Disclaimer: Characters are property of D.C. Comics; I receive no financial gain from writing this.
Harleen Quinzel walked into the bar, "Grin and Bare It," on the outskirts of the Narrows in Crime Alley. She had her blonde hair pulled back into a tight bun and was still dressed professionally after a long day at Arkham. She had been summoned to this meeting and didn't feel quite comfortable being alone on this side of town at night.
The place was a trashy strip joint and loud music played while men wolf-whistled at the naked dancer on stage. These weren't 'high class' strippers either. They were the ones who'd really screwed up their lives, done too many drugs and too many Johns. They had scars and stretch marks. Why he'd picked this place was beyond her comprehension.
She sidled up to the bar and told the bartender her name as she'd been directed. A wall of muscle appeared to her left and directed her to a door beside the bar. She walked down the hallway past scantly clad dancers and entered a room at the end of the hall where a group of men sat playing cards.
Harley took a seat at the table and began rifling through her purse when a stack of chips was dropped before her. She raised a brow at the man directly across the table and smiled politely.
"You know, in all the time I've talked to you, you've never once told me a joke," Harleen said and then picked up the two cards dealt to her as a couple of the men laughed.
The Joker sat in full regalia, purple suit and make-up and wild green hair. He licked his lips, and tongued one of his scars before leaning over the table toward Harleen.
"Is that so?" He asked in his nasal tone and Harleen watched the dealer place two cards face up on the table.
"Yes," she replied and folded. He scrutinized her and then tossed a couple of chips on the table.
"Okay then," he said drawing out the words.
"Once upon a time, there was a man who wanted to build a house. But, being a little eccentric, he wanted to build the house using only 99 bricks. So he went to the hardware store and said, "Hello, I like to buy 99 bricks."
The owner of the store told him, "I'm sorry, we only sell bricks in quantities of 100."
"Can't you cut me a deal or something?" the man asked.
"Nope, sorry," replied the owner. So the guy bought 100 bricks.
He took the bricks back to his lot, and he built a house using 99 bricks. Now, if you do the math, 100 minus 99 is 1, so he had one brick left. And he took that brick, and he just chucked it, way up in the air!"
Joker tossed his cards theatrically as he said the words and then looked at Harleen. She looked back at him expectantly.
"And?" She asked. He frowned.
"And what?" He replied picking up the new cards and glancing at them.
"As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."
She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"
A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!"
The men all laughed and Joker raised a brow toward Harleen and she shook her head and stifled a laugh.
"Is that all you've got?" She said tossing in a couple of chips. He shrugged.
"A guy is walking past a big wooden fence at the insane asylum and he hears all the residents inside chanting, "Thirteen! Thirteen! Thirteen!"
Quite curious about this, he finds a hole in the fence, and looks in. Someone on the inside pokes him in the eye.
Then everyone inside the asylum starts chanting, "Fourteen! Fourteen! Fourteen!"
Harleen snorted as the dealer raked the chips toward her after setting down her winning hand.
"Good enough?" Joker asked and Harleen shook her head. "Okay," he sighed drawing out the word.
"A doctor of psychiatry was doing her normal morning rounds when she entered a patient's room.
She found the first patient sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.
The second patient was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.
The doctor asked the first patient what he was doing.
The patient replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?"
The doctor asked the first patient what the second patient was doing.
The first patient replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a light bulb."
The doctor looks up and notices the second patient's face is going all red.
The doctor asks the first patient, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
The first patient replies, "What? And work in the dark?"
Harleen groaned and folded her cards.
"Hmm," Joker said and pushed in his chips. "I'm All In for this one."
"A guy was riding on an airplane, and he decided to smoke a cigar. Unfortunately, he was sitting next to a woman with a dog. The dog began coughing, so the lady said, "Excuse me, sir, but could you please put out your cigar? It's really bothering my dog."
He angrily replied, "No, I won't! You shouldn't have a dog on this flight anyways!"
"This is a non-smoking flight! You need to put that cigar out!" she said. They argued back and forth... get rid of the dog, put out the cigar, and so on.
Finally, the man said, "Look, I'll compromise with you. If you get rid of your dog, I'll get rid of the cigar." He was thinking, "She'll never want to give up her dog." But much to his surprise, she agreed to the deal!
The lady opened the window; amazingly, without causing the air pressure inside the plane to drop; and threw her dog out. The man, thinking that he had another cigar anyways, threw his cigar out the window, thinking that he had won.
However, the woman suddenly reached out the window, and grabbed her dog's leash! As she pulled the dog back in she was thinking that she'd won. But do you know what the dog had in its mouth?"
"A Cigar?" Harleen asked tilting her head and smirking. The Joker smiled back at her.
"A Brick."
A/N: THIS STORY IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION
An apology to the readers of "The Battle for Gotham's Soul." This story is meant to be a sequel to "Me & My Old Lady" and things have changed in the principle storyline which affects everything here. So it will be rewritten and published once "Me & My Old Lady" comes to its conclusion.
Sorry for the inconvenience.