Hi everyone! This was meant to be a one-shot, but, as usual with mine, it became a lot longer than I intended, so this is going to be a few chapters long, maybe five or six, but it is still all going to centre around the same day. It's the day that marks the anniversary of when Johnny and Sue's mother died, and how that came to happen, and the circumstances leave Sue blaming herself as it is the fifteenth anniversary. There will be a focus on Reed and Sue's relationship, and the sibling bond between Johnny and Sue, but it's mainly about the journey that the past fifteen years has been, and how Reed can help Sue through this.

The italics are the conversations from the past, mini-flashbacks as it were, that will happen through the entire story, but less so than this chapter. There's just a lot on this one because it's meant to show what's going on in Sue's head. The regular text is the current day, and the bold text is lyrics from Sarah McLachlan's Arms of the Angels.

September 25th

"She's not breathing."

"Mom!"

"Someone get that girl out! She doesn't need to see this."

"Mom, wake up!"

"If we don't get her out soon then she's going to bleed out."

"Mom, Mom!"

"It's too late, she's gone."

Nothing can prepare you for it. Even if you lived for a million years, you'd never be able to prepare yourself for the terrible moment when your worst nightmare becomes a certain reality. You can't think. You can't speak. All you can do is remind yourself to breathe as you take in the words that continue repeating themselves in your head. Every other possibility shrouds them, darting from the corners of your mind, trying to find a loophole; anything to change what you're being told. But nothing fits, and suddenly, none of the pieces make sense anymore, let alone fit together.

So, that's why Sue Storm once again felt like her world was falling apart.

Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it okay

"Johnny, come here, kid."

"What's happening, Dad?"

"There's something I need to talk to you about?"

"Did Susie wake up yet?"

"Not yet, kid."

"Am I in trouble?"

"No, Johnny, you're not in trouble."

"Why do you look sad?"

It was a little after four in the morning, and the sun hadn't yet risen outside of her bedroom window. Tears were streaming silently down her face whilst she tried to forget everything that her nightmare a moment had forced her to relive. Even though she had time to prepare for this moment every year, nothing she ever tried made this day easier. Nothing helped her to deal with the aching pain that appeared in her heart on that date of the year.

But things had changed since then. She was no longer the eleven year old weakling that had broken down completely one too many times over the situation. Fifteen long and hard years had passed, leaving her a concrete wall of strength at twenty-six, rather than the crumpled mess of a pre-teen she had been at the time.

Except for that day.

Sepetember the twenty-fifth.

There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day

"Susan."

"Daddy, where am I?"

"You're at the hospital, honey. You had an accident."

"Where's Mom?"

"Don't you remember?"

She could have flown a million miles on a plane to get away from that day, but it still wouldn't help her to escape it. Wherever she went, she would still have to face the day. She'd still have to go about her day, pretending that she was okay, to some extend, and acting like she didn't feel as if her world was ending. In all practicality, she'd have to make out that she wasn't going to break with every second that passed, and that was something she'd failed to perfect in the fifteen years that had preceeded that fateful day.

Spending the day at the Baxter Building was a difficult way of doing this. Johnny, Reed and Ben were going to be there; more than likely all day. The latter two would probably spend the whole day watching her like glass with a crack in it; waiting for the inevitable shattering, yet Johnny knew. He knew that she would break, as she did every year, and he knew that no kind words could prevent it. It was simply something that they dealt with when it happened; as all things had been solved after September twenty-fifth fifteen years ago.

I need some distraction, oh, beautiful release

"Your mother...she...she didn't make it."

Memories seep through my veins

She sat on the edge of her bed, silently watching the numbers on the digital clock changing monotously. It was too early to get up. She knew that. The numbers glowed vividly to show that it was, even after a number of restless hours, still only 4.17 in the morning. A small corner of the room was lightly bathed in the faint light that shone from it, but nothing that she would have noticed had she not been staring lifelessly at this patch of light.

They may be empty, and weightless and maybe

"Why did she have to go away, Dad?"

"I don't know, Susie...Sometimes, people have to go away. We don't want them to, but we have to. I know that you miss her, and I miss her too, but everything's going to be fine, I promise."

We'll find some peace tonight

She sighed heavily, leaning forwards as she supported her arms on her knees. She dipped her head, covering her face with her hands for a moment, trying to dull the aching in her chest, but nothing helped. Not even sleep, which she had fought for hours ago, and had since surrendered to the insomnia, was coming. Today wasn't like the other September twenty-fifth's. As much of the day that she could pass by sleeping was usually warmly welcomed, even if it was only the extra hour in the morning; yet today, her futile efforts were left unrewarded. She hadn't felt tired in two hours, even though she'd been completely exhausted when she'd dragged herself to bed at only nine o'clock the previous evening. At least she'd managed to sleep for five hours, even though it would be at least two more hours until anyone else started getting out of bed.

She'd lain there one morning, on a rare occassion where she actually welcomed a lie-in rather than wanting to get up early and start her day. It had been the morning after her, Ben and Johnny had officially moved into the Baxter Building three months ago. June 12th, she remembered. The room that had once been only Reed's spare room had then become her own. She'd found herself a lot happier in the room when her own belongings were scattered neatly around her; her own lamp on the bedside table, and she'd been thankful when Reed had moved his own books from the shelving area so that she could put her's there instead. Yet, she hadn't changed the duvet at all. She had brought her own bed sheets, having preffered her own lilac sheets to the beige ones that Reed used for all the spare rooms, but the duvet inside was something that she'd not wanted to change. It was much thicker and warmer than the one she'd had back at her own apartment.

So, burrowed deeply in the bed, her legs curled up by her chest and the blanket wrapped tightly around herself, she'd remained in bed all morning, christening her bed in a more innocent way than bringing someone back to it, like she assumed her brother had done with his. She didn't get up and shower at seven o'clock like she usually did. She didn't then go straight to the kitchen after getting dressed, for her breakfast, usually managing to grab the newspaper before someone dismantled it into several different sections. She just lay there, bathed in the serenity that the large apartment offered so early in the morning.

Reed had been the first one to wake up and start moving around. She'd recognised the shuffling of his feet as he passed her room at six-thirty, on his way to the bathroom. She always knew when it was him, because she recalled the same shuffling noise from when she used to stay over at his, and he would drag himself away from her to shower before work, his tired feet dragging along the carpet a little as he made his way to the beckoning warm water. Ben had, unmistakably, been the next person up, making his way straight into the kitchen. He had passed her room with heavy footsteps, rattling the frames on the hallway walls slightly, even though she could tell from the slowness of his steps that he would have been more alert than Reed, and was clearly trying to make his steps as light as possible. Johnny, however, would have stayed in his room as far as midday had Ben not taken the telephone into him at around nine in the morning, complaining about having to take calls from angry girls who hadn't been called back again. She'd laughed lightly as she heard the heated discussion continue rising in volume until Reed had stepped in, pointing out that Sue was probably still asleep.

In the arms of the angels, fly away from here

"Susie."

"What is it, Johnny?"

"I miss Mom."

"I miss her too."

She knew that it would be another two hours before anyone was up, even Reed, because she knew he would be the first. He was always the first one up, no matter what time it was. Even when they had been to a celebration the night before, and they ended up drinking well into the later hours of early morning, he would be the first one crawling out of bed at midday, annoyingly not as hung over as the rest of them. Sue was glad for that. She had learnt that if there was ever anything that she needed to talk to him about without the nosy ears of her brother around, that the best time to talk was early morning. There had been many times where they had been the first two people awake, and, on the beautiful summer days in particular, they would have breakfast together out on the veranda area, overlooking the city, no matter how much Johnny complained that they hadn't saved any breakfast for him.

The smaller voice in the back of her mind that reminded her of these times was the one that was currently coaxing her to leave the room. It wouldn't be too much trouble to go into the kitchen, wait for him to arrive there after his shower, and just talk to him for a while, get some things off her chest. It would be even more simple, ridiculously so, for her to leave the room right at this second, and go to his bedroom opposite hers. He would be awake, she knew that. He was always awake all hours of the night, insomnia attacking him on a regular basis because his head was too full of ideas and equations. It was easy. Simple, even. It was probably better for her that she could talk to someone that she trusted as much as she did Reed, or even just to be with someone, rather than just wallowing in her room awaiting the inevitable breakdown that was steadily building up inside of her.

From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear

"Will we be okay without Mom here, Susie?"

"Yeah."

"Promise?"

"We have each other. You'll always have me, no matter what."

Even though it had been fifteen years, it still hurt just as much as it had done after the first year.

"Why don't you smile anymore, Susie?"

"I don't think I remember how to."

You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie

Yet, as easy as she knew it would be to cross the hall and seek out Reed, she never left the room. She sat there for another minute...ten minutes...twenty...thirty...until, before she could realise that two hours had flown by, the familiar shuffles of feet could be heard outside of her room.

She turned her head from where she had been staring at the illuminated carpet. 6.28. Reed was out of bed. The chance for a private talk with him was quickly disappearing, and it was her heart that kept her weighed down to the mattress. As strong as she usually was, no strength of her own could bring her to stand from where she was perched on the edge of the bed. Reed was less than ten feet away, just on the other side of the door, but she didn't have the strength to cross the room, open the door and call out to him. She couldn't bring herself to do it, and when she found herself cursing the presence of unconsciously shed tears on her cheeks, she knew that she didn't want him to see her like that.

You're in the arms of an angel

"He's just upset, Susie."

"Why does he get to take it out on me all the time?"

"He's your brother, Susan. And even though it might not seem that way all the time, he loves you."

It had gotten to the point where she felt like no one could say anything anymore. She didn't need to hear that, no matter how much she had always wanted her mother to come back, that her mother was in a better place. She didn't believe the people who told her that things were going to be okay, because in her head, she never saw how they could be. She was gone, when she should have been there. That wasn't right at all.

May you find some comfort here

"Today, he needs his sister."

"He doesn't need me."

"Yes, he does. You're the closest thing to his mother he has left. Don't shut him away, Susan."

She waited until she heard the shuffling of Reed's feet on the carpet again, more alert than before, until she rose from her seated position. She stood at the door, waiting once more until she had heard the clicking sound that his bedroom door made when it closed. Then, she creaked open the door, not wanting to wake anyone or alert Reed's attention to herself. Sneaking down the hall, she went into the bathroom, making sure the lock the door behind her. Since many accidents involving showers and not knocking on doors, they had installed a lock on the door, and now, she was more glad for it than ever.

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn

"Why can't she come back?"

"That sort of thing is a miracle, Susan. We all stopped believing that miracles could happen the day she was taken from us."

"But what if they could?"

She chose an empty corner of the room, just beside the sink, and slid down onto the linoleum covered floor. She just needed to be alone for a while, and with people starting to get up and move around the apartment, that wouldn't happen in her bedroom. Someone would come looking for her. Either Johnny, depending on his mood that year, or Reed, because he would always worry about her, and at that moment in time, she didn't want either of them to see her. She'd learnt straight away that crying about it in front of Johnny sent him into a shell which blocked out all help, even if he had been seven years old at the time, and she at eleven.

There's vultures and theives at your back

"Susie, what are you doing out of bed?"

"I had a bad dream."

"What about?"

"About what happened."

After fifteen years, she could still feel the pain of her mother dying once again. It was something that had never left her, because she could vividly remember each agonising moment in her mind. At eleven years old, she had lived through something that, despite being an act of love to preserve her childhood, had immediately turned her into an adult. She'd been ashamed to admit that, because of living in the daily bustle of the Baxter building, that she'd forgotten about that year's September twenty-fifth, right up until yesterday morning when she had seen the date on the morning newspaper.

The storm keeps on twistng

"It was my fault, Dad."

"No, it wasn't, sweetheart."

"Yes, it was. I know it was."

She missed her mother so much. She wanted to talk to her, more than anything. She'd be able to deal with not being able to reach her, as she had done the last time they had seen each other, were it simply possible for them to talk again. She missed coming home from school, wandering into the kitchen to see her mother standing there, halfway through cooking the dinner. She missed how they would talk for hours about the little things; how to cut her hair, what she should wear to the school dance, why she shouldn't let Johnny's teasing upset her, what she had done at school that day...she missed the little things so much.

You keep on building the lies

"Come on, Johnny. We have to go to school."

"How will I get home? Dad's working."

"I guess you'll have to walk."

"Without Mom?"

"With me."

What hurt her the most was that there was so many things that she had missed, that she needed to tell her now. She wanted to tell her mother so many things; about her graduation, how her and Johnny learnt to get along, how she had lived her dream and gone into space. She wanted to explain to her about the new powers that they were still learning how to use. She wanted to tell her how she missed living with someone female. She'd gone from living with her brother and father, to her brother, ex-boyfriend and his best friend. She wanted to tell her how people looked up to her. She wanted to tell her that Johnny had grown up into a wonderful young man, a hero, a saviour, even if he was still as reckless as she would remember him to be at seven years old.

But most of all, she found herself wanting to tell her about Reed. She wanted to tell her about how they had first met, and he'd been so shy. She wanted to tell her about the first kiss they'd shared, where the tables had turned and she had been the shy one as he had dipped her on a dancefloor and kissed her until she felt herself feeling dizzy from the high. She wanted to tell her about the break up, and how they had met again. She wanted to tell her how protective Johnny had been about it. She wanted to tell her how he had stood by her, and, ultimately, stepped in to protect her from Victor. She wanted to tell her about how close they were becoming again.

But she couldn't.

Because she wasn't here.

She hadn't been for fifteen years, and she was never going to be there again.

That you make up for all that you lack

"How are you holding up, kiddo?"

"Susie's sad, Dad."

"I know she is, Johnny."

"Why does she think it's her fault?"

After the accident, the hospital had pushed her father into taking Sue to a pschiatrist to talk things through. She'd not been fond of this at all, and had been more silent in the shrinks room than she had been at home, were it possible. She'd been warned there that keeping everything inside would mean that eventually, her emotions would overflow and explode out of her in a way which she couldn't control. At the time, she hadn't thought it would happen to her. It wasn't that she was keeping her emotions locked away, it was that she just wasn't talking about them. She was still a child, in reality. She wasn't afraid to cry, she just didn't like to talk about it, because she didn't like to remember it.

It don't make no difference

"Don't get into any trouble today, Johnny."

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"I know, but Dad's sad today."

"Why?"

"It's Mom's birthday tomorrow."

It had taken a year for her to get back to normal, or as close to it as she could get. After the first year anniversary, she had started to realise that her mother really wasn't coming back; a false hope she had clung to for twelve long months. She started trying to be happy again. She carried on with the life that she had left behind her. She went out at weekends with her friends; she went to the movies, went bowling, went shopping. She picked up her grades in her schoolwork again. She ate her meals, returning to a healthy diet, and she did more exercise by taking up more sports in school.

Escaping one more time

"I'm glad you're smiling again, Susie."

"Me too, Johnny."

She hadn't ignored what happened. She had just put everything else before it, and now, it was working it's way back up to the top of the pile, as it did every September.

"Mom would want you to smile."

"She'd want you to, as well."

As the years went but, Sue had accepted even more that her mother was never going to be there to share the high points of her life. She hadn't been there on the night of her prom. She hadn't been there when Sue had graduated, or when she got accepted to her first choice college. She wasn't going to be there in the future, when she settled down with someone who loved her, or when she got married, had children, had grandchildren. She wasn't ever going to meet her grandchildren.

It's easier to believe

"You think you're ever gonna get married, Susie?"

"I'm only fifteen, Johnny. I'm not getting married just yet."

"I think you will. I think you'll have a million kids as well."

"Maybe not a million."

"A hundred?"

"We'll see."

She had changed so much in fifteen years, that she hadn't felt like the daughter her mother had known for a long time now.

In this sweet madness

"What's the matter, Dad?"

"I can't believe you're going to your prom, already."

"I'm growing up."

"You look even more like your mother than you did when you were born."

She leaned her elbows on her knees, placing her head in her hands once more as she released another long sigh. The silence around her was exactly what she needed to clear her head, but it didn't do anything to help with the memories that she sometimes struggled to remember. She needed a release. She needed something stop the guilt that racked her every year. She needed to put an end to the darkness behind September twenty-fifth, but she knew that this was never going to happen.

Oh this glorious sadness

"Does it ever get easier?"

"You learn to manage the pain, but it never goes away."

An overwhelming grief knotted in her stomach, and pulled at the heart which was already confused and aching. Luckily, she was already in the bathroom, so when the bile rose in her throat moments later, she merely moved to the other side of the room.

That brings me to my knees

"How do you cope with it all, Susie?"

"I don't. It mainly copes with me."

At tears pricked the corners of her eyes, she drew in a shaky breath, biting her lip to stop herself from crying. She swallowed back the lump in her throat, and replaced her had in her hands. This time, as she raised her arms to catch her head, the sleeves of her bathrobe slipped down her forearms, gathering near her bent elbows. Her wrist caught her attention. She stared at the two faint lines that marked there, which, thirteen years later, were nothing more than almost invisible symmetrical scars.

But they weren't invisible to her, though. Even if her brother, her father, and all of her friends had never noticed them when they had been a furious pink as she continuously hid her wrist up her sleeve. She traced them with her finger, remembering the comforting pain that had come with the cuts on the second anniversary of September twenty-fifth. Sure, it had bled, but with that blood came the release that she had been searching for the past two years. She had managed the pain which had previously consumed her, and she had finally found herself in control of what was happening around her. Twin scars. One for the loss of her mother. One for the memory of her mother's final choice. The first had been inflicted by herself, but the other was inflicted by the crushing of metal against her skin, and had a ragged edge rather than the dead straight scar beside it.

"Sue?"

She dropped her wrist to her side as the gentle voice from the other side of the door broke her hideous memories.

"Sue, is that you in there? Is everything okay?"

It was Reed. The longing which she had felt a while ago, for the comfort that she knew he would provide, returned in full strength, and she pulled herself to her feet. She went over to the bathroom door, pulling back the sliding lock she had secured in place, and opened the door. She was face to face with him immediately, as concern flooded his face.

"Oh my God, Sue." He asked her, his hands coming up to rest on her upper arms, gently.

She bit her lip. "I got sick." She told him weakly, looking over her shoulder to where the toilet lid was still up.

He followed her gaze over her shoulder, and then brought his eyes back to her face. Her cheeks were pale, covered in drying tears, but that didn't surprise him. He remembered from times when they were romantically involved how much she hated getting sick, and the fact that it was September the twenty-fifth made it no help for her. He hadn't read the newspaper or looked at the calender yet that morning, but the haunted look on her eyes told him exactly what date it was. Years on, it still scared him to see such weakness, such pain, in the beautiful blue eyes that usually danced at him.

"Are you okay now?" He asked her, knowing what her answer would be. Her shaking head and silence confirmed this. He nodded slowly. "Can I get you anything?" He asked her, but again, she shook her head, tears forming in her eyes again as he gently rubbed his arms up and down her arms.

You're in the arms of an angel

"Mom...Mom, what happened?"

"Susan, don't be scared. Don't be scared, sweetheart."

"My legs are stuck. I can't move them..."

"Susie, look at me. Don't be scared. Everything's going to be okay. The doctors are here now."

By now, she was biting her lip to the point where it was painful, and she was sure that she could taste the tangy sensation of blood on her tongue. She bowed her head, screwing up her eyes as she tried to bring herself back into control. Her fight was a losing battle, however, as no sooner had her eyelids closed, she felt herself being pulled lightly.

Far away from here

"Ma'am we need to move you, now."

"No, please, get my daughter out. Take my daughter out first."

"Mom, what's happening?"

Reed's arms stretched around her, holding her more securely than he had ever held her before, and her head fell upon his chest as he held her. She allowed her arms to wrap as tightly as possible around his back, but after a moment, they relaxed, continuing to hold him as securely as he held her. She concentrated on the dull thudding by her ear. His heartbeat. The clear proof of life which was presented to her comforted her from the despair of the memorial which never stopped running through her mind. It helped her to know that, even though she was losing control, that she wasn't necessarily on her own.

From this dark, cold hotel room

"Mom, are you okay?"

"Susie, go with the doctors."

"Mom, is that your blood? Where's it coming from?"

Sue let out a shaky sob against him, the only one she allowed to escape. She knew that it sounded pitiful, but it didn't stop the gentle "Shh..." that escaped from Reeds lips. She tried to get closer to the heartbeat she was still listening too, but she couldn't go any closer than she already was. As if sensing that she craved more comfort, he raised one of his hands from her shoulder, and brought it to her hair, stroking the sunshine golden locks which hung loosely, as untamed as she was.

And the endlessness that you fear

"Mom...Mom, are you hurt? MOM!"

"Okay, we're losing her."

"No, get the girl out. She wants her daughter out first."

"Mom, don't die! Please, don't die!"

She took some slow, agonising breaths, finding herself back in control after allowing a single sob to leave her lips. Her arms loosened around his back, and she gently raised her head, finding that Reed's grasp also weakened around her, allowing her the freedom as his limbs returned to their regular structure.

"Sorry." She murmered apologetically, as she caught sight of where her head had been a moment ago. "I got your shirt damp."

He looked down, seeing the small patch on his white shirt which had been slightly darkened by Sue's tears. He didn't care, though, and shook his head. "It doesn't matter." He assured her softly.

You are pulled from the wreckage

"I didn't mean to um...I didn't mean for that to happen..." She said, trying to explain why she had just allowed herself to fall into his arms from the comfort that she shouldn't have from the man who's door she walked out of two years ago, even if she was living with him now.

He caught her hands in his as she started to fidget around, and he hooked her gaze. "It's okay." He whispered softly to her. "I know you miss her."

She let out another sob, leaning into the touch of his hand upon her cheek. He understood everything, yet at the same time, he knew nothing. He had seen her break down over the twenty-fifth in the years before now, but he never knew why. He knew that it was anniversary of her mother's death, but he never knew what happened. She'd never been able to tell him. She'd never told him how she died, or why, because repeating those words to anyone brought back too much pain, and she was already feeling enough of it. She was haunted by everything that happened that day, and something inside of her had died the moment that her mother had. She hadn't known it at the time, but she knew it now to be her innocence that they had buried alongside her parent. Of course, it helped her to know that Reed was there for her, and that he understood it, but it killed her inside to know that he was doing all of this without knowing what had really happened that day.

Of your silent reverie

"Susie...Susan, wake up."

"Dad?"

"Oh, thank God, you're okay."

You're in the arms of an angel

"I...I'm sorry." She repeated, stepping backwards, out of his embrace. The hand that was on her cheek slipped down to his side.

"Sue?" He questioned, when she started to back away from him, and go down the hall.

"I...I need to be alone." She whispered, yet her words reached him clearly in the empty and silent hall.

"Is Mom okay?"

"No, Susan. She's not."

"Sue, don't-"

"Just leave me alone." She snapped, her voice sounding suddenly harsh and threatening as she disappeared back into her room, shutting the door sharply behind her as she did.

May you find some comfort here