Crazy with a side of peppermint schnapps.

alternate reality x-over.

Fandom: Firefly/Riddick

Pairing: Simon(aka Jack)/Riddick, Simon(aka Jack)/Jayne/Riddick

Summery: (Riddick is replacing River; Jack will be replacing Simon) In this scenario Jack, is in fact, a boy and the second CoR movie never happened. After a tragic separation Jack searched relentlessly for Riddick. After discovering Riddick was captured by the alliance Jack vowed to repay the man who has on many occasions saved his own life. He concocted a rescue plan, changed his name to Simon, and pretends to be a doctor to get Riddick out. Upon retrieving him Jack discovers there experiments have drove Riddick a little crazy…or maybe "crazier" depending on who your talking to. J

Our story begins half way through the original pilot episode "Serenity". Just as Wash discovers some one on board is a mole.

Washs voice crackled over the intercom "Mal you might want to get up here." A fraction of a second later Mal ran through the door to the bridge. "What is it?" He demanded his eyes already scanning the consol for some clue as to what there next problem was. :Things never run smooth.: The captain thought bitterly as Wash answered "A signal! Some one got on the Cortex and haled the nearest Alliance cruiser."

Malcome Reynolds eyes shot up to meet the worried eyes of his pilot. "Tell me you scrambled it!" he nearly yelled at the man. "All to hell but I don't know how much got through. The alliance got a pen on us for sure." Mall clinched his fist as he let lose with a string of rather vulgar mandarin. Wash waited for him to finish before ominously adding "We got a mole on board." The Captains vision went red as the answer occurred to him. :That pansy ass "Doctor"! Son of a bitch!:

_____

Mal suspicions were, to his mind, confirmed as he peered into the cargo bay. The Doctor was slinking about like the mole Mal knew him to be. Silently he positioned him self behind the boy.

Jack appeared satisfied his precious cargo was still safe. As the boy turned to sneak back to his room he was faced with a rather irritated Captain. "Forget your toothpaste?" Mal asked as his fist slammed into Jacks jaw.

:Damn it: Jack thought as he was knocked to the floor. "Are you out of your mind!" A little grin crossed the Captains face as he answered "Just about. What you tell them?" Jack clutched his head as he rose to his feet. "Tell who?"

"I got exactly no time for games." Mals gun was out and pointing at his heart before Jack could blink. "What do they know?"

Jack spat out, "Your a lunatic", as his mind reeled with shock at such an allegation. "And your a Gorram Fed." Mal stated flatly as he cocked his gun to emphasis' his point.

"I hate to say it Captain but you have the wrong man." Both men's eyes followed the newly arrived preachers gaze. As Mals eyes landed on a gun wielding Dobson understanding dawned on him. "Son of a bitch" Mal exclaimed. "Drop that firearm Captain Reynolds."

As he obeyed Dobsons order Mal sighed out "This is not my best day ever." Slowly he raised his hands above his head as Jack tried to remain calm and hopeful. "Simon Tam you are bound to stand down."

Simon face fell as he raised his hands. "Ohh… the Doctor!" Mal pointed to the man beside him. He lowered his hands, trying to act casual, as he smirked and inquired if there was a reward.

"Get on the ground!" Dobson yelled, ignoring Mal, as he approached Jack. "Sir your making a big mistake." Simon began as Dobson closed the distance between them. "I said get on the GROUND!"

"I think you best get on the ground son the mans looking a might twitchy" Mal told the boy seriously. Book began a few tentative steps forward as he tried to calm the situation "I think we could all stand to calm down a bit."

"This isn't your business shepherded!" Dobson said as his eyes never left Jack. "He ain't going no where law man." Book retorted. Mal leaned down to retrieve his gun "We can just put the boy in one of the passenger cells he wont make a…"

"Get the hell away from that weapon! Your transporting a fugitive across inter planetary boarders. As far as I'm concerned your all culpable." Mal instantly straitened. Book shouted "We are all very close to true stupidity here."

Dobsons eyes were wild. "You think I wont shoot a shepherded, back off!" With in seconds Jack made his move for the gun. All of them began a struggle yelling and cursing. At that unfortunate moment Kaylee and Jayne strolled in to see what the ruckus was about. Startled by there intrusions Dobson turned and shot.

The poor girl hit the gowned, grabbing her stomach, as she cried out in pain. Dobson stood froze as he realized what he had done. Book took advantage of the mans distraction dropping Dobson with a few swift punches.

Soon the entire crew had filled the bay. As Book, Jayne and Zoe argued over Dobsons fate Inara and Mal ran to Kaylees side. "Get your ass over here Doc!" Mal yelled at the boy. Jack froze unsure of what to do. :Ohh shit ohh shit what do I do. What do I do ohh shit: Jacks normally calculated thoughts were scattered and panicked. He had no Idea how to be a Doctor. Sure he had patched up the occasional bullet whole but never a gut shot. Inara screamed "Simon! Please!"

Mal jumped from kaylees side grabbing the Doctors lapel and dragging him to the injured girl. "You fixs her and you do it now!" Panic seared Jacks chest but his brain finally began to work the angles. :If I tell them I'm not a doctor now they will turn us in but I could easily kill her if I try to perform surgery. We have to get away we have to.:

The comes crackled as Washs voice flooded the bay. "Captain we have been haled by an Alliance cruiser. We have been ordered to hold our position and prepare to be boarded for prisoner transfer" With in that moment Jack had made up his mind. Standing and backing away slightly he said with ever ounce of authority he could muster "Turn the ship around! Run!"

Mals face was set in a deadly expression "To hell with you! I'm dumping you with the law!" Simon straightened as he spoke calmly "They won't let you walk much less patch up your wounded Captain. Do you have any idea what a stomach wound does to a person? Do you know how crucial the next few minuets are?"

"You fucking rich kids. You think your lives are the only ones that matter!" Kaylee cried out with pain and Inara pleaded "Mal just do it!" His eyes fell to his sweet mei mei laying there in pain…dyeing before him. "Zoe, tell Wash to turn her about…were running"

__

As the next few hours passed Jack used every skill he had ever acquired on the street and on the run. He pushed his brain to the farthest limits trying to recall every detail of the wounds he had patched up as well as the make shift surgeries he had seen preformed after battles past. He prayed and cursed. As did the entire crew who's collective breath was held in fear.

A miracle came his way in the form of the Sheppard book. Book obviously had his share of secrets as well and was invaluable as a triage nurse to Jack. Together they worked and mercifully saved the young womans life.

Finally Jack wearily strode to the sink and took off his bloody gloves. He grasped the counter to prevent him self from falling as he met Books judging glare. He tore his eyes away :He knows I'm a fraud…what's your next move Jack? What's your next move: His thoughts swirled as he turned to Mal and Inara.

He simply stared at there angry faces for a long moment before he said "I can't do anymore but from what I can tell she has stabilized." He paused as Book crossed his arms and took a step forward.

"From "What You Can Tell" she's stabilized?!" Mal asked eyes narrowing. Book looked at the captain as he spoke reassuringly "She IS stabilized Captain but.." Simon cut Book off finishing his statement for him "She needs a Doctor."

Inara clutched Mals arm to keep from hitting her knees. She was the only thing that kept him from leaping at the doctor and ripping his throat out. "A DOCTOR! She needs a Doctor? WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU!" He shouted as his fingers dug into Inaras arms. The companion didn't notice, as the bruises were forming under his grasp, she was trying to make since of the words being spoken.

"I'm not a Doctor. I have worked on plenty of injuries over the years. Never in a situation like this. Always on the run in back allies, deserted planets, or on skiffs. I couldn't have saved her had it not been for the Shepherded." Book nodded his confirmation "He is no trained doctor. However that being said, the boy is skilled. He obviously has, in some manor, learned the healers touch and was her only hope. I too could not have done it with out him."

Mal looked at the shepherded who was still angrily staring at the boy arms crossed. He let lose his grip on the women at his side. :I'm going to fucking kill him!: Mal would have to had Inara not demanded coldly "I want to know what's going on here!" Mal stopped mid step as her plea registered as making the most since. "Well why don't we find out." He turned on his heal and marched out. Simon pleaded for him to stop and they all ran out of the room after the captain.

_____

Mal Walked with swift determination through the cargo bay doors oblivious to the please being flung at his back. "No! Stay away from that!" Jack shouted to deaf ears. As Jack ran to stop the captain Jayne quickly jumped through the door behind the boy grabbing him a choke hold.

Mal calls back casually to his merc "Where's the fed?" Jayne answered as he slowly walked the boy forward arm securely around his throat "Secured. Zoes with'em. Seams to think he aint safe alone with me." Jack struggled against the mercs large chest as he was pushed along.

Mal stopped in front of the container pulling it out. Sparing the boy the briefest of hateful glances, Mal squatted down to unlock it. "No." Jack beggs as Jayne pulls back slightly causing the boy to strangle a bit.

Wash and Zoe begin to descend the stairs to join the rest of the crew. Mal waits for the crew to assemble then hit's the locks and pulls up on the lids release bar. Beeping from the container echoes in Jacks ears. "Well let's see what a man like you would kill for."

Mal stood back and kicked the lid off. He walked back up to peer inside as Jack screams "NO!! Don't!." The lid crashed to the floor as steam flooded out. Mals stares into the container with shock on his face. Curious Jayne, releasing Jack, leans in trying to get a better look through the steam.

Mal looks confused from the crate to Jack and then back again. There curled in a fetal position lay a man. A very large muscular man with a shaved head. Naked. "Huhh." Was all Mal could utter through his shock.

Jack tried to no avail to get over to the container, but Jayne stopped him, firmly grabbing his arms. "I need to check his vitals!" Jack exclaimed. Jayne's brow was furrowed in confusion as he said to the doctor "Oh is that what there call'in it?"

"He's not supposed to wake up for another week. The shock--" Simon began before mal interrupted him "The shock of what, waking up, finding out he had been slaved out to some boarder world baron?…" Mals expression and tone quickly turned from disgusted to sarcastic shock. "or I'm Sorry! Was this one for you? Is it true love? Cause you do seem a little..Ohhhaahhaa"

Mal ended in a startled gasp as a furious roar of a scream echoed loudly from the case. He jumped back as the giant of a man jumped to his feet in the crate. His expression was wild and animalistic causing every one to take a few steps back except for Jack. The man leaped out crouching and snarling against the side of the container. Still screaming in what to every one else seamed rage but to jack it was pure fear. Jacks heart broke to see this man of all men terrified.

Riddick reached out in a flash grabbing Mals leg and dragging him forward. Leaping on top of him he begins to crush mals throat . Jack pushed away from Jayne. Running to Riddick he through him self on his back. Riddick instinctively jumped up throwing Jack to the floor. Mal spluttering for air quickly crawls away as fast as he can as the mountain of a man turns on the boy. With one swift movement he pulls Jack of the floor raising him to eye level. "Shhh..its okay its okay. Im here..." Riddick stops at the sound of his voice holding Jack with his feet dangling in the air.

Quicly jack raises his hands cupping them around Riddicks eyes to shade his eyes from the harsh light. "Its me. Its me! I'm here!" They stare at each other as Riddicks furious screams die down into loud growls.

Riddick crumples to the ground. He backs against the case once more dragging the boy with him. "Jack? I'm so sorry Jack… I shouldn't have left ya. They they…" Riddick starts freaking out his voice sounding as though hell its self would be realized on all of them at any moment. "They will die die…"

Chlls ran down the crews spine. " its okay, they're gone. They not gonna do anything to you okay? I am here. Your safe. WE are SAFE!" Riddick let lose of the boy. He brought his knees to his chest and covered his face with his hands. Jack pulled his goggles from his pocket and pulled the over the mans head before they wrapped there arms around each other.

"What the hell is going on!?" Mal demanded suddenly. Jack looked to the crew. All their confused eyes were locked on them. "This is Riddick."