Narcissist

Summary: (Naruto/Tomie X-over) Behind that angelic face lay a monster … but, Naruto had one inside his belly, so he figured he could deal with her just fine.

A/N: You know, this was initially supposed to be just straight-up horror…

—

Hoi An was a bustling city in the Land of Tea known for its lanterns, sake, and rambunctious nightlife. Even the mood past midnight was excellent, and by a stroke a luck, Jiraiya had won a ridiculous amount of cash in his latest gambling escapade.

Drunk off of both sake and victory, the Toad Sage shoved a wad of excess cash in Naruto's direction, gloating.

"Go buy yourself a fox, or something!" Jiraiya chortled lecherously—drunkenly—as he pulled the bills from his pocket. "Get it? It's a pun, a FOX!"

"I get it." Naruto responded sourly, pocketing the money. No prostitutes. He'd use it for Hoi An's famous ramen instead. "I'll see you in the morning… or afternoon, Ero-Sennin."

"Have fun for once, brat!" Cackled Jiraiya.

With mounting distaste, Naruto watched as the man ambled down the festive streets. The way he stumbled was a bit concerning, but whatever—stupid Jiraiya could take care of himself. Naruto huffed petulantly before heading off into the opposite direction.

It really was a wonder that his time with Jiraiya hadn't corrupted him more. That being said, Naruto figured he had a pretty strong will, and he suspected long ago that perverts like Ero-Sennin didn't actually get laid very often without paying for it.

Getting a real girlfriend (Sakura) wasn't his only motivation for staying noble, however. Naruto genuinely did respect women.

Especially shinobi women.

Not only were they usually very good-looking, but they were also usually smart, strong, and deadly as hell… civilian women couldn't hold a candle to them.

Alarmingly enough, soon he came across an example exactly testament to that.

As Naruto meandered down the narrow alleyway, he spotted two figures ahead shrouded in darkness; one big, and one small. The larger one was screaming—looming over the smaller one—as well as holding the smaller one's wrists in a vice grip.

As he came closer, Naruto realized that the smaller figure was a girl, wilting under the man's horrible tirade. Naruto would've stepped in regardless, but the flash of the man's knife made him move that much faster.

In a nanosecond, Naruto shunshined over to the pair, prying the man off and chucking the knife away before pinning him up against a nearby wall.

He didn't even have the decency to look ashamed for bullying a girl. On the contrary, the man's eyes were nearly bulging in fury as glared down the shinobi subduing him.

Naruto found himself angry at that.

"HEY!" Naruto shouted, as the girl screamed in terror. "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

"STAY OUT OF THIS!" The man roared. The dark shadows under his eyes seemed to deepen as he gazed wildly past Naruto's shoulder. "THIS… THIS IS BETWEEN ME AND TOMIE!"

"And what the hell did she ever do to you?" Naruto growled.

"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, BRAT! LET GO, OR I'LL KILL YOU TOO!"

"Right." Naruto said flatly, eying the man with disgust.

He doubted that he'd actually get in trouble for this. Sighing, Naruto took a kunai and jammed the blunt end of it into the man's temple, watching as his eyes dimmed and shut accordingly.

He let go of his shirt, and the man fell limp to the floor. Naruto turned around to face the girl he had saved.

"Are you okay?" He asked kindly.

She scrambled to her feet and rushed to him, throwing her arms around him.

Naruto stumbled, taken off-guard. This was not how he had expected her to react…

"Err..."

"My hero!" She cried, gazing up at him then with watery doe eyes.

"You're welcome?" He said.

"Thank you so much…" She continued, her voice taking on a vaguely sultry tone. "I'm so lucky… to have been saved by such a handsome boy."

She nuzzled into his chest at that. Naruto squinted, then patted her head uncomfortably, glancing at her unconscious attacker just a few feet away.

Wow, she sure was direct.

Then again, she seemed like the type of girl to be like that. Now that Naruto really looked at her, he had to admit she was awfully pretty. Elf-like features, long black hair, and almond eyes with a peculiar little mole under her left… why wouldn't she be so confident in herself?

She wasn't his type—Naruto far preferred more unconventional beauties, like Sakura—but still, a man could at least appreciate.

"Listen, Miss, I've got to get going now. But um, I'm glad you're okay."

The girl paused to look up at him and frown.

"You're... just going to leave me here?"

Naruto blinked. Something strange and itchy tugged at his brain as she stared at him.

He shook his head, shrugging it off.

"What, you wanna come with me?"

"I… I don't have anywhere else to go." She said delicately, sniffing. "I'm an orphan, so…"

Now it was Naruto's turn to frown. In addition to being extremely pretty and well-kept, the girl was dressed in an intricate silk kimono practically oozing class and elegance.

Orphan, right.

Naruto didn't know fashion, but he knew expensive clothes when he saw them, and he had lived through the bleak reality of orphanhood himself. Orphans didn't have the money to spend on clothes as nice as that. This girl was no orphan. Unless…

Suddenly, it dawned on him

He glanced again at the unconscious, extremely well-dressed older man nearby, and blanched.

This girl must have been some kind of sugar-baby. Either that, or some really high-end prostitute. In any case, she was definitely someone he didn't want to be associated with, regardless of looks. A future hokage had a reputation to maintain, after all, and it wouldn't do to have rumors of his non-existent escapades floating back to Sakura.

"Listen," he said nervously, gently prying her off. "I can, uh, help you back to your orphanage if you want."

The girl stilled briefly, then tightened her grip.

"They kicked me out..." She said mournfully.

"Err…"

Okay, now this was just getting awkward. Naruto had never before been so disturbed by a hug from a cute girl, but life was a funny thing sometimes. In addition to her bizarre behavior, Naruto was also growing increasingly perturbed by the girl's ice-cold touch...

She felt like a corpse.

Naruto shivered, then gave up on subtlety altogether, all but flinging her off him.

She fell to the floor.

"I'm sorry!" He gasped.

This shocked her. She lost the delicate, sultry expression she had worn before and instead took on a fearsome countenance.

"My name is Tomie!" She hissed. "How dare you!"

"I-I'm sorry!" He cried, mind racing on how to placate her. "But, I—uhhh..."

"What?" She asked, snarling as she rose to her feet. "I'm not good enough for you? I'm not pretty enough?"

"That's not it!" He said frantically.

She was beautiful. It was more like he was still madly in love with Sakura, and he didn't want to betray her—never mind that the pinkette was probably still daydreaming about Sasuke.

A blush graced his cheeks at the thought of her. Naruto knew he was a hopeless romantic, but he couldn't help it. Even with a stunning foreign girl practically throwing herself at him, Naruto couldn't bring himself to consider anyone other than his precious teammate.

Tomie gazed at him calculatingly. Slowly, a look of understanding flitted across her features.

Then she smiled, sly and amorous.

"I see. You're a virgin or something."

Naruto felt himself redden further.

"I am not!" He said defensively—too quickly.

Tomie smirked, patting the dust off her kimono.

"Don't lie, I can see right through it. Oh, don't worry. I think it's charming. I think you're charming."

"I think you're moving a little too fast." Naruto muttered. He took a step backward as she took a step forward.

"Fast? How cute!" She cooed. "You're innocent. I like that."

"Uh, thanks. I guess. But really, Miss, I gotta get going..."

"Now hold on—"

"—see ya!"

Naruto shunshined away, leaving Tomie blinking at her savior's sudden disappearance.

—

Tomie had lived a long, illustrious life filled with murder and bloodshed. It was quite an accomplishment, really, to have such a high body count—considering the fact that demons were hunted down like dogs these days, and how she was damn near the last of her kind.

The demoness curled her lip in distaste. She hated humans. They were weak, powerless things… and yet, there were so many of them. They had overrun the planet, and the ones who had demon blood didn't even know it now.

Shinobi, as far as she was concerned, were a disgrace. Even the ones with more prominent demon blood always fell victim to her techniques.

This shinobi was different, however. Her techniques hadn't worked on him at all.

She clucked her tongue.

'Maybe,' she thought 'The brat's a full blood.'

That was the only way to explain it. Otherwise, he would have fallen head over heels for her within the first minute. Only full-blooded demons ever treated her like a normal girl—and quite honestly, Tomie was self-aware enough to know that that bothered her.

So she liked the attention, so what? So she was narcissistic, so what?

Tomie was strong and vicious. She was fierce enough to kill or manipulate anyone into doing anything she wanted anytime—or die trying. And wasn't as if she could really die, anyway. She'd just come back and keep killing people, just like before.

…though she was also self-aware enough to know that she was getting bored now, after a millennium of this.

Her lips tugged into a smirk as she stared into the space the boy had run off to.

If things went left, then the boy would only kill her temporarily—just like all the others. If they went right, however…

Well, she'd have a plaything that would last quite a while.

—

Naruto dipped his brush into the ink pot, squinting as he scribbled in the glow of the candlelight. The scroll was almost filled up now, but he figured that Sakura wouldn't mind the long narrative. She loved reading, anyway, and Naruto had been thoughtful enough to include some funny doodles here and there to break up the long paragraphs.

He missed her badly.

He missed Sasuke, too, but the bastard was tucked away in Sound somewhere, and he suspected that Sasuke was cruel enough to reject a letter from him now anyway.

Naruto leaned back into his chair, staring up into the cracked ceiling of his hotel room.

Someday, they'd all be together again. He was sure of it. They loved each other too much not to—even if stupid Sasuke-bastard wouldn't admit it. After all, if Sasuke didn't love them, then he wouldn't have been so regretful when he left Sakura behind. If Sasuke didn't love them, he wouldn't have spared Naruto at the Valley of the End.

That had to mean something.

A sharp rapping quickly brought him out of his melancholy. Naruto glanced at the door, annoyed, then looked back at the letter he was trying to finish.

"Who is it?" Naruto called out disinterestedly. "If it's Ero-Sennin, get lost! We'll talk in the morning. If it's room service, see the 'do not disturb' sign! Kindly get lost!"

"Neither." The stranger answered.

Naruto stilled. That voice was all-too-familiar…

"I got your name and room number from the front desk." Said the stranger. "So your name is Naruto. How tacky! You're named after a ramen topping?"

"Ramen's my favorite food in the whole wide world!" He retorted.

Then he swallowed.

"Uh—Miss Tomie?"

"Yes?"

"Did you just come here to insult me again?"

"Of course not." She said reasonably, from beyond the door. "I came here to take you out."

"Listen…" Naruto started carefully, not wanting to insult a 'working' girl. "I'm not… umm... I'm not really into that kind of thing, you know…"

"What?" Tomie asked, with mock innocence. "Ramen?"

"Huh?"

"You're not into ramen? I was going to treat you out for saving me."

Naruto's stomach rumbled at the thought of it. He hadn't actually eaten yet, and years of poverty had instilled a strong sense of frugality in him, despite Jiraya's generous allowance that night.

"Umm... your treat you said?"

"My treat." She answered smoothly.

"It's free?"

"Yes, it's free."

Naruto hesistated.

"Just ramen, right?"

"Well, were you expecting something more than that?"

"No." Naruto said quickly. "In that case, I guess it's okay..."

Naruto got up from his desk and zipped his jacket closed, then padded cautiously over to the front door. When he opened it, he was greeted by the sight of a prim and proper Tomie dressed to the nines.

"You look nice." He offered politely.

"Just nice?" Tomie scoffed. "You really don't know how to talk to girls, do you?"

"Not really." Naruto answered readily. "I just don't get them."

Tomie studied the jinchuuriki with faint amusement. He shifted uncomfortably under her dark, piercing gaze.

"No… I suppose you wouldn't." She said. "You're still young."

"Wait. How old are you?"

She rolled her eyes.

"A true lady never reveals her age. There, that's another example of your incompetence with women!"

"Sorry." He muttered sheepishly.

"No need to apologize." She waved. "You are, after all, still my savior… now, come! Even the ramen shops close soon if it gets too late."

Naruto swallowed his creeping apprehension as he began to trail after her. This Tomie girl was weird, but she hadn't actually done much otherwise to give him cause for concern. Even her supposed insults weren't really much worse than what Sakura occasionally tossed at him.

And hey, free ramen was free ramen, right?

(to be continued…)

A/N: Hope you guys liked it! Please review