Chapter One: Teardrops On My Guitar
Drew looks at me,
I fake a smile so he won't see…
I look up as the Gryffindor Quidditch team come in to dinner, muddy from their practice. Harry sits down next to Hermione, who is sitting across from me. I sigh as I look at him. Why should he ever like me? I frown wistfully at my mashed potatoes.
"Ginny, what's wrong?" Asks Harry. I look up startled.
"What?" I ask.
"You look really upset." He explains. I fake a smile.
"Oh, I was just worried that my potatoes might be getting cold." I lie. If only he knew…
That I want, and I need him,
Everything that we should be…
I've liked him since I was eleven. For four years. I have never liked a boy this much. Ever. I wonder…am I just meant to like him without him ever liking me? Or are we meant to be together, and he doesn't realize it…
I bet she's beautiful,
That girl he talks about
Harry stops talking with Ron and freezes up when Cho walks by the Gryffindor table on her way to the Ravenclaw Common Room. He watches her until she rounds a corner, disappearing from sight.
"Harry, you can't possibly still have a thing for Cho?" Asks Ron dubiously. Harry shakes his head.
"I don't even know. I still sort of like her." He says.
And she's got everything that I have to live without…
If Harry would just open his eyes to how I feel... But all he thinks of is Cho. The part that bothers me the most is that she chooses to throw away, to disregard, to undervalue the thing I want so badly.
Drew talks to me
I laugh 'cause it's so damn funny,
That I can't even see
Anyone when he's with me
"Ginny, what do you think about Professor Slughorn?" Harry asks. I shrug.
"He really kind of bothers me." I answer.
"Yeah. It's almost like he collects us. I'm just waiting for him to stuff me into a trophy case one day." He jokes, smiling. It was as if all the oxygen was suddenly sucked out of the room. I can't see anything but him and his smile… I laugh at my own…obsession? The laugh seems to bring me back down to earth. I find myself able to breathe, and everyone besides me and Harry pops back into existence.
"Hey, Ginny, are you done with dinner?" Hermione asks. I stand up.
"Yes. Let's go to the common room." I say, knowing exactly what she's thinking. When we reach the common room, only a few people are in there. We sit down by the fireplace.
"I'm sure he'll come around." Hermione says encouragingly. I shake my head.
He says he's so in love,
He's finally got it right
"He talks about Cho almost constantly. He loves her." I protest.
"Ginny. Harry doesn't love Cho. He loves you. He just doesn't realize it." Hermione insists.
"Whatever. How can you love someone without knowing it?" I ask. Hermione rolls her eyes.
"Easy. You talk with them, you learn about them. You become friends. And soon you realize that you've been in love with them all along." She says simply. As if it were simple.
"I don't know." I gaze into the fireplace, lost in thought. I stand up abruptly "I'm going to bed. Thanks for talking to me, 'Mione." I half smile at her, walking up the stairs to the girls' dormitory. Once I'm in my own dormitory, I flop down on my bed, not even bothering to change my clothes. I stare at my ceiling.
I wonder if he knows,
He's all I think about at night
It's the same thing every night: I count the times Harry talked to me, looked at me, the times I saw him. I contemplated and analyzed every word or glance he had thrown my way, looking for some small possibility that he might like me.
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
Tonight I remember how he watched Cho walked out of the great Hall, oblivious to everyone else. Including me, I think. A couple of tears spill onto my pillow.
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
I stand up, restless and go look out the window. A single star shines in the sky because it's so early in the evening.
"If I could have one wish…just one…I would like Harry to love me." I whisper softly, laying my cheek on the cool glass window.
He's the song,
In the car
I keep singing,
Don't know why I do
Why do I even still like him? It isn't fair. Why can't I move on with my life? I lay back down on my bed, curling up into a ball under the covers. I drift off to the thought of my wish.
The next morning I wake up still in my robes from the day before. I shower and dress quickly (I do everything quickly these days) then go down to the common room and sit on my favorite armchair with Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.
Drew walks,
By me
Can he tell that I can't breathe?
Immersed in one of my favorite parts of the book (Darcy's first proposal, of course), I am startled when I hear someone's footsteps. I look around, and feel my joints freeze themselves, rendering me incapable of movement. Harry had walked past my chair, not even noticing me. He probably had an early morning Quidditch practice.
And there he goes,
So perfectly
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
I don't know how he does everything…he's good at Quidditch and Transfiguration and reads the same books that I like and he's funny and nice and a gentleman and he's got those eyes…
I sort of laugh at myself, though I really don't know what's so funny. I decide there's nothing in the common room to captivate his interest and go through the portrait hole. Down the moving staircases, I walk slowly through a corridor that is my favorite because it's generally deserted. As I walk past the empty classrooms, I saw a flicker of movement out of the corner of my eye.
She better hold him tight,
Give Him all her love,
Look in those beautiful eyes,
And know she's lucky 'cause
I double back and peek a tiny bit through the doorway. A sharp, wrenching pain comes as I discover that are were two very occupied students in there…doing exactly what they had been last year after the last D.A. meeting before Christmas. I walk down the corridor, rounding the corner before I collapse on the stone floor. Taking deep breaths, I try hard to stitch together the rip on my heart.
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar,
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart,
He's the song in the car,
I keep singing,
Don't know why I do,
He's the time taken up,
But there's never enough,
And he's all that I need to fall into
Drew looks at me
I fake a smile so he won't see