This was supposed to be for Yullen Week, but since I got it going, I thought I'd make it a collection of drabbles for you, the reader.
Warning: Contains character death and Mpreg
AN - I don't own D. Gray - Man
The darkened house stood eerily alone at the end of the street, the neighbours having long since abandoned it as foreboding and haunted. The exterior showed no signs of any discrepancy, immaculately taken care of and well groomed by the hired hands, all of which said nothing to the occupant, taking their money after the completion and leaving the man alone.
Similarly, the interior was as immaculate as the exterior, not much was out of place in the wide hallways of the house or in amongst the sparse furniture and spacious rooms, everything new and cleaned by other employees, neither seeing nor speaking to the homeowner. Custom bathrooms and kitchens led to a wide hallway that had rooms on all sides of it, the large door furthest from the front concealed the Master bedroom, the long-haired occupant content in his dreams, his normally stern face relaxed and peaceful.
A shrill cry pierced the night, jolting the sleeping man awake from his slumber, his upper torso lifting off the mattress as his head swiveled around to the large white wooden crib that stood proudly in the corner of his room, a small but dark figure thrashed around in the small bed, tiny fists balled near the chubby cheeks as the kid wailed mercilessly in the darkness of the night.
Groaning, the Japanese readied himself for yet another restless night as he managed to pull himself out of bed slowly, grunting slightly at the strain and exertion it caused him. Pulling himself over to the small child, Kanda gently pulled the railing of the infant's bed all the way down, enabling him to reach in and pull out the crying baby, his arms immediately cradling the infant with such tenderness and care many wouldn't have suspected it was the usually stoic man.
"Shh, now, hush," he crooned gently to his small son, "Daddy's here, daddy's here."
Loud wails reduced to whimpers as a tiny fins found his father's shirt, the little boy wanting nothing more than to be close to the person he loved most.
Just like his mother.
Kanda delicately stroked the soft dark hair on the crown of his son's head, the colour much like his own save for one small lock of hair that, no matter how often it was cut, would never regrow with any colour other than white. The room was filled with the sound of quiet cries and a soft hushing sound as the father and son kept each other company; a quiet gurgling sound added to the mix, followed swiftly by a chuckle.
"Are you hungry?" Kanda asked his boy softly, a small smile gracing his lips as he grabbed a sling from the post on the crib before sliding it over himself, the baby followed closely behind, whining only once when he was away from his father's warm touch.
"You're just like you're mother," he murmured to the infant, "he had an insatiable appetite too."
"Oi! Moyashi!"
"Wha-"
Kanda grumbled as the slight silver-haired man shoveled plate after plate of food in his mouth, his appetite increasing day by day even by his standards.
"Why are you eating so much?" the Japanese pressed, turning from the dishes to look at Allen squarely in the eyes.
The smaller of the two swallowed what remained of his scrambled eggs and toast before he answered the other man.
"I told you, it's a metabolism-"
"I do NOT mean that," Kanda snapped, his hand gesturing to stacks of both clean and dirty dishes that lined the kitchen counter of their small apartment, "I meant why are you eating more."
A dark flush seeped into Allen's cheeks, his fingers fiddling with his fork as his eyes refused to meet Kanda's, his heart rate accelerating as his words caught in his throat.
"Actually, Kanda," Allen murmured, silver eyes blooming small tears at their corners, "I have something to tell you."
Kanda pushed himself away from the room, his wheelchair pulling up little resistance on the wooden flooring. The door opened with ease as the silver handle turned downwards, the wheels backing up and allowing the door to swing open. Pushing his chair down the wide hallways, Kanda moved swiftly over to the kitchen, his body adjusting to settle the child down in a car seat he had settled on the floor, enabling the safety of his small son.
The boy started crying once more when the warmth of his father's arms disappeared, Kanda murmuring kind words to the boy as his hand placed on the child's belly, his fingers moving up the baby to stroke his tear streaked cheeks, a tiny hand reaching out and gripping one long finger the minute it saw the chance. The Japanese felt his throat catch as his finger was caught in the delicate hand, wondering how much longer he would react like this whenever his son grabbed him.
Reluctantly pulling his finger away, Kanda moved over to the stainless steel fridge to fetch the baby a bottle, a pot filled with water placed on the stove and set to heat up while the infused milk was poured into the glass container and put into the pot, long finger setting a timer for the temperature.
Dark cobalt eyes wandered from the kitchen to the vast living room, carpeted floors and soft couches accented with a coffee table and a television.
"What do you think?"
Kanda looked around the room, a mixture of disbelief and uncertainty crossed his face as the young spun around in the vast room.
"It's big," he commented, his eyes looking upwards at the ceiling and light fixtures, Allen laughing at his words.
"It's not that big," the laughing one protested, "it's still in our budget range, nice neighbourhood, spacious-"
"Did you get that from the brochure?" Kanda asked bluntly.
"Shut up," Allen grinned, his silver eyes keenly looking over the living room, "the real-estate agent said that this was the perfect place for a young couple starting out."
"They say that because they make commission on every sale," Kanda pointed out, his long legs making his way over to the smiling man.
"She also said," Allen murmured, snuggling to Kanda's chest, "that this was a perfect place for the beginnings of a small family."
Kanda just chuckled at the final statement, one of the arms around him sliding off his waist, cobalt eyes following the scared skin as it touched the flesh of Allen's stomach, bliss crossing Allen's face as he gently raked his nails over the very small, almost indistinguishable, bump that rested between his hips.
"I guess so," the deep voice agreed, his own long fingertips joining the red ones to feel the developing fetus.
"Oh! I haven't even shown you the best part yet!" Allen suddenly exclaimed, grabbing the strong hand in his undamaged one and tugging him alone, "come on!"
Kanda laughed as Allen pulled him along like an exited little puppy, the wide smile on his face genuine and so full of happiness it seemed to infect even his stern lover.
A loud buzzing brought Kanda back to the present, unfortunately startling his little child into louder and more frequent whimpers. Quickly turning off the stove, Kanda tested the milk on his wrist, satisfied with the warmness of the fluid for his child. Placing the pot and the water gently inside the sink, Kanda disregarded the entire thing as he leaned over his chair and gently lifted his son up out of the car seat, slipping the small boy into the sling that mothers often wore to keep baby's next to them while they performed mundane tasks such as shopping or cooking.
Kanda moved over to enter the family room, his eyes lingering on the room across from it, his heart weary and still too raw to even go into the room, not while it sat there.
"Look at this," Allen beamed, throwing his arms wide and open as he stood in the corner of the room, the large sliding glass window illuminated the wood paneled floor and dark green walls.
"Yes moyashi, I know how small you are, what's your point?" Kanda teased, Allen laughing at him.
"Ha ha," the white-haired said sarcastically, "you're so damn witty Kanda."
"I try," the Japanese chuckled, leaning against the archway that led from the kitchen to the wide room.
"No, I meant," Allen corrected, "look at how much space is here, I can fit my grand piano in here with ease!"
Kanda snorted, "you plan on keeping it? Even with the kid?"
"Of course!" Allen told him, "he's going to learn how to play it and everything! He'll be my little Mozart!"
"Didn't Mozart die at twenty something?" Kanda pointed out, his grin impossible to get off, "and besides, my child is learning kendo, no questions."
"I'm not asking you," Allen wagged his finger at Kanda, "I'm telling you, my son will become a famous concert pianist and he will love and adore music, even if his daddy doesn't."
"What's all this about a son anyway?" Kanda asked him, "I thought we agreed no gender until the birth."
"I just know," Allen told him, his eyes looking down at his stomach in happiness, "I don't know how, I just do."
Kanda grunted as he lifted both himself and this crying babe onto the large couch, settling on the material comfortably while he removed the sling from his person, holding the child close as he adjusted the bottle the whimpering mouth, the hesitant first sips overtaken by greedy suckling on the rubber mouth of the bottle, his infant son enjoying his midnight dinner. Kanda slowly slipped off the couch and onto the floor, creatively cradling his son in one of his arms as the other held onto the edge of the couch, his abdomen sliding his torso to rest above is lips legs, his hand fixing their position once he settled.
"I can help."
Kanda put the boxes down in the living room as he looked over at the young man lying on the couch, his back against the armrest as his hand lay above his swelling stomach.
"You are nineteen weeks pregnant," Kanda pointed out, "you are not doing any heavy lifting until you are no longer carrying that child."
Allen pouted but said nothing, allowing Kanda to press on, "I'm not having you put your sake or the baby's at risk just to lift a few boxes, I had enough of an issue with you carrying in the stool for your piano!"
"Yeah yeah," Allen sighed, "I'm still impressed that they managed to get it in the house without so much as a scratch though."
"Pity you won't be able to play it for a while," Kanda's voice carried from their bedroom.
Allen grumbled in annoyance before emitting a slight gasp, his hand covering his stomach protectively.
"Oi, Moyashi?!"
Kanda came running to the living room at the sound of Allen's voice, his cobalt eyes looking worriedly at his lover, Allen's face scrunched in discomfort.
"It's fine," Allen managed to get out, "he's just – kicking."
Kanda sighed in relief, his hand running through his dark locks as his shoulders sagged.
"Don't scare me like that," he murmured, walking over to his moyashi as Allen took deep breaths to steady himself.
"Hey," Kanda whispered, his hands over Allen's stomach, the small bumps in the flesh never ceased to send shivers up his spine, "stop kicking, you're causing your mother a lot of pain and he doesn't like that, we're both here."
Allen looked over at Kanda with tears blooming in his eyes, the taller of the two on is shins as he leaned over the fetus, crooning it and quieting its kicking.
"You're gonna be a wonderful father, Yuu," Allen sniffed as Kanda rose up off the floor to hover over Allen.
"And you'll be a wonderful mother, Aren," Kanda murmured, his lingering accent still made Allen fell full and happy whenever he said his name correctly.
A singular tear fell onto the baby's dark hair, Kanda's free hand shakily touching his cheek as he wiped away more tears that fell unconsciously down his face, his nose sniffing as more of the salty water fell onto his son, one hitting his cheek, disrupting the meal and causing the young child to look up in confusion at his father.
Kanda stared down into the silver orbs of his son, they were purely Allen. Innocent and caring, curious and kind, eyes Kanda wanted nothing to do but to protect them.
"I'm sorry," he murmured, despising how watery his voice sounded as he wiped away his tear from his son's cheek, "daddy didn't mean to cry, d-daddy just-"
A strangled sob cut off his next sentence, his hand clasping his mouth in hopes that he didn't cry in front of his child. His breath came in shaking inhales as his heart clenched at the unfairness of it all, his arm careful to cradle the small boy that gently tugged at his shirt, his eyes wishing that his father would start feeling better.
Calming himself, Kanda reached out and pulled himself back into his wheelchair his son adjusted back into the sling as he pushed them back to their shared room, Kanda shutting the door behind him, not even bothering to return the baby to his crib as he made his way over to his bed, the baby secured in his arms as he pulled himself into his bed, his tears relentless as they began to fall over his cheeks anew, the child in his arms held closer to his body.
"See, I told you!" Allen snapped as Kanda drove them home, the car slower due to the snow falling lightly around them.
"I don't care," Kanda snapped, "you felt like you were having the baby, I had to take you in!"
"But at two in the morning?" Allen protested, "you couldn't have waited until eight?"
"If you wanted to go at eight then have the damn false contractions at eight!"
Allen huffed indignantly, his mouth opening to continue their argument until Kanda's hand over his stopped him, the long fingers intertwining with his before covering his stomach, the Japanese's thumb stroking his child.
"I worry about you," Kanda murmured, "I don't want anything to happen to you or the baby."
Allen felt tears bloom in his eyes at the sentiment, his lips closing in a smile as he rested his head on Kanda's shoulder, their fingers still intertwined over their child. Kanda looked at him for a brief moment before smiling softly, his dark cobalt eyes dotting around the intersection to see for any signs of danger. Slowly, Kanda made his way across the road, his eyes only seeing the driver when the man had sorted through his drunken senses and turned on his lights, too close for Kanda to do anything but pull Allen against his body in a desperate attempt to save him and his child.
Tears flowed mercilessly as Kanda did his best to quell his sobs, the boy in his arms already asleep, contented with the warm arms around him and a full stomach.
Kanda hated it, the unfairness of it all. It should have been him.
It should have been him who dies, not Allen. He was the one closest to the accident, Allen should be the one raising his child, not him; Kanda felt like a failure in his inadequacy to protect the one of the only people who he had ever returned his love for them. A small cooing sound passed the baby's lips, Kanda immediately worrying that he was holding his infant son too tightly.
The boy had been three months early, Allen's body, in a desperate attempt to save itself, had tried to abort the child, meaning Allen's already broken body was forced into the pains of childbirth, refusing any medication for fear of complications to his child, the young man practically torturing his body for betraying his heart.
Allen had put himself through such agony and torment only to deliver a still born.
The man must've been devastated to discover the death of his precious baby boy. Pulling on what meager reserves of strength he had left, Allen managed to force his failing body to ask for his baby, his only child. Using what little life he had left in him, Allen held the baby close and found a way to give the small infant what was left in him, a miraculous wail pierced the stillness of the operating room as the baby gasped its first lungful of air, Allen managing to bring what little light Kanda had left in the world back to him.
But it came at a price.
Kanda's eyes blearily opened to bright lights and white ceiling, every inch of is body hurting and aching; every part save for the man's legs. Kanda looked around the room, his neck held fast by a brace, the IV tubes sticking out of his right hand while his left remained securely in a cast, machines beeping to the rhythm of his heart rate.
His movements had caught the attention of the nurse on the side of is bed, her face mouthing in surprise as she bolted out the door to fetch the doctor. Kanda was rendered confused for a few moments before a tall gentleman in a white lab coat walked into the room, the fake and pitying smile affixed to his lips made Kanda's stomach churn.
"Wh-who-"
"Good day, Mr. Kanda, it's good to see you've finally awakened," the man smiled, "my name is Mr. Kito, I am you doctor."
"Wh-what-" Kanda struggled, his throat felt much to scratchy to be able to come up with words.
"You were in a car accident," his doctor explained, "the driver was drunk, he, unfortunately, did not survive."
His words were only half registered to Kanda's mind, the shock made it hard for him to absorb anything the man told him.
"Regrettably," the doctor cleared his throat, "this has left you with some…complications."
"C-Compli-" his dry lips found it hard to move as he listened to the doctor press on.
"We've sent you through three surgeries already," the man told him calmly, "but you spinal cord was far to damaged in the accident. I'm sorry," the man looked at him with equally pitying eyes, "but you'll never be able to walk again."
Kanda felt dread fill his body, the shock of his new surroundings unable to dull the shock of his terrible news. Realization hit him as he became aware of what never using his legs meant. He could never again practice Kendo; he would be confined to a chair for the rest of his life, never talking long walks with Allen ever again.
Allen.
"Wh-where's," he struggled, swallowing thickly before he forced himself to go on, "where's Allen?"
The man looked stunned for a moment at his question before he took off his glasses and looked away from Kanda for a moment.
"I'm so sorry to tell you this," he sadly told Kanda, "but Mr. Walker passed away not three hours ago."
Kanda said nothing. He was stunned into total silence; his heart felt like it had been stabbed repeatedly with a rough wooden steak, his body unfortunate enough to feel every splinter the attack caused him.
"Wh-wh," he spluttered, his brain slipping into denial as his breathing increased, his eyes looking anywhere but at the man who had told him that the one person he loved with everything he could had died.
"N-no," he whispered, tears betraying him as they rolled down his bruised face, "please, no," he began to sob, his unbroken arm covering his mouth as he began to cry openly, his mind unfocused as the doctor silently left him to his grief.
The next three day had been excruciating, Kanda refused to eat and he barely slept, his visitors, few though they were, could never make eye contact with him. The nurses feared his depression so great that they bound his wrists in straps, hoping to stop whatever attempts of rejoining his lost lover the man might try. In truth, Kanda had considered it countless times after the loss of his beloved. Death would come as a relief to him, no more pitying looks, no more constant reminders that the one he loved was dead.
On the third day, Kanda stared blankly at the white ceiling when the door slid open, a slim dark eyed nurse rolled in a small tray into his room, Kanda refusing to look at her as he assumed it yet another attempt to force nutrition into his starving body. Slowly, the kind nurse reached down beside the bed and pressed the button that caused his bed to rise, the patient uncaring as to her actions.
"Mr. Kanda?" she asked him kindly, his dead dark cobalt eyes refusing to look at her despite having his neck brace only needed for nights as of that morning.
"Would you like to see your son?"
His slightly bruised eyes widened at her words, the face turning to her, staring is disbelief as she simply smiled and pulled herself from his bedside and walked over to the small container, stooping for a moment before she retrieved a small bundle swaddled in blue cloth, her arms cradling it as she carefully walked over to him, her mouth smiling as she gently handed the small treasure to Kanda, helping him adjusting his arms around the baby, his eyes never leaving the bundle in her arms the entire time.
Swallowing, Kanda's undamaged hand pulled down the cloth that concealed his baby's face from him, a smile unconsciously falling onto his mouth, a tear slipping down his face as he felt alive for the first time in what felt like forever.
His son was beautiful. Dark hair that rivaled his own save for a lock of white hair, gently closed eyes that hid his son's innocence from the world, dark lashed fanning slightly round cheeks with a nose that closely resembled his mother's. Kanda felt his chest swell with a mixture of pride and happiness, sadness finding its place as he realized he didn't want to greet his first born this way. He truly wished that he could be leaning over Allen's bed as the younger man lay sweat streaked and tired, a satisfied look on his face as he cradled his son with happy eyes, Kanda's own hands stroking the babe's chubby cheeks.
"Did-" Kanda choked on his words as more tears fell from his eyes, "did Allen- get to meet him."
The nurse smiled sadly, nodding as she explained what had happened to Allen, the life the selfless man had given up for his child, how happy he looked as his son cried his first few breaths.
"He murmured something while he held you child," she murmured, "he kept telling us 'Kazue, his name is Kazue.'"
Kanda blurted out a laugh at her sentiment, "harmony blessing, huh? That's just what you would do, Allen," he muttered sadly, tears unceasing as he lifted his son to his chest, "but that name suits you, Kazue."
"Kazue Kanda then?" the woman smiled.
"No," Kanda told her, "Kazue Mana Walker. We never married," 'I never got the chance' Kanda thought bitterly.
"Then," the woman cut in, "how about this? Kazue Mana Walker-Kanda. It combines both your lasts names for the boy, since he is your son."
Kanda mulled over her choice, "it's a long name, isn't it," he told his child softly, the baby beginning to stir in his arms, the infant showing no signs of crying as his eyes fluttered open slowly, all too familiar bright silver eyes met the dark cobalt, words lost on Kanda's lips as he saw his lover in his child, his heart clenched as his quivering lips pulled into a kind smile. "But I think you'll wear it with pride," he murmured, bringing his son's forehead to his lips, teas still pouring out of his eyes as he took in deep shuddering breaths to steady himself around his child.
The silver eyes searched his, the familiarity of it all made Kanda's heart squeeze before a sudden laugh escaped the tiny lips, his hands shooting out to reach for his father, gripping the front of his parent's hospital gown as Kanda eased the boy back to his chest, laughing along with the boy.
"You truly are his son," the man murmured, his finger's rubbing against the tender cheek, "I promise you you'll know everything about him, I won't let you forget him."
Kanda had been discharged from the hospital about a week after the accident, his small son cradled in his arms as he was given a push out the front door by his friends, all of which had become infatuated with the small boy as he gently cradles the only reason he had to live without his lover by his side.
A slight shuffling of pillows was the only other sound in the room to accompany Kanda's sniffles and silent cries. Gently, the father placed his son on the mattress, his arm around the boy but not on top of him out of concern of suffocating the child in the middle of the night.
It shouldn't have been like this, Kanda thought, the two of them should be sharing their room, the baby's cries waking both of them, the young couple arguing about whose turn it was to care for the infant. Kanda should come home from work only to have his small son run into his arms and cling on to his legs as he chatted incessantly about his day or Kanda could walk into the family room and find his white-haired lover on the piano's bench, their child between his legs as the small fingers tried to imitate the larger dancing ones, both silver-eyes laughing at the hilarity of it all.
"I'm sorry," Kanda sobbed quietly, "I'm so sorry Allen. I miss you so much, I-I don't think I can do this on my own, please," the proud man cried softly, his fingers grazing his son's cheek, "please be watch over us."
Kanda's tears eased him into a peaceful sleep, one filled with dreams of his whole little family.
I will, Yuu…
Good God I'm hormonal...this is kinda inspired slightly by TamyouRue's stories who, for some odd reason, I can'd find on this site anymore :(
Read and Review Please