Unaffected
Disclaimer: I don't own Loveless.
Author's Notes: I haven't read Loveless in a while, so some details might be off. Written in a general mood of horribleness.
When Ritsuka first meets the Zeroes, he thinks that life would be much simpler without pain. No caution, no hurt, able to live freely without restriction. These thoughts assault him mercilessly while he is in school, when his mind has time to wander as it pleases. Without pain, he muses, there is probably no gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of his stomach whenever he thinks of Seimei, or whenever his mother calls him an impostor as he walks through the door.
When the bell sounds he automatically starts to pack his books, the movements independent of thought. He repeats the motions of each day with no appreciation for them, the way he has since Seimei's departure. Yuiko always finds him as he is leaving, but today is a worse day than most others and he just can't handle her blissful ignorance, her triviality. Without pain he would not feel guilty whenever he brushes Yuiko off and she dons that unconscious frown, even though he knows that in the end it is for her own good. His friendship is lousy and lacking in all the common courtesies associated with such an affiliation. Even so, it is with reluctance that she leaves.
He is hoping to be left alone, but standing conspicuously at the school gate is an attractive man with long blond hair and devious eyes.
"Hello, Ritsuka."
Ritsuka makes an irritated face, as he always does, asks Soubi why he's there, and they proceed to walk home as they always do. Ritsuka doesn't like to think he's become attached; it's simply that this is familiar, and stability is something that eludes him in this world of secrets and unknowns. Without pain, these things would not exist; there is no need for fighters and sacrifices – there is no horror, there is no pleasure, there is no Soubi. Seimei is alive and well, he lives in a loving home, and he still has all the benefits of life that he had taken for granted.
They arrive at the front door, and Soubi bends down to plant a chaste kiss on Ritsuka's lips. He imagines not feeling the sensation that this act creates, the tingling of his lips and the rushing of warm blood to his cheeks, infusing him with a yearning and an anguish that he cannot shake. He imagines not feeling the tenderness that radiates in his chest when Soubi brushes off his reprimands, or calls him as soon as they are out of sight of each other.
Ritsuka wants to believe that life would be simpler without pain. But when he imagines what it would be like not to feel these things, he realizes that he would rather die than be unaffected by the touch of Soubi's skin on his own.
End