Hi everybody! My name is Lorna Morello. I am 26 years old, and am in need of a roommate. I am REALLY fun and a GREAT cook-also VERY clean and not annoying.

No, too peppy.

Name: Lorna Morello.

Age: 26

In need of a roommate. Willing to cook and clean and pay half rent, will provide groceries.

Way too boring.

Looking for someone to live with, I am a female, 26 years old, hoping to pay no more than $800 in my share of rent. Would like the roommate to be a gal-but I'm open to anything, really!

Lorna sighed as she stared at her drafted Craigslist ad. How do people come off so cool and casual online? She had set aside half an hour to write up an ad, it was now 1:00, two hours since she first opened her laptop. She was supposed to be on her way back from the gym by now.

"Ok, let's go with this," she squeaked to herself as she clicked submit.

Thanks! Your craigslist ad has been successfully posted.

And now, the waiting game.

/

Several blocks downtown of Lorna, Nicky Nichols was wrapped in several blankets comfortably laying in her bed, the lights off and the blinds shut. Enjoying a nice cigarette, she surfed the Internet while listening to her Led Zeppelin playlist, until two loud knocks on the door interrupted her. She didn't move at first-if it was a friend, they most likely had an extra key and would let themselves in.

The knock came again, this time much louder. "NICHOLS."

Nicky turned her face in disgust at the familiar gruff voice that came from the other side of her door. It was Mendez, her sleazy landlord. Of course, it was the first of the month, and as usual Nicky had to be hunted down to get the rent money. She sighed and rolled slowly out of bed, the cigarette still pressed between her lips.

She opened the door, to see Mendez bending down to meet her at an uncomfortable 3 inches from her face. "Yea, this is Nichols," she spit at him, exhaling smoke into his face.

"You are NOT allowed to be smoking in here. What have I told you?"

"I don't know Mendez, I don't fucking listen when you speak. What do you want from me-alright, I have a lot of shit to do." Her plan was to watch Netflix movies all day and smoke weed, and she hated when she had to rearrange plans to make other people happy.

"Do you know what day it is? It's rent day. Give me your money."

"I would, Mendez, I'd give you all the fuckin' money I have, except I got fired yesterday so I'm broke. So you're gonna have to give me an extension or something till I get shit figured out, alright? 'Preciate it."

She closed the door, and Mendez stuck his foot in just before it closed all the way. "I am so FUCKING SICK of you crackhead IDIOTS who can't make a simple goddamn monthly payment to me, your landLORD. Don't you know wonder where the name came from? 'Landlord?' If you think about it-I am your GOD. WORSHIP ME."

"Well sorry to burst your bubble but I'm an atheist. Come back in a week, I'll have your fuckin' money." With that, she gave Mendez a hard shove and slammed the door in his face.

/

Lorna was in the kitchen cooking pasta when the alert from her computer told her she had an email. She raced over and checked her inbox, to which she happily found three craigslist replies. She opened the first one.

"hey hey lorna morello….you sound like a mighty fine time….you sound like a nice fun woman who'd i'd like to take care of. it just so happens i need a roommate as well, my old one had "problems" with my "living situation." bitches be CRAZY THESE DAYS! but not you lorna morello….we would get along just great. give me a call and we can arrange for a time for you to come see my crib! im sure you'll love it…take care. -suzanne"

"Hm. Interesting I guess…" Lorna went to the second email.

"hey sugababy it's me again, wanted to see if you came up with a decision yet! hope to hear from you soon…suzanne."

Puzzled, Lorna looked at the time. It was 1:37, Suzanne's first email only came 20 minutes after Lorna had posted her ad, and the second email came 2 minutes after that. Well, maybe she needs help paying the rent and needs a roommate as soon as possible. And she definitely sounded friendly.

Lorna picked up her cell phone and dialed the number, before remembering there was a third email. Maybe it was another, slightly saner, candidate.

"hey chickadee just wanted to share one of my favorite quotes with you…Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried, Grapple them unto thy soul with hoops of steel. whatcha think about that huh? just incase you was interested in having a WELL READ ROOMMATE… HIT ME UP!"

Well, she was definitely persistent. That was something Lorna needed to work on anyway. She hadn't been doing so well in the job market, and she had a feeling it was because of her interview skills. This Suzanne girl seemed a bit…extra, but maybe it was the exact opposing personality that Lorna needed to step her game up a bit. She looked down at her phone, which had Suzanne's number already dialed, and clicked send.

/

Nicky was sitting on the steps outside of the apartment complex, puffing on another cigarette that was badly needed after her encounter with Mendez. Such a fucking shitstain, he really pissed her off. She was racking her brain with ideas to make quick money-her mother had recently cut her off, and she was forced to get a job for herself, working as a receptionist at a dentist's office. Unfortunately, working wasn't really Nicky's thing, and it didn't last long. However, she needed some sort of income to not only pay this month's rent, but to keep up with her excessive drugs and alcohol budget, that had been prioritized over all other payments. She was so mentally disassociated, she didn't even notice when a tall, skinny dark-haired woman sat next to her. She didn't even snap out of it until the woman waved her hand in front of her face, singing her name in her ear.

"What the fuck, when'd you get there?" Nicky asked. It was Alex, the girl that lived above Nicky.

"I've been sitting here screaming your name for like 30 seconds. What's wrong with you?" she let out a deep chuckle, taking her glasses off and putting them on the top of her head. "Am I interrupting something? I can tell you're in your own little world."

Nicky sucked her teeth and flicked her cigarette, still staring out into the distance. "Na, just trying to figure out how I'm gonna pay rent this month. Mendez almost knocked my fuckin' door down this morning. So I gotta be on the down low till I get some cash. So you didn't see me out here, ya heard?"

Alex chuckled again. "My lips are sealed, but how are you having trouble with money? Did you spend your paycheck already?"

"Well I spent it, yeah, and I'm also not gonna get anymore, cuz…you know, I was fired."

"What?! Oh God, what did you do? Do I even wanna know?"

"It wasn't anything that bad," she said, a mischievous grin forming on the corner of her mouth as she turned to look at her friend. "It was just the little things that added up. You know, I was always late, I was always giving out wrong information, I wasn't very good with 'customer service.' It's bullshit."

"Oh, that makes sense."

"Yeah. Oh and yesterday I got caught trying to steal morphine."

"WHAT?!" The casual, blunt statement that came from her friend caused Alex to bend over in hysterics. "Nicky you were caught trying to steal morphine?"

"Yes ma'am," she replied, her lips still pressed into a smirk.

"Now that's a story for the grandkids. C'mon Nicky if you really wanted morphine you could've talked to your friend Alex, I could hook you up with anything you want."

"Eh," Nicky shrugged, taking a last drag of her cigarette before throwing it on the street. "Well what's done is done. I hated that stupid job anyway. I hate jobs in general. That's not for me."

"Well how much do you need? I mean I could spot you this month and you can pay me back when you get the money. No interest included," she added with a smile.

"Don't bother, I don't take money from people I like. I'll find a way. Prostitution's always an option, I hear that's recession proof." She stood up and opened the door for her friend.

"Well at least you have a plan. What you need is a roommate though. You have that second room that just sits there, why don't you clean it up and start looking for someone to pay the rent? Whoever moves in can pay for this month, and then you pay the next month, and then after that you just split it. It'll give you a couple of weeks to find something, you know?"

Nicky shrugged, considering this option. "Well. We'll just have to see, won't we."

The two girls stood in front of the elevator, and as it opened, Suzanne came out, her cell phone pressed tightly to her ear. Her eyes, which were already wild and full of insanity, were practically bulging out of her eye sockets. She was clearly listening to someone speak on the phone, and her other hand was gesturing as if she was having the conversation in person. "That sounds PERFECT. Tomorrow it is then, I'll be up at 11. I'll make sure to clean up all nice and pretty for you."

Alex watched her go, amused at the little tidbit she was able to hear. "I guess Crazy Eyes has a new girl." They got into the elevator.

"At least someone's getting lucky," Nicky dryly responded as the elevator doors closed before them.