Assumptions
by Autumn Win-Dow
Ever since that moment in time, all you could feel was jealousy and despair.
Jealousy because the one you were in love with had started a relationship with someone else.
And despair because the two people you were forced to watch every day, as they at times ignored your presence in order to look into each other's' eyes adoringly, were your two best friends.
You were Natsume Hyuuga, the tough, stern boss of the office. Ruka Nogi was the one of whom compared to everyone other human with an ounce of male pride – especially yourself – was the weak-willed nice guy. Mikan Sakura was the perfect girl who loved everyone equally – which was something you presumed about her.
But why do I already feel so defeated?
Every time you saw them together, you felt sour, as if you had sliced in half a fresh lemon and squeezed the juice directly into your mouth – and even your eyes for good measure – but still, you would feel guilty about hating them.
Despite your tendencies of possessiveness, you knew that it wasn't their fault that you were feeling like this.
It was mine.
You were remorseful. You were hateful. You were desperate.
…You were scared. Scared of yourself.
At times, you were able to bear the pain of watching them engage in romantic moments, as you stood motionless behind her friends – of whom were squealing at the couple's 'Kodak moments' – before clicking your tongue bitterly and leaving the room.
Apparently everyone besides the couple knew of your secret love.
Koko would make comments to distract you, Mochu would punch you lightly on the arm, and Anna would generously hand you some of her muffins as a sign of kindness, but these supposedly friendly notions pissed you off too.
You felt that they were rubbing the fact that you had lost in your face, even though they were doing it unintentionally.
Usually, when you were extremely displeased about something, it was Ruka – and only Ruka – who knew how to make you feel genuinely better.
You loathed the irony of the notion – at the time when you seriously needed comforting from your best friend, he was the one involved in what was slowly, but gradually, breaking your heart.
Even the countless shots of alcohol you consumed – as a treat from the atmosphere sensing Koko – you still were not able to rid yourself from the dread in your heavy chest.
It was barely bearable for you – until you saw the gleaming silver bands around their respective ring fingers, which they had considerately decided to present to you first, as their closest friend.
Sometimes, you wished that you weren't their 'closest friend'. You wouldn't have felt as guilty about your feelings.
But of course, you treasured them as well – they were the only two people who understood who you really were, and without a doubt would have stayed by your side loyally.
Like a good friend.
However, you were fully aware that the only exception to their undying devotion to you as their best friend was the fact that eventually, they understood each other more.
They were planning to go through the process of binding together for the rest of their lives – thus, they were both leaving your side with a dreamy smile and an unintended, yet painfully cruel, ignorance.
You had – ever since your mother had died in that stupid car crash – always told yourself not to make assumptions, since they usually ended up being contradicted in the end.
You called yourself stupid for not listening to your younger self. Because for once, the naïve boy was right instead of the older man.
You had childishly assumed that the state of the relationships of you – along with Mikan and Ruka – were not going to change, despite knowing that Ruka had liked Mikan for a long time.
As the one able to read the blonde easily, you did expect that he was eventually going to ask Mikan out – but you were not sure as to why you were so bewildered when he actually did.
The way you felt was not merely one of a third-wheeler.
Sappy as it was, but you felt like a heartbroken third-wheeler, cast aside for the sake of 'true love'.
When you started to believe that things could not get any worse, you saw how she looked at the wedding.
While you were taking a breath of fresh air from the pressure, you could notice Ruka in the far distance – near the altar, dressed cleanly in a dark suit with a blood red rose clipped to his jacket. As you rubbed your temples with your forefingers in an attempt to maintain your composure, you realised that you were in the position – fortunate or unfortunate, you were not so sure – of being able to see the bride in the wedding dress first.
Her hair was in delicate waves which hung down to her thin waist, and even you – the man who was never really interested in intricate details – noticed the chains of white pearls braided into her long, chestnut brown locks. Her pure white dress fit her like a glove – you were amazed as to how Mikan Sakura, the noisy optimistic girl from your childhood, was able to look like a supreme goddess to the extent that the dress was second nature clothing for her – and as always, her smile was warm, friendly, and in this case, excited.
In other words, she looked perfect. Divine.
And it was painful for you to admit, but perfect for Ruka.
You couldn't help but smile at her happiness, despite feeling bitter about the wedding itself.
Mikan Sakura could make anyone, even you – the picky, easily irritable Natsume Hyuuga – smile.
However, unbeknownst to anyone – and this was a fact that you could bet your life on – she was the only one who could make you cry, as well.
Eventually, your feelings were mixed – from despair, to jealousy, and occasionally when you were not able to resist it, happiness for your two best friends. You were glad that you had at least a slither of humanity within you.
Although you felt like you were going to lose it all when they smiled – staring into each other's eyes in a manner even sweeter than a romantic comedy flick – before sharing the kiss which sealed their fate.
Right at that moment, you forgot completely about the happiness that you felt for them. Your heart was heavy. You could only frown – in an attempt to keep your stubborn composure – as this was their one special moment that formed a new relationship in their lives.
One without me.
You felt too vulnerable at that moment. Natsume Hyuuga felt vulnerable – it wasn't a word associated with you, but it felt perfectly relevant.
In fact, you lied. Mikan wasn't the one who could make you cry.
After the wedding, where no one was able to find you, you pulled out from your pocket the photograph of the lucky couple – with you standing with a slightly bitter smile next to Mikan.
Before scoffing at how much you looked like a third-wheeler in the photo, you eventually tore the photo in half – the tear breaking through the image of Mikan in the middle.
You hated it when you had bad feelings about Mikan Sakura. She was your best female friend, the one who was able to soothe you like a mother – at times when her rare mature side would come out – when you were at your most vulnerable. Besides the wedding, of course, as she was all smiles.
You loved, but envied Mikan Sakura. But it wasn't your love for her which made you break down, where no one could see you.
It was because you wanted what she had - an easy life, without a care for the rest of the world.
You wanted what she had - a love easily reciprocated, unbound by society.
You wanted him.
I'm so fucking pathetic, you thought to yourself as you held the two pieces of the photo together – thus erasing Mikan's existence.
Of course, I had no chance.
This is no ordinary love triangle.
Author's Note: My question to you is: Were you expecting that ending?
In society, it's seen as the absolute norm for a male and a female to be in love. In stories like these, it is automatically assumed that Natsume is in love with Mikan. So if you were surprised about this ending, think to yourself why.
This ending shouldn't be surprising, but why is it?
29/05/13 - And I just remembered. This is based on K Will's music video Please Don't. Plot credits go to this.
13/07/13 - If you're scratching your head, because you've read this story before around two months, ago, fear not. This story was initially posted on an alternate account named Mnemosyne Minerva, which I assure you is also me. You are free to check that account and read the message I have posted on its profile, and why I moved the story to this account. But really, it's just because it's easier to keep all of my stories under one penname. :)