I do not own anything!
10 Awesome Steps to Taking over the World!
By Lord Voldemort
I have decided to make this list to tell all the evil genius how to take over the world. It is easy. It only takes ten steps. The probability of actually taking over the world is about 10 percent. No I am not lying! Okay I am lying. The real probability of taking over the world is 0 percent but do not let that stop you! It did not stop me. Then again I am rotting in hell but who cares? You care? Oh how sweet you care about me. Anyway on with my list! Oh and one more thing. It has come to my conclusion that Sirius Black has written a list on how to fix up Azkaban. My Death Eaters would really like you to consider that Minster. Oh and by the way Snape if you are reading this you still own me 25 galleons.
1. Find Followers!
The first step in taking over the world is easy. All you have to do is find some power hungry, brainless, and fearful followers who will follow you blindly. It may help to tell them that they you have movie night Tuesday and game night Friday. You would not believe how many people signed up for the dark mark because I said there was game night Friday.
2. Prophecy!
If you hear word that someone made a prophecy between you and a baby, DO NOT TRY TO COMPELETE IT! It will go wrong and backfire on you! That is all you have to do for this step. This is as easy as pie.
3. Killing Baby!
As I said in the step above, DO NOT KILL THE BABY! I hope I made myself clear. The baby will kill you and send you barely alive in a forest somewhere. Adults and Muggles are okay to kill just not babies.
4. Goal!
Have a goal. You are already trying to rule the world but set up some other goals. Like what are you going to do when you rule the world? Are you going to rid the world of pathetic Muggles or let the Muggles populate the world like rabbits? You need to ask yourself these kinds of questions every day.
5. Insane!
Please try not to go insane while taking over the world. It does not work for your favor if you are making horcruxes and making yourself less human. Even though you have to admit my snake look is pretty awesome. ADMIT IT NOW OR DIE! Thank you for admitting it. Would you like a poison cookie? I mean chocolate chip cookie?
6. Do not kill your most faithful follower's love of life!
If you have a faithful follower like Snape was and he or she asks you to spare a Mudblood or a boy/girl on the other side LISTEN TO HIM/HER! If you don't he will double cross you and become a spy for the good side. I do not see why he would want to be on the good side anyway the dark side has much more then cookies it has cake.
7. Do not underestimate the good side!
Do not do what I did and underestimate the good side. I mean who would expect a teenage boy who barely even hit puberty be able to defeat me in a duel in his forth year? If you want to live I would keep your mouth shut Lucius.
8. Do not trust your second best follower's wife!
She will lie to you and tell you that the boy is dead when really he is breathing. Would you betray me if your child was somewhere in the castle and you did not know what happened to him? Do not answer that if you want to leave with your life.
9. Chocolate!
This step should be easy. Give your evil followers dark chocolate bars. It will bring up their sprits without you having to give them your milk chocolate bars. Oh and you might not want to mention the basket of chocolate you have under your bed. Yes I know about that basket of chocolate. It will get ugly. A few idiots died that day, but that is another story. Anyway on to the next step!
10. Being Successful!
Now this step is never reached but do not let the discourage you. You are going to prove it wrong. You probably won't but who cares? Anyway once you have successfully took over the entire world what are you going to do? If you said Disney world I am so going to kill you. I doubt Disney is the greatest place on earth. I heard they opened a Harry Potter amusement park. The Muggles who created the park must have been off. If I made the park it would be called 'Lord Voldemort's Awesome Amusement Park Come or I will find you and I will kill you!' it is a long name for an amusement park but I think it will work. Back to the step; go back to your goals and find the one for when you actually took over the world. Complete that goal!
I hope my list helped you take over the world. I heard that! Yeah you behind the computer screen. How dare you insult me! Just remember I know where you live. You probably just wet your pants. Anyway this piece of paper will self destruct in 10 seconds.
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Ha! You probably thought this was going to self destruct. I am so bad! Oh and one more thing.
All hate mail goes to Albus Dumbledore! Why you ask because I hate him!
All fan mail goes to me! Why? Because I am awesome! Don't deny it I know where you live.
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Peter where is my chocolate bar?
I do not own anything! Review!