I sat on the window board in my room and looked out the window. It's raining, what it does often here. It had done so in Forks also. I was born in Forks and in Forks I had grown up. It was also where my parents met and fell in love, and where my grandpa Charlie lived. We moved away five years ago, so the people in town wouldn't understand that something was different with my family. Neither I or momma wanted to move becuase we didn't want to leave Charlie.
First we moved to Denali and lived there for two years. Then we moved here, to Vancouver. It was only a few weeks after we moved here and only three days left until I, mom and Alice would go to Forks and visit grandpa, when we get that call from Sue. That call that I'll never forget and that call that it hurt so bad to think back to. It was dad who answered. We all could hear Sue crying and her words to dad.
"Charlie has been in a car accident.. He didn't.. survived"
First dad looked at momma, and then me. My tears had already started to flow down my cheeks. Grandma was by my side in a second and hugged me close as I broke out in a huge weeping attack. Grandma tried to calm me down and she wiped the tears away. But I couldn't stop crying. I loved grandpa Charlie. I always knew that I couldn't have him forever. Not because he's so much older than me, but because I'll live forever. I'll never die.
I always cry when I'm thinking back on that day. I wiped away the tears that ran from my cheeks now and looked up to the sky.
"I miss you grandpa"
Then I began to croon a song I had heard once. Which immediately made me think of him.
"Sha la la la la
Sha la la la la"
I saw Charlie in my head. And for one second it felt like he was standing right beside me. Now.
"You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from Heaven
You'd hold me close in your arms
I loved the way you felt so strong"
I thought back at all times as Charlie took me out and fish. He was so happy that I thought it was fun, because my mom had never really liked it. I remember the first time I caught my first big fish, Charlie had never stopped talking about it. I smiled to the memory.
"I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holdin' me"
He took me to a baseball game in Seattle once, to see if I shared that interest with him to. But it wasn't really my thing. But we had fun anyway. I had always fun with grandpa.
"I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow"
Momma and daddy always say that grandpa is still here for me. That he watches over me and each step I take. I hope they are right. But if I decide, I wish he was here with me so I could hug him and tell him I love him.
"My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you"
I pressed my arms against my chest in a vain try to alleviate the pain. Daddy says it'll be better with the time. He has been through the same thing when he lost his parents almost a hundred years ago. But I don't think I ever will get over grandpas death.
"You used to call me your dreamer
And now I'm livin' out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everythings that's happenin' for me"
Here in Vancouver I've started High School for the first time ever. I'm in the same grade as momma and Alice. Daddy and Jasper is a grade above us. Rose and Emmett have been out of school. I think high school is fun and I like it actually. People don't avoids me like they avoid the rest of my family. I actually had some friends. Everything was good in school but that fact that I had to pretend beeing my daddys little sister and my mommas, Alices and Jaspers foster sister. It feels so wrong to call my parents their names. But I know I've to, it hadn't been popular if I had called them "momma" and "daddy" in school, because I seemed to be as old as them.
"I'm thinking back on the past
It's true that time is flying by too fast"
I know that personally I had all time in the world with my family. But the fact that I hadn't had enough time with Charlie tormented me. It's so much that I wanted to do with him. A girls grandpa, is a girls hero. Charlie was my hero, even if I had been so much stronger than him.
"I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow"
The rain fell down more now and my tears ran to catch up with the rain drops, as if they competed against each other.
"My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you"
I thought back to my last birthday when Charlie still was alive. He had came to me with Seth even if it was a long way to go and that it was in September when he really should be working, he came. He didn't missed one of my birthdays when he lived. Now when he's gone, I don't like to celebrate my birthdays. It's not the same without him there.
"I know you're in a better place yeah
But I wish that I could see your face oh
I know you're where you need to be
Even though it's not here with me"
I wish I at least had a chance to say goodbye. I never had. The last time I him, I remember as if it were yesterday. I remember his last word to me before he left and I could still hear him say them.
"I see you soon, sweetie. I love you"
Grandpa had never been someone who talked about feelings vountarily. It made him embarrassed. But he always said he loved me. He never hide it and he had always done everything to show me that it was true. I thing that he had been at least as happy with me as I had been with him.
"I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while
And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow"
Not even mom know what I'm really going through, the incredible sadness and loss I feel for him. Even if he was her dad, she hadn't the same strong bond to him like I had. I had really been grandpas girl and I was proud to say it. I know I always have my momma and daddy, grandma Esme and grandpa Carlisle, my anties Alice and Rose and my uncels Jasper and Emmett. But it feels like something is missing and I know what it is - Charlie. Because when he lived it never felt like this. When he lived I was the luckiest girl in the entire world.
"My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear every once in a while"
I couldn't hardly sing anymore. My voice was so weak that the words not even made a sound. But I forced myself to continue.
"And even though it's different now
You're still here somehow
My heart won't let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you
Sha la la la la
I miss you"
When I finished the song it knocked on the door.
"May I come in?"
Momma.
"Sure"
I wiped away the last tears from my cheeks while she opened the door and closed it behind her.
"How are you honey?"
She walked towards me. She was beautiful, not like the same way as Rosalie, but still beautiful. I wish that I could be as beautiful like my mom.
"I heard you sing"
She had come to me and put her arms around my body.
"Was it about you grandpa?"
I nodded to her hard and cold body.
"I really miss him, momma"
She put one of her hands through my hair.
"I know sweetie, I miss him too"
I hugged her tighter and pushed me closer to her body. I felt safe in my moms arms. Like nothing can ever hurt me while I'm there.
"I know you two had something special, that you were closer to him then I ever was. But you don't know how it hurted to not even cry when he died. My dad is dead and I can't even fell a single tear"
I already knew that. I knew it was difficult for her not being unable to cry. To be sorry and to ensure, without being able to shed tears. Momma can't cry, she has no tears. She is a vampire and vampires don't cry.
"I wish I could say that we'll meet him again someday. But we never will, even if there is a life after this"
Momma held me tighter against her chest and I hugged her back as hard as I could.
"But you know, honey"
She released me and took my face between his hands.
"He's still with you, everyday. In your heart. He lives through you"
I forced myself to smile.
"Look, everytime you smile, he smile, wherever he is"
She took her hands off my face and grabbed my hand and pulled me to my bed.
"Do you want me to tell a story?"
We sat on my bed and I nodded. Momma smiled and started,
"It was a nice and beautiful place called heaven. In heaven there was neither sorrow, pain or suffering. Heaven was full of people and animals of all varieties, and they all lived side by side in peace. Everybody in heaven had lived in a place called earth, there life had been so much harder. When they left earth they came to heaven and found a place that was more beautiful than their old home"
While she told the story she took one of my hand and hugged it with both hers.
"But there was one man called Charlie, who doesn't saw the beuaty with his new home. He missed his grandchild too much. Everyday he watch her and to his despair, she was completely broken. That made him sad. Every evening when darkness came to earth and the night scared the people there, went the people in the sky that still had loved ones on earth for a walk with their own candle to lit up the dark for those who missed them"
A tear fell down my cheek and was followed by more. I brought my free hand and dried them as best I could while mom continued to tell the story.
"Every evening Charlie went for the walk with a candle for his grandchild. But every day he saw her sad and it hurted him. Years went and one evening he couldn't go the walk longer. He sat down on a bench while the others walked around with their candles. Next evening he sat there again but then his friend Harry came to him"
Harry had been one of Charlies best friends, but he had passed away a few years before I was born. I hoped that Charlie was with him now and that they took care of each other. Maybe they were fishing, something mom had tell me they used to do together. I wish I could be there with them. I miss to go fishing with grandpa.
"Harry asked him why he didn't lit his light and went on the walk with them. But he just shook his head and answered that his beloved grandchild continues to be sad anyway. "Don't give up", Harry said to encourage him. But Charlie just shook his head again. "It's just like when she cries she quench my candle. I can't make her happy here" He sighed. "All I want is her to be happy again. I want to se her smile, hear her laugh" Charlies consent made him embarrassed, he became quite red in the face. If his granddaughter had seen it, she had laughed at him"
I smiled, because I knew I had done it. I always laughed when grandpa became red in the face. He looked so funny.
"Harry managed to persuade Charlie to lit his candle and go with him on the walk. Every day Charlie watch his grandchild although it makes him sad to see her suffer. And every evening he lit his candle and walks around with it, with the hope that his granddaughter will be happy again and smile instead of cry when she thinks of him. And he will never give up, because his love for his beautiful granddaughter is the greatest love he ever felt"
And with those words mom ended the most beautiful story I've ever had heard.
"I'm trying momma, I really am"
She nodded and smiled.
"I know, sweetie"
She opened her arms and I crept into them. She kissed my hair.
"I'm glad you two came so close to each other. You are the best thing that ever happend to him. And remember this story, okey? What he wants more than anything is you to be happy even though he doesn't with you in the same way anymore"
When momma had said this it knocked on the door.
"May I come in?"
Daddy.
"Yes"
The door opened and daddy came in.
"It's late. It's school tomorrow and you should sleep, Ness"
He closed the door behind him and walk toward my bed. He sat down behind me and momma.
"Yeah.. I'm tired"
I yawn. Daddy was up and grabbed my hands to help me up. Momma moved in against the wall and pulled away the blanket. Daddy picked me up with one hand and put me in bed. I giggled.
"I'm not a little girl anymore daddy"
He tucked me into bed while he smiled.
"To me you're always my little girl"
He kissed my forehead.
"I love you"
I smiled.
"I love you too Daddy"
Then he went his face to mom.
"Bella?"
"Soon"
Daddy smiled and turned around and walked out from my room. When he closed the door I went my face to momma. She smiled.
"I'll be here until you fall asleep, if you want"
I shook my head.
"No, momma, I'll be okay"
She rolled gently over me without put her weight on me.
"Just shout if there is something"
I nodded.
"Nighty sweetie"
She kissed my cheek.
"I love you more than anything in the world"
She turned around as daddy had done and walked to the door.
"I love you momma"
She opened the door and walked out.
"See you tomorrow"
She closed the door.
"Godnight grandpa"
I whispered to the darkness and closed my eyes and saw him in my head. In the silence I heard the rain pouring down outside my window, but instead of crying - I smiled.
"I will be happy for you. I will be living for you. Always for you, grandpa"
Was my last word before I fell asleep.
---
Thank you for reading this long story and I hoped you liked it.
The song is "I miss you" with Miley Cyrus (love that song)
Please review :) I'm not so good at english,
so sorry if I have spelled wrong or used the wrong grammar.
And.. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight :(