Author: kaly
Category: Gen; pre-series; angst
Rating: K+
Spoilers: none
Summary: During his first year at Stanford, Sam's struck by something he almost forgot.
Notes: As always, huge thanks to geminigrl11 for the beta and general cheerleading. It's much appreciated. :)
Disclaimer: Not mine. The pretty, snarky, angsty brothers belong to the WB & CW.
Memories Seep
Sam yawned, stretching his arms over his head in an attempt to wake up. He heard as much as felt his back pop and couldn't help the sigh that slipped loose. Textbooks were splayed all over the large library table, pages upon pages decorated in highlighter-yellow.
He'd just settled back into reading when a muffled voice came over the intercom, announcing the library's impending closure. Shoulders dropping, Sam began shoving papers into books and the books into his bag. Glancing at this watch he realized that he had no idea where the evening had gone.
As he walked through the deserted library, Sam wondered absently if he had anything in his room to eat. He'd been on his own for almost six months, living in one of the dorms on campus. Normally, he'd grab something at the dining hall, but they were closed late at night. Cash, both from work-study and the occasional odd job, was rarely in abundance so he kept the grocery shopping to a minimum.
Resigned to whatever snacks he might have - or a grumbling stomach until morning - Sam made his way through the library to the main entrance. There was a large clock on the way, adjacent to the doors and, as he usually did, Sam gave it a passing glance as he pushed the heavy glass forward.
However just below the time was the date, which brought Sam to a halt. Unable to tear his eyes away, he stood there for a long moment, head tilted to the side. 'January 24th', it proclaimed to the world, at least for another few minutes.
Sam's breath caught in his throat, unable to blink until his eyes started to burn. He'd forgotten. So caught up in class and work and studying it had almost slipped past him. Feeling his face flush, Sam felt oddly embarrassed.
Moving forward in a sudden flurry of motion, as if to escape the accusing calendar, Sam finished walking outside. Once there, he stilled, taking a deep breath of the cool night air. Memories began to slowly overwhelm him - school days, holidays, days spent bickering on the road. One was rarely different from the next through the years.
And even though he'd often hated it - vocally so, as he grew older - there was always at least one constant in his life prior to school. The only thing that still hurt to miss, on the occasions he dared let himself think about it. He knew without a doubt that it would always hurt.
Roughly, Sam pulled his book satchel from his shoulder and dug out his cell phone. Flipping it open, he brought up the contacts and scrolled down to the third entry. There, staring up innocently, was the name 'Dean'.
He argued with himself for a moment, unsure if he should call, wary of what the reception might be. It was impossible to forget his dad's parting words, but Dean's reaction had been far worse. Months later it still pained him to remember Dean sitting there, silent and unmoving - refusing to look at him.
In the end, however, he couldn't not call. Not today of all days. Christmas had come and gone, un-remarked, but this was different. This was Dean.
Sam took a deep breath and held it as he pressed the 'call' button. There was a pregnant pause while he waited for the phone to ring, everything having gone eerily quiet. He was on edge to the extent that when the shrill 'number disconnected' message burst out of the phone Sam jumped, almost dropping it.
He stood there, staring at the phone, the message ending only to be replaced by a shrieking busy signal. Almost regretfully, he snapped the it closed, head dropping so that his chin rested on his chest. Closing his eyes, Sam took a shaky breath. The adrenaline that calling Dean had brought rushed out of him leaving him listless.
Since leaving, Sam hadn't risked looking back. Taking the chance - however small, even months later - felt huge. It made the disappointment that much worse. And all of it felt larger than any simple phone call should be. That it might one day be an even worse outcome, the simple dialing of the phone, was something he refused to let himself linger on.
Shoving the phone back into his bag, Sam began the walk back to his dorm. Glancing skyward, he caught sight of the moon just peeking out from behind some clouds. Without even thinking, years of training had him calculating the phase and associated dangers. Shaking his head, resigned, Sam laughed quietly. Even though he was nowhere close, Dean would've definitely been amused by the instinctive reaction.
The laughter faded quickly and Sam sighed. Wishing, not for the first time, that his brother were with him, he whispered, "Happy birthday, Dean."
fin