Author's note: He guys, someone has been sending me these audio files of some girl saying her name is Marie Kanker from Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy and asking me to post their transcripts here. At first I thought they were kind of silly, but the more I have listened the more they intrigued me. So, on a whim I'm going to fulfill their request and post them. I don't know if this is any of your idea, or why ask me who has never wrote an Ed, Edd, 'n Eddy fan fic before, but I'm in now. Enjoy.

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I once heard someone say that I could do anything if I believe. Yeah? Really? Well fuck you, bitch. It has nothing to do with believing, not in the slightest. If you want to do something then you just fucking do it. Hard work, stealing, deceiving, whatever it takes; just as long as you get yours. Hi, I'm Marie Kanker, by the way, just in case you wanted to know who was your heroine in this story. Maybe you have heard of me?

Chances are if you're reading this then you have. My god, a narrative! Marie Kanker would never write one of those! Well, you're right then, I wouldn't. I suck ass at writing. But I can blab, and blabbing is what I'm doing. Someone else is writing this for me, I'm just talking into a recorder, said it was digital. Here have a gift, free of charge, pretty swanky too; I kinda like it. Then this guy wants to give my story to someone else to publish online. They said it would go under fiction, so no worries.

So I figured what the hell, I'm game. I'll just blab and blab and blab until I don't want to blab no more. Now, what am I going to tell you people? My life's story? All my secret fantasies? Maybe… I mean, if you all think this is fiction then it shouldn't be too hard to fess up some secrets. Hey, this is kinda fun already!

Okay, okay, so where to begin? What to tell you? Umm… Oh! I know! So I'm twenty-two years old, standing at about five foot five, one-hundred and twenty pounds, have blue hair, some freckles and green eyes. Uh, well, one green eye. It's not that I'm missing an eye, just that, well, one of them doesn't really work anymore. It's all milky now, and you can see some scaring on it. Kinda pretty and gross at the same time, so I keep an eye patch on it and hide that with a whole lot'a bangs.

Funny, I never really tell anyone about that. Hell, only a few people know. Let's see, they would be my two sisters May and Lee, my mom, and Double D. Ah, now if there was ever a guy to fall head over heels for then it would be my butter muffin', Double D. He doesn't get a choice, we're gonna be married one day! Well, I would like to say that, but he's gone now. Went off to MIT, working towards his masters in two fields.

And me? Heh, running on rooftops to avoid arrest. Never had much of an interest in school to begin with. Shit, I'm surprised I even graduated high school! Everyone was! May and Lee both dropped out, said it was for chumps and wasn't worth the hassle. They both only aspire to be house wives though. Don't get me wrong, I love my sisters, there aint no separatin' us! But I want to do something more with my life. Maybe that's because I chose Double D…

Whoa, just realized, you might not know who Double D is, or do you know him too? The weird guy giving me the recorder said whoever reads this will know all about us somehow. Anyway, it's kind of a weird nick name, right? Well, his name is Edd, with two Ds. But since his best friends before college were two other boys named Ed and Eddy, we all just called him Double D to differentiate. I know, big word, huh? Well, that's what happens when you hang out with Double D, his brains tend to rub off on you.

Course I didn't really start hanging out with him until the end of high school. I mean, yeah, he was my boyfriend since we were kids and I made sure everyone knew it, but he was all timid and scared of me, at least way the hell back then. But he matured faster than any of us, and I think realized if he was just nice to me long enough and put up with how much I loved him then I wouldn't need to be so… how did he say it? "Absolutely depraved of common delicate tendencies," yeah, he was a wordy one, but he was MY wordy one.

Well, his junior year came about (I'm a year older than him, by the way) and I found myself by his side a whole lot more than ever before. Eddy hated it, said I was a bad influence and was driving them apart. Yeah, like he was one to talk. And I never separated my snookums from his friends. Hell, I encouraged him to make more! Just as long as he knew I was number one!

He was a real sweet heart too, when he heard I might drop out like May and Lee, he protested and offered to help with whatever seemed difficult in my school work. If it was anyone else I wouldn't give them the time of day. But this was my Double D, and he actually seemed concerned about me! What was a love sick girl to do? Suddenly, like clockwork, my grades started rising. And by the end of the year I graduated with a pretty nice GPA. Nothing honor roll like, but for me it seemed like a great impossibility to have grades so good.

But then I was out, and he was still in. I stuck around, snuck into school at lunch time and brought him food way better than anything that was provided. At some point he wanted to know where I planned on going to further my education. I never had an answer, I think I half wished just to follow him wherever he went. It never occurred to me that he would move out of state, at least not until he told me he had been accepted to his first choice.

I was happy for him, I really was. Everyone threw him a big going away party, Mr. Valedictorian having all his bright dreams come true. But I knew I couldn't afford the move, and they would never let someone with my grades, let alone background into such a renowned college. However, I did give him the best going away present ever, the one thing to assure he would never forget me. Or would it be more accurate to say I took something from him? I'll let your dirty little mind figure out what.

But yeah, then he was gone. I wrote to him and called him just about every day. But soon it became every other day, then once or twice a week, every few weeks, and finally only once every few months. I miss him something horrible. Shit, even right now I'm starting to get choked up. Stupid man; my stupid, brilliant man.

Uhg! Well, I have a life outside of Edd, believe it or not. But Marie, you don't go to college or work! What kind of life do you lead? What kind of life do you think? What have I always been good at? Showing attitude and making people's jaws drop, that's what! I do parkour! Don't know it? Google it, shit head! Or youtube it, yeah, scratch the Google, fucking youtube it! You have to be on a computer to be reading this anyway, so stop reading, right the fuck now, pull up youtube, and search for parkour.

Pretty sweet, right? I'm self taught, bitches. Well, no, I got some pointers from some guys I saw leaping from roof top to roof top, but after that I fucking dominated. It's a lot of fucking hard work, but damn is it fun! I also have a skateboard wherever I go, in case the po' come along and I run out of buildings to hop.

Ah, right, forgot to mention I picked up skateboarding when I was in middle school. Well, now you know, not a whole lot to it. But get this, to keep my hands free I store my board in this strap system they make for backpacks now'a days. Yeah, you might say it encumbers me, but that just means you never learned how to do it the way I did. If I need to make a high jump I just take off my pack while I'm running and toss it over the edge before I follow. Then after my roll I pick it right back up and keep going. It aint all that hard, not after you got a system down.

I got into it after my Double D went off to follow his dreams. At first it was just another way to help keep my mind off of how much I missed him, but then I just got so immersed in it. I mean shit; can you climb buildings, skip over roof tops, and outrun anyone who comes your way? I didn't think so.

I don't really belong to a team or association though. I mean I know a few guys who run too, but I'm kind of a lone wolf out there. I come by, impress, and disappear. Sometimes the cops spot me and take after on foot. It's funny leaving them in my wake. And I laugh so damn hard after I get away. It's a rush, complete natural high, baby.

But that's not all I do. I use my skills for something much more… rewarding, let's say. Can you guess? Money is kinda tight at the Park 'n Flush, and there are so many things I want. Well, I learned how to pick pockets and locks, naturally. I guess you can say I have become a thief. No big heists or anything all Hollywood like. Just a dvd here or there, or I sneak into a theater, or swap out some old cloths for some new ones. Low on cash? Bum it out in a parking lot, wait for the guy with the nicest car (because clothing is never a great indicator of income,) tail him, make the grab, and move swiftly out of there.

I know where all the security cameras are, and if you can't see them then they can't see you. I know a lot of tricks in fact, and I'm more than happy to brag. The only time I feel any grief is if I think about what Double D would say if he ever found out. Maybe I should put it behind me some day, when he comes back to me… if he comes back to me… but for now I need it to help get my mind off of the brainiac dream boat.

So I'm a thief, a skating thief who does parkour, and is love smitten with the most unlikely guy. To me he's anything but unlikely, but looking from the outside I have been told its kind of an odd coupling. But those people get a swift kick to the nuts, or cunt, I'm not opposed to hurting girls any less than hurting boys. I am a girl, so what do I care? Chances are if I hit them then they deserved it. Fuckers.

Well, I can't really think up much else to talk about right now. Maybe tomorrow I'll tell you guys more about my past, more dreams, more recent events. I dunno, I'm hungry, give me a break. I'll email this recording to what's-his-face and see how long before it gets posted first. Hmm, I'm kinda interested to see where all these stories about our lives are being posted. Or, I'm sorry, fantasies about our lives. Whatever, seems like a whole lot'a bull. Whatever, I'm getting something to eat, talk to you kids later.