Disclaimer: I do not own Breathless, it belongs to Lurlene McDaniel.
Author's Note: This takes place when Travis's cancer comes back for the third time and he's going to die.
It's Okay
Travis sat on the front porch, enjoying the last few hours of sunlight. He hurt. That's all there was to it. He was hurting and bad. He wanted it to stop. No one knew what he was going through. Just to eat hurt him. No one understood.
He cracked his knuckles and winced as pain flared into his arm. He pushed his hair out of his eyes. He watched as kids played outside with their mother's gossiping with each other. Those kids had it good, they didn't have to worry about dying or hurting. They just got back up when they fell down and kept going. They didn't have to lay down and take pills when they hurt. They got over it, eventually.
He had failed to achieve remission and be cured three times. It was almost impossible to go back into remission now. He just wanted to enjoy the rest of his time he had to live, but he hadn't wanted to do it in pain. It wasn't what he had in mind. He pictured living peacefully and then dying in his sleep or something, not in pain.
The door opened and his sister walked out. Emily Morrison stared at her brother, who looked so frail now. He sat like he was in pain and he was silent almost all day. She saw him watching the kids longingly and felt a twinge of guilt. If only there had been something she could have done.
She gently lowered herself onto the swing, but even the slight movement caused her brother to wince. She watched with him as the two neighbour boys played ball against the girls and from the boy's sounds of frustration, they were losing and the girls were smirking at them.
"What I'd do to have their energy," Travis said, breaking the silence. His voice was silent, but she heard him as though he was shouting. In the past three days, that was the most he'd said.
"Yeah, I'd love to be a little kid," she said. He smiled, but it was a sad, forced smile.
"Life's not fair. I just wish that I could go back to before I got cancer and just keep repeating those years," he said, sighing.
"What about Cooper and his life? You want him to repeat that all over again? That...that nightmare?" she asked.
"That's not what I meant and you know if. All I want is not to have to go through this," he said. Emily put her arm gently around his shoulders.
"Everything would just be simpler if this hadn't happened," he said. She gave Travis a look.
"God chose you, Travis, you fulfilled whatever task He gave you and now..." she trailed off.
"And now I'm going to die? You can say it, Em, I'm not afraid anymore. I've gotten used to it," he said.
"I think you're the only one," she whispered. He looked at his sister to find tears in her eyes.
"It's going to be alright, Em, I promise," he said. He wanted to believe it, but he knew it wasn't. He was positive it wasn't.