A/N: Hello everyone, this is my first ever Phineas and Ferb fanfic! It's a human!Perry story, but you knew that if you read the summary. I have added a lot of jokes and sometimes scenes from the different episodes but with my own made up scenes and lots of twisting on the plot so I hope you guys like it! Also the Point of View of the characters will change quite frequently, but I also put in bold who's narrating so I hope it isn't confusing in any way! Enjoy!

Chapter 1

~o~o~o~o~o~

Perry

It was a beautiful day in Danville, hot but with a cool, gentle breeze to even out the sweltering heat. It was the perfect day for a platypus to relax on a lawn chair out in the backyard.

My eyelids were drooping, and the construction sounds of Phineas and Ferb's latest project fizzled into the back of my mind. Glorious sleep was awaiting me any minute now..

When the watch on my wrist began to beep repeatedly, awakening me. That beeping noise had become something of a nuisance in my mind; whenever I heard it, my head throbbed in annoyance. And such a perfect day to nap outside, too.. I desperately needed a vacation.

"Agent P!" Major Monogram harshly whispered. "We've just received word about Doofenshmirtz! Come to headquarters immediately!"

I answered with a sleepy nod and lifted my head to peer at the boys. It looked like their neighborhood friends were already assembled and helping the two inventors with their grand plans. Making sure they were too absorbed to notice, I crawled out of the lawn chair and behind their big tree. I placed my paw on the bark, and, after it was scanned, a secret door in the tree flipped me over and sent me down the tubes to headquarters.

It was a lot cooler in my lair, but nothing compared to that gentle breeze against my sweaty fur.

Major Monogram appeared on the screen, with an eye patch. Sadly, that didn't surprise me at all. "Ah, good afternoon, Agent P. Efficient timing, as always." He cleared his throat.

I squinted my eyes at the eye patch and he laughed. "Oh, this? My nephew is having his fifth birthday party today, and I'm invited. It's pirate themed. What do you think?" He dramatically pointed to the eye patch.

"Sir, the party is today?"

"Carl, I just said that, did I not?"

"But sir, you haven't gotten him a gift!"

"Great googly-moogly! And that was on my to-do list yesterday! Hurry Carl, go scour the internet for a present!"

"Right away, sir!"

Sometimes I wondered if they even remembered I had to listen to all of this.

Major Monogram pulled up a piece of paper. "Anyway, as for Doofenshmirtz, our sources have shown that he left his home at ten o'clock last evening, and didn't return until six this morning. Obviously, something evil is brewing. So get to it!"

I saluted and hurried to my hovercraft. After securing my seatbelt and starting the engine, I blasted out of a launch pad that came up through the backyard grass and few directly toward Dr. Doofemshmirtz's giant purple building.

Ah, and there was still that breeze.

~oooooooooooooo~

Phineas

"Hey, where's Perry?"

The other's dropped their work and looked back at the empty lawn chair, shrugging their shoulders in confusion. I lowered myself from working on the tires of our awesome motorbikes and stared at the chair. Perry had been sitting there a minute ago.

There was such a cool breeze in the air.

"You know, it seems like Perry has missed a lot of the fun stuff we've done this summer. I wonder why he disappears all the time."

"Platypuses do need a lot of sleep." Baljeet explained in his studious teaching voice. "It is estimated that they need almost twelve hours every day."

"I suppose you're right." I shrugged. "Still, I wish he could see all the cool stuff we've done. Oh well. Ferb, how are those engines coming?"

My stepbrother rolled out from under the last one and gave me a bright thumbs up.

"Alright everyone, time to see what these babies can do!" I handed them each a helmet and pads. "Safety first!"

The motorbikes Ferb and I had designed were complete with rocket engines, launch jets, roller blades, laser beams, x-ray vision windows, rocket boosters, and of course, at least six cup holders. Everyone hopped on one and started up the engine with the key. The motorbikes were controlled with sticks like they had in video games, since we couldn't legally drive yet.

"Hang tight, everyone!" I cried as we raced off into Danville.

~ooooooooooooo~

Candace

"I can't believe it Stacy! This magazine says my teen identity is.. an emo! I don't even know what that is!"

"Okay, looking up the internet." My best friend Stacy typed madly on the other side of the phone while I waited in nail-biting anxiety. "Okay, the internet says.. an emo is someone who thinks the world is against them."

"How could you even say that to me?" I sobbed into my favorite purple pillow.

"They tend to be overdramatic and sensitive." Stacy continued.

"I'm not dramatic!"

"Hey, this isn't so bad." Stacy tried to reassure me. "We just need to improve your look and your attitude a bit, and you're on your way to becoming your true teen identity!"

This was a crisis! How could this all be true? But the idea didn't sound so bad. If an emo was my true teen identity, then surely I would feel great to have finally found my true look, right? Stacy didn't seem alarmed.

"I guess its worth a shot." I sighed. "Do you know anything about how to look and act emo?"

"Not a clue." Stacy replied. "But I bet Vanessa would have some great tips. She's like.. part goth, part emo isn't she?"

Vanessa would definitely be able to help. "Good idea Stacy, let's see if she's available."

~ooooooooooooo~

Perry

Why Doofenshmirtz decided a popcorn bucket strapped to the ground would be a good trap, I have no idea. But then again, it was like that with most of the things he did.

"Ah, Perry the Platypus, do you like my popcorn trap? I made it to go along with the theme of my newest inator! Behold, the Movie-Workers-Go-Away-Inator!"

Doofenshmirtz pulled down a large sheet and presented his latest crazy invention. It was about a story high, with a shooting beam pointing out at the side. Like most of the things he built.

"You see Perry the Platypus, it has always been a hobby of mine to go to the movies." Doofenshmirtz explained. "While I'm there, I tape the movie with my cell phone just because it's illegal!" He giggled. Creepy. "Whenever I go, I always get one medium popcorn and a large coke. But do you know what happened the last time I went?"

Obviously I didn't have a choice.

"They raised the price! The refreshments cost 12 dollars instead of the usual 10! That's a rip off! I mean their food is already overpriced, but 12 dollars is just insane! I spent hours trying to bring the price down to what it was, but they wouldn't budge, the morons! So I spent the rest of the night building this!"

Dr. D pulled out a metal box with a stick and a dangerous looking red button from his lab coat pocket and held it out for me to see, an evil glint in his eye. "So with my Movie-Workers-Go-Away-Inator, I will shoot all the workers at every single movie theater in the Try-State-Area, sending them to.. I don't know, space or something. And then I can get all my refreshments for free! Ahahaha!"

I wriggled in the popcorn trap, feeling for loose ends and hidden way to escape as Doofenshmirtz set about mounting his grand invention. Easily I found a loose bolt in the strap holding down the popcorn bucket and began to pull on it with my tail, which was sticking out a hole in the back. The bolt came out and the strap was undone, freeing me from the greasy trap.

Ew.

"Nothing can stop me now, ahaha.. oof!"

I charged at his gut, pushing him off the machine and plummeting us both to the ground.

~ooooooooooooo~

Phineas

"Phineas, this is awesome!"

The motorbikes were riding better than I could have imagined. It was great to feel that cool breeze whip through my hair, adding to my excitement. I was born to live in the fast lane.

Ferb was already doing some pretty cool tricks on his bike, making it flip and twist and even ride on one wheel.

Baljeet was spinning his faster than I thought possible. "Aha, check this out!"

"Beep, coming through!" Buford zoomed past, knocking Baljeet out of the way and going the direction of the Danville mall.

"Hey!" Baljeet cried. "I'll have you know that would cost you a ticket!"

"Come on everybody, let's take a spin down Danville's park!" I cried.

Ferb gave me another silent thumbs up and steered his bike after Buford. The rest of us followed, enjoying that beautiful breeze as we whipped by Danville.

~oooooooooooooooo~

Perry

"Oh, you're going to get it now, Perry the Platypus!"

Doofenshmirtz lunged for my body, but I flipped out of the way and smacked him hard across the face with my beaver tail. He fell backward, growling.

"Oh, it's on now!"

The fun part about our fights was the way I could completely piss him off. I jumped on top of his machine and climbed my way to the top of the beam. Doofenshmirtz followed, cursing me as he did. He grabbed the control box and pushed the button with a dramatic smirk. I jumped onto the ground and the beam bounced off the wall and onto one of his plants, causing it to disappear.

"Hm. Well, at least I know it works." Doof commented randomly.

I took a shot at his gut again and he doubled over. Gosh, that cool breeze was intoxicating, filling me with energy. Doofenshmirtz stood and landed on top of me, clawing at my body to try and get the controls.

"You know Perry the Platypus, you are probably the most annoying-"

I punched him again in the face.

"Uh, ow! Yaknow I bet I know alligators better behaved than you!"

Yeah, I'm sure.

Doofenshmirtz knocked the controls out of my hand and jumped up to grab it. If I could've talked, I would've cursed. "You can't catch me, Perry the Platypus!" Doofenshmirtz taunted, running for one of his self made cars. "The controls work from anywhere in Danville! You'll never stop me!"

He wanted to take this to the skies? And he hadn't figured out by now that he never wins in the air?

His car apparently had wings and was already taking off into the air as Dr. D laughed, holding the controls high over his head. I hopped into my hovercraft and was off with a determined gleam in my eyes. He was not getting away with this.

~oooooooooooooooo~

Candace

"So Candace, you want to go emo?"

Vanessa was surveying me with a calculating gaze as Stacy dug through my closet of clothes.

"The moment of truth." I cried. "My teen identity is an emo!"

Vanessa looked rather skeptical at the revelation, but I barely noticed over my incessant rambling of thoughts. Stacy pulled out a pair of black jeans and a dark red rank top.

"Would these work?" She asked.

"If you're sure about this Candace.." Vanessa replied.

"I'm an emo! The magazine said so!"

Vanessa sighed. "Alright. The three most important things to an emo look is dark hair, dark clothes, and tight black jeans. I was thinking we could dye your hair black and put a purple streak in it. It'd look good with your eyes."

I sniffled. "Alright. Let's just get this over with."

It was strange to watch Stacy and Vanessa transform my bright pink and orange colors for dark black, red, and purple. But I was already beginning to feel more and more like a true emo. Why hadn't I figured this out earlier?

"Okay, I think we've got it!" Stacy cried.

Vanessa handed me a mirror, which I cautiously took with cringing eyes. But whatever I was expecting, who I saw in the mirror was not entirely.. horrible. In fact, I already felt very relaxed and depressed.

"So.. how does it feel?" Stacy asked.

I played with my now ebony dyed hair. The purple streak ran over my bangs, and fell perfectly over one of my eyes. I actually didn't mind it. "Fine, I guess. Whatever." I replied nonchalantly.

"Good." Vanessa praised.

"And remember," Stacy added. "now that you're emo, you don't have to worry about busting your brothers because being emo means you don't care."

"What?" I cried. "But Phineas and Ferb are-"

Vanessa put a hand on my shoulder. "Candace."

Gathering up my inner energy, I forced myself to relax my muscles. After a long breath in and out, I said in a subdued voice, "Why? No one understands me anyway."

Vanessa and Stacy high-fived.

~ooooooooooo~

Perry

Doofenshmirtz's hovering jet-car flew over the suburbs toward the middle of the city. His driving was unsteady, making me wonder if he was even watching where he was going. I pressed harder on the gas pedal, steering right toward his vehicle.

"You're a loser, Perry the Platypus!" He laughed, eyes looking back at me, right as his car crashed into the foliage of a tree. "Agh," he screamed, "this reminds me of high school!"

I was zeroed in on Doofenshmirtz's vulnerable form, when suddenly my hovercraft began to beep like an alarm horn. I looked down to find that my fuel was about empty. Sighing irritatingly, I strapped on my parachute and ejected out of the hovercraft, right as it crashed into one of the parkinglots.

I landed on top of a home improvement store and watched with a glare as my nemesis untangled himself from the leaves and flew away like an idiot, the control box in his hand.

Well, shoot.

Obviously, Dr. D was headed toward one of the movie theaters. I pulled up my wrist watch and punched in Carl's number.

"Oh hey, Agent P." He responded. "What's the problem?"

I chattered and pointed my watch below, where my broken hovercraft lay smoking on the parkinglot.

"Oh dear. That could be an issue. I'll send a new hovercraft right away."

I chattered again and pointed to my hat.

"You need another agent for backup?"

I shook my head, this time pointing to my hat and my badge. Carl gasped, "You're resigning? But Agent P you can't!"

Facepalm. Never try to talk to humans, it just doesn't work. I pulled out a picture of Doofenshmirtz and pointed again to my hat.

"Ooh.. you want me to track Doofenshmirtz through the O.W.C.A. computer! Sorry, Agent P, I'm on it. It says he's headed to the downtown movie theater, the one right by the bowling alley. He'll be there in exactly ten minutes and sixteen seconds."

I saluted and shot off the building with my grappling hook.

~ooooooooooooooooo~

Phineas

"Ferb, let's try one of those half pipes!"

The five of us jumped onto a halfpipe set up in the street and skidded across them, doing flips and cool spins like on TV. We laughed as we jumped off and continued riding down the street.

The park was beautiful. We zipped through the trees like lightning, and dodged branches. I laughed as Ferb began to play the harmonica while steering the wheel with his feet. All of our friends were laughing, doing even more spins and jumps with their remote controls. It was a blast!

I raced my motorbike over a small stream and Ferb and I sped faster across the park, sun shining down on us like a spotlight.

And then, we passed by an ice cream truck. So naturally we had to stop and get something.

"That was awesome!" Buford cried.

Isabella giggled. "I think I just earned my motorbiking patch!"

"Say kids, you ain't bad."

I looked up to find a burly man in a leather jacket and jeans looking down on us with a toothy smike. "Hi!" I waved. "I'm Phineas and this my brother Ferb, and our friends Isabella, Buford, and Baljeet!"

"Nice to meet y'all. The name is Davis. Harley Davis. And I run the shows for the annual motorbike racing contest. Would you kids be interested in competing tonight?"

I looked over at Ferb, who gave me a supporting thumbs up. "Sure, we'd love to compete!"

"Then its settled. I'll let the boss know you're coming. It'll be in two hours at the Harley motorbike store downtown."

I smiled warmly and shook his hand. 'We'll be there."

"So gang I guess we're competing. Wanna take another spin around the block?"

"Yes!"

"Sure!"

"That would be most productive!"

Everyone turned to look at Baljeet, who lifted his hands and cried, "What?"

~ooooooooooooooo~

Perry

I used my grappling hook to swing through the city toward the downtown movie theater. It was crazy how much like Spiderman I felt doing so; but that was besides the point.

I soon spotted Doofenshmirtz hovering over the downtown movie theater, right above the front of the building's roof. He was moving the stick on his controlling box, probably setting up the target lock on his inator back at the D.E.I. building.

"Aha! Goodbye annoying movie workers! Welcome free refreshments!"

Quickly, I pulled out one of my tools and thrust it up into the air, calculating velocity, speed, time, and gravity. The green laser hit the tool instead of the roof, making it disappear.

"Hm." Dr. D sighed. "Well that was rather odd."

Again I took my grappling hook and shot myself onto his hovercraft, my hands up and prepared for a fight.

"Perry the Platypus, how did you catch up? Well, there's no stopping me now! Ahaha!"

He really needed to work on that evil laugh.

He pressed the button again, and this time the beam swirled toward my direction. I had just enough time to jump out of the way as Dr. D continued to fire his movie inator at me.

"Perry the Platypus, honestly, you're supposed to stay still!"

His laser missed me again by a hair, shooting instead one of the giant billboards overhead advertising shaving cream.

"Yaknow Perry the Platypus," Doofenshmirtz cried, "of all the aquatic mammals I hang out with, you are the most uncooperative!"

Did he hang out with whales too?

I jumped onto his back and tried to reach for the box control. "Haha Perry the Platypus you can't reach me! You're too short!"

I swatted him harshly in the backside with my tail, making the control fall from his grasp and into my palms.

"Ohhh yeah and you have a tail.." He sighed. "But no matter. See, I took into account that you would take it from me, so I built another one!" He pulled a control box exactly the same as the one in my hand.

This was never easy was it.

On second thought, scratch that. Today was just one of the harder days in a consecutive number of easy missions.

He pressed the button on his controls, but I had already located the reverse switch on the back of mine, and hit the red button, stopping the beam. Doofenshmirtz glared and tried to release the laser again, but I stopped it once more.

"Perry the Platypus stop that!"

As if I would.

We did it again. "I said stop that Perry the Platypus! Yaknow you sure know how to be a nuisance!"

Why did he put a reverse switch on his first control box if he figured I was going to take it?

Honestly.

~ooooooooooooooo~

Candace

"So how does it feel Candace? Does it feel like you?"

Currently, Vanessa, Stacy, and I were wandering in the mall, looking for something to do. I had to say, this was a rather new experience for me. I hadn't even thought of Phineas and Ferb once this entire day.

Oooh. Phineas and Ferb. They were probably up to one of their crazy schemes right about now. I had to find mom and-

Relax, Candace. You don't care about what they were doing. You have officially gone emo.

"Like a haze of darkness and despair."

Stacy smiled. "Wow, you are really embracing your true identity."

Vanessa pulled out her cell phone as it began to ring. "Hey, Johnny. Yeah, I'm just at the mall with some of my girlfriends. You want to what? Sure, sounds sick. I'll be there."

She reached over to look at me. "Hey, do you guys want to come to our junkyard party tonight?"

I shrugged. Stacy raised an eyebrow. "Isn't that for like goths and punk rocks? Not that there's anything wrong with-"

Vanessa shrugged her shoulders. "Just throw on some black clothes and you'll fit in. There's gonna be a live DJ."

"Sure I guess we'll come! What do you say Candace?"

"Whatever."

Stacy laughed and threw her arm around me. "You have really gotten the hang of this."

"Alright, Johnny, I'm bringing some friends. I'll see you tonight, yeah? Okay. Bye."

"Are you and Johnny still going out?" I asked in a monotone, though I was curious. "I mean he did ignore you for like a month while he was dating some other girl."

"He was gone at a camp so I am giving him another chance." She shrugged dismissively. "He's got one more shot at us and I've made it pretty clear that he better not blow it."

"If he was wise he'd take that chance seriously." Stacy replied with a nod of her head. "Hey! Shoes on sale! Let's go!"

~oooooooooooooo~

Phineas

"Welcome fans, one and all, to Harley's motorbike racing competition!"

Well, there was no turning back now. The gang and I were in a nicely sized stadium, with people cheering all around the outer circle. Groups of men and women with motorbikes were standing in the center next to us, all dressed and ready for the occasion. I looked in wonder at the many obstacle courses set up on the dirt roads. This reminded me of the time Ferb and I had taught Candace to drive by letting her drive a monster truck.

Good times.

"Everyone, let's meet our contestants!" Harley cried into his microphone. "Team X!" Three men dug into their pedals, making the wheels turn and the dirt around them cloud up in dust. "The Hiss Ladies!" Two muscular women in helmets raised their fists and the crowd cheered. "And last but not least, Team Phineas!"

For the record, Isabella picked the name.

The crowd cheered loudly for the three teams for quite awhile before Harley quieted the crowd with his loud voice. "Our first obstacle course will be the dangerous dirt road! All members of the team must cross the finish line for the win to qualify! Our three judges will determine which team gets the high score! But be warned, contestants! This road will challenge many of your abilities!"

"Alright team, we can do this!" I cried. "Hands together!"

All five of us put our hands in the center and did a loud cheer for our team. Harley continued into the microphone, "Teams, take your positions!" We rolled our bikes up to the starting point. The road looked easy enough, but I suspected there would be surprises. "On your mark!" I gripped the handle bars. "Get set!" Sweat was already beginning to bead on my forehead, but my heart was pounding with energy. "GO!"

And the race was on. I started my motorbike, my stepbrother right behind me, and was off over the hilly dirt path.

I made a nice turn, spinning the wheels and jumped over a bridge of water. Ferb followed behind with an excellent twist that got the crowd cheering, followed by Baljeet with a sweet spin on the turn. The heat was beginning to pour through my body, but I couldn't remember having this much fun!

"Team Phineas takes the most points for the first part of the course! Those kids have some serious skills here, folks!" Harley yelled into the microphone.

Ferb and I reached over to take a quick high-five.

"This next part of the course is quite a tricky spot! Who will make it?"

There were difficult twists right after each other, and cones surrounding the place, making it difficult to turn in and out. I almost slipped on one of the tricky left turns that seem to swivel out of nowhere, but caught myself just in time. Team X came zooming over us, running through the turns with ease. Ferb pushed one of the buttons on his stick control and boosted his speed with the rocket booster. I signaled to the others, and they did the same.

"Oh, and Team Phineas takes a nice cut through Team X! Way cool touch, kids!"

We had to dodge under things and swerve through more cones, as well as jump over some pretty tricky objects. However, I could tell my friends and I were having a blast just enjoying the competition of the games. Buford made a dramatic yell as he flipped over a stream of water with an amazing twist. The crowd cheered violently.

The finish line was just in sight, and I knew somehow that we were coming in first place. I was so excited I could literally keep from shouting.

Then suddenly, a large shadow began to descend, covering the path with darkness. I glanced upward, confused, to see what looked like a green beam of light shooting down from the sky. Alarmed, I glanced over at my stepbrother, who was also peering at the laser curiously. "Ferb?" I yelled.

But it was too late. The beam hit the ground beneath us, and everything became a cloud of dust and dirt and chaos.

~ooooooooooooo~

Perry

Sometimes, I wondered if Dr. D had any other hobbies he could pursue.

Besides collecting platypus themed items, of course. That image of that pair of underwear with my face printed on them was still burned in my mind for life.

Dr. D had finally had enough of our pointless button pressed and pulled out another remote control, that obviously was controlling the car. A metal claw shot out from the back and latched onto my body, lifting me from the ground.

"Finally." The evil scientist cried. "I really should consider buying more traps, it's impossible to make you stay put. Now, behold as I erase every movie theater worker from the face of the earth!"

He pressed the red button, and the green beam came blasting toward the theater. I squirmed, but for once I felt defeated. Had evil really won this one?

The laser hit the ground, and surprisingly bounced off one of the car's side mirrors, unleashing it in our direction. The car and the claw holding me instantly disappeared.

"Well. That could have gone better." Dr. D commented before we began plummeting to our impending death. The evil scientist screamed like a little girl during a thunderstorm. I pulled out my grappling hook once more and pointed it at the bleachers of a large stadium right below us. After securing the end of the line, I grabbed onto Doofenshmirtz's lab coat sleeve and pulled us both upward, breaking our fall. We hung from the edge of the stadium, limp from the sudden escape of death.

"Whoa, and Team Phineas makes another great score! Way to go, kids!"

Wait a second. Team Phineas?!

I desperately climbed up the rope, Dr. D following after me, and peered behind the heads of some unsuspecting people to see the motorbikes competing in the games. And sure enough, there was Phineas, Ferb, and their friends, racing away at the games. How on earth we seemed to end up in the same places all the time, nobody could ever guess.

"Hello, Perry the Platypus! You may have destroyed my car, but I still have the controls!" Doofenshmirtz grinned, holding up the box in a taunting manner.

I squinted my eyes, glaring, before jumping up to smack the evil scientist across the face. He pressed the button at the same time, and the green laser beam came crashing down toward me, which I ducked before it hit. I ran between his legs and pounced upon him, but I didn't catch the controls in time, instead having to dodge another beam, which made me lose my balance. I fell hard straight into the arena.

"Hey! Is that a platypus in the rinks?" The man on the microphone shouted. My first instinct was to feel the top of my head, which thankfully had no hat. Phineas and Ferb and their friends were coming up close to the finish line, straight to where I was sitting. I glanced up to see Dr. D pointing the controls of me again, and saw the beam of green light come darting down.

But there wasn't just green light. There was another beam, a blue one, coming straight toward me in the opposite direction. Straight towards Phineas.

Forgetting everything but my need to protect, I got up and ran right toward Phineas' motorbike, when both lasers hit, and the ground beneath us exploded into a mass of rocks and dirt.

And everything went dark.

~oooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo~

Hey guys, hope you enjoyed my first chapter! Sorry if some of the details were inaccurate, like in the motorbike games; I kind of just made it up as I went! This was kind of long so I hope it was a good read! There will be more coming soon, and yes Perry will be human in the next chapter, just if you were wondering! I'd like to know what you all thought, so please review!

Thank you all so much!