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Contradictions and Lies

By

Anne M

Draco:

Look at you sitting over there with your friends, totally ignoring me. Well, I have news for you.

You're not the answer,

You're not the question,

And you're not the way.

Everything that ever mattered to me left when you left, and even though I pretend not to care, I do. It's all just a contradiction. You might even call it a lie.

I never said I was a wise man. I never said that I was a beacon for the truth. Look inside your own heart, and you're know that everything that ever made me good and true was because of you.

I swear that every day I wake up it's a struggle. It's a struggle to find my way.

Every step I take, I stumble.

But I don't care as long as each step takes me closer to you.

I never said that I was a wise man. You left me broken, borrowed and bruised, and everything that I ever needed I lost when you left me.

So what if I lie? At least I'm truthful about it. Do you ever say what you mean?

You make me laugh until I want to cry. Do you ever really hear me at all?

I'm a contradiction, my dear, Hermione Granger. I'm the best and the worst of it. I laugh when I'm sad, I cry when I smile. I'm sick of living in fear, and I'm afraid of being alone.

There…I said it. I'm sad and alone. Are you happy now?

I realize that I'm grateful for nothing, and I have hidden from everything good that you brought out from me for so long. Knowing you was a blessing, not a curse. My future with you may be insecure; perhaps it's even a secret, but I have a secret too, Hermione. You're not my future. You're my past. It just so happens I want to live in the past, with you.

So look my way again, and laugh once more, and I'll show you a contradiction or two.

Hermione:

You walked into the room, looking so serene; I didn't even believe at first that it was you. You held your head up high, ashamed of nothing, and you act as if you don't even notice my stare, but I know differently. You want my stare to go away, but it can't. God, I still love you so much.

You try to be brave, try to remain the same, try to be proud, even though you'll never understand any of those things.

All you understand is contradictions and lies. You claim that I lied when I said that I would never leave you, but understand this, Draco Malfoy:

That I said I loved you,

That I said I needed you,

That I said you were the only one for me – not one phrase is a lie.

And you want to forget, you try to be strong, you try to hide your pain, not one of these is a lie, either.

And you cannot see that I am down on my knees… crying for you.

I know my eyes betray the truth, which you don't want you to see. What are you doing to me? You turn to look at me, and I quickly turn away. I even laugh at someone's stupid joke, hoping you'll think that I'm no longer in pain.

You walk across the room, and I know that you still love me; I know that you still want me; I know that we could be together again.

I want to be strong, not desperate. I'll smile, to hide my tears.

I just cannot see why you don't still love me…I don't see why you can't see that I still love you.

I walk across the room, and take a deep breath,

I try hard not to give a damn, but out of the corner of my eye, I can see you smile.

And I am dying deep inside.

These are foolish games, which prove nothing, not even what we really feel.

We said nothing would break us apart, and you promised me that you would always hold my heart, and we could remain friends. That must have been the biggest lie of them all.

You look at me, and walk toward me. I feel frantic and afraid.

Please don't touch me. Please don't look at me. Please don't love me, not if it isn't real.

You whisper in my ear one phrase: I will always love you.

You walk out of the door, and leave me in my pain.

I have no hope left.

I leave and walk down the dark, deserted, street.

You wait for me by a lamppost.

You smile again. I melt at your smile.

You say, please forgive, please still need me, and please still love me.

We are both afraid, therefore we're not alone. Because I love you, more than you'll ever know, deep in my soul.

I still love you…and you still love me.

And that is not a contradiction or a lie.

~ The End ~