This story is dedicated to my lovely muse, YungVodkaDikost. The knitting idea is completely hers! Her hilarious oneshots inspired this crazy story. Read her story Gossip Train to see the source of my inspiration.
Beware of OOCness and possibly offensive material ahead. It's all in good fun.
I don't own Naruto.
Trekking across Wind Country was not how Itachi enjoyed spending his time off. At least the partner he had today was much quieter than his usual loud mouthed companion. Though the circumstances weren't ideal, this trip was necessary. Itachi would finally be fulfilling a dream he'd had for several years.
Fingering the items hidden within the folds on his Akatsuki cloak, Itachi took a moment to contemplate his plans. He had subdued Sakura with his sharingan to give his temporary partner the opportunity to inject her with a medication. When she awoke approximately 46 hours from now, the effects of the medication would be in full swing. Sakura would be livid, but the benefits of their actions would be worth suffering her wrath.
Itachi had tried more reasonable means to accomplish this goal, going as far as to attempt seducing Sakura, but he couldn't go through with it. She was a beautiful woman, that wasn't the issue. The problem lied solely with his body. He'd become quite asexual during his life, to the point of his member no longer responding to stimulation. Not that he minded, though. Without the distraction of sexual desires, he was free to pursue more important ventures, like the one he was currently involved in.
Some might call him a monster for carrying out this mission, but they would be wrong. Circumstances in his past would lead some to believe him to be a villain of sorts, but everything he did was for a greater cause! Today, he would be rescuing someone from an unfair situation. What kind of monster would do something like that? Itachi was simply a misunderstood hero - A hero on a rescue mission equally beneficial for all parties involved.
His partner may become an issue in the long run, though. A sidelong glance from the red-headed puppet master confirmed Itachi's suspicions. Sasori would likely be interfering with his well planned future. If he became too much of a hindrance, Itachi was fairly certain he could eliminate Sasori and hide his body from the rest of the Akatsuki. Yes, that's what he would do. So maybe he was a bit of a monster, but he was a pragmatic monster.
Sasori had spent the last several hours lost in thoughts of the near future until he realized Itachi was plotting again. Can't he just enjoy the rare feeling of excitement he was experiencing? Apparently not. Not when stuck traveling with this deranged lunatic. He would have to tolerate the man's presence, unfortunately, because they both needed each other's assistance to succeed.
He was fairly certain Itachi had nefarious intentions but Sasori was unconcerned. The puppet master was confident in his fighting skills. Not to mention he had an ace up his sleeve. Without his concoction, Sakura's usefulness would quickly dwindle, leaving Itachi in a difficult dilemma. He had developed the medication this way intentionally, knowing Itachi would try to keep their soon-to-be newest member all to himself. If Itachi attempted to eliminate him (of course he wouldn't succeed), Sasori would refuse to help. A simple solution to deal with a simple minded man.
As their journey came to an end, the pair began to hear a commotion within the small cabin they were approaching. A man, likely the missing-nin conveniently featured in the bingo book, was shouting at a woman that would occasionally whimper after being struck. Cries from an infant could be heard from somewhere towards the back of the cabin.
Before entering the home, the Akatsuki members turned towards each other and shared smiles rarely seen on either man's face. Today was the day all their planning would come to fruition.
A dull throbbing in Sakura's head woke her from a strange dream. Her body felt heavy with the severe dehydration she was experiencing, which was also causing her mind to be foggy. Dehydration didn't make sense. She was always conscious of her body's nutrition related needs and never went to sleep so thirsty that she'd wake up feeling like she hadn't had water in days.
Sakura sat up slowly to avoid feeling dizzy. She couldn't remember a time she had slept so heavily. It almost felt like a strong genjutsu , but that didn't make sense either. Why would someone put her in a genjutsu when she rarely left the base anymore? One thing was certain - she desperately needed water. Maybe after having a drink, she'd feel a little better and could figure out what was going on.
Stumbling out of bed, she made her way over to the bathroom door a few feet away. As she stripped away her shirt, she realized her breasts felt unusually sore. Was her period coming early? Even so, her breasts were never this sore from PMS.
Standing in front of the mirror, Sakura stared in horror at her reflection. Her breasts were HUGE! Not the sexy kind of huge, but the size that makes women cry for a reduction. Cupping one in each hand, she noticed they weren't just big. They were hard. And heavy. And covered in stretch marks! Why the hell was she lactating?!
Her shock turned into fury as all the pieces started to fall into place. With a loud screech that could be heard throughout the entire base, she yelled, "ITACHI!"
A few miles away, a violent sneeze ripped from Itachi, making Sasori eye him warily while clutching his precious cargo a little closer to his chest.
Taking a calming breath, Sakura reached back in her memory for all her shishou's teachings on nursing women. At least now she knew why she was so dehydrated. Producing milk took a lot of water, plus she suspected she had been unconscious for three days because of Itachi.
She quickly realized Sasori had to be involved too because this level of lactation wasn't the first stage. Somehow, her body had gone into milk-producing overdrive, as if she were nursing a baby several months old. When this was over, the two of them would pay dearly for making her suffer.
Doing her best to hold back tears of pain and frustration, she reminded herself she had been through much worse than a little breast pain. She knew the next few days would be torture, but the milk would dry up and her body would go back to normal.
As she would soon discover, Sasori would never let that happen.
She wasn't feeling brave enough to venture out into the common areas of the base to get a bag of ice, so she decided to try a warm shower first. Maybe it would help her poor, swollen breasts relax and release just enough milk for the pressure to ease up.
The shower was an epic failure. Not only did it do nothing to ease her discomfort, it seemed to worsen it. The warm water made her feel overheated, so she tried cold. The cold water just stimulated her nipples, causing them to become erect and twice as painful. There was no relief without a baby to suckle the milk out.
Giving up on hiding out in her room, she dressed (very carefully for the top half) and made her way into the kitchen. Luckily, no one was around. She was able to snatch two bags of ice and sneak back into her room undetected.
The ice helped a little. Very little. It had a nice numbing effect but made her nipples harden again. Plus, her breasts seemed to have filled even further. They now felt like water balloons ready to burst at any moment.
Sakura was becoming desperate and it was making her feel a little crazed. It had only been a couple of hours since she woke up and she was already so distracted by the pain that she couldn't think of anything else. How would she make it the few days it would take for the milk to leave her body? There had to be some way to get this milk out of her.
A brilliant idea started forming in her mind. She had two breasts, so the best thing to do would be to empty them at the same time. All she needed was two mouths to do the trick. Who cares if it's a little weird? The two assholes that put her in this situation weren't here to take care of it, so she'd find someone else that could.
Closing her eyes to help slow her mind, she focused on the nearby chakra signatures to determine who was in the base. Sakura wasn't the best sensor, but she'd lived with these idiots long enough to recognize them based on chakra alone. It didn't take long for her to recognize the chakra of the person she was hoping to find. Rolling out of bed for the second time that day, she left the safety of her room to begin operation Empty Sakura's Breasts.
Deidara had been enjoying his day alone. From what he could tell, only Sakura and Kisame were in the base, but neither of them had bothered him. Not that he would mind Sakura's company. He'd been hoping for a little more of that lately. That thought made him pause in the middle of molding his art. A strong sense of foreboding overcame Diedara and he was suddenly not so sure he wanted to see the sexy pinkette.
A knock at Deidara's door made him freeze. The strong sense of dread had constantly built until this moment, so he was slightly afraid of opening the door. Whoever was on the other side had bad things in mind.
Sakura's voice sounded sickly sweet as it drifted through the door, "Deeeidaraaaaa."
He realized couldn't hide from her. She knew he was in his room. He sighed, "Come in, yeah."
The look in Sakura's eyes as she came through the door had Deidara even more on edge. This wasn't going to end well for him. "So, whatcha doing, Dei?"
Fear made the hairs on Deidara's neck stand on end. Something about Sakura was a little off. He looked over her form for any clues but stopped as soon as his eyes reached her breasts. Those were definitely out of the ordinary. All rational thought left his mind at that point.
Doing her best sexy walk, Sakura made her way over to standing directly in front of Deidara, completely forgetting to close the door. Her plan was solid: Get Deidara's mind off the strangeness of the situation and on this once in a lifetime opportunity for a free grope session. So far, so good. He hadn't even realized she asked him a question.
Stopping directly in front of Deidara, she removed his half-formed clay sculpture from his hands before taking both wrists and holding them in front of her. "I have a problem I think you can help me with."
A hum was the only response she got from Deidara, who was still staring at her engorged breasts.
"You see, Itachi and Sasori did something to me." Deidara's brain kicked back on after hearing those two names and his fear returned in full force. Something strange had been going on for awhile between those two and Sakura. He wasn't sure what it was, but he knew he wanted no part in it.
He attempted to pull away from Sakura, but her monstrous strength kept him in place. Sakura ignored Deidara's attempt to flee and continued explaining.
"Somehow, they made my body begin lactating. I don't know why and I don't care. I need someone to remove the milk and you seemed perfect for the job with these babies." Sakura hadn't meant the double meaning there, but it fit, so she went with it.
Deidara's eyes widened as Sakura pressed the mouths of his hands against her massive breasts. He always thought she had a nice rack but this was on another level. A gentle squeeze told him they were kind of hard but he didn't mind too much, as long as she was letting him touch her. Maybe he could get away with a little more. Then, he realized what she was asking of him. He would forever deny that he squealed like a woman as he tried to pull away from her iron-tight hold.
At that moment, a very amused Kisame made his presence known with a forced cough. While he was enjoying the odd scene playing out before him, he couldn't help but feel a little sorry for Deidara. Everyone, including Sakura, knew the mad bomber had the hots for her but she was taking this a little far.
Sakura turned to look at the doorway where she saw another potential savior. Abandoning Deidara, the slightly delirious pinkette approached Kisame prepared to ask him for help. Before she could even get a word out, Kisame put his hands up and said, "I'm lactose intolerant."
A defeated sound escaped Sakura's lips as tears formed in her eyes. Kisame heart twisted a bit. He really didn't like seeing ladies cry. "I would love to suck your titties, Sakura, but I can't do it."
"Maybe you could just suck and spit? I'm not asking you to swallow. I just need someone to get it out of me!"
Her puppy dog eyes almost got to the large shark-man but he couldn't cave. "I'm sorry, Pinky, but I'll break out in hives if the stuff even touches my tongue."
Feeling hopeless, Sakura left the two very unhelpful men to go think up another plan, though she wasn't hoping for much because the pain was getting to her head. She didn't feel like walking all the way back to her room on the other side of the base, so she stopped in the kitchen to get more ice and then stretched out on the couch in the common area. If no one would help her, she would just wait for Itachi and Sasori to return. She'd force them to do something about her lactation issues or she'd force them into an early grave. Their choice.
Hidan had been outside the fucking base for over a fucking week. His solo mission had taken a lot out of him, but none of those bastards had what it took to kill his immortal ass. All he had to do now was stop by leader-sama's office, and then he was free for awhile. Maybe he could hit one of the whore houses with Kisame. God knows that fish faced fucker couldn't get any free pussy, so he was always down to go buy some action.
A strange sight made Hidan pause on his way through the base. The crazy pink haired bitch of the Akatsuki was doing some crazy bitch shit out in the open for anyone to see. She was laid out on the couch with her hands on her tits, crying while she massaged them. If she wanted to put on a show, he'd fucking watch. The crying was a little weird, though.
"Hey, bitch. What the hell are you doing?"
Sakura turned towards the familiar voice with a bright smile that made Hidan nervous. "Hidan! Oh, thank god you're here!"
Hidan was a little shocked by her greeting, to say the least. The two of them had never had any issues but they weren't exactly friends. Why the hell was she so happy to see him? Then, he noticed her insanely massive tits and stopped caring.
"Come sit by me." Sakura said as she sat up and patted the spot next to her. Once Hidan was seated, she ignored his confused look and said, "I need a little help with something."
A raised eyebrow was the only response she received. Deciding action would be her best option with Hidan, she quickly turned and pushed him to lean against the back of the couch so she could straddle his lap. While lifting her shirt up to her shoulders, Sakura worded her request in the most vulgar way she could think of, "I need someone to suck me dry."
Hidan wasn't sure where the hell this Sakura had been hiding but he wasn't going to complain. He didn't give a flying fuck if her titties were full of milk or whatever, as long as he got to put them in his mouth.
"I'd be fucking honored to suck your titties."
Sasori and Itachi were finally nearing the base. Their bundle of joy was starting to get fussy but she would be happy as soon as they got to Sakura. Being the genius he was, Itachi had planned ahead for their long trip back with an infant in tow. He had purchased diapers and wipes, knitted several blankets and stopped by a whore house frequented by Hidan and Kisame to purchase breast milk from a woman that believed him to have an odd fettish. Feeding his new daughter milk from a prostitute wasn't something he would do often, but it had been necessary.
An odd conversation piqued Itachi's interest as they entered the base. He put his knitting needles and half-finished booties back into the fold of his cloak, and then looked at Sasori to see if he had overheard the conversation as well. A silent understanding was reached. Their baby's food supply must be protected at all costs.
Itachi hadn't moved as swiftly in all of his years as a ninja. He made it to the couple on the couch in time to knock Sakura away from Hidan just before his disgusting lips could come in contact with her nipple. Sharingan activated, Itachi glared at Hidan and growled, "Don't touch my baby's milk." Highly confused by that statement, Hidan remained uncharacteristically quiet.
Sakura's shock ended quickly once she realized the two culprits were back. Uncaring that her breasts were still bared for the world to see, she jumped to her feet to demand they fix her issue. Just as she opened her mouth to speak, she heard the sound of a small baby crying. The noise made her motherly instincts kick into overdrive and her still-bare breasts ache for release.
Only a millisecond passed before she realized the solution to all her problems was bundled up in Sasori's arms. "Give me that baby!"
Lunging across the room like the pain-crazed maniac she'd become, Sakura snatched the baby away from Sasori and placed the infant to her nipple. Sensing nourishment close by, the baby girl latched on immediately and suckled away. Sighing with relief, Sakura sat back down on the couch and promptly ignored everyone else in the room.
Hidan looked at the crazy bitch again seated next to him, but this time with a baby in her arms, and mumbled a quiet, "What the fuck?"
Itachi's glare intensified as he said, "Don't curse in front our baby." Realizing the craziness wasn't going to settle down anytime soon, Hidan escaped to the sanctuary of his own room while wondering which of them was included in the 'our'.
With the threat of bad influences gone from the room, Itachi settled in next to Sakura and his baby to finish his knitting project. Sasori knelt next to the arm of the couch with a disturbing expression on his face as he stared at the child he now shared with Itachi. The occasional creepy whisper of 'baby' could be heard but was ignored.
Unfortunately for Pein, he had decided on that very moment to get refreshments from the shared kitchen. He usually did not venture into this area of the base but he was desperate for a snack. Though, his sweet tooth was gone the moment he saw the odd group seated together at the couch. He didn't want to ask, he really didn't, but as leader it was his responsibility. Mustering his courage, Pein said, "What's going on here?"
Without looking up from his knitting, Itachi said, "Sasori and I came across a missing nin in the process of beating a prostitute that recently gave birth to his child. We eliminated the nin, sent the prostitute on her way and brought the infant back with us. The bounty we collected will be turned in with our report. Our child will be raised here with Sakura's assistance." Itachi left out the minor details like he and Sasori stalking the pregnant prostitute for months to find out if she was interested in keeping the child, and how they'd justified a murder by anonymously submitting the missing nin's name to the nearest Kage for addition to their bingo book. None of that was important.
A quiet hum was all that could be heard from Sakura on the subject. Apparently, she had accepted her fate and didn't care. At least Itachi would stop his awkward attempts to sleep with her.
Pein had so many questions after hearing Itachi's short explanation but his curiosity was not strong enough to overpower his desire to run very far away. So, he left the room without a word to find Konan and leave on an extended vacation.