I was laying in the bed that shared with Calliope, wondering whether or not I should even be there. We had been fighting all day over this baby issue we've been having. I knew the conversation about us having kids was inevitable. While she was in mourning over George, she told me they tried to conceive shortly before their marriage ended. I should've said something then. I guess I got all caught up in the newness of our relationship. I didn't want our sexy time to come to an end.

I must seem like some horrible, heartless monster for not wanting children of my own. Don't get me wrong, I love kids. I wouldn't even be in pediatrics if I didn't. It gives me so much joy to see a newborn baby. Yet for as long as I can remember, I always knew that I never wanted to become a mother. I don't know what frightened me more, coming out to my parents or telling them that I was basically depriving them of any chance for grandchildren. Especially since my brother died. When I told them, I could tell they were disappointed by the news. But, they respected my decision like the loving, supportive parents they've always been.

Calliope finally climbed into bed with me. I turned on my side so we could spoon as we normally did. All I wanted to do was go to sleep. But, Calliope was in the mood to talk. So I let her. Once again, the conversation was about babies. I figured my silence would be a sign that I didn't want to go another round over this issue. She began talking about her cousin, whose baby gave her a black eye. Not exactly something that would sway my opinion.

I thought Calliope finally got the message when I didn't respond. What she said next rattled me to the core. She said she didn't need it, that she didn't need to be a mother. Calliope then began listing all these reasons why she suddenly didn't want kids. I knew she was lying before she even started to cry.

I turned around to face her. There my Calliope was, tears rolling down her cheeks. She was willing to give up a piece of herself, to deny herself having a child, just to satisfy me. I refused to let her do that. I loved her too much to allow her to give up on something she wanted so badly.

I told her "Don't." But she didn't hear me. She was a wreck. And it was all my fault, since I didn't speak up about this early on in our relationship. My hands caressed her beautiful face. I wanted to assure her that in spite of our many arguments throughout the day, I was still so much in love with her. I pulled her close and kissed her, again and again until she got the message. Her hands touched my cheeks as she began to kiss me back. We were sending a clear message to each other. We didn't want to lose what we had, but we weren't sure how we could possibly move forward together.

Calliope sat up to take off her top and resumed kissing me. I knew what was about to happen. In the back of my mind, I should've stopped it right then and there. I began removing my own clothes instead.

I held her in my arms after we made love. Calliope was fast asleep. I couldn't shake the feeling that we were, in a way, saying our goodbye's. I kissed her on the side of her forehead and held her even tighter as I felt myself drifting off to sleep.