"Hey, SJ! It's two o'clock. What time you meeting with that lawyer?" My boss' booming voice called from the office of the garage. I finished tightening the oil filter on the Pontiac and rolled out from under the sedan. I hopped to my feet and turned towards him.
"Three." I smiled and motioned over my shoulder to the car beside me. "I'm just gonna' finish this oil change, then I'll head out. Thanks."
He gave a quick, friendly nod and moved back into the office. Ricky was a good man and a great boss. When most shops wouldn't give me a job, because I was a chick, Ricky didn't hesitate. I had just as much mechanical experience as most of the guys my age, but that didn't seem to matter to the other garages. 'The garage is no place for a girl, you could get hurt' is the gist of the responses I got. But, not from Ricky. He took one look at my resume and hired me on the spot.
After filling the oil in the sedan, I dropped the hood and headed over to the office to clock out. I wiped my hands on my jeans before punching the time clock and reaching for my bag and keys. "I'll catch ya' tomorrow, Ricky." I said as I turned to leave.
Ricky spun around in his chair, concern in his eyes. "You sure you don't want tomorrow off, hun?" Ricky became like a father figure to me over the past two years and even more so recently when my grandfather passed. Yes, he was my boss, but the garage was more like a family than most others. He didn't treat his employees like shit and didn't work us into the ground.
I smiled and leaned on the door frame facing him. "It depends on how this goes. I'll give you a call later if I need a day."
He nodded, giving me a soft smile. "Sure."
Nerve wracking thoughts spiraled around my mind as I waited in the sitting area of the Probate office. What was so secret that my grandfather left me? He'd already had the house, his car and all his financial gains named to me, as I was the only living kin remaining. My mother, his daughter, had died when I was sixteen. She'd been on yet another drunken binge and wrapped her car around a tree. My father wasn't in the picture, and hadn't been for just about my whole life. I vaguely remembered being with him when I was very young, but the memories were all fuzzy and just about non-existent. I anxiously picked at some grease under my fingernails as my foot tapped lightly on the floor.
The office door to my right opened suddenly, jarring me from my thoughts and I stood.
"Ah, Miss Trager. Please, come in." The stout older man smiled and held the door, ushering me inside.
I gave him a short smile as I followed him into the office and sat in the large leather chair that he motioned to. His office smelled musty with a hint of cigars, which I thought was odd since I didn't see an ashtray or a humidor anywhere in sight.
"Mr. Levin. What exactly is this about? I thought Charles had already left me everything?" I asked as he rounded the desk and sat opposite of me.
He pushed his glasses up further on his nose and shuffled through a few papers before grabbing a pen and handing them to me. "Yes, it's just one item that was left in my care. No need to worry. Sign these, please." He smiled as I hesitantly took the papers from him. I eyed him for a moment before relenting and scribbled my name on the lines checked.
"Very good." He gathered the papers and shoved them into a folder before moving to the cabinet behind his desk. Unlocking a drawer, he leaned in and picked up a box. "Here we go." He held the cardboard box above the desk to me. My hands felt cold as I reached and took it from his grasp. It was just larger than a shoe box and had a decent weight to it. 'Summer J. Trager' was written in marker across the top of it. I gazed up to Mr. Levin with a confused look on my face.
He held his hands up. "Don't look at me. I'm just the messenger."
I dropped my eyes back to the box. It felt like a ton of bricks sitting in my lap.
What the hell is this?
"This is everything then?" I asked. "No more secret surprises?" I tried to joke through the anxiety rushing through me.
"Yes, ma'am."
I sighed and slowly stood from the chair. "Thank you, Mr. Levin." I held out my hand to him, which he grasped firmly before releasing me.
"Take care of yourself, Miss Trager."
The short drive home felt like an eternity. The box on my passenger seat like a ticking bomb, taunting me the whole way through town.
Grandpa Charles never kept secrets from me…what the hell was in this mysterious box?
God, I need a drink.
I hung my keys and bag on the hook in the entry way and set the box on the empty dining table. I made my way to the kitchen, grabbed a beer and stood in the doorway to the dining room. I took a few swigs as I stared at the box, contemplating.
Do I want to know what's inside?
What dark family secrets lay in wait?
"Fuck it." I sighed after a while as I set the beer down and plopped into the chair. I took my pocket knife and sliced the tape on the top of the box. I folded the flaps back and peered inside.
Envelopes. A LOT of envelopes.
My brow furrowed as I leafed through them. They were all addressed to me and dated with the same return address.
Charming, Ca.
Charming? Wait...was that the town Mom and I used to live in?
I picked the oldest envelope out of the box and turned it over in my hands. I swallowed, my throat suddenly dry, as I began to rip the envelope open. My hands shook slightly as I pulled out the contents.
A letter and…cash?
I counted the money quickly...Ten $100 bills.
One grand?! What the hell?!
I set the money to the side and unfolded the letter.
Baby girl,
I know you may be confused and not understanding what's going on or why. You may be angry and blame me, and that's ok. I get it. Your mom's just trying to do what she thinks is best for you. Just know that your daddy and uncles love you so much. It hurts me to be away from you. I never wanted you to leave. I will always be here for you and provide for you.
I hope that I can see you soon. If your mom will allow it.
I love you baby girl.
Love
Dad
I wiped a tear from my cheek as my hands shook, rattling the paper slightly. I folded the letter back into the envelope and grabbed the next one from the box, tearing it open.
Another grand in cash and a letter, much along the same lines as the first, written a few months later.
I placed the second letter in a stack with the first and leaned my elbows onto the table, resting my chin on one hand, the other nervously drumming my fingertips against the wood. My entire world had just pivoted on its axis. Everything I'd been told…had been a lie.
I pushed off of the table and moved to the cabinet across the dining room. I needed something much stronger than beer. I grabbed the whiskey bottle and a glass and slammed them down onto the table as I slid back into the chair. I popped the cork and filled the glass before bringing it to my lips and throwing my head back, downing the amber liquid in a single move. I hissed as the warm burn traveled through me and I shoved the glass aside, opting for just the bottle from now on.
"Holy shit." I sighed as I reached for the next envelope.
Minutes ticked by as I continued to work through the letters, only breaking to swipe tears away and chug some more whiskey. I opened the next envelope and pulled the papers out.
Another grand, a letter and some pictures.
Hey baby girl
I miss you so much. I understand if you're upset and don't want to write me back, but I hope it's ok that I still write to you.
I figured you might want some pictures so you don't forget me or your uncles. I hope I can make it out to see you soon. I'm sorry it's been so long.
I love you baby girl
Love dad
I flipped through the photos. One of me riding on my father's shoulders, huge smiles on our faces. We had the same ice blue eyes and facial features. I always knew I didn't look like my mom, but I never knew how much I took after my father. The other photos were of a small group of guys leaning on some motorcycles. They all had matching leathers and were smiling and laughing.
My face fell...I couldn't remember any of them. These men had loved me like their own...and I had no memory of them.
I placed the pictures gently off to the side and moved on to the rest of the box.
My father had written me three times a year for ten years. Each letter containing one grand in cash. The final letter was for my 18th birthday...six years ago.
Baby girl
Happy birthday. I wish I could've been there. As I said before, you know how your mom is and she refused to let me see you. I know she thinks it's best, but it's not fair to either of us. I also know, that you haven't written back or sought to contact me. So maybe all of these letters were in vain. Some slight hope on my part that you'd want to know me. Want me in your life. But it seems that that may not be the case. You're an adult now. Free to make your own decisions. I hope that we can reconnect and have a relationship that we've missed out on. That is, if that's what you want. This is so hard but I accept whatever you wish.
I love you Baby girl.
Goodbye
Dad
I dropped the letter to the table as rage burned deep inside of me. I had been lied to my entire life. Told that my father wanted nothing to do with me. That he didn't love me. I grabbed the empty whiskey bottle next to me and threw it across the room. It slammed into the wall, shattering to the floor. Sobs broke from my chest as I curled into myself. He didn't think I wanted him. He didn't think I loved him. My heart broke for him as I cried into the table.
I sat up after a few moments, wiping the tears viciously from my face.
I had to get to him.
I ran my hands through my hair to calm myself before picking up my phone and dialing.
"Hey, SJ. How'd it go?" Ricky's voice answered on the second ring.
"Ricky...yeah, I'm going to need a few days." I sighed, desperately trying to piece myself back together.
"That's fine. The guys can pick up the work. It's not a problem. You wanna talk about it, sweetheart?" I could hear the concern in his voice, but I couldn't tell him right now.
"I'll swing by in the morning on my way out."
"Where ya headin?" He asked hesitantly.
"California."