsicle stand!" Cartman exclaimed while getting off the couch. "You go out in front, and I'll follow from a safe distance!"
Wally rolled his eyes at this. "Roight then. Alright, let's get go..." he was suddenly cut off by the sound of the phone ringing. "What now!"
The blond walked over to the telephone and picked it up. "'Ello?"
"Work ye' self to exhaustion when yer young. Have you ever heard of such a weird saying before Wally?" asked an older male voice that sounded just like the one belonging to the boy on the other end of the phone.
"Dad, is that you?" Wally asked. His Dad's job had him working almost all the time, so he hardly ever saw him.
"I just want you to know that I support you 100%. I'll deposit money in yeh bank account as yah go along. You got your ATM card sport?" Wally held up the small plastic card up and a gave a small affirmative grunt. "Good. Go get 'em sport! I feel like such a hero! Well, at least the father of a hero..." and with that, he hung up.
"Alright, I guess we should get going." Brian spoke up. "This is gonna be weirder then when I was Chewbacca in that Star Wars parody."
The team of three finally exited the Beatles' residence and stepped out into the night. It was windy and creepy and cold, but the party pressed on. At just about the half way mark however, a screeching CAW pierced the air, and the three noticed a collection of wild animals coming their way. A Stray Dog, two Coil Snakes and a Spiteful Crow had jumped from the trees and approached the party menacingly. Wally readied his bat, Brian began growling, and Cartman tried to hide behind Wally.
The Coil Snakes lepta forward first. Wally rolled backwards to dodge the attack, then smashed the first serpent over the head with the bat. The Coil Snake was defeated and slithered off. Cartman was running around a complaining to Wally as the Spiteful Crow tried to peck at his eyes. The second Coil Snake had wrapped itself around the Australian and was attempting to squeeze the life out of him.
Meanwhile, Brian was talking to the mangy brown Stray Dog. "I don't get it. You're a good dog, you had a great family and everything was working out for you. Why'd you just run away from home and start attacking people?" he asked.
"Well, things were pretty good, when you put it that way. But lately it just hasn't felt right, you know? Plus, the guy I'm working for gave me a great deal. Four day work week, five hours a day, and a great health care plan! I'm gonna need it too, seeing as Obama just passed Commie Care! Eh, eh?" the Stray Dog said jokingly, then became serious. "No, really. I thought things were way better with Bush in office."
Brian narrowed his eyes at the other dog, then pulled out a large, silver handgun and shot the Stray Republican Dog once between the eyes. Wally looked up from the Coil Snake he was currently bashing to death with a bat. "Jeez Brian, this is a fanmake of a kid's game!"
"FORGET ABOUT THE *$%^-ING KIDS AND HELP ME FOR CHRIST SAKE!" Cartman shouted. Despite playing dead, apologizing profusely, smiling insincer and using Wally as a human shield, he had yet to evade the Spiteful Crow. Wally rolled his eyes and smaaaaashed! the attacking bird with his bat, securing victory for the trio.
They finally reached the hill where the meteor landed. Brian had been shaking ever since the battle against the wild animals. Finally, he just stopped and let out a loud howl. "That's it THAT'S IT! I gotta go Wally, I've gone too long without a drink! Sorry guys!" And with that, the alcoholic canine ran off.
"Stupid mutt." Cartman muttered. He then noticed something laying against a nearby tree. "CLYDE FROG!" the fat kid shouted. He then ran over and scooped up the stuffed amphibian into his arms. "I'm sorry I left you behind Clyde Frog."
"WE WENT THROUGH ALL THAT JUST FOR A STUPID STUFFED ANIMAL!" Wally shouted in disbelief.
"Don't listen to him Clyde Frog." Cartman said softly. "Hey, do you hear a buzzing that sounds like a bee?"
Wally just nodded yes in response. Suddenly the meteor began to glow as the surface split open. A beam of light shot out of the opening as a winged insect hovered out of the extra-terrestial boulder.
"A bee I am... not. I am Atom Ant
Author's notes: And so it begins. I'm eager to hear what everyone thinks of this, and I hope I end up creating a few more Earthbound fans.
Brian was referring to Blue Harvest when he mentioned Chewbacca, and he stated in a regular episode that he bought a handgun in case he ever decided to kill himself while battling alcoholism.
The Smaaaaash! attack, Runaway Dog, Coil Snake and Spiteful Crows were all from Earthbound. Everything else is stuff I stole from various cartoons.
Also, I have no intention of offending people of either political party. I just thought the shooting would be funny. ...That came out wrong didn't it?