Guilty of Bad Dressing
Rating: PG-13
Author: Walt
Disclaimers: This is strictly a fan fiction. The "Law & Order franchise" characters are owned by Dick Wolf, and are only borrowed for this fanfic piece. Other characters that have not been seen in "the franchise" are mine.
Feedback: Of course!!
I got the idea for this from a very old edition of Howard Stern's E! show (I'll sometimes watch it during the overnight when there is little else on). While not quite the worst dream Casey Novak probably ever will have, it's probably very close to it. Just remember, this is all a dream (except when she awakens from it) and not any part of any real storyline.
Something didn't seem right when Casey reached the courtroom, having been summoned there by a Judge Sand. She knew of a Judge Herbert Sand from her days in White Collar Crimes, and was puzzled as to why she was meeting him (or so she thought) in a courtroom. On top of that, there was something different about this courtroom, most notably it looked more like a Grand Jury Setup than a regular courtroom, noticing the stand was set up where the person who would testify could be seen completely while doing so.
"What is going on?", said a puzzled Casey to herself, as she didn't have any upcoming Grand Jury Indictments she knew of.
"You'll find out soon enough", said a man walking in from the back of the room that turned out to be Trevor Langdon, whom she has faced many times in court and dated on one occasion as well.
"What are you doing here?", Casey would ask.
"I was called in to be a witness to this", Trevor would reply.
"A Witness?!", then said a really puzzled Casey as several other men entered the room, then asking again "What is going on?"
"The men coming in are also supposed to be witnesses to this", Trevor would reply.
"Witnesses to what?", Casey would then ask in a demanding tone.
"Like I said, you'll find out soon enough", Trevor would say before going to take his seat in the front row while Casey looked around and saw that it was all men, and every one of them is someone she has dealt with one way or another before. Aside from Trevor, among those there were Lionel Granger, Barry Mordeck and Oliver Gates. Casey was thankful among those not there were Jack McCoy and Arthur Branch.
"Oh my god! This couldn't be about me in some way?", Casey would murmur to herself before seeing that it was not Judge Herbet Sand presiding, but Jerry Sand, who for many years has hosted a very raunchy New York-based morning radio show that airs nationally, of which highlights from are shown nightly in a half-hour video show on cable. Also with him were the rest of the crew from his morning show, dressed as a baliff, court reporter, etc.
Gulp was the expression on Casey's face when she realized something was up, swallowing very hard.
"Welcome, Casey", Jerry Sand would say, with Casey shocked to actually see him with a Judge's robe on underneath a suit, with his long hair in a ponytail, with Jerry then saying, "Everyone, please sit down."
"What is this all about?", Casey would ask.
"You", Jerry would reply.
"I knew that", Casey would reply, adding "Why?"
"In this case, the way you dress", Jerry would say.
"What do you mean the way I dress?", Casey would then ask.
"Your choice of clothes is sometimes terrible, even if it is court and you're supposed to dress more conservative", Jerry would reply, adding: "I will admit, the 'suit-and-boots' look you're wearing here is not so bad", referring to Casey in this case wearing a black, above the knee skirt suit with a red, v-neck sweater and white, collared shirt underneath and black, knee-high suede stiletto heeled boots that in this case she was wearing over bare legs.
"What do you mean 'not-so-bad?'", Casey would then ask in a very defiant tone after first getting up from her chair and turning to Jerry, adding in that tone: "I dress for court and the DA's Office! I don't dress like those tramps from 'The Apprentice', I'm an Officer of the Court you........!!", with Casey quite steamed as she stopped yelling.
"And so are they", Jerry would reply as Casey sat down, pointing to the 24 men seated, noting: "Every one of them is someone you have either squared off with in court, dated at one time or another, or both", with Jerry then saying: "Even though you are an Officer of the Court and do have to dress as such, we have been watching you in court ever since you took over from Alex Cabot, and you have been found guilty of bad dressing."
"Objection!", Casey would angrily reply, again jumping out of her seat to do so, adding while still in an angry tone "What gives you or any other man the right to judge how a woman should dress? Just becuase the women on your show are willing to show up wearing very little doesn't mean I can do that!", with the men getting a laugh out of seeing Casey "twisting in the box all alone."
"This is my courtroom and I can say what I want", Jerry would reply in the same tone he had througout the proceedings, then laughing a bit himself, adding: "Having been found guilty of bad dressing, you are sentenced to a game of 'Strip Jeopardy', right here, right now!" with the men applauding when he finished handing out the sentence.
"I have to take my clothes off HERE?!", Casey would ask in an angry tone.
"If you awnser everything right, you won't have to take a thing off, though each time you awnser wrong, you will have to take off one item of clothing that you are wearing", Jerry would say.
"Fat chance of getting out of here fully clothed. Where's Elliott and Olivia when you need them?", Casey would murmur to herself, resiging herself to knowing she'd likely have to strip down a bit, hoping it might just perhaps would be one or two items.
"Are you ready?", Jerry would ask.
"I guess", Casey would reply in a very resigned tone, then swallowing hard before the questioning began.
"Here goes. First awnser is: "Your mood right now", Jerry would say.
"What is angry?", Casey would say in a seething tone.
"Correct. Nothing comes off", Jerry would reply, continuing after a brief pause: "Next awnser is: 1982."
"What is the year I was in the fifth grade?", Casey would awnser.
"Wrong! The correct question was, 'What year did I make my debut on radio in New York?'", Jerry would say.
"Objection! How would I know you'd be talking about your own show?", Casey would ask in an angry tone having again jumped out of her seat.
"You wouldn't think of that, would you?", Jerry would say, with the men in the chairs laughing, and Jerry continuing: "Now, you were wrong, so you have to take off something", with the men continuing to laugh as Casey took off the boot on her left foot while seething, with Jerry then saying: "Those are nice boots", and Casey giving him a long, silent stare before he gave the next awnser.
"November 1985" was Jerry's awnser.
"The time you divorced your wife?" was Casey's question, asked in a sarcastic tone as she clearly had no idea.
"Wrong! The correct question was 'When did I get moved to mornings from afternoons?'", Jerry replied, with Casey taking off her other boot, continuing to seethe while doing so with Jerry looking on.
"So far, it's only cost you the boots", Jerry would comment with Casey clearly annoyed at him before the next awnser came about, with his awnser being: "September 1986."
"The time you first cheated on your wife with someone else?", Casey would say in an angry tone.
"Testy, aren't we?", Jerry would say, with him and everyone else laughing hard again, then continuing once composed: "Anyway, the correct question was: 'When did my show first air on a station in addition to New York?", with Casey then taking off her jacket, still seething, but not as much as before.
"1971", was Jerry's next awnser.
"The year you first did radio in college?", was Casey's awnser.
"Correct. You get to for now keep everything you're still wearing on", Jerry would reply.
"Oh Goody", Casey would then say sarcastically, continuing to seeth as she did while the men were clearly enjoying seeing her do so.
"This is the year Yankee Stadium reopened after it had been completely remodeled", was Jerry's next awnser.
"What is....., oh, forget it!!", was Casey's awnser, with her pulling off her sweater and throwing it to the floor in disgust, while the men in the "jury" were whooping it up.
"For the record, the question was 'What is 1976?'", Jerry would say.
"You could have said The Bicentennial for the awnser!", Casey would then say to Jerry, then biting her tounge as she wanted to say how ridiculous this was.
"Yeah, I could of, but what fun would that have been?", Jerry would reply while Casey was trying to hold off "flipping the bird."
"Next awnser. $67 million", Jerry would then say.
"Geez, that could only mean a few hundred things", Casey would reply, resigned to having to take off another item until she realized it would have to be either her shirt or skirt. Her heart was pounding at the thought of what she was going to do, and it would be pound heavier and heavier until................
.............she woke up!
"Oh my god!", Casey would say to herself, slumped on her couch realizing she had been dreaming all of this, as she had fallen asleep literally as soon as she got into her apartment after working well into the night on a major case, forgetting to change the channel on her set after a special she had taped ended before doing so. The dream came from having "The Jerry Sand Show" on her set while she had been asleep, in this case while still in her clothes from work, too tired to take them off before falling asleep.
"Doubt I'll ever watch the Entertainment Channel again when I'm tired", Casey said to herself while shedding the clothes she fell asleep wearing before heading right back to her couch and again falling asleep very quickly, still very tired from the day before.
THE END
Note: There is some minor editing to this that was done from what appeared originally. Hope you enjoyed it!