Disclaimer: I own nothing
Series: To Learn To Understand
Prologue
Summary: The nights in Moria are forever cold.
"And it's hard to hate someone once you understand them."
Lucy Christopher (Stolen)
The nights in Moria are forever cold.
His husband does all he can, piling them with furs and fires. Warm, feather filled blankets rest across every bed and lay tucked into every corner. Thick leather jerking and jackets lined with fur fill the closets. He even has a coat made entirely from the skin of a white bear, it's teeth and claws rest along the edges as buttons.
And yet, Thorin cannot shake the haunting chill in his bones.
Once, he had believed it was the spirits of his ancestors who iced the hallways. Their horror and misery over what had become of their homes tying them to this earth. But not anymore.
He no longer bothers to keep track of how long he has lived here - years, decades, it no longer seems to matter. Some days feels like eternity, while others pass in moments. Time is hard to judge here, in the Mines
He can barely recall how it used to be - Erebor, his family, his One - all having been sacrificed in the name of living. It is true that some days he carries fallacies of rescues or death, but they are fleeting in their instances.
He has two darling children to care for now, when once he had only himself. And while he does not believe his husband would ever be intentionally cruel, Thorin would leave their rearing to no other mother. He has seen the cruelty other mates have given to their step-children and he would see that such a fate would never befall his own.
To end his life would be most selfish.
In the next room, his youngest son sleeps peacefully. Tomorrow would be a grand day for him. His coming of age ceremony eminent and, should he be successful in his first trial, his son gifting of a companion - be it warg or bat or serpent - would require Thorin's presence.
Thorin can still remember the day his husband gifted him his companion, a black she-warg twice his size. He'd hated her at first and has since apologized for his ingratitude. He does not know how he would have survived without her. The she-warg, he would later learn her name was Ryok, had been forever faithful in ensuring that they had both food and water when Thorin had been suffering through his own Rites of Passage.
He could only hope his little one would fare better in his challenges than Thorin had.
His eldest had already completed his Challenges and had done stunningly, even setting new records in both stamina and kills. Thorin can still recall his eldest-born's smile when he had returned from his first raid bearing the head of the Goblin King - a long-time enemy who had once attempted to kidnap Thorin for it's own gain.
"Mama," his youngest called for him from the doorway, soft blues eyes blurry from sleep, "Mama, why...why do you not rest besides me?"
Thorin smiles at his son's accented Khuzdul. Long has he labored to teach his little one the language of his ancestors. It had been a battle with his husband to allow such education and it had been made even worse when Thorin refused to teach his eldest.
For all that he loved him, his eldest was not a dwarf. Khuzdul was not his language to learn. As a compromise, Thorin turned to teaching both boys common in hopes that they would better understand the world and all its dangers.
"I wait for your father, Fili" Thorin replied in Azerdajin, the secret language of the Orks. It was a language hidden, developed by the Orks after the fall of Sauron. And despite the many years Thorin had spent learning and speaking Azerdajin, it would forever leave a bitter taste on his tongue.
Fili huffed, "But, Mama, it is late. I am sure father will not mind. Let us go to the bedchambers."
"I would if I could, my darling," Thorin smiled, "But your father shall expect me in his chambers tonight." He sighed when Fili's response was to only sulk more. "Very well, I shall tuck you in and that is all. I cannot sleep beside you tonight."
Fili thought upon this for a moment and Thorin felt his heart ache. For all that 54 summers was old enough for his husband's race, a dwarf only came into his majority at 75. Fili was yet too young for battle. "Fine," Fili conceded, "But tomorrow you sleep besides me?"
"Aye," Thorin swears, "Be it that your father shall sulk, tomorrow I am yours." And Thorin planned to keep his promise. He had little left but his word.
Fili's room was adjourned to the Master bedrooms based on Thorin's demands. For while his husband insisted that Fili was old enough for his own room, there was no denying that it was normal for both Thorin and Fili to wish to be near each other after all they have been through.
The room was opulent in its details. There was no hiding that the rooms held by Thorin and his family was once the same rooms that must have been built for Durin the Deathless himself. The walls shimmered with veins of mithril and gold. The floors were a cool, steel granite. There were murals painted on the ceilings, depictions of the creation of the Seven Fathers, that had yet to fade despite all the years. Even the furniture had survived the test of time. It's delicate metal and woodwork could have reduced the greatest of Erebor's crafters to tears of awe.
In fact, most of the original Kingdom was left standing and was used daily by its new inhabitants. Once, this fact would have driven Thorin to rage, but now only made him grateful as he tucked his son into a bed worthy of the prince he was.
"Shall I sing you a song, my darling?" Thorin asks once Fili had settled himself so that only his eyes peaked out from under the blanket.
"Please and thank you, Mama," he giggled. It was a habit that Fili had enduring gained - to say please and thank you in one go. Once, the young dwarf would have balked at using such manors and Thorin was not hard pressed to stop the habit now.
Closing his eyes, he thought for a moment on what to sing and then took a deep breath..
Roses whisper good night 'neath silv'ry light
Asleep in the dew they hide from our view
When the dawn peepeth through God will wake them and you
When the dawn peepeth through God will wake them and you
Slumber sweetly my dear for the angels are near
To watch over you the silent night through
And to bear you above to the dreamland of love
And to bear you above to the dreamland of love
It was a haunting tune. And while the words have changes over the years, Thorin can still see his mother in the light of a dying fire putting his siblings and himself to sleep.
It is only after he had sung the lullaby twice and that Fili had fallen into a sleep that would hold till morning that Thorin choose to acknowledge his husband's presence.
"How hard the day that you cast such dark shadows, husband dearest?" He asked as he rose from his place by the bedside to meet his husband in the doorway of their son's rooms.
His husband was an imposing creature and, when standing beside him, Thorin was just a bit shorter than his husband's shoulder. His skin was pale for his race and rough from hard labor. His body scared from war and suffering, each cut a tribute to those slain in battle.
"The council remains uneasy of the rumors." His husband sighed and with two massive arms pulled Thorin flush to his front so that he may bend down and take solace in the way Thorin remains safe in his arms despite the political strife that rocked the kingdom.
Thorin snarled, "Surely they must realize their foully. Never have I schemed to place Fili on the throne." Leaning up, he wraped his arms around his husband's neck and stood on his toes to kiss his husband. "But yet again, when has your council ever been known for their reason?"
His husband purred appreciatively. "Do not distract me, my love," he growled, "For I am not the only one who cast dark shadows. What troubles you?"
Thorin sighed, "It is foolishness that allows the past to haunt me tonight. With the council calling false and our eldest, Blog, so far from home...I fear for you."
"Do not worry," his husband murmured, running a loving hand along his cheek and up through his hair. "I am not the one in danger."
Thorin scoffed, "Only a fool would dare to seek your wrath after so many years."
"And it is a fool that starts these rumors, but," his husband smiled, "Worry not for I shall protect you." And then in a flourish, he picked Thorin up as if they were once again newly-weds and carried him to their shared rooms.
It was Thorin's turn to laugh when he was thrown hazardously onto their shared bed. "Then come my Lord, Azog, and distract me from my worries."
A/N:
Song: Celtic Woman - Lullaby - Brahms Lullaby
Thoughts about the story:
1 - I CAN'T BELIEVE I WROTE THIS.
2 - This won't be updated often seeing as it is more of a plot bunny/brain fart that keeps coming up.
3 - I have no real idea what I'm doing with this.
4 - IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO WRITE SMUT FOR THIS PLEASE CONTACT ME BECAUSE I'VE GOT THIS SCENE IN MIND, BUT I CAN'T WRITE SMUT TO SAVE MY LIFE. IN FACT YOU COULD WRITE A FOLLOW UP TO THIS IF YOU WANT! PLEASE AND THANK YOU!
5 - The ending to this chapter is really shitty. I just needed to stop writing. I'm tired
6 - This is unbeta'ed and as such all mistakes are my own.
7 - This was a bitch to format. Like WOW, this was hard.