Author's Note: This has been something that's been haunting me for some time now and I finally had to get it out of my system. It takes place in what could be considered an AU of my "The Road From Nowhere" story. In this AU, Burke and Nicole leave the Capitol Wasteland for New Vegas. I know I've said that Nicole can't have kids, but in this AU she does fall pregnant, much to both her and Burke's surprise. Sadly, Nicole has never had much luck and eventually her being irradiated at Project Purity catches up with her. This is the result. I apologise for the darkness of this.
Burke sat in the corner of the darkened bedroom and listened to Nicole's slow breathing. Every laboured breath was a blessing and a curse now and he was both thankful and bitter for each one. Every time her chest rose and fell meant that he still had her with him for a while longer, but he knew that she was in utter agony.
He took off his trademark hat and glasses, sat them on the dresser and ran his hands over his shaven head. A broken laugh escaped from him as he thought about how Nicole always chided him for keeping his hair so short. Burke was vain and keeping his hair short was how he managed to hide his rapidly receding hairline. He used to worry that she would decide she'd had enough of living with such an old man, but she had never wavered in the 12 years they had been together.
Burke's fist pounded on his knee in frustrated and impotent anger. The true cruelty of the situation laid in the fact that in spite of his being 36 years her senior, he would out live her. In some ways he wondered if this was to be his punishment for a life littered with murder, avarice, and vice.
"Burke?"
Nicole's papery whisper brought him rushing to the bedside and she gave him a weak smile once her eyes settled on him.
"How long have I been asleep?"
"Only a couple of hours," he lied. She'd been drifting in and out of consciousness for two days now.
"Oh," she said softly before her features were twisted as a fresh wave of agony wracked her body.
Burke acted quickly and gave her a dose of Med-X, although he had little faith in it. Double doses didn't even touch the pain now. It was just something he could do, something to try and make it feel as if he were helping her.
Tears streaked down her cheeks and Burke gently wiped them away, willing the pain to release its sharp claws from Nicole.
Minutes passed and finally Nicole took in a deep rattling breath as the pain subsided slightly.
"Burke?"
"Yes, my sweet?"
"Hold me."
Nodding, Burke removed his jacket and shoes, lay beside her and carefully enfolded her in his arms. He winced when he realized how much weight she'd lost over the last few weeks. The once delightful swell and gently rounded curves of her hips were now gone. Instead they were now bony and served as a harsh reminder that in spite of her near legendary status in some parts of the Wasteland, she was mortal after all.
Nicole sighed, nestled against Burke and closed her eyes.
"Where's Elizabeth?" she asked about their 10 year old daughter.
Burke stroked her hair and said, "She's being watched by the nanny."
Nicole frowned as something that had been plaguing her finally came tumbling out, "Promise me you won't corrupt her. Please?"
"Nicole, you know how stubborn she is," Burke gently replied. "She's been trailing me around since she could walk, wanting to know what it is I do."
Nicole let out a small sigh, "I know. Like father, like daughter."
Burke frowned and kissed her forehead, "I'll try to do my best for her."
She nodded, knowing full well that Elizabeth would someday step into Burke's shoes. While it pained her, she knew there was nothing she could do to stop it now.
"Thank you," she said.
They lay in silence for some time, Burke trying to commit to memory everything about Nicole. Her smell, the taste of her lips, the way that her nose had a slight quirk to the left. Little things that he had taken for granted for so long, things that he would never see or experience again once she was gone.
Nicole whimpered occasionally, doing her best to not let it show that she was hurting. She wanted to scream with the unfairness of it all, that her life was coming to its end. It was almost too much to think about, leaving behind her daughter and the man that, while he had driven her utterly insane on a nearly daily basis, had also managed to capture her heart.
There was still so much she wanted to do, so much that she was going to miss. It was all being taken away from her and she didn't have a say in the matter. All she could do was lie in bed and waste away until the inevitable happened and death carried her off into nothingness.
Although after living through the things she had, the thought of nothingness seemed welcoming, not that she wouldn't openly admit it to anyone.
"Burke?"
"Mm?" he mumbled and nuzzled her brow before burying his face in her chestnut hair. This close he could see the first few strands of grey hair mingling with the rest.
"I've always wondered," she trailed off for a moment before finishing, "what is your name?"
Burke closed his eyes and felt the sting of regret. It had been the one thing that he had never told her, the one thing that he always guarded jealously and for what? Just to spite his long dead father? She had only ever asked once before, all those years ago while sitting on the balcony of Tenpenny Tower and when he had refused to tell her, she left it at that.
"John," he breathed.
Nicole let out a weak chuckle, "And here you said I'd never find out."
"You know I'm a habitual liar," he half-joked.
Her hands rested either side of his face and she moved his head so that she could look into his eyes.
"I know, and I learned to forgive you for it," she said with a sad smile.
Burke's arms wrapped around her waist and he rested his head on her chest and listened to her ever weakening heartbeat. Their time was growing short and they both knew it.
"I can't do this, Nicole. I'm an old man and I can't do this without you," he quietly murmured. He had never been one to admit fault or weakness, but this was too much to bear.
Nicole gently stroked the back of his head, "Yes you can. You've always been stronger than me."
All he could manage was a small shake of his head and again they both went quiet until she said, "I'm cold."
Burke rubbed her back, willing her life to stay where it was instead of slowly draining away like sand through an hourglass.
Nicole tucked her head under his chin and could faintly smell his cologne. There was a time when she had considered him ridiculous for wearing it. When he had told her how much he paid for a bottle, she then thought him foolish for wasting his caps on such trivial things, but he was always quick to point out that he had more caps than he could ever know what to do with. Now, as she inhaled the slightly musky scent, she could finally admit that she loved it. It was just another thing that made him who he was.
"Burke? You remember the day we got married?"
He chuckled, "How could I forget. You were livid and heavily pregnant. The ghoul officiating over the ceremony was dressed as Elvis. It was a shambles."
"Yes, it was," she agreed but then every so quietly added, "but it was one of the happiest days of my life."
His heart ached at the revelation. She'd often tormented him on how disastrous their union had been and that it was surely an omen of things to come. Then again, nearly everything they ever experienced had been dramatic or traumatic in some way or other. Their course in life had never run smoothly, and perhaps that was what kept them together through it all.
"You know I love you, right?" she suddenly said, a hint of worry in her voice. "I never said it. Not out loud. I should have said it long before now."
"Shh... Nicole, don't do this," Burke soothed as she started to cry, the sobs wracking her fragile frame. "I've always known. You didn't have to say it."
"I was afraid to!" she wailed and her fist weakly hit his chest.
"I know. It's alright. Shh... Look at me Nicole, please."
After a few moments, Nicole finally got control of herself and looked at Burke with large, fear filled eyes.
Again, he felt his heart breaking a bit more as he looked into her blue eyes. Cradling her head in his hands he said with all sincerity, "Nicole, I love you."
"No, no, no... Please Burke..." the tears started to streak down her cheeks again. How many times had she told him not to say that? She was cursed and anyone who ever truly cared for her had ended up dead or suffered through some other horrible fate. It dawned on her that it was already too late for Burke though. He was suffering now all because of her.
Burke kissed away her salty, bitter tears and said in a broken voice, "I love you. I've always loved you and even once you're gone, I will continue to love you."
"Oh Burke," she whispered. "I'm so sorry for this."
"It isn't your fault. It's no one's fault," he said, although he didn't really believe that. In his heart of hearts he blamed her father, the Brotherhood of Steel, the Enclave... anyone and everyone who had any dealings in her ordeal all those years ago. If she had never been put in the impossible position she'd been in, this wouldn't be happening.
"I'm tired Burke," she quietly said.
"Go to sleep. Sleep will make it better."
A single tear traced down his face and splashed on her hair.
"You'll stay here, right? At least until I'm asleep?" she feebly asked.
"I'll be right here, I promise," Burke pulled her closer and stroked her cheek.
"Okay."
Again Burke was thankful and bitter for every slow breath as he held his dying wife in his arms.
Time passed, the clock ticked in the darkness and the stillness of their room.
And quietly, Nicole was finally granted the peace she had been denied in life.
